The Best 77 Folks Jokes
Following is our collection of funniest Folks jokes. There are some folks danny jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these folks people puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Funny Folks Jokes and Puns
How many Republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They're afraid of change- even if it makes the world a brighter place.
(
Republicans are the true snowflakes...
they're white, they're cold, and if you put enough of em together they'll shut down public schools
EDIT* Thanks for the gold! You popped my gold cherry!
its a joke folks. just a joke.
Folks in my hometown are so judgmental!
I(40) tried to take my wife(19) out for a nice dinner and everyone kept staring and calling me a paedophile! It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary!
I tried to make a joke about Brownian motion...
But, on average, folks were unmoved.
What did the blind paraplegic child get for Christmas?
Cancer.
Happy new years folks!
How many Porky Pigs does it take to screw in a light-bulb?
Just 1, and that's all folks ;)
Fire safety
I was at the Senior Center today and failed a Health and Safety course that was put on for us old folks...
One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps
would you take?"
"Fuckin' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.
Plane Ride
Morris and his wife Esther went to the state fair every year, and every year Morris would say, "Esther, I'd like to ride in that airplane."
Esther always replied, "I know, Morris, but that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
One year Morris and Esther went to the fair, and Morris said, "Esther, I'm eighty-five years old. If I don't ride that airplane, I might never get another chance."
Esther replied, "Morris, that airplane ride costs fifty dollars, and fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
The pilot overheard them and said, "Folks, I'll make you a deal. I'll take you both up for a ride. If you can stay quiet for the entire ride and not say one word, I won't charge you; but if you say one word, it's fifty dollars."
Morris and Esther agreed, and up they went. The pilot did all kinds of twists and turns, rolls and dives, but not a word was spoken. He did all his tricks over again but still not a word. When they landed, the pilot turned to Morris and said, "My, my, I did everything I could think of to get you to yell out, but you didn't."
Morris replied, "Well, I was gonna say something when Esther fell out, but fifty dollars is fifty dollars."
A Priest and a Jamaican man are on a plane...
..and as they're taking off, the pilot says over the intercom "folks, I have something to tell you. I cannot fly the plane if someone passes gas; if someone does, I'll pass out and the plane will crash."
So halfway through the flight, the plane noses forward and goes into a dive. And the Jamaican stands up and screams "Who passed de gas?"
The priest says "how did you know?"
And the Jamaican answers "de scent!"
...I'll show myself out
Young man goes off to university
A young man goes off to university in a town several hours drive from where his parents live. Two months later, he write to his folks. The letter reads, "Dear Mom and Dad, I'm having a great time! I've enclosed a picture, as you can see I've grown a nice goatee! Don't I look like a Count?"
The father says to his wife, "Well that's upsetting. We spend all this money sending him to school, and he can't even spell."
A midget fortune teller escaped from prison...
We got a small medium at large here, folks.
You can explore folks announce reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean folks mae dad jokes. There are also folks puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
An Amish Woman
Amish woman(riding a horse and buggy) gets pulled over because reflector on her buggy is broken.. cop says, you might want to have your husband look at your reflector He notices a rope wrapped around the horse's balls… and ma'am, some folks might find that rope offensive . The lady later makes it home and tells her husband about the event. cop says the reflector is busted… and he didn't like the emergency brake neither
What does the lunch line at the old folks home smell like?
Depends.
Bubba n' Buford
Bubba n' Buford were sittin' on their porch one afternoon drinkin' beer n' bein' entertained by the bug zapper when this semi haulin' sod comes over the hill n' passes in front of their trailer. Bubba declares, "When we get rich I'm gonna do that!". Buford, asks "Do what?". Bubba looks at Buford like he's a idiot n' says, "Well duh, send our grass out to get it cut like them folks!".
My Bathroom
I've decided to call my bathroom the Jim instead of the John.
It sounds better when I tell folks I go to the Jim every morning.
Me and my friend got into an argument because he masturbates differently to me.
Oh well. Different strokes for different folks, I guess.
how do socks reproduce?
they have socks. goodnight folks
I'm pretty great with money.
Folks keep calling me and telling me my accounts are outstanding.
Horse trots up and says to mirror: "why the long face?" Mirror says "It's okay, I'm just a bit reflective today."
I'll be here all week folks.
A waiter walks up to a table of older Jewish folks...
A waiter walks up to a table of older Jewish folks while they are eating and asks:
"Is ANYTHING alright?"
A new craze sweeps an Eastern European nation
Though Transylvania is mostly rivers and mountains, a new outdoor sport is achieving newfound popularity. Folks have been flocking to the calmer parts of the Olt and Danube to try out for a crew, the competitive paddling fad usually found in lakes. In fact, the sport has spread from the region to the whole country.
Truly, the nation has Ro-mania.
Every joke needs one
A priest and a rabbi walk into a wedding party looking for something to drink. The priest approaches some folks standing with empty glasses and asks a man "Pardon me, is this line for the punch?" To which the man replied "yep, this is the punch line."
I'm fairly tall so folks are always asking me "Do you play basketball?"
My standard reply: "No, do you play miniature golf?"
Is there a condition called "melanism" ...
...in white people, the opposite of albinoism in black folks?
Because, if not, she's got some explaining to do.
Despite having no nominations this year,
I'm certain that black folks will clean up at The Oscars.
They told me to keep it in my pants...
But it was too hard.
Happy Valentine's Day folks!
I tried my best to prepare my girlfriend for dinner with my folks.
Dad loved her, but mum said she could've done with another hour on a low heat.
The band "Snow Patrol" walks into a bar...
The band "Snow Patrol" walks into a bar, looking a little tipsy.
The bartender asks, "How many bars have you folks been to, tonight?"
They reply, "Just two."
The bartender says, "GET OUT!!"
What do you call a 5 year old's knees?
Kidneys!
Ha! I'll be here all week folks.
In the old days, folks used to say "tisk, tisk" to shame others
Now social media connects us to millions, and allows us to multi-tisk.
Old folks use to poke me at weddings and say your next so...
I started doing it back to them...at funerals. 😉
I'm a little upset, folks. Last night I went to this new restaurant for dinner and I had to use the restroom. And there was a sign in there that said, "Employees Must Wash Hands."
And I could not find one employee who would wash my hands.
The world is a dangerous place. Just the other day, I was walking down the street
and I punched a guy in the face for absolutely no reason. Stay safe out there, folks.
How do you get 20 Canadians out of a pool?
"Okay folks, time to get out of the pool!"
Remember folks, beauty...
Is only a light switch away.
What do you call ten white folks on a bench?
The NBA
It's old man Jenkin's 94th birthday at the old folks home
He asked a member of staff "young woman, how old are you?"
The woman replied "why, I'm 24"
Old man Jenkins says "do you know how many times 94 can go into 24?"
The woman says "I have no idea"
Jenkins whispers in her ear "meet me after scrabble practice and we can find out"
I just got off the phone with a charity that wanted my old clothes for folks starving in Africa. Well, I think it is a scam.
Anyone that can wear my clothes sure ain't starving.
What's the difference between illegal and unlawful?
One is against the law, the other is a sick bird.
Thanks folks, tip your waitresses I'll be here all day!
Why do hurricanes get lousy names, like Sandy?
Name that thing Hurricane Death Megatron 900 and I guarantee folks will be evacuating like they need to.
Son: Hey Dad, theres some guy collecting for the old folks home at the door
Dad: Great! Give him Granny!
Explaining to my Married Friends how Tinder works.
Me : So you swipe right if you like them and swipe left if you don't like
Them : Ohhhhhh
Me : So basically you need to log in to the Facebook account to access the app.
Them : Ohhhhhh
Me : Don't worry nothing gets posted on Facebook
Them : Ohhhhhh
P. S - Only Married Folks understand the subtle difference in the Ohhhhhhs
Does anyone else feel that white bread is superior?
Or am I just breadjudiced?
Perfect day for a dad joke. Happy Fathers Day, folks!
Smells like Urine
What is 40ft long and smells like urine?
A line dance at an old folks home.
A waiter approaches a table celebrating their daughters graduation...
Father: Our daughter just graduated from SCU with an English degree!
Waiter: That's so great! Congratulations! I actually have a Master's degree in English Literature myself. Can I get you folks started with some chips and salsa?
Why are transgender folks so poor?
Because every action is a trans-action.
Wedding problems...
Every time I go to weddings the older folks poke me in the arm and whisper "that is gonna be you! That is gonna be you!"
So now when I go to funerals I poke them in the arm and say "that is gonna be you!"
What did Louis CK call his style of management where he interacts with each employee on an individual basis?
Different Strokes for Different Folks
Why don't airplanes have a 'reverse' drive?
No one wants a receding airline...
I have no idea if airplanes can actually travel in reverse, just go with me folks ;)
What do Alabama folks and children celebrating Halloween have in common?
They both wanna pump kin
What do nurses watch at the old folks home?
The grammies!
A group of Cytologists are arrested...
and are thrown into jail. Since these are privileged folks, they're put into a special jail where they live a single common living space, without separate rooms.
The cytologists start submitting complaints immediately to the state. Because without cells, it doesn't meet living conditions.
Bunch of mainly old rich white folks gathered in a big fancy room guarded by armed guards to discuss about coloured people
So how was Oscars y'all?
How do blind folks buy homes in hot markets?
Sight unseen.
I want to create a convention for Irish folks who suffer with leprosy.
I'll call it Leper-Con.
Half price admission for the wee folk.
My colleagues wanted to do a team building activity, and someone suggested a ropes course.
A few folks were hesitant, but I'm happy to say everyone came. I've never experience such fantastic bondage.
Its crazy how some people die after having a stroke, but others just lose a bodily function and are otherwise okay..
Different strokes for different folks I guess.
I bought ten bananas and began peeling each one as perfectly as I could. After finishing the seventh banana and beginning the next, I realised I had missed a small piece of the peel, just near the top. So being a total perfectionist I stuck the peel back on and did it again ...
Yes folks, it seems I just re\-peeled the eighth.
Parapsychologists
I just want to take this moment to give a shout out to parapsychologists, the only folks brave enough to jump out of airplanes to provide emergency counseling.
A group of elderly folks were watching television at the retirement home...
They were enjoying their show until it was time for a commercial break. Having nothing else to do, they stayed sitting and watched the commercials. Suddenly, one advertisement displayed attractive men and women in rubber bodysuits, latex clothing, and BDSM-looking outfits. The elderly were aghast.
No one expected the Spandex intermission.
What do you call cattle that don't have courage?
Cowards.
Thanks folks, I wrote this when I was 7 years old!
One day I was playing...
I was about seven years old—and I saw the cellar door open just a crack. Now my folks had always warned me: Emo, whatever you do, don't go near the cellar door. But I had to see what was on the other side if it killed me, so I went to the cellar door, pushed it open and walked through, and I saw strange, wonderful things—things I had never seen before— like ... trees, grass, flowers, the sun—that was nice!
Manafort and Cohen flip on the President. Trump is convicted of treason. He is 'hung by the neck until dead.' Miraculously, minutes after his hanging, he walks out of the gallows and addresses the press:
"Fake noose, folks."
I turned over a brand new leaf today...
the folks at the Nissan dealership were not very happy with me.
I wonder who's buried in the grave of the guy who invented the switch-a-roo?
Th-th-that's all folks.
Why are black folks acting like 'Black Panther is their first big movie?
When 'Planet of the Apes' came out in the 60's...
I was on a flight a few weeks ago, and our descent was very turbulent, followed by a hard landing that was quite jarring.
Once on the ground, our flight attendant announced, "Well, folks, that wasn't my fault, and it wasn't the captain's fault, but it was definitely the as-phalt."
The passenger reactions were a mix of chuckles and groans.
Shoutout to our Southwest Airlines flight crew from BUR-LAS flight 4606, good job keeping things safe!
Bugs Bunny walks into a hospital
He asks his doctor What's up, doc?
The doctor replies Your blood pressure, Bugs.
And if I don't get it sorted out?
The doctor, visually distraught, answers: That's all, folks.
No more Polish jokes folks.
All these Polish jokes here are very hurtful. Yesterday my friend who is Polish had read enough and tried to commit suicide by jumping out his basement window.
How does Fox News greet it's watchers?
Good afternoon folks, I hope you've been doing alt-right!
Ok folks, all you automobile experts, I need your advice. I'm ready to buy a brand new top model fast car, budgeting around a million. Can you please suggest..............
..............Where can I get the money from?
A poem for you guys
I call it Panties at an Old Folks Home.
Rose's are red
Violet's are blue
Beatrice's are green
Transgender folks are the best at banking
Everything they do is a transaction.
Did you hear about the new LEGO store in the neighbourhood?
Folks are lining up for blocks!
What do folks in Kentucky do when their car breaks down?
Build a house next to it.
Old Age Fun
Told to me by my 80 year old mother. Elizabeth and Gladys were stuck in an older folks home and bored to tears. So they decided to have a little fun and excitement. They go into the closet and strip naked. Then they run through the card room were two old fellas are playing cards. Tom saids to Jim why did you see that? Jim says yes... well what did they have on?.... I don't know, but it sure needed ironed
Moses comes back down from the mountain
Got good and bad news, folks. The good news: I got him down to 10. The bad news: Adultery is still on the list.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the folks mommas jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working folks blokes piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.