Flying Jokes

Hilarious puns and funny pick up lines

Congratulations to the winner of last night's presidential debate!

The Voyager probe, flying away from Earth at an estimated 62000 km per hour.

What's the difference between a politician and a flying pig?

The letter F.

Why is Peter Pan always flying?

He neverlands

You really should upvote this joke because it never gets old

What do we want?

Low flying airplane noises!

When do we want them?

NNEEEEOOOOWWWWW

The trump family is flying from New York to DC

Donald looks down on the cities below and says "I think I'll throw a 1000$ bill out of the window and make some american happy. Melanie says "Oh honey why not throw 10 100$ bills and make 10 americans happy?"
So then Ivanka says "Even better daddy, throw 100 ten dollar bills out of the window and make 100 americans happy?" To that the pilot says " Why dont you all jump out the window and make the whole country happy?"

What do we want?

Low flying planes!

When do we want them?

NNNEEEOOOOWWWwwwwww

Two aliens are flying near earth

The first one says, "The dominant life form here have developed satellite based nuclear weapons."

The second one says, "Are they an emerging intelligence?"

The first one says, "I don't think so, they have it aimed at themselves."

Right after takeoff, a pilot comes on the microphone to welcome his passengers. Thank you for flying with us. The weather is....

Then he suddenly starts screaming while still on the mic, OH MY GOD! IT IS BURNING!!, IT IS BURNING!

Then silence.

A few seconds later, he comes back on and says, I'm terribly sorry about what happened. I spilled some scorching hot coffee on my lap...you should see my pants!!

A voice from the back of the plane yelled, Why don't you come here and see ours?

WHAT DO WE WANT?!?!!

WHAT DO WE WANT?!?!?

LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES!!!

WHEN DO WE WANT 'EM?!?!?

*NEEEEEYYYYOOOOOOOOWWWW*

I asked my dad why did he become a pilot. He said, "to conquer my greatest fear."

"The fear of flying?", I asked.

"No," said dad. "The fear of dying alone."

Why are you flying with United Airlines?

Beats me.

What do you call a group of men in a flying car having unsatisfying sexual intercourse with a single woman because they feel sorry for her?

A shitty pity gangbang.

What do we want?! Low flying planes! When do we want them?!

Neeeeeeooooowwwwwwwww

What do we want?!

Low flying airplane noises!

When do we want em?

NEEEEEEEOOOOOOWWWWWW

What do we want?!

Low flying airplane noises!

When do we want them?!

NNNNEEEOOOOOWWWWWWW

A mathematician is afraid of flying

A mathematician is afraid of flying due to the small risk of a terrorist attack. So, on every flight he takes a bomb with his hand luggage. "The probability of having a bomb on a plane is very low", he reason, "and the probability of having two bombs on the same plane is virtually zero."

My "go-to" joke in middle school. Mildly NSFW

Superman was flying around the city and was super horny. He spotted Wonder Woman lying on top of a building naked, with her legs spread. He figured he could fly down there, fuck her super fast, and be outta there before she even knew what happened. So Superman flew down at incredible speed, hit it hard and fast, and flew back out again.

"What was that?" Wonder Woman said.

"I don't know," said the Invisible Man. "But my ass sure hurts!"

What do we want?? LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES!!! When do we want them??

NNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWW

What do we want?

LOW FLYING AEROPLANE NOISES!!!

When do we want them?

*Nyeeeeeeooooooowww!!!!*

I don't know why people are afraid of flying

Most crashes happen at ground level

What do you call flying solo in the mile high club?

A Hijacking.

NSFW - A woman is out playing golf one day

She swings and her ball goes flying and hits a man, who immediately grabs his crotch and falls to the ground, writhing in agony. The woman runs over and says "I'm a nurse, please let me help you!" and she reaches into his pants and starts massaging his penis. The nurse asks the man "how does that feel?" He responds "that feels great! But my thumb still hurts like hell though!"

What do we want?! LOW FLYING AIRPLANE NOISES!

When do want them?!
NNNNNNEEEEEEOOOOOOOWWWW!!!

How come Peter Pan is always flying?

Because he Neverlands.

Why is peter pan always flying?

He neverlands

I like this joke because it never grows old

This joke is off the hook

Sorry

Superman is flying over the ocean . . . NSFW

... And he spots Wonder Woman on an island lying spread-eagle naked on the beach.

He thinks, "Man, I've always wanted to fuck her."

So he flies down at super-sonic speed, drills her within seconds, and flies away chuckling.


Meanwhile, Wonder Woman says, "What the fuck was that?"

And the Invisible Man says, "I don't know . . . but my ass hurts like hell."

Why is ground beef so popular?

Because the flying cows are really hard to catch.

My wife told me that she's getting fed up of my boring facts.

I find them very interesting, I said.

Well, who gives a flying fuck? She said angrily.

Dragonflies, I replied.

I thought of this joke this morning in the shower

A professional baseball team is at the airport flying home after a huge victory, and the team manager decides to splurge by buying first class tickets for everyone. Excited to fly in luxury, everyone boards the plane. The team quickly realizes, though, that they failed to reserve enough seats. Nobody is quite sure what to do, but eventually a rookie on the team stands up and shouts "put me in coach!"

My girlfriend wanted to join the Mile High Club...

But I didn't give a flying fuck.

I was on a plane recently and the stewardess said that in the event of an accident i had to stick my head between my legs.

I couldn't help thinking,

'if i could do that i wouldn't be flying to Thailand in the first place.'

There's a queue for the whore house. A guy walks up, fists flying...

... He punches up the fuckline.

What do you call a Persian lesbian?

A flying carpet muncher.

I'm so sorry.

Superman is flying idly around, when he spots Wonder Woman naked, spread-eagled on a beach.

He thinks to himself, "I bet I could use my superhuman speed to have intercourse with her and fly away, without her even realizing what happened."

So he does.

A few seconds later, Wonder Woman says, "What in the HELL was THAT?"

The Invisible Man replies, "I have no idea, but my ass feels really sore."

What is the difference between a Pakistani School and a ISIS Trainingscamp?

I have no idea I'm only flying the drone.

My flight instructor told me this one. Nothing to do with flying.

A man's wife is staring at herself in the mirror and frowning. She turns to her husband and says "Honey, I feel fat, old, and ugly. I could really use a compliment right now." To which the husband replies "Darling, your eyesight is impeccable."

A man was doing some DIY work on his gas stove

When it all of a sudden blew up and sent him flying through his roof and up into the sky.

On his way up he passed a man falling down from the sky and asked him: Hey, you know anything about gas stoves?

The guy falling responded, Nope, you know anything about parachutes?

Aladdin Banned from Flying Carpet Racing

Sources say for use of Performance Enhancing Rugs

Superman was flying above Metropolis

When he saw Wonder Woman sunbathing on the roof of the Justice League, totally naked. Superman thinks to himself, 'Hey, I'm Superman, I could fly down there really fast and fuck Wonder Woman, and she'd never know.' So Superman flies down and fucks Wonder Woman so fast she doesn't even see him. When he's done, Wonder Woman sits up and says "What the fuck was that?", To which the Invisible Man replies, "I dunno, but my asshole is killing me."

What do we want? Low flying airplane noises! When do we want it?

Nnnneeeeeeoooooooowwwew

England soccer team have got a new captain today

His names George Smith and he'll be flying the A380 back to Heathrow..

A captain was flying over a mental hospital...

...when suddenly he started laughing vigorously.

"What's so funny?" Asked the co-pilot.

The captain answered: "I'm just imagining their faces when they realize I'm not there anymore"

Why did Harrison Ford Crash his plane?

because he was flying solo and went look no hans...

There is no reason to beat a dead horse

Unless it is flying United.

Peterpan

Why is Peter Pan always flying? Because he Neverlands. I love this joke because it never grows old.

How is a thrown dictionary similar to birds flying south for winter?

They're both flying information.

Two priests are on a plane

So two priests are flying with a planeload of Sunday school kids to the Vatican to meet the Pope. Halfway across the Atlantic the pilot tells them that the plane is going to crash and that there are only two parachutes.

One priest turns to the other and says, grab the chutes and we'll jump!

What about the children? Replies the other priest.

Fuck the children! Yells the older priest.

The younger one says, do you think we have time?

One of my dad's favorites about flying

"You know there are more planes at the bottom of the ocean than submarines in the sky. They have never left one up there."

Two marines are flying into an unfamiliar airport

The put the flaps up and descend lower, lower, lower and finally touch down. The brakes of the plane screeches and howl unlike anything you've ever heard. The plane comes to a stop just inches from the terminal. The pilot exlaims "that's the shortest damn runway I've ever seen". The co-pilot looks to the left, then looks to the right and says "Yea, but it sure is wide"

Translated Chinese joke

Good news: Today is the little Johnny's first time flying!

Bad news: The engine caught fire as soon as he took off

Good news: He took a parachute with him so he could bail out

Bad news: The parachute failed midair

Good news: He saw a huge stack of hay right beneath him

Bad news: The top of the haystack is smeared with sh!t

Good news: He didn't land on the sh!t

Bad news: He didn't land on the haystack either

Flight back home

Guy was boarding a plane to go back home from a business trip.

As he was boarding another passenger asks him: "our flight looks full what do you think they will do??"

The Asian man flying back home says "beats me"

Two bats are sitting in a cave...

...one looks at the other a says, "I'm hungry. Think I'll go get some blood". So he flew out of the cave.

About an hour later he returns with his face covered in blood. His buddy looks at him and says, "Wow! How did you get all that blood?".

"Well...", he replies, "you know when you are flying out of the cave, you hang a right and then you see that tree in front of you..."

"Yeah?", says his buddy.

He replies, "Well.....I didn't".

I had my first UFO experience this morning

I walked into the kitchen and said to the missus "Morning fat ass".

Next thing there were flying saucers coming at me from everywhere!

I recently wrote a book about poltergeists

and I'm pleased to say it is flying off the shelves.

Wonderwoman was sunbathing naked on top of the justice league tower...

Superman was flying over and he had the idea that "hey I'm quick as lightning, I could go down there and have sex with her really quick then be out of there in a second." So he flies down, gets the job done and flies off. Wonderwoman jumps up and goes "what the hell was that?" Invisible man replies "I don't know but my ass really hurts."

What are the funniest flying jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Flying? Well, here are the best Flying puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Flying pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes