Fly In Beer Jokes
31 fly in beer jokes and hilarious fly in beer puns to laugh out loud. Read bar jokes about fly in beer that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Fly In Beer Jokes with Friends.
What is a good fly in beer joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
A woman came home to find her retired husband waving a rolled up newspaper round his head.
Wife: 'What are you doing dear?'
Husband: 'Swatting flies - I got 3 males and 2 females'
Wife: 'How on earth do you know which gender they were?'
Husband: 'Easy - 3 were on the beer, and the other 2 were on the phone.'
A guy stumbles through the front door of a bar, ambles up to the bartender and orders a beer.
The bartender looks at the drunk man and says,”I’m sorry sir, but I can’t serve you…you’ve already had too much to drink.”
The guy swears and walks out of the bar.
Five minutes later the guy comes flying through the side door of the bar, and yells for a beer.
Again the bartender says,”I’m sorry, sir…but I can’t serve you…you’ve already had too much to drink!”
Ten minutes later, the same guy comes barrel-assing through the back door of the bar, storms up to the bartender, and demands a beer.
Again, the bartender says to the man…”I’m really sorry, sir, but you’ve had too much to drink…you’re going to have to leave!”
The guy looks quizzically at the bartender and says finally, “My God, man… How many bars do you work at?!”
So a man walks into a bar with a large box, the bar tender goes up to him and asks “whats in the box”.
The man says “I’ll show ya’ if you get me a beer.”
So of course the bar tender gets the man a beer, the man drinks it, and he pulls out a little foot tall man and he pulls out a little piano.
The little man starts playing the piano!
Next the bar tender asks “hey! thats prety cool, where did ya’ get that?”
The man says” I’ll tell ya’ if you get me another beer.”
So the bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and he says “I got it from a geenie and a lamp”
The bar tender says “If ya’ let me barrow that geenie and that lamp I’ll give ya’ another beer.”
The man says “Oh, Okay!”
The bar tender gets the man another beer, the man drinks it, and the man gives the bar tender the lamp.
The bar tender rubs the lamp and the geenie pops out!
The geenie says “Master, I grant you one wish, what is it?”
The bar tender says “I wish for a million bucks!” And all of a sudden a million ducks start flying into the room.
“What the heck is this! I wished for a million bucks not a million ducks!”
And the man says “Well did you think I wished for a 12 inched pianist!”
Three men walk into a bar.
The barman tells them, "If you can sit in my basement for a day, I'll give you free beer forever."
The first man walks out after five minutes and says, "It's impossible, you got a swarm of flies in there."
So the second man tries his luck, but can't take more than an hour.
Finally, the third man goes down.
When he returns a day later, the others ask him how he did it.
He says, "Easy! I took a dump in one corner and sat in the other corner!"
An Englishman, a Scotsman and an Irishman walk into a bar...
...they each order a pint. The Englishman gets his beer, looks at it and sees a fly in it. He immediately pushes the drink aside and demands a fresh pint. The Scotsman gets his drink and there's a fly in his. He calmly picks the fly out, flicks it aside and enjoys his drink. Finally, the Irishman gets his drink and there's a fly in his. He pulls it out, holds it by the wings and screams, "Spit it out! Spit it out, you thief!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Pint of Guinness
One day an Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walked into a pub together. They each bought a pint of Guinness. Just as they were about to enjoy their creamy beverage, three flies landed in each of their pints, and were stuck in the thick head. The Englishman pushed his beer away in disgust. The Scotsman fished the fly out of his beer, and continued drinking it, as if nothing had happened. The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, held it out over the beer, and started yelling, "SPIT IT OUT, SPIT IT OUT YOU BAS**RD!!!!"
A guy walks into a bar...
and takes a seat. After ordering a beer, he pulls out a little 10 inch man playing a matching piano, and sets it on the bar.
The guy next to him says, "Hey, that's pretty cool! Where did you get that?"
He replies, "I got it from my genie, you just have to rub this magic lamp."
He then hands the guy the lamp, he rubs it, and a genie comes out.
The genie says, "You may have one wish!"
The guy, all excited, says, "I want a million bucks!"
Genie says, "Your wish is my command". He waves his arms, and one million ducks start flying through the bar.
The guy, confused and a little upset, yells, "Hey! I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks!?"
Guy who gave him the lamp says, "Yeah, you think I asked for a 10 inch pianist?"
An Englishman, American and Irishman walk into a bar.
All three of them order a beer. The Englishman sees a fly floating in his beer and calls the bartender over and demands a new beer. The American also sees a fly floating in his beer and just flicks it away and drinks the beer. The Irishman sees a fly in his beer also and picks it up and screams "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!"
Play around
So corporate exec Joe is flying across the Pacific, when his plane crashes. Joe survives, but finds himself stranded on a desert island, with nothing to eat but coconuts, and whatever seafood he can catch. 10 years go by, with poor Joe having no human contact. One day, as Joe is fishing for his dinner, a beautiful blonde woman comes wading out of the surf, wearing a full body wet suit. She approaches Joe and introduces herself "Hi, I'm Julie", Joe is so excited, all he can say "I'm Joe, and I've been stranded here alone for 10 years". "Wow" reply's Julie "10 years stranded here, I bet you'd like a cigarette" . "Would I ever" says Joe, and with that the young lady unzips a pocket on her sleeve, pulls out a pack of Marlboro reds, lights 2 and passes one to Joe. "Wow 10 years alone on this island" Julie repeats, "I bet you'd like a beer". "Would I ever" replies Joe, and with that the lady unzips a pocket on her leg, pulls out 2 cold Budweiser's, opens them and hands one to Joe. The young lady starts to seductively unzip the front of her wet suit, and says "Wow 10 years alone on this island, I bet you'd like to play around wouldn't you". "Would I ever" says Joe excitedly, "You got golf clubs in there?"
A millionaire,a hard hat, and a cheapskate are at a bar.
When they get their beers, they notice a fly in each mug.
The millionaire politely asks the bartender for another beer, then sips the new one.
The hard hat spills out just enough to get rid of the fly then quaffs the rest.
It's now the cheapskate's turn: He sticks his hand in the beer, grabs the fly, and shouts, "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
the golf course frog
A golfer playing a round by himself hits his ball near a pond. As he approaches the ball he notices a small frog right next to the spot where his ball landed. Not wanting to hit the frog, he bends down and moves the frog onto a rock nearby. As he sets up his 8 iron shot, he hears the frog croak 'ribbit 9 iron'. Strange, he thought but what the heck. He pulls out his 9 iron and hits a perfect shot onto the green, 2 feet from the pin. With a smile he turns to the frog and said 'you must be my lucky charm'. The frog hops onto his cart and proceeds to tell him the exact perfect club for each shot that day and the man ends up shooting the round of his life.
Following the round of golf, beer in hand, the man smiled at the frog and said 'you must be my lucky charm'. With something near a smile (or as close as an amphibian can get), the frog said 'ribbit Vegas'.
On a whim, the man buys a plane ticket and flies with the small frog, in his carry on to las Vegas. Sitting on the mans shoulder, the frog proceeded to tell him which roulette numbers to play to the point where the man was up tens of thousands of dollars. The winning streak continued all night and caught the attention of the pit boss, who comped the man a room in their finest suite.
Sitting in the suites hit tub and enjoying a $500 bottle of fine cognac, the man turned to the frog and said 'I don't know how to thank you. You gave me the greatest golf round I've ever played and now more money than I can earn in 3 years. Is there anything I can do for you?' The frog looked the man in the eyes and said 'Ribbit, kiss me'. After a wince, the man thinks what the heck and picks the frog up and gives it a kiss. Like magic, the frog suddenly turned into a beautiful, blond, n**......14 year old girl.
...and I swear, your honor, that's exactly how she ended up in my room!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walk into a bar...
... and each order a beer. As the beers are set down on the table three flies fly into the bar and land in the beer, one in each glass. The Englishman pushes his beer away and orders another. The Irishman blows the foam off the top of his beer along with the fly and drinks the beer. The Scotsman picks up the fly by the wings and says "Alrright ya wee bastarrd, spit it out."
An American, an Englishman, and an Irishman walk into a bar... (credit goes to my buddy Rob from university)
.. they each order a pint of beer. The american finds a fly in his, and yells out so the whole bar hears, "This is disgusting, I'm outta here!" and storms out of the bar.
The Enlishman also finds a fly in his beer, but he politely asks the barkeep for another beer, if it's not too much trouble.
The Irishman.. he also finds a fly drowning in his beer (seriously? yeah seriously. It's a filthy bar). He picks it up by the wing, holds it over the glass and yells "Spit it oot!"
An English Guy, A Scottish Guy, and An Irish Guy
An English guy, a Scottish Guy, and an Irish guy are in a bar. A fly comes over and lands in the English guy's beer, so he dumps it out. Another fly comes and lands in the Scottish guy's beer, so he takes it out and keeps drinking from it as if nothing happened. A third fly comes and lands in the Irish guy's beer. He takes the fly out, shakes it over his beer and yells "Spit it out, ya little blighter! Spit it out!"
How do you tell male flies from female flies?
After dinner a wife comes into the kitchen and sees her husband sitting at the dinner table with a fly swatter and asks what he is doing.
Husband: I'm killing flies. I already got two male flies and three females.
Wife: How do you know whether they are male or female.
Husband: Well, I got two on my beer and three on my wallet.
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a bar...
...and each take a seat and order a beer. When the Englishman gets his beer, he sees a fly floating in it, and politely asks for a different brew. The Scotsman, intrigued by this, looks into his beer and also notices a fly in it. He shrugs and picks it out. When the Irishman's beer arrives, also containing one fly, he's had enough. He picks up the fly, holds it very close to his mouth, and says...
"Spit it out, lad, spit it all out!"
Sheila walked into the kitchen to find Bruce stalking around with a fly swatter...
"What are you doing?" She asked.
"Hunting Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Killing any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 males, 2 Females," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell them apart?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
An American, an Irishman, and a Frenchman all go into a bar
They each order one beer from the barkeep, and shortly after he returns with their beers, a fly lands in each of their beers. The Frenchman cries out in disgust and demands a new beer. The American picks the fly out of his drink and starts to sip at his beer. The Irishman picks the fly out and starts to shout Spit it out!!"
Shazza walks into the kitchen and finds Bruce with a fly swatter.
"Waddaya doin?" She asked.
"Huntin Flies" He responded.
"Oh. Kill any?" She asked.
"Yep, 3 blokes, 2 sheilas," he replied.
Intrigued, she asked. "How'd ya know that?"
He responded, "3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An Englishman, an Aussie and a Scotsman are at a bar
An Englishman, an Aussie and a Scotsman are at a bar, all having a beer.
A fly lands in the Englishmans beer, he pushes the beer away with a look of disgust and orders a new one.
A few minutes later another fly lands in the Aussies beer. He flicks the fly out and continues drinking.
Eventually a fly lands in the Scotsmans beer. He reaches in, pulls it out and holds it over his glass, hitting the back of it and starts shouting "Spit it out ya little bastid!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I killed 2 male flies and 3 female flies!
Yep, their was 2 on my beer can and 3 on the telephone.
An Englishman, a Scot and a Welshman walk into a bar.
They order a pint of beer each. As they are served a fly lands in their glass.
The English man pushes the pitcher away in disgust.
The Scot removes the fly with a finger and drinks the beer.
The Welsh guy picks up the fly, holds it above the pitcher and shouts : spit it out.
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