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Fly Unzipped Jokes

22 fly unzipped jokes and hilarious fly unzipped puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fly unzipped that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Fly Unzipped Short Jokes

Short fly unzipped jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fly unzipped humour may include short unzips jokes also.

  1. Growing old First you forget names;
    Then you forget faces;
    Then you forget to zip up your fly;
    And then you forget to unzip your fly.
  2. You're losing your mind if you forget to zip your fly after using the bathroom. You've lost your mind if you forget to unzip your fly *before* using the bathroom
  3. Have y'all heard the joke about the girl who doesn't like flies? She didn't like em till she unzipped one!
  4. You know when you're getting older by remembering the past embarrassment of not zipping up your fly but now hoping you remember when to unzip.
  5. Jack and Jill Jack and Jill went up the hill
    To smoke some m**...
    Jack got high
    Unzipped his fly
    And they had a little fun
    Jill forgot to take the pill
    And now they have a son

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Fly Unzipped One Liners

Which fly unzipped one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fly unzipped? I can suggest the ones about zipper and zipper down.

  1. How do you get a pound of meat out of a fly? Unzip it

Fly Unzipped Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about fly unzipped you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean flown jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fly unzipped pranks.

In a crowded city at a bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt, with matching tight leather boots and jacket...


As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step onto the bus, only to discover she still couldn't!
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt.
With a coy little smile to the driver, she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus.
Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him, "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"
At this, the Texan drawled, "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."

An old woman notices her husband's fly is unzipped...

An old woman sees her husband's fly on his pants is unzipped. She says, "You left the barn door open. The cow is gonna get out if ya don't close it."
The old man replied, "It can't get out if it can't get up!"
(I adapted this from an actual exchange that my great grandparents had a few years ago.)

Movie theater madness

A young lad did some work for a farmer and when he was done was given a goose as barter payment. He tucked the goose under his arm and began walking home. As he was passing through town he noticed that a movie that he wanted to see was playing at the theater. Since they didn't allow animals he stuffed the goose down his pants, paid for his ticket and found a seat in the packed theater next to two old ladies as the lights dimmed.
The goose began to struggle and not wanting to be discovered, the young man inconspicuously unzipped his fly so that the goose could breathe. Shortly thereafter, one of the old ladies nudged the other, "Edna, the boy sitting next to me has his fly unzipped and something is sticking out!"
"Martha", her companion replied,"When you've seen one you've seen 'em all."
"Well you've never seen one like this before. It's eating my popcorn!"

this one comes from the end of a drew carey special back in the 90's: there's an old man & an old woman in a nursing home...

old man says, 'bet you can't guess how old i am!'
she says, 'yeah? unzip your fly!' he does; she reaches in a feels around for a bit, then says: 'you're 83!'
he says, 'that's amazing! how'd you know that?'
she says, 'you told me yesterday.'

Gf just passed her driving test

My girlfriend had just passed her driving test so she drove me to town.
It was packed but we managed to find a space but she was nervous about doing a parallel park.
"I'm confident in you babe just do what you did in the test" I said
She slowly started unziping my flies.

[Best joke I've heard recently] A man walks into a doctors office,...

...unzips his fly and places his considerable member on the doctors table.
Unfazed, the doctor puts on his gloves and gives the man's member a routine medical examination. After some time, the doctor, puzzled says
"I... I can't seem to find anything wrong with this...?"
To which the man replies with his hands on his hips "
No, magnificent isn't it?"

A guy flags down a passing police car

Ossifer! Ossifer! You gotta help me. My car's been stolen.
Sir, are you sure it was stolen? it looks to me like you've had a bit to drink tonight. Are you sure you know where you left it?
Certainly I do! Don't be ridiculous. It was right here on the end of this key.
Sir, why don't you have a seat in the car, and I'll take you down to the station where they will take a report about your car. Before we do that, I'm going to have to tell you that your fly is unzipped and you're exposing yourself. You need to tuck yourself back in and zip up.
Oh my God! They got my girl, too!

Play around

So corporate exec Joe is flying across the Pacific, when his plane crashes. Joe survives, but finds himself stranded on a desert island, with nothing to eat but coconuts, and whatever seafood he can catch. 10 years go by, with poor Joe having no human contact. One day, as Joe is fishing for his dinner, a beautiful blonde woman comes wading out of the surf, wearing a full body wet suit. She approaches Joe and introduces herself "Hi, I'm Julie", Joe is so excited, all he can say "I'm Joe, and I've been stranded here alone for 10 years". "Wow" reply's Julie "10 years stranded here, I bet you'd like a cigarette" . "Would I ever" says Joe, and with that the young lady unzips a pocket on her sleeve, pulls out a pack of Marlboro reds, lights 2 and passes one to Joe. "Wow 10 years alone on this island" Julie repeats, "I bet you'd like a beer". "Would I ever" replies Joe, and with that the lady unzips a pocket on her leg, pulls out 2 cold Budweiser's, opens them and hands one to Joe. The young lady starts to seductively unzip the front of her wet suit, and says "Wow 10 years alone on this island, I bet you'd like to play around wouldn't you". "Would I ever" says Joe excitedly, "You got golf clubs in there?"

The mini skirt.

In a crowded city at a crowded bus stop, a beautiful young woman was waiting for the bus. She was decked out in a tight leather mini skirt with matching tight leather boots and jacket.
As the bus rolled up and it became her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step on the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver she reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. Again she tried to make the step onto the bus only to discover she still couldn't! So, a little more embarrassed she once again reached behind her and unzipped her skirt a little more and for a second time attempted the step and once again, still she could not raise her leg because of the tight skirt. So, with a coy little smile to the driver she again unzipped the offending skirt to give a little more slack and again was unable to make the step.
About this time the big Texan that was behind her in the line picked her up easily from the waist and placed her lightly on the step of the bus. Well, she went ballistic and turned on the would-be hero screeching at him "How dare you touch my body!! I don't even know who you are!"
At this the Texan drawled "Well ma'am normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured that we was friends."

In a crowded city…

at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight mini skirt.  As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. 
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. 
Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't. 
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step, and, once again, much to her dismay, she could not raise her leg. 
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind a third time to unzip a little more and again was unable to make the step. 
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. 
She went ballistic and turned to the would be Samaritan and yelled, "How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!" 
The Texan smiled and drawled, "Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends!" 

A man and his chicken...

Once upon a time there was a man, lets call him George. Now George had a pet chicken, and he loved this chicken to death. He did everything with his chicken, he walked with it, he talked with it, he even bathed with it. One day George decided he wanted to go to the movies, and decided he would bring his chicken along with him. So, chicken in hand, he drives to the movie theater. When he gets to the theater he buys two tickets. The employee who sold George his tickets ask "Who is the other ticket for?". George responds "Oh its for my pet chicken here". The employee then tells George that he can't bring a chicken to the movies. So being crafty George walks into the alley next the the movie theater and shoves the chicken down his pants, he then walks back into the theater and takes a seat. About half way through the movie he decides that the chicken could probably use some air so he unzips his fly. Sitting next to George were to woman and one says to the other "Oh my the man next to me just unzipped his fly!". The other responds "So what? You seen one you seen'em all!". And woman number one responds "Yeah but this ones eating my popcorn..."

Monkey business

There's a guy hitchiking along the highway, when along comes an 18-wheeler. It pulls up, and comes to a grinding halt. The hitcher runs to the truck, reaches up, opens the door and jumps in. Inside the truck is the driver, and beside him is his pet monkey.
"Great lookin' monkey, mate," said the hitcher.
"Yeah, he's great company, and he looks after you as well. Take a look at this."
Without further ado, the truckie winds up, and punches the monkey in the guts with all his might. The monkey dutifully bends down, unzips the truckie's fly, goes down and gets to work on the truckie at a vigorous pace. Once the captain of the Kenworth has unloaded his cargo all over the cabin, the monkey wipes him off, zips up his master's fly and sits back down in his seat in the cabin.
"That's GREAT!!!" says the by now quite interested hitchiker. "Can I have a go??"
The truckie looks across and replies, "Yeah sure, why not?"
"There's only one thing though" says the hitcher.
"What?"
"There's no need to s**... me in the guts so hard."

Bus Stop Blonde

In a crowded city at a busy bus stop, a woman who was waiting for a bus was wearing a tight leather skirt. As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
Again, she tried to make the step only to discover she still couldn't.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more.
For the second time, attempted the step, and, once again,
and much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip
a little more and again was unable to make the step.
About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
She went ballistic and turned to the would-be good samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body?!
I don't even know who you are!'
The Texan smiled and drawled,
"Well, ma'am, normally I would
agree with you, but after you unzipped
my fly three times, I kinda
figured we was friends."

A crowded city at a busy bus stop, a beautiful young woman wearing a tight leather skirt was waiting for a bus.
As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus.
Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg.
She tried to again take the step, only to discover that she couldn’t.
So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step.
Once again, much to her embarrassment she could not raise her leg.
With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step.
About this time, a large guy who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus.
The went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screeched, "How dare you touch my body! I don’t even know who you are!"
The guy smiled and drawled, "Well, ma’am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kind’a figured we were friends."

One day a man was hiking down an old dirt road when he noticed, down an embankment, a man tied n**.

.., face down to a large fallen tree.
The hiker ran down to the man, and while removing his backpack asked, "What happened to you?"
The t**... man began to tell him, "I picked up a hitchhiker and a few miles down the road he held me up. He told me to pull over and took my car, my money, and all of my clothes. Then he tied me up to this tree."
The hiker unzipped his fly and said, "Boy, this just isn't your day, is it?"