Flying Car Jokes
68 flying car jokes and hilarious flying car puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about flying car that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Flying Car Short Jokes
Short flying car jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The flying car humour may include short flying jokes also.
- My first day as a car salesman... Customer: Cargo space?
Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.
Manager: Can I see you in my office? - JUST ANNOUNCED: Disney in talks of a Star Wars - Back to the Future crossover where Marty flies so far back in time (long, long ago) that he fuses with his car He becomes the ManDeLorean
- In the 80's we used to think in 2020 we'll have flying cars cities on other planets, blah blah blah.... But No! Here we are, teaching people how to wash hands !!!
- Two birds were flying along a road... The first comments, "I haven't seen a car in hours!"
The second replies, "well, you're just going to have to hold it." - Technically, people in the 1980s were correct when they said we would have flying cars in the future. They're just currently not very safe and one-use only.
- Birds keep flying in front of my car. At this rate I'm afraid people are going to start calling me a bird-erer
- How high is Elon Musk's insurance cost for his flying car? I have no idea, but it must be astronomical.
- All these people thinking the future is now, or at least near. Oh, please. Flying cars won't be a thing until at *least* the 4096x2160's.
- I like when flies won't leave my car on long road trips. Have fun moving to Kansas, you tiny idiot.
- Much controversy surrounds Area 51, which is also known as Chuck Norris's playground.
Those flying saucers are similar to our model cars and planes.
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Flying Car One Liners
Which flying car one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with flying car? I can suggest the ones about flying dog and airplane.
- Customer: I want cargo space Me: Car no do that. Car no fly
Manager: See me in my office - Why did bat fly about the car's exhaust It was an autoexec.bat
- I just bought a car. This sweet ride has four wheels and flies Its a garbage truck
- When it comes to using figurative language, I always fly by the seat of my car.
- Why can't cars fly kites? Because of the windshield.
- 1960: I hope we have flying cars. 2017: Flying Fidget spinners.
- Flying cars They'll never take off.
- Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly.
- It's 2018. Why are there not flying cars?! *... Because it would be 9/11 every day.*
- "I'll marry you when cars fly." **Elon Musk Just Sent His Tesla to Space**
Flying Car Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about flying car you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean self driving cars jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make flying car pranks.
Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn’t have.
In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way.
I told the police I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found that I had a fractured skull.
I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law, and headed over the embankment.
Two Cops were waiting outside of a bar at closing time......
.....waiting to pop drunk drivers.
A man comes out of the bar, and he is obviously in rough shape. He is weaving all over the place, and almost falls when he trips on a curb. He fumbles with his car keys for almost two minutes, dropping them several times before he finally unlocks his car. He gets in, starts the car, and drives off.
Needless to say, the cops follow him: for several miles. The man's driving was flawless, perfect and in accordance with all traffic laws.
Finally, they decide to pull him over anyway. They turn on their lights. He pulls over instantly. They ask him to step out of the car; he calmly complies. They check his license; it is valid, and clean. They give him several field sobriety tests, each harder than the last. He passes all with flying colors.
The two cops look at each other, then the man, and ask "Sir, you aren't drunk, are you?"
"No, I'm not," says the man.
"Then why were you acting drunk when you left the bar?"
"I'm tonight's DD."
"Designated Driver?"
"No, I'm the Designated Decoy. All of my drunk friends drove off the other way."
So there is a rookie cop out on his first day on patrol...
He is partnered with a veteran cop to show him the ropes. They pull over a blond for speeding. The veteran cop says
"I want you to go up to the window and undo your fly."
"Why would I do that?!" exclaims the rookie.
"Just trust me, do it." assures the veteran.
So the rookie cop walks up to the blonds car window, and as she rolls it down he undoes his zipper. She looks up at him with a shocked face and says
"OH NO! Not another breathalyzer test..."
Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years...
Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. "So, how's life been for you? " Ed asked. "Not too good," Ted replied. "My first wife died of cancer, my second wife turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another woman and took all our savings, my son's in prison for trying to kill me, my daughter got run over by a bus, my house was hit by a low-flying aircraft, my vintage car rolled off the dockside into the sea, I had to have my dog put down recently, my doctor says that I have an incurable disease and to cap it all my business has just gone bust. "
"Oh dear, that sounds terrible. " Ed said. "What business were you in? "
"I sell lucky charms," said Ted."
So I hear Lawyer Jokes are in...
So a Lawyer is driving home from a successful case in his prized Ferrari, when he is hit from behind in a fender bender. He pulls over to swap insurance, but the driver just keeps going. Cursing his luck, he gets out to survey the damage when another car comes flying by, and takes his car door off. He is at this point freaking out, distraught at the damage to his prized possession when another car pulls to a stop. A man gets out and says, "I saw what happened, do you need help?". The lawyer says no, he'll just have to tow it and get a rental, when the guy stops him. "You lawyers are all the same; so obsessed with material things. Can't you see the car that knocked off your car door took your left arm with it?" The lawyer looks to his left for the first time and yells " my Rolex!"
A guy flags down a passing police car
Ossifer! Ossifer! You gotta help me. My car's been stolen.
Sir, are you sure it was stolen? it looks to me like you've had a bit to drink tonight. Are you sure you know where you left it?
Certainly I do! Don't be ridiculous. It was right here on the end of this key.
Sir, why don't you have a seat in the car, and I'll take you down to the station where they will take a report about your car. Before we do that, I'm going to have to tell you that your fly is unzipped and you're exposing yourself. You need to tuck yourself back in and zip up.
Oh my God! They got my girl, too!
A drunk is walking around downtown...
When he walks up to a cop to complain that his car has been stolen.
The cop asks, "Well, where was the last place you saw it?"
The drunk says, "It was right here at the end of this key."
The cop says, "Well, I suggest you go over to the station house and fill out a report."
The drunk starts to walk away when the cop says, "Hey, before you go, you might want to zip your fly."
The drunk looks down and says, "Aw, man, they got my girl, too."
A drunk walks up to a cop...
Drunk: "Man, somebody stole my car..."
Cop: "Where was your car when it got stolen?"
Drunk: "Right here on the end of this key."
Cop: "Well maybe you should go down to the precinct, and they'll fill out all the proper paper work. But before you go, you might want to zip up your fly."
The drunk looks down and replies: "Man, they got my girl too..."
A drunk gets his car stolen...
A police officer is walking his beat as a drunk stumbles towards him and engages:
Drunk: "Excuse me officer, somebody stole some my car."
Cop: "Well where was it?"
D (holding up his car key): "It was at the end of this key"
C: "Ah I see, well you should go downtown to the precinct and report it there. They can help you with the proper forms."
The drunk goes to leave as they Cop stops him and says, "Before you go, you should zip up your fly."
The drunk looks down and sighs, "oh no, they got my girl too."
A recently retired man decides to buy his dream car
A brand new 2015 Chevy Corvette. As he's leaving the dealership with his new purchase, he decides to open it up on the road and see what his car can do. He's flying down the road at about 130 mph when he sees the red and blue sirens behind him trying to keep up. He pushes the pedal to the floor, knowing he'll be able to easily out run them. After a few moments, he begins to realize he's too old for this and had better just pull over to avoid any trouble.
The officer, visibly irritated, walks up to the window of the corvette.
"If you don't give me one good reason why you didn't stop as soon as you saw my sirens, I'm taking you in for reckless driving."
The man pauses for a moment and looks up at the officer
"Well sir, I'll be honest. Ten years ago my wife up and left me for a police officer without any warning. And well, I thought you were bringing her back."
The officer tipped his hat and let him go with a warning.
A Drunk is Walking Down the Street
he walks up to a cop and says, "Man, somebody stole my car."
The cop asks, "well where was it?"
The drunk goes, "it was on the end of this key here."
The cop replies, "I dunno man. Why don't you go down to the station and file a report down there. You fill out all the proper forms and they'll help you."
The drunk says, "OK." And he starts to walk off.
The cop hollers at him, "Hey! Before you go downtown you might want to zip up your fly."
The Drunk looks down and says, "aww man, they got my girl too!"
You are driving a car...
You are driving a car, you have a firetruck behind you, a horse in front of you, a plane to your left flying ground level, a Police car to your right, all have the same speed as you, you are boxed in what you do to get out?
Answer^Stepdownfromthekidscarusellandleaveroomforsomkids
So there is a cop hanging out across the street of an Irish pub near closing time...
The cop notices a man stumble out of the bar, struggle to open his car and is obviously intoxicated. The man makes it out of the parking lot and is pulled over by the cop immediately.
The cop makes him get out and do all the sobriety tests. He passes with flying colors. He then breathelizes the man and he blows perfect zeros.
The cop, now confused, asks why he is 100% sober and appeared to be drunk walking out of the pub. The man responds "I wasn't drinking tonight because I'm the DD". The cop, even more confused responds, "but you aren't driving anyone home". The man replies "Yeah I know. I'm the Designated Decoy".
A drunk stumbles up to a police officer...
A drunk stumbles up to a police officer and says, "Officer, somebody stole my car!"
The police officer asks where he last saw it, to which he replies, "On the end of this key."
Shaking his head the officer replies "Yeah, why don't you go on down to the station and fill out a report."
The drunk agrees, and as he is walking away the officer stops him and says "Hey, just so you know, your fly is down."
The drunk looks and says "Ah, man, they got my girl too!"
A cop sees a drunk stumbling down the street
He says, "Hey, Buddy, you look a little drunk, you ok?."
The drunk says, "Man, I sure am glad to see you officer. See, somebody just stole my car."
The cop says, "Stole your car? Where was the car when you last saw it?"
The guy says, "Right on the end of this key."
The cop looks at the key and looks at the drunk and says, "Well, go two blocks down to the Station and report it to the desk sergeant."
The drunk says, "Thanks, officer. You been a big help."
As the drunk start stumbling towards the station, the cop looks down at the guys pants and says, "Hey buddy, before you go, you better zip up your fly."
The guy looks down at his pants and says, "Aw man, they got my girl too."
Townes Van Zandt joke
A police officer stops a drunk man on the street.
Officer: How are you doing this evening, sir?
Drunk: Officer, I think somebody stole my car.
Officer: Where did you last see it?
Drunk: Right at the end of this key.
Officer: Alright, buddy, why don't you just call a cab. And zip up your fly while you're at it.
Drunk: Ah, man, they got my girl too!
Schrödinger gets pulled over by a cop...
When the officer walks up to the window and asks Schrödinger for his license and registration, the psychologist seems to be a little off. Not sure if Schrödinger is drunk and/or on drugs, the officer asks him to step out of the car so he can perform a sobriety test. Schrödinger passes with flying colors, but he's now fidgeting and unable to make eye contact with the officer. The officer thinks that there may be something in the car, so he gets Schrödinger's permission to search the vehicle. He finds nothing in the glove compartment nor in the backseat. The only place the officer hasn't checked yet is the trunk. When he opens it, he's shocked at what he finds.
Officer: Sir, do you know that you have a dead cat in your trunk?
Schrödinger: Well, now I do...
A lawyer opens his car door on the side of the road
as a car flies past and takes off his door. Stunned, he quickly looks around and spots a police officer nearby. "Officer, you saw that guy just hit my brand new Porsche, you have to do something!" The officer can't believe what he is seeing and shakily replies, "Sir, how can you lawyers be so materialistic? Do you not realize that your entire left arm is also missing?" The lawyer quickly looks at his left arm and yells, "No, my Rolex!"
Jacque the Snail
Jacque is a snail. Snails are not known for their excessive speed. Jacque has always dreamed of going fast, faster than any snail ever has before. Jacque has been saving his money for years so he can buy a super fast sports car and impress all his little snail friends.
Finally, Jacque goes down to the Porsche dealer. He sees a beautiful car, the Boxster. He tells the dealer, "I like that one." The dealer laughs and says, "My dear snail, don't you want to go fast? You need the Porsche Boxster-S!" He seems very proud of the S. Jacque agrees, and finally he is sitting in the car of his dreams, a Boxster-S. He pays for it. Cash, because this snail don't play around. He's ready to take his brand new sports car for a speedy run down the coast.
As he is driving, going well over 100 mph, much faster than any snail in the history of snails has ever gone, he flies past two French people walking on the side of the road. One Frenchman says to the other, "Wow! Look at that S-car go!"
Dead crows
There were many dead crows on highways in the Rocky Mountains this year. Ornithologists suspected it was due to vehicles hitting the crows.
This was surprising because crows have adapted to feeding on carcasses by having two birds watching from the trees while two birds feed. If there is a vehicle coming, two crows will shout out so the other birds can fly away.
After analyzing the car chips left on the crows, it was found that 80% of crows killed by trucks and only 20% were killed by cars.
Turns out crows are really good at yelling "caw caw caw" and not good at yelling "truck truck truck".
A rich snail walks into a car dealership
The rich snail wants something fast, elegant, and luxurious, after browsing Mercedes, Ferraris, Bugattis, and tons of other high end cars he decides on one.
So the rich snail pays in cash and walks up to the dealerships auto body guy and says "I want you to paint big S's all the this car, big S's on the front, the sides, the back, the top, big S's everywhere. The auto body guy tells him he can do it sure, but can't help to ask the snail why he wants big S's all over the car.
So the rich snail answers him "so when I fly past people on the highway, they point and say
"WOW! Look at that S Car Go!!"
A blonde...
...works in a petrol station filling up cars. One day, a spaceship with 'UFO' written on the side lands next to the blonde. The blonde cheerfully fills it with fuel and the spaceship flied off.
The blonde's boss, shocked, comes out to ask why she filled it up.
"Do you know what 'UFO' stands for?" He asks.
"Of course." She replies, "Unleaded Fuel Only".
credits to u/Mr-Everest
Wanna Race?
A Man Pulls Into a Gas Station in his Porsche, and a kid on a tricycle starts riding around him.
"Wanna race?" asks the kid.
"No thanks," laughs the guy and drives off.
When he gets on the highway, the kid suddenly zooms past him. "Wow!" the guy says and floors it. He catches up and the kid disappears behind him. A minute later the kid flies past again. Astonished, the guy pulls over, only to see the kid come zooming backward, then forward again, until finally he comes to a stop next to the car.
The man opens the door to find the kid on his tricycle, wheels smoking. The kid pants, "Thanks for stopping mister. My suspenders got caught in your door."
So this drunk guy stumbles up to a cop...
And says, excuse me officer I lost my car and the officer says, well where did you see it last?
Guy: it was right here on the end of my key
Officer: Alright well head down to the station and they'll set you up with the proper paperwork, but before you go, you might want to zip up your fly
The man looks down and says, Awww man they got my girl too!
Half as mad
A teacher from primary school asks Peter a question,
Teacher: "Peter; suppose that a car is moving at a speed of 100 mph suddenly brakes and the driver flies out through the windshield at a certain force and lands on the road. What would be my age?"
Peter thought for a moment and replied,
Peter: " Sir, you would be 40 years old."
The teacher; perplexed looked at Peter and asked how could he guess his exact age.
Peter: "Sir, I have an older sister aged 20 and she is half as mad as you."
A heart transplant
A patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his options with his doctor. The doctor said, "We have 3 possible donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in a car accident, the 2nd is a 35 year old businessman who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet. The 3rd is an attorney who died after practicing law for 30 years. Which do you want?"
"I'll take the lawyer's heart," said the patient.
After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why he had chosen the donor he did. "It was easy," said the patient, "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used."
A drunk guy walks out of a bar..
A drunk walks out of a bar with a key in his hand and he is stumbling
Back and forth. A cop on the beat sees him and approaches,
"Can I help you Sir?"
"Yessh! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr", the man replies.
The cop asks, "Where was your car the last time you saw it?"
"It wasss on the end of thisshh key", the man replies.
About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's wiener hanging Out of his fly for all the world to see.
He asks the man, "Sir are you aware that you are exposing yourself?"
Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his c**... and without Missing a beat, blurts out....
"F*c**... Me! My girlfriend's gone, too!!"
Road Kill
Driving along An English country road one night and what appeared to be A massive rabbit jumped out in front of the car and bang, I knocked it flying. I stopped the car and went to investigate what I'd hit. The animal was dead so i moved it to the side of the road. Another car pulled up and this guy got out and looked at the road kill then went back to his car and returned with an aerosol can. He sprayed the dead animal and suddenly it jumped up ran a couple of yards turned around and waved, ran some more and turned around and waved again then disappeared into the night. That's amazing I said. What's in the can ? It's hare restorer with A permanent wave he replied.
A truck driver sees a n**... man tied to a tree off to the side of the road.
He pulls his rig to the side and approaches the man. The man says to him, "Oh, thank God you're here. I pulled into a gas station to get some gas. I was robbed at gun point, thrown into the trunk of my car and then driven here. Then they stripped me of all of my clothes, took my wedding ring and drove off."
The truck driver shook his head, lowered his fly and said, "This just isn't your day, is it."
What's the last thing to pass through a fly's head as it hits the windshield of a speeding car?
It's a**....
Two people are looking at a new car...
Two people are looking at a car. The first person looks at the trunk and says, "Cargo space?"
The second person looks at the other as if he's crazy. "Car no do that. Car no fly."
Heard in Townes Van Zandt's Live at the Old Quarter album
There's this drunk walking down the street, and he walks up to this cop and says, Man, somebody stole my car. The cop says, Well, where was it? And he says, It was right on the end of this key.
The cop says, There's not much I can do for you, but why don't you go down to the precinct house and report it down there. They'll fill out all the proper forms for you.
The guy says ok, and he starts to walk off, but the cop stops him and says, Before you go downtown, you better zip up your fly.
The guy looks down and he says, Aw man, they got my girl too.
The pope and his driver
.....are in their car driving down the interstate and the pope says "you know, it's so boring being the pope, I haven't even driven a car for decades. Say, why don't you let me drive for a bit?" The driver agrees and sits at the back and off they go. The pope loves it and speeds up, until he's flying past other cars at 150mph. A cop soon pulls them over and walks up to the window and knocks. He walks back to his squad car and calls his chief.
"Hey chief, I've pulled this guy over and he's REALLY important! You have to come down."
Chief: who is it, the governor?
Cop: no, way higher!
Chief: come on son, who is it, the president?
Cop: I don't know it is, but his driver is the pope!!
When Jesus was resurrected, an angel escorted him to Heaven in a flying car
As the car ascended to the skies, it suddenly stalled and fell.
One of the disciples looked up and said, "Guess he shouldn't have driven emmanuel."
There was this drunk walking down the street
He walks up to this cop and he says, man, somebody stole my car .
And the cops says, well where was it ... and he says it was right on the end of this key .
The cop says, I don't know man, why don't you go down to the precinct house and report it down there. They'll fill out all the proper forms you know, all that stuff.
The guy says, ok and he starts to walk off...
The cop says, before you go downtown you better zip up your fly .
The guy looks down and he says, awe man, they got my girl too .
(Credit to Townes Van Zandt and j**... Jeff Walker)
So this drunk guy stumbles up to a police officer
He said, "Officer, someone stole my car!"
The officer in disbelief asked him "Oh yeah where was it last?" The drunk replied "right on the end of this key."
The officer, clearly unimpressed and wanting to move on with his day said to him "Okay buddy, why don't you just take yourself down to the station. They'll have the proper paperwork for you to fill out there. But before you go, zip up your fly." The drunk looked down at his fly, and then back up at the police officer.
"s**..., they got my girl too."
A car driver hits a low flying parrot
He takes the unconscious parrot, home and cares for it.
The next day it regains consciousness and finds himself in a cage. It gets surprised and says, " W-w-wait, jail? Did the car driver die?"
A drunk was walking down the street and bumped into a cop.
The drunk says to the cop, "Man, somebody stole my car."
Cop says, "Well, where was it?"
The drunk says, "It was right here on the end of this key."
Cop replies, "I dunno man, you better go down to the precinct and report it down there and they'll fill out all the proper paperwork."
The drunk turns around to leave but the cop stops him and says, "Whoa there, before you head downtown you better zip up your fly."
The drunk looks down and says, "Aw man, they got my girl too."