Fly Jokes

Following is our collection of gnat puns and flying lessons one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. Including Fly jokes for adults, dirty flyin jokes and clean flew dad gags for kids.

The Best Fly Puns

Bumblebees can fly higher than mount Everest

Kinda obvious. Considering mount Everest can't fly

Give a man a plane ticket and he'll fly for a day.



Push a man from a plane and he'll fly for the rest of his life.

Whats the difference between a terrorist training camp and an orphanage?

I don't know I just fly the drone.

Whats the difference between an ISIS training camp and a children's hospital?

I dunno, I just fly the drone...

What's the difference between Donald and a piece of fruit?

Oranges have thick skin.

Let the downvotes fly, people! You've only got one!


A blonde joke

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing-747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, "BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO....."
She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts "BE SILENT!"
There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting,"OEING! OEING! OEING! OE...."

I asked my daughter if she'd seen my newspaper...

She told me that newspapers are old school. She said that people use tablets nowadays and handed me her iPad.

That fly didn't stand a chance.

Taste the soup

A guy eating in a restaurant calls the waiter.
-Please taste the soup.

The confused waiter asks:
-Is the soup too hot?
-Just taste the soup...

-Is the soup too cold?
-Taste the soup.

-Is there a fly in the soup?
-Taste the soup!

The waiter, tired of guessing, gives up.
-Alright, alright, I'll taste the soup. Where's the spoon?
-Aha!

The fly remained undecided during the debate.

He was..

On the Pence

So there's a fly...

and a gnat lands on its back.

The fly says, "is there a gnat on my back?"

The gnat says, "gnat at all."

The fly says, "that's the worst pun I've ever heard."

The gnat goes, "what do you expect, I just made it up on the fly!"

Whats the difference between an al qaeda training camp and a school?

I dont know, I just fly the drones.


A penguin walks into an airport...

A TSA officer stops him and says "Penguins can't fly."

What's the difference between a Syrian wedding and an ISIS training camp?

I don't know man, I just fly the drone.

What's the difference between a Pakistani middle school and an Al Qaeda training ground?

I dunno, I just fly the drone.

My first day as a car salesman...

Customer: Cargo space?
Me: Car no do that. Car no fly.
Manager: Can I see you in my office?

Why don't helicopters fly in the morning?

Twirly.

What's the difference between a Pakistani preschool and Isis headquarters?

I don't know man I just fly the drones

What's the difference between an ISIS outpost and an Afghanistan elementary school?

I have no clue, I just fly the drone.

What's got two eyes, but can't see, two wings, but can't fly, and two legs, but can't walk?

A dead bird.


A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly...

...and as you can see, they were Wright

I asked my daughter to bring me my newspaper

She told me that newspapers are oldschool. She said me that people nowadays use tablets and handed me her iPad

That fly didn't stand a chance

Hey, bug on my back, asked a fly. Are you a mite?

I mite be, giggled the mite.

The fly groaned. That's the worst joke I've ever heard!

Well, what did you expect? said the mite. I came up with it on the fly.

Stewardess

Yes, Sir?

I want to complain about this airline. Every time I fly, I get the same seat, I can't see the in-flight movie and there are no windows blinds so I can't sleep.

Captain, shut up and land the plane.

What do you call a clever, socially awkward, bisexual hippie with fancy neckwear who streams Star-Trek?

A shy, wry, bi guy in a fly tie and tie dye watching sci-fi on wifi.

Credits: my bud

a fly stayed on pence's head for a couple of minutes at tonight's debate

at least the fly knew when his two minutes were up.

What's the difference between a Taliban outpost and a Pakistani Elementary school?

I don't know, I just fly the drone.

Go fly a kite

A man is in his front yard attempting to fly a kite with his son. However, every time the kite gets up into the air, it comes crashing back down.

This goes on for awhile before his wife yells from the front door, "you need more tail!"

The father turns to his son and says, "I'll never understand your mother. Yesterday, I told her I needed more tail, and she told me to go fly a kite."

What's the difference between a crow and a raven?

All birds have tail feathers that help them fly called pinions. Crows have 3 pinions and ravens have 4. The difference is just a matter of a pinion.

What's the difference between a Taliban Base and a hospital?

I don't know, I just fly the drone

A man walked into a hardware store and picked up a can of fly spray

"Is this good for wasps?" he asked the assistant.

"No, it kills them."

I thought of this joke this morning in the shower

A professional baseball team is at the airport flying home after a huge victory, and the team manager decides to splurge by buying first class tickets for everyone. Excited to fly in luxury, everyone boards the plane. The team quickly realizes, though, that they failed to reserve enough seats. Nobody is quite sure what to do, but eventually a rookie on the team stands up and shouts "put me in coach!"

Whats the difference between a preschool and a taliban camp?

I don't know man. I just fly the drones.

What's the difference between a group of Pakastani School Girls and a group of ISIS soldiers..

Don't ask me I just fly the drone.

This person told me "When pigs fly I'll get my kid vaccinated!"

Alas, swine flu.

I thought I saw a sausage fly past my window, but it turns out it was a seabird.

I took a tern for the wurst.

Ever wonder why when geese fly in a "V" one side is longer than the other?

Its because one side has more geese.

Customer: I want cargo space

Me: Car no do that. Car no fly
Manager: See me in my office

I was visiting my daughter last night and asked if I could borrow the newspaper...

"This is the 21st Century". She said

"We don't waste money on newspapers, here use this iPad."

All I can tell you is this.

That fly never knew what hit him.

This just in, giant fly attacking the city

The SWAT team has been called in to deal with the situation

Why couldn't the American fly home from Russia after the Olympics?

Because he was Snow'den.

Hey, Gandalf! What's your favourite kind of insect?

FLY, YOU FOOLS!

Two spiders are at another spiders funeral.

"Peter was the most gentle spider I ever knew. He wouldn't hurt a fly."

"Yeah, that's true. Do you know what he died from?"

"Starvation."

A German, Italian, And Irishman are sitting at a bar...

when 3 flies fly into the room and into the 3 drinks.

The German puts down the drink, and says "i cant drink this!'

the Italian takes out the fly, and says "that's good enough for me" and continues drinking.

The Irishman starts vigorously shaking the fly, and yells "SPIT IT ALL OUT!!"

Why can't Admiral Ackbar fly to Hawaii?

"Aloha Ackbar" doesn't go over well at the airport

A drunk is walking around downtown...

When he walks up to a cop to complain that his car has been stolen.
The cop asks, "Well, where was the last place you saw it?"
The drunk says, "It was right here at the end of this key."
The cop says, "Well, I suggest you go over to the station house and fill out a report."
The drunk starts to walk away when the cop says, "Hey, before you go, you might want to zip your fly."
The drunk looks down and says, "Aw, man, they got my girl, too."

An Englishman, and Scotsman and an Irishman were having a pint...

and a fly lands in each of their drinks. The Englishman, disgusted, pushes away his pint and leaves. The Scotsman flicks the fly out and continues to drink his pint. The Irishman picks up the fly, holds it over the glass and yells "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!"

My paper aeroplane won't fly.

It's completely stationery.

What's the difference between an Iraqi elementary school, and an Isis hideout?

I don't know man, I just fly the drone.

What's the difference between a terrorist cell and a children's hospital?

... Don't ask me man, I just fly the drones.

Russia has too many time zones

Russian Prime Minister Medvedev comes to President Putin and nervously tells him to abolish time zones. -"Why"? Putin asks

" I fly to another city, call home and everyone is asleep, - I woke you up at 4AM in the morning, but I thought it was only evening, - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday, - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."

"Indeed" Putin replies "but that's only minor, remember when that Polish plane crashed with the president? I called them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't taken off yet !!"

21st Century

I was visiting my son and daughter-in-law last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.

"This is the 21st century, old man," he said. "We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, you can borrow my iPad."

I can tell you, that friggin' fly never knew what hit it ...

Why do you fly United early in the morning?

To beat the crowd.

Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated.

Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.

The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."

The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."

The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

Marvel Comics have announced a new female, Muslim superhero who can fly.

Which is handy, cause she's not allowed to drive.

What's the difference between a Kindergarten and an ISIS stronghold?

I don't know, I just fly the drones

You know, people in the 1970s thought there would be a black president when pigs fly...

Then Barack Obama was elected. And after a year, swine flu.

So this drunk guy stumbles up to a cop...

And says, excuse me officer I lost my car and the officer says, well where did you see it last?
Guy: it was right here on the end of my key
Officer: Alright well head down to the station and they'll set you up with the proper paperwork, but before you go, you might want to zip up your fly
The man looks down and says, Awww man they got my girl too!

The teacher was asking her students what they wanted to be when they grow up.

When it came to Johnny he said, I want to be a billionaire and go to expensive clubs. I'll get me a bitch, and buy her a million-dollar apartment in Vegas, a Ferrari, a beach house in Miami, a jet to fly with, expensive jewelry and have sex with her 3 times a day.

The teacher was lost for words and didn't know what to do, so she just proceeded along and asked Marie what she wanted to be.

Marie replied: "I'd like to be Johnny's bitch!!"

3 bad dad jokes

I use these back to back to back all the time.

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef

What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
FSHHHHHHHH

How do you tell male flies from female flies?

After dinner a wife comes into the kitchen and sees her husband sitting at the dinner table with a fly swatter and asks what he is doing.

Husband: I'm killing flies. I already got two male flies and three females.

Wife: How do you know whether they are male or female.

Husband: Well, I got two on my beer and three on my wallet.

I called a suicide hotline in saudi arabia

they got excited and asked me if i could fly a plane

An Englishman, A Scotsman, and an Irishman are getting drinks, and they each get a fly in their beer.

The Englishman pushes his drink away, disgusted. The Scotsman takes out the fly and drinks his beer. The Irishman picks up the fly and yells to it, "Alright, spit it out!"

After an extremely tense argument with my girlfriend, the house was so quiet you could hear a pin drop.

Things got a lot worse when I saw the grenade fly towards me.

She said she'll go out with me when pigs can fly

But she also said men were pigs, so I don't know what she's waiting for.

Whats the difference between an ISIS stronghold and a syrian school?

I dont know, i just fly the drone.

I don't know why they need to specify that certain beef is ground beef...

... cause I've never seen a cow that could fly or swim

A Bee on a Fly

(Disclaimer) this is a repost from something I saw a long time ago, so if someone could get a source that'd be very cool

A bee is riding on the back of a fly. The fly turns around, and asks, hey, are you a bee?
In which the bee replies, I might bee.

The fly then says, dude, that's the worst pun I have ever heard.

The bee responds, I know man, I made it up on the fly.

A man was overly excited to fly for the first time...

As he sat in his seat, he could contain his excitement no longer and began saying "Boeing! Boeing! Boeing!" over and over again.

Irritated, a stewardess comes over to him and says "Be silent!"

The man nods, and continues "Oeing, Oeing, Oeing..."

Russian Prime Minister Medvedev comes to President Putin and nervously tells him to abolish these time zones.

"Why?", Putin asks him.

"Ah, I can't find myself with these times."

"I fly to another city, call home and everybody's asleep."

"I last woke up 4 in the morning, but thought it was only evening."

"I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday, and she tells me she had it yesterday"

"I wish the Chinese President a Happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow."

"Well, these are just minor issues", Putin answered him.

"Minor issues? Do you remember when that Polish plane crashed with the President? I call them to express my condolences, but the plane hadn't taken off yet!"

What's the difference between a Pakistani Kindergarten and a Taliban Training Ground?

Don't ask me, I just fly the drone.

Imagine how someone from a thousand years ago would respond if you told them that in the future there will be giant metal birds that fly people around the world?

Don't you mean across?

A mosquito bit Hillary Clinton the other day...

It was later found to have hit itself in the back of the head with a fly swatter.

A worried flyer asks a statistician...

"What are my chances of getting on a plane that has a bomb on it?" to which the statistician replies, "very, very low". But I fly a lot, said the businessman. Then, said the statistician, Take your own bomb with you. The odds against being on a plane with two bombs on it are 50 billion to one.

How do you tell the difference between a Pakistani wedding and an ISIS training camp?

I don't know, I just fly the drone

The Answer Is Four (Teacher Joke)

Little Johnny was in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question…
Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?

None, replied Johnny. The rest would fly away.

Well, the answer is actually four, said the teacher. But I do like the way you're thinking.

Little Johnny quickly replies… Well, I have a question for you… Say you spot three women eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, the second is biting her cone and the third is sucking her cone. Which one of these women is married?

Well, says the teacher nervously, I guess I'd say the one sucking the cone.

No, says Little Johnny. The one with the wedding ring on her finger is married. But I like the way you're thinking.

I asked my girlfriend if she could get me a newspaper

"Don`t be silly", she replied, "you can borrow my ipad".

That fly never knew what hit it.

What's the difference between a fly and a bird?

A bird can fly but a fly can't bird.

I'll see myself out.

An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar...

...they each order a pint. The Englishman gets his beer, looks at it and sees a fly in it. He immediately pushes the drink aside and demands a fresh pint. The Scotsman gets his drink and there's a fly in his. He calmly picks the fly out, flicks it aside and enjoys his drink. Finally, the Irishman gets his drink and there's a fly in his. He pulls it out, holds it by the wings and screams, "Spit it out! Spit it out, you thief!"

What's the difference between a terrorist and a civilian?

I don't know man, I just fly the drones.

An old woman notices her husband's fly is unzipped...

An old woman sees her husband's fly on his pants is unzipped. She says, "You left the barn door open. The cow is gonna get out if ya don't close it."

The old man replied, "It can't get out if it can't get up!"

(I adapted this from an actual exchange that my great grandparents had a few years ago.)

My girlfriend and I could never agree on holidays...

I wanted to fly to exotic places and stay in luxurious five-star hotels. And she wanted to come with me.

Finger Licking Good

Little Timmy was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Timmy, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Timmy, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Timmy says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Timmy, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

Blonde Co-Pilot

This is the story of the poor dizzy blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

He has a heart attack and dies. She, frantic, calls out for help.

"May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and is dead. And I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!"

She hears a voice over the radio saying:

"This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! First, give me your height and position."

She says, "I'm 5'4" and I'm in the front seat."

"O.K." says the voice on the radio.... "repeat after me: Our Father...Who art in Heaven....."

A mother taught her son to go to the bathroom by the numbers.

1. Open your fly.

2. Take out your equipment.

3. Pull back the skin.

4. Do your business.

5. Let the skin forward.

6. Stow your equipment.

7. Close your fly."

She checked on him often to make sure he had learned his lesson, and each time heard him through the bathroom door saying, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. 7."

She was pleased with his progress until that day when she passed the bathroom door and heard, "3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5, 3-5."

I saw a mosquito flying over my head and i caught it

Then, I took off its wings and I shouted to it "Go Fly!"
but it didnt fly.
Conclusion: Mosquitoes go deaf when you remove their wings

I take the bus to school

So every morning I take the bus to campus. On the way, it stops by the local prison.

This morning, while we were stopped by the prison, I heard a loud crash. I look to my right and I see what used to be a window, now shattered.

I'm looking at the window, and I see some rope fly out. Following the rope, I see an inmate. A rather small inmate. As a matter of fact, the man was a dwarf.

I stared at him in awe. As he made his way down the rope towards freedom, he notice me observing him. He gave me the stink eye. I thought to myself:

Wow, that's a little condescending.

An old couple went on holiday to Jerusalem..

...But on the trip the wife died. A local priest then told the husband that he had two options. He could get her buried in Jerusalem for $30, or he could fly her back to their own country and get her buried there for $200. The husband quickly said that he wanted her buried at home. The priest didn't understand this and asked the husband why he didn't just bury her in Jerusalem. After all it was one of the holiest cities in the world, and he could save some money. The husband then told him that long ago a man was buried in this city, and 3 days later he resurrected from the dead, and he was definitely not willing to risk that happening with his wife.

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband...

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?", she asked.

"Hunting Flies" he responded.

"Oh, Killing any?" she asked.

"Yup. 3 males. 2 females" He responded.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on the beer can, and 2 were on the phone"

*Incredible*

There is an abundance of flight jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 89 funniest jokes and fly puns. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any wings witze you can hear about fly.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes