Fog Jokes
70 fog jokes and hilarious fog puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fog that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Fog Short Jokes
Short fog jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fog humour may include short darkness jokes also.
- My wife accused me of fogging up our bathroom mirror But I really can't see myself doing that.
- My band and I had our first significant gig tonight, but afterwards I realized that it would have been way cooler with a fog machine... It was a huge mist opportunity.
- I was offered a job studying fog but I turned it down. In hindsight, I think it was a mist opportunity.
- People with fogged up glasses from wearing a mask: have you considered using a monocle? It only fogs up half as much.
- The weather forecaster this morning said that vision might be impaired by fog. I agree with him, but that's a weird way to spell "Whiskey".
- I was going to make a joke about the render distance of the fog... But you won't be able to process it due to the lack of GiggleBites.
- Many people think that when warm droplets of water in the air are rapidly cooled it forms fog... But it's actually a common mist-conception!
- i once turned down a job as a fog machine operator it was a mist opportunity
- The other day, I tried to put some fog in a jar for a science poject Lets just say i mist.
- Yesterday I tried to hit the fog I missed
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Fog One Liners
Which fog one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fog? I can suggest the ones about dense and foggy.
- Tried to catch fog yesterday... Mist.
- Bigamist… What an Italian calls very thick fog
- Shot at the fog the other day. Mist.
- What did one cloud of fog say to the other? I don't know. It's a Mistery.
- came pretty close to actually catching a handful of fog this morning mist
- I got a job as a fog bank, I'ts hard work with little pay... but I make dew.
- Did you hear the fog that died, He shall be mist.
- I tried to take a picture of some fog... I mist.
^I'll^see^myself^out^BYE! - What did the fog say to the grass? I mist you!
- What did the ghost say as he coughed up fog? Don't worry guys, it's just miasma!
- A young boy once reached out to the grab some fog but he mist.
- Fog father leaves his fog family He is heavily mist
- Did you hear about the bloke who tried to kiss his girlfriend in the fog and mist.
- I never understood fog machines. They mystify me to this day.
- What do you call it when two people make a baby in fog? A mist conception.
Uproarious Fog Jokes to Share with Friends
What funny jokes about fog you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean hail jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fog pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
This one's a groaner for sure, but still fun. Happy Halloween!
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him, he hears
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket b**... its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man sprints toward his home, the casket bouncing
quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket
clapping-clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud c**... the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and.......
The coffin stops
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
BUMP... BUMP... BUMP...
Just read this in an email, thought it worthy of sharing.
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night...
when behind him he hears:
Bump...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket b**... its way down the middle of the street toward him.
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him
FASTER...
FASTER...
BUMP...
BUMP...
BUMP...
He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, rushes in, slams and locks the door behind him.
However, the casket crashes through his door, with the lid of the casket clapping
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
clappity-BUMP...
on his heels, the terrified man runs.
Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud c**... the casket breaks down the door.
Bumping and clapping toward him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup at the casket...
and,
The coffin stops
Owing to fog a steamer stopped at the mouth of a river.
An old lady inquired of the captain the cause of the delay.
"Can't see up the river," replied the officer.
"But, captain, I can see the stars overhead," she argued.
"Yes," said the captain gruffly, "but until the boiler busts we ain't a-goin' that way."
Source: 1913 newspaper
A father and his son are driving down a foggy road in the early morning.
While sitting at a red light, the father turns to his son and says, You know son, when I die, I hope I turn into a horrible fog, just like this one. And the son says, Why would you want that Dad? To which the Dad replies, So I'll be mist!
( Missed if you don't get this Dad joke)
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three men are stranded on an island always covered in fog.
One is 20 years old, one is 40 and the third one is 60. After a few months, out of nowhere, the fog goes away, and they can see that not far from where their island, there was another island full of young n**... women.
"Quickly, let's swim to them" says the youngest.
"Why don't we wait for them to swim to us" says the 40 years old one.
"Why don't we just admire them from afar?" says the 60 years old man.
Christmas Day accident
Grandpa woke up unusually early yesterday to celebrate Christmas with the family. He was half asleep still when went to the restroom to brush his teeth. In the early morning brain fog, he accidentally got his Polident mixed up with his Preparation H.
His gums aren't itching, but now, he can't get his underwear off!
It's dark, gloomy with a slight bit of fog. The little girl grips the man's hand tightly as an owls hoot echoed through the rustling trees...
"I'm scared" said the little girl.
"You're scared?!" Said the man. "At least you don't have to walk back alone!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man comes into jail the first time in life...
On the first day in the shower a huge hairy guy full of muscles comes out of the fog right to him :"You're my new wife now. Let's get it on."
The man looks all around but theres nobody who'll help him and he surrenders in fear of what might come.
"With or without spit?" asks the big hairy man. The first-timer answered "When I have to: with spit" The big man turns around and yells into the showers: "Yo Spit, he says you can come too."
A man and a little girl walk into a forest...
...It's dark, gloomy with a slight bit of fog. The little girl grips the man's hand tightly as an owls hoot echoed through the rustling trees.
"I'm scared" said the little girl.
"You're scared?!" Said the man. "At least you don't have to walk back alone!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The fog comes on little cat feet
Honestly, Fog, that's pretty g**...
What did the mechanical fog say?
Rivet rivet.
What do you call a fog in Italy?
A Bigamiste
Fog Horns
If tin whistles are made of tin, what are fog horns made of?
I tried to cat fog yesterday
Mist
What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?
He is mist
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Muslim guy just walked into my store and bought a bunch of fog machines. So I called the cops.
He must belong to an extreme mist organization.
I took a picture of the fog with my new iPhone 7....
iMist
Did you hear about the guy who thought he saw a fog?
Apparently he was mistaken
Fog is just depressed clouds. C'mon fog, get up there and BE somebody!
Why is fog associated with bad luck?
Because there are a lot of mist opportunities on foggy nights.
A cop is pulling over a car, that was way too fast.
He approaches the car on the drivers side, while the driver is cranking down the window. Next to the driver sits a passenger. A curious "fog" emerges from the vehicle.
Cop: "Do you have any idea, why I pulled you over?"
Driver: "I don't have any idea."
Cop: "Seriously? Well you speeded with over 70 in a 30 zone."
The two guys in the car are seemingly astonished, then the one on the passenger side rips open the glove box and yells: "Bridge to Engineering! Less coal, we go way too fast!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The story of my username
It was a cold August night. The inky black harbor was quiet, almost too quiet. As a walked down the cobblestoned steps a breeze sent a chill down my back. Fog clouded my vision, but as I boarded my modest little steamer I could see so clearly in my mind, an image. I tried to rid my mind of this thought, but the more I tried the harder it became. On the dock I was, and very close to dock was what thought was in my head. So I thought of the unintelligible nonsense Ramavian_Zola, which, to this day, I use to clearly my mind of those thoughts that are so hard and plague my mind for so long, and so e**... in my head.
Who is responsible for all of this mist?
The Fog King's come back...
A Father and his Son are driving down a foggy road in the early morning.
The son says to his father, Wow, Dad. This is a lot of fog! To which the dad then responds It sure is son! The two drive down the road about a mile or so and finally reach a stoplight. To break the silence, the father says while chuckling. You know Son, when I die I hope I turn into a horrible fog, just like this one. Confused, the son asks Well why would you want that? To which the Dad replies, still laughing. So I won't be mist!
A US Ship was sailing through dense fog when it sees another light....
US Ship: Please divert your course 0.5 degrees to the south to avoid a collision.
CND reply: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
US Ship: This is the Captain of a US Navy Ship. I say again, divert your course.
CND reply: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course!
US Ship: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS CORAL SEA*, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!!
CND reply: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you get for streaking n**... through fog?
A misty-wiener!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In 'Frisco the fog goes faster than the f**...' taxis
OF WHICH THERE ARE 5
A man made of fog tried to punch me
He mist
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The captain of a battleship sees a light in the heavy fog...
The captain called to the signalman, "Signal that ship: We are on a collision course, advise you change course 20 degrees."
Back came a signal, "Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees."
The captain said, "Send, I'm a captain, change course 20 degrees."
"I'm a s**... second class," came the reply. "You had better change course 20 degrees."
By that time, the captain was furious. He spat out, "Send, I'm a battleship. Change course 20 degrees."
Back came the flashing light, "I'm a lighthouse."
There was a guy at the basketball court
He tried to make a shot in the fog.
He mist.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who comes in the fog?
s**....
An elderly woman was driving through thick fog...
... and could barely see more than one car in front of her and couldn't see the road anywhere after. She already had slow reflexes, so she decided that to be safe, she would stay close to the car in front of her and use their taillights to stay on the road.
She does this for a little while, and eventually the car in front of her stops. A young man gets out of the car and comes up to the woman's window.
"Ma'am, can I help you?"
"Oh no, I'm fine. I was just driving close to you so I don't veer of the road."
"Well, it looks like you've been following me."
"I'm sorry that it looks that way, but I need something to help me stay on the road! So if you don't mind, can you please keep driving?"
"Hmm.. I don't think I can help you with that ."
"Why not?"
"For one, you're in my driveway. This is my house!"
(Based on a true story from my English teacher).
