fluids Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious fluids puns

A husband and wife...

Were sitting at home when the husband suddenly said, "Honey, just so you know, I never want to be kept alive in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

So the wife got up, pulled the plug on the T.V. and threw out all of his beer.


A Father's Living Will

Last night, my kids and I were in the living room and I said to them, "I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

They got up, unplugged the television, and threw out my wine.

They're such assholes....


My friend is addicted to drinking brake fluids...

but he tells me that he can stop any time.


I don't want to say my sex life is bad but...

...the only time my wife and i mix body fluids is if she doesn't flush before I pee.


I don't know where else to put this...

Back in the mid 80's when I was taking an EMT course to volunteer on the local ambulance service we were in the middle of a class on bodily fluids and gloves and masks.
During the lecture, the instructor asked us "Do you know what the first sign of A.I.D.S is?". It being a new thing back then we didn't really have any answers. After a few minutes he advised us that "It is a pounding sensation in your ass".


Do you guys like jokes about the exchanging of bodily fluids for doggy biscuits?

Well, urine for a treat!


"You know, honey, when i'm old and very ill, i don't want to live like a vegetable..

i don't want to depend on any machine or any other fluids that are supposed to keep me alive". As i said that to her, she looked at me dearly, then she went on to confiscate my phone, laptop and flushed down the toilet all the beer i had.


The reason I check my hair and my general appearance so often, is because of this one bad day. I can't even say I remember it, but I am told my hair was a mess, I was covered with unspeakable fluids, had trouble breathing, couldn't even stand, and I cried in front of everyone.

I'm still trying to live down the day I was born.


I told my grand kids that I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle...

So they unplugged my computer and threw out my bourbon..


There is new term for waking up in prison, covered in various bodily fluids

Cosby sweater


So, it's a full moon tonight. Tomorrow I'll wake up in some woods, naked and covered in bodily fluids...

...oh no, I'm not a werewolf, I'm going dogging.


I make a living selling dehydrated body fluids, especially blood, yellow bile, black bile and phlegm.

I'm well renouned for my dry humors.


I wasn't feeling very well so my doc told me to drink plenty of fluids and get lots of rest.

So I drank till I passed out.


Valve time slower than thought

Researchers have calculated that it takes longer than expected for radioactive fluids with a half-life of 3 years to pass through valves. Reason unknown.


DOCTOR: have you been drinking enough fluids?

ME: that's literally all I drink


They found Frosty dead in a puddle of his own fluids...

Police are suspecting it was a heat crime


Why don't homophobes eat donuts?

They hate
things involving sticky fluids and rings.


Did you hear about the sale on snot at the body fluids store?

It was a blow out


NSFW Sometimes I'm like a river

I pick up small children and fill them with fluids until they die


Scientists have discovered that radioactive fluids with a half-life of 3 years take a long time to travel through valves


What are the most funny Fluids jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Fluids? Well, here are the best Fluids dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Fluids pick up lines to share with friends.


Joko Jokes