Flush Jokes
109 flush jokes and hilarious flush puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about flush that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Make everyone laugh with hilarious flush jokes! From toilet flush puns to puns about Asian Flush and Royal Flush, this collection of jokes about all things related to the restroom and cistern is sure to have something to make you chuckle. Check it out now and never get stumped by a clogged toilet again!
Quick Jump To
- Short Flush Jokes
- Flush One Liners
- Toilet Flush Jokes
- Flush Toilet Jokes
- Royal Flush Jokes
- More Flush Jokes
Funniest Flush Short Jokes
Short flush jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The flush humour may include short dump jokes also.
- I always used to lick the bowl clean. Until my parents told me to flush it like everyone else.
- I asked my mum if I could lick the bowl when she was finished. She replied "why can't you flush it like everyone else"
- What does the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend Flush
I heard this from my 11 year old cousin, the look on his mom's face after he told me this made my day. - I suspect that my son has been flushing his blunts down the toilet. No wonder my water bill is so high.
- I always used to ask my mom if I could lick the bowl... ... She'd always say "No! Just flush it like a normal person!"
- How is plumbing like poker? How is plumbing like poker?
You can't have a full house and a straight flush at the same time. - Why does Marx's toilet play a sonata when flushed? Because of the violins inherent in the cistern.
- Daughter: Can I lick the bowl, Mommy? Mother: No you little freak, get back in there and flush like everyone else.
- Sir John Harrington, inventor of the modern flush toilet is well remembered for two reasons: Number 1 and Number 2
- I got so mad at these uncomfortable wooden shoes that I tried to flush them down the toilet. Worst clog ever.
Share These Flush Jokes With Friends
Flush One Liners
Which flush one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with flush? I can suggest the ones about shutdown and dispose.
- How do you watch nascar without a TV? You flush a bag of M&M's down the toilet.
- A cannibal dumped his girlfriend. And then flushed.
- "Mommy, mommy! Can I lick the bowl?" "No, flush it like everyone else"
- "Mummy, can I lick the bowl?" "No Samantha you can flush like everyone else does"
- In Holland you aren't allowed to flush children down the toilet. Too many clogs.
- I complimented the toilet. It flushed.
- Mommy can I lick the bowl.. No! Flush it like a normal person.
- Mum, can I lick the bowl? No! Flush the toilet like everyone else.
- Did you hear about the prince who plays poker on the toilet? He always has a royal flush
- What do you call a king on the toilet? A royal flush
- I've never seen a royal flush. Then again, I've never been in the Queen's bathroom.
- What happens when the Queen is done visiting the toilet? A Royal Flush.
- Why did the janitor flush the toilet? Because it was his duty.
- What did one toilet say to the other? You look flushed
- What happens when the king uses a toilet? He gives it a royal flush
Toilet Flush Jokes
Here is a list of funny toilet flush jokes and even better toilet flush puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- New bathroom I was shopping for a new bathroom this week, and was shown an amazing toilet that plays abba songs when you flush it.
What a loo. - Why does Karl Marx's toilet play music every time you flush it? Because of the violins inherent in the cistern.
- My wife got mad at me for buying $10,000 worth of toilet paper. She said i was flushing all of our money down the drain.
- My wife told me I have a bad temper, so I flushed a GPS tracker down the toilet. That way I'd never lose my sh*t again.
- Why does Drax avoid automatically flushing toilets? They flush early when he stands still.
- My girlfriend left stains on the toilet bowl. I thought she'd be easier to flush than that.
- If you ever see an baby owl in a toilet don't flush... Because you aren't supposed to flush moist owelettes.
- If you're having financial problems, try investing in the toilet industry. You'll be flush with cash in no time.
- Why does Queen Elizabeth's toilet do so well in poker games? Because it's got a royal flush.
- I was bullied at school. They always stole my dinner money and gave me wedgies. One day they flushed my head down the toilet It was then i decide to give up teaching
Flush Toilet Jokes
Here is a list of funny flush toilet jokes and even better flush toilet puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A toilet beat me at a game of Poker. I had a straight; it had a flush.
- What happens after the queen visits the toilet? A royal flush
- What did the toilet say to the other toilet? You look flushed.
- I was thinking of you today. I even made a sculpture of you..... Then I flushed the toilet.
- "Daddy, can I lick the bowl?" No, you can flush the toilet like normal kids!
- Yo' Mama is so ugly, when she walked past the toilet, it flushed itself.
- I tried to flush a wooden shoe down my toilet. It got clogged.
- Why did the superhero flush the toilet? It was his duty!!!!
told to me by my 7yo son - What do you call it when a king uses the toilet? A royal flush
- Why did the superhero flush the toilet? It was his doody!
Royal Flush Jokes
Here is a list of funny royal flush jokes and even better royal flush puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Every party should start with the Queen to take a dump. The royal flush is higher than the full house.
- It's happening in Las Vegas and it's happening after the queen of England has taken a dump. It's a Royal straight flush.
- Why does Queen Elizabeth play poker on the toilet? So she always gets a Royal Flush.
- What does a poker player do in the washroom? Do the royal flush
- Why did the king go to the toilet in the middle of the poker game?.... Because he had to do the royal flush.
- What comes after the royal we? A royal flush
- Chuck Norris can make you fold a Royal Flush.
- Why did Prince Charles stick his head down the toilet? He was looking for a royal flush.
- Royal flushes aren't very common. The Queen's homes must stink.
- whatd the princess do after she finished a do-it-yourself abortion royal flush
Silly Flush Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What funny jokes about flush you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean flash jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make flush pranks.
'Mum, can I lick the bowl? ' the child asks
"No!" Replied the mother, "just flush like everyone else"
What do you call a group of 5 guys named Curtis that are all wearing matching suits?
A Curtis-y flush
A man was caught by a cop with drugs in the bathroom
The man says, "I swear, it's not mine! I found it here and tried to flush it down the toilet, but every time I flush the drugs down it magically reappears in my hand!"
"I don't believe you," says the cop. "Show me."
The man tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the man's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
Abortion humor everybody: Texas (and Indiana) tried to pass law that said miscarriages/abortions had to have burials. Listen to what that plan sounds like:
Flush.
Entering a friend's home for his weekly poker game, Slick is amazed to see a dog sitting at the table.
He's even more surprised when the dog wins the first hand with a full house, and takes the second with a royal flush.
"This is unreal," Slick says after the dog wins the next two hands. "He's got to be only dog in the world that can play like that."
"Aw, he's not so great," says the host. "There's a dog in Las Vegas who doesn't wag his tail every time he gets a good hand."
A straight flush beats a full house
A full house means u**... trouble
A child comes out of the bathroom and sees his mother baking a cake
"Mommy, can I lick the bowl?"
"No sweetie, you have to flush like everyone else!"
Colorado Springs police are looking for the 'Mad p**...'.
The jogger is suspected in a s**...-and-run incident. She's been declared public enemy number two. So far they've been unable to flush her out.
What do you call it when a Soldier doesn't flush?
Dereliction of doody.
I don't want to say my s**... life is bad but...
...the only time my wife and i mix body fluids is if she doesn't flush before I pee.
When using the bathroom I've adopted a two flush technique
One flush to - ya know - flush it down and another flush to wash my hands, it works a lot better than doing it all in one flush.
In the land of poker, different people had different toilets. The peasants had toilets that flushed clockwise, and the nobles had toilets that flushed counterclockwise. The king had neither.
He had a royal straight flush.
Did you hear about the toilet that wouldn't flush?
What a s**...-show.
A plumber told me an interesting thing, the best call he ever went to was when some kid had dropped a pear down the toilet.
He said it was the easiest call he'd ever been to, all he had to do was flush the toilet, and it cleared the block.
Because a flush beats a pear every time.
I like to think of the act of p**... like a game of poker
You go all in with a royal flush.
My wife forgot to flush the other day
I'm not taking „That won't fit as an answer anymore.
Kid: Mommy can I lick the bowl?
Mommy: don't be g**..., flush it like everyone else.
Maintenance log, stardate 41153.7: Today I found the Captain's Log.
I must, once again, remind him to flush after he is done, and the chef to change his diet.
People always tell me that my face is to pale so I stuck a plunger to my face...
I've heard they help make things flush
A woman was caught with drugs in her hand by a cop while in the bathroom of a nightclub
The woman swears that the drugs are not hers and promises that, "They aren't mine - I found them here and I tried to flush them down the toilet. However, every single time I flush the drugs down the drain they just keep re-appearing magically in my hands or my pockets!"
The cop, obviously in disbelief, tells the woman, "Show me."
So the woman tosses the bag of drugs into the toilet, then flushes it. The bag swishes down. The cop then stares at the woman's empty hand as the bag is flushed down.
"Well," says the cop, "where are the drugs now?"
"What drugs?"
My wife didn't like the wooden shoes I made for her, tried to flush them down the toilet.
Now the d**... thing's clogged.
I Think My Toilet Has anger Issues
Whenever I flush it, it completely loses its s**....
This guy had a magic door
This guy had a magic door in his house. Whenever he wanted he could open the door and step into a magic world where he was the only human in. Since he was alone in this magic world he was like the king and he could do whatever he wanted to. There was no wife to throw chores at him, no kids nagging and fighting, no dog he needs to take on a walk - no one. He was alone to do as he pleases for as long as he wanted to until his legs get numb and he has to flush down the water and get back to reality.
My 4 year old nieces jokes:
Why did the lobster flush?
Because the sea w**....
Why did the tomato blush?
Because he saw the salad dressing.
What did the little flower say to the big flower?
Hi ya bud.
Knock knock.
Whose there?
Ice cream .
Ice cream who?
Ice cream so you can hear me!
Sir John Harrington, the inventor of the flush toilet, is well remembered for two reasons.
Number 1 and Number 2
(Note: Ancient civilizations like the Mesopotamians and Minoans can also lay claim to inventing flush toilets too, I guess)
Plumbing is like poker
Plumbing is like poker.
You can't have a full house and a straight flush.
While waiting to use the men's room at a local bar I noticed everyone would do their business, sing, and then flush.
Then I saw the sign above the u**..., "Flush after using".
Why are plumbers bad a poker?
Because they think a flush beats a full house!
A police officer stopped me and searched my pockets. Found a bag of w**....
"What have we here?"
"It's not mine officer."
He scoffs.
"I'm serious! I was cursed by a leprechaun, you know what scallywags they are. Now, every single time I flush this chronic down the toilet it magically reappears in my pocket."
"b**...."
"Try me!"
He frowns, but follows me as we head to the bathroom in this cafe. I take out the cannabis and flush it down the c**.... He checks my pocket and asks,
"So where's the bag of w**...?"
"What bag of w**...?"
