Fluid Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Fluid puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Fluid

I *SWEAR* I'm not addicted to brake fluid...

I can stop whenever I want

Did you know if you drink the fluid from a magic 8 ball you can see the future.

Trust me. My friend Keith did it once and he said he was going to die and then he did.

My family insists i am addicted to drinking brake fluid.

But i can stop any time i want.

Which weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

A gallon of water. Butane is lighter fluid.

What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?

One US leader.

I'm not addicted to drinking brake fluid....

I can stop any time I want.

A recent study shows that 9 out of 10 people addicted to brake fluid...

...just can't stop.

Did you know that drinking the fluid in a magic 8-ball will let you see the future?

I actually have a friend who tried it. He said "I'm going to die" and he was right.

I know a guy addicted to brake fluid

He says he can stop at any time

So I have this friend who's addicted to drinking brake fluid...

but he tells me not to worry, he can stop anytime he wants.

My girflriend was telling me about this guy on Strange Addictions who drinks a gallon of brake fluid every day

I guess the good thing is at least he can stop whenever he wants

What weighs more, a gallon of water or a gallon of butane?

The water. Butane is lighter fluid

I just drank another bottle of brake fluid.

My friends think I'm addicted, but I can stop when I want to.

I bought a 5 gallon drum of correction fluid the other day.

Big mistake.

I'm not sure what gender fluid is...

...but it sounds like it's tough to get out of upholstery.

I'm addicted to brake fluid

But it's not so bad, i can stop anytime!

Why are the majority of firefighters men?

They've been training with fluid launching cannons since the day they were born.

I'll show myself out.

Science Joke

A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.

The physicist saw the violent ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked out into the waves. He was pulled under and never returned.

The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked out to the ocean. He too, never returned.

The chemist waited for a long time and afterwards, wrote in his journal, "Physicist and Biologist both soluble."

A physicist, a biologist, and a chemist go to the beach...

The physicist looks out over the ocean and says "I want to go into the water and study the fluid dynamics." The physicist then walks into the ocean and drowns. Then the biologist looks out over the ocean and says "I want to go into the water and study the local marine life." The biologist then walks into the ocean and drowns. Lastly, the chemist looks out over the ocean and says "I have come to a conclusion, physicists and biologists are soluble in water!"

I think my friend is addicted to drinking brake fluid

He says he can stop anytime he wants

Which one is heavier? A gallon of water or butane?

A gallon of water because butane is lighter fluid.

A penguin notices his car is leaking fluid...

so he takes it to the closest garage. Mechanic says he'll check it out, and to come back in a half hour. The penguin sees a Dairy Queen, strolls over, and buys himself a vanilla cone. Being a penguin, without hands, he makes quite a mess, getting ice cream all over himself. When he gets back to check on his car, the mechanic looks up, shakes his head, and says, "Looks like you blew a seal." The penguin replies, "Na, it's just ice cream."

"Jimmy, I think you have a brake fluid problem."

"No I don't! I can stop anytime I want!"

Gatorades competition.

Upon the inception of Gatorade at the University of Florida, and the strides the teams were making on the field, Florida State University *also* tried to make their own energy drink for student athletes.

Unfortunately no one wanted to drink the "*Seminole Fluid*"...

One day an auto mechanic was working under a car...

and some brake fluid accidentally dripped into his mouth.

"Wow," he thought to himself. "That stuff tastes good!"

The next day he told a friend about his amazing discovery.

"It's really good," he said. "I think I'll have a little more today."

His friend was concerned but didn't say anything. The next day the mechanic told his friend he'd drunk an entire cup full of the brake fluid.

"It's great stuff!"

A few days later he was up to a bottle a day. And now his friend was really worried.

"Don't you know brake fluid is toxic? It's very bad for you," said the friend. "You'd better stop drinking it."

"Hey, no problem," he said. "I can stop any time."

Did you hear about the mechanic who was addicted to brake fluid?

He said he could stop at anytime.

It's a good thing Gatorade was invented at the University of Florida and not Florida State University.

Because then it would be Seminole fluid.

I have a friend who is addicted to drinking brake fluid....

He insists that he can stop at any time

What does a 4 year old gender fluid child and a vegan cat have in common?

We both know who's making the decision...

3 engineers are arguing about what kind of engineer God is......

and the mechanical engineer says, "Just look at the muscular system, all the fluid dynamics and joints. God was clearly a mechanical engineer." To which the electrical engineer says. "No, no, no, just look at the nervous system! The way impulses are sent all over the body and how the brain stores information; God was clearly an electrical engineer." "I'm sorry guys, God was a civil engineer. " says the civil engineer. " No one else would run a waste disposal pipeline right through the entertainment district."

At a gender reveal party, a box is lifted to reveal a glass of water.

The crowd goes wild and break
into a thunderous applause.

The gender is fluid.

Brake Fluid

A mechanic was working under a car when some brake fluid dripped into his mouth. At first he spit it out, but he found that the aftertaste was not tha bad. He continued working under the car when some more brake fluid found its way into his mouth. This time he swallowed. He really liked the taste of brake fluid! Soon enough, his coworkers found him drinking brake fluid from a cup in the shop. "I don't think that's safe" a concerned coworker pleaded. "You should not be drinking anymore brake fluid, dude" another said. "Don't worry" the mechanic assured them, "I can stop anytime!".

My doctor told me to stop drinking brake fluid because I was too addicted

I told him I could stop at any time.

It's a good thing the popular sports drink was invented at Florida instead of Florida State...

Because Gatorade is a much better name than Seminole Fluid .

My brother is addicted to break fluid...

But he says he can stop any time.

Help! My brother has developed an addiction to drinking brake fluid.

Our family is worried but he says it's okay because he can stop whenever he wants.

A local man is addicted to brake fluid...

Says he can stop at any time....

A physicist, a mathematician and an engineer...

...were each asked to establish the volume of a red rubber ball. The physicist immersed the ball in a beaker full of water and measured the volume of the displaced fluid. The mathematician measured the diameter and calculated a triple integral. The engineer looked it up in his Red Rubber Ball Volume Table.

My wife accused me of being addicted to drinking brake fluid.

I said I can stop any time I want.

Oh man, I've got this mate thats addicted to drinking brake fluid.

He thinks he can stop at anytime.

I know a guy addicted to drinking brake fluid...

I'm worried about him, but he insists he can stop anytime.

My wife said she's leaving me cause I'm addicted to drinking brake fluid

But I know I can stop any time I want

I know someone who's addicted to brake fluid. They say they can stop any time.

A chemist went to see a doctor

"Doctor, I don't feel thirst and keep finding myself always dehydrated". "Drink 8 glasses of fluid a day as a guideline" adviced the doctor.

"Can I count in fruit juice?" asked the man. "Since they do contain a bit of sugar, don't forget to supplement the fluid intake with H20 too" replied the doctor.

"You sure doc? I have to drink H20 too?" the man queried. "Yes, it is vital to your bodily functions, 8 glasses a day should be enough" the doctor answered. Trusting the doctor, the chemist trusted the doctor and followed the advice.

A few days later, the chemist was found dead in his apartment due to hydrogen peroxide poisoning.

He took the doctor's advice two litrerally.

It's not a problem

I know this guy who's addicted to brake fluid.

But it's OK he can stop whenever he wants.

A biologist, a physicist and a chemist visit the beach...

Three scientists visit the beach, a biologist, a physicist and a chemist.

The biologist is so amazed at the marine life that they walk into the ocean never to be seen again.

The physicist is so amazed by fluid dynamics that they walk into the ocean, never to be seen again.

The chemist looks at the ocean, picks up a stick and writes a simple observation in the sand. "Biologists and physicists are soluble in water."

Murphy–Snowden Law of Fluid Dynamics

Everything leaks out eventually.

I got addicted to brake fluid...

... but I can stop anytime I want.

I used to be addicted to soap, but I'm clean now... (more)

I used to be addicted to the hokey pokey, but I turned myself around.

My friends say I drink too much brake fluid, but I can stop whenever I want.

I'm hooked on deli sandwiches, but I've decided I'm going to quit cold turkey.

My girlfriend used to be a nun, but she dropped the habit.

Anyone have any more one-liners along these lines?

My friend has become addicted to brake fluid ...

He claims he can stop anytime.

My dog had a tick once,

Someone recommended i try the "lighter fluid and match" trick, it definitely worked as my dog never got a tick again. But man, I sure do miss my dog.

Two guys were just arrested.

I just saw on the news that two guys have been arrested in the city centre. One was drinking battery fluid and the other was chewing fireworks. One of them was charged but the other was let off.

What are some funny physics jokes?

A farmer noticed that his chickens were sick, and called in a biologist, a chemist, and a physicist to help diagnose the problem. The biologist observed the chickens, concluding, "I can tell you there's something wrong with your chickens, but I don't know what's causing it." The chemist took fluid samples from the chickens back to his lab, and returned saying, "I can tell you what's infecting your chickens, but I don't know how they got it." Meanwhile, the physicist had been sitting on the floor, scribbling madly on several notebooks worth of paper. Suddenly, he jumped up, exclaiming, "I have the answer, but it only works for spherical chickens in a vacuum."

Did you hear about the guy who drunk brake fluid everyday?

He's ok he can stop whenever he wants.

What do Swimming and Masturbation have in common?

You have to get through a lot of fluid to find the perfect stroke.

The Baguette Joke

A man that works for a large insurance company was sent to see the company's therapist. The therapist asked the man why he was sent to see her.
"I am told I have a speech impediment, but I think the really reason I was sent down here is because I hate baguettes," said the man in a crisp and fluid voice.
"That doesn't seem reasonable," replied the therapist. "You don't sound like you have a speech impediment, and I can't see how baguettes are at all relevant to your job."
"That's what I said!" claimed the man excitedly, "I told them: I don't have a problem, and anyone who thinks differently can go buck themself!"

I saw a man drinking brake fluid.

But then he stopped.

[meta*] surprising new science shows that the way humans understand jokes can be acurately modelled by fluid dynamics

let that sink in.

In Spanish the gender of the word for water changes depending on if it is singular or plural. El Agua, Las Aguas.

I guess that means it is gender fluid.

What do LGBT people drink?

Gender Fluid

I just met a guy addicted to brake fluid.

However, he was adamant that he could stop anytime.

Did you hear about all the students who are using brake fluid to get high?

The teachers aren't too worried about it. The students can stop anytime.

Have you heard the joke about the guy addicted to brake fluid?

He says he can stop anytime.

I once knew someone addicted to drinking breaking fluid

He insisted he could stop anytime

What does a water bottle identify as?

Gender fluid.

Why Did The Queen Wear Black Gloves To Princess Diana's Funeral?

The white ones were covered in brake fluid.

I work at a dealership, this guy there is addicted to brake fluid

but he says he can stop at anytime!

What group of people do airport security absolutely forbid from coming on planes?

Gender fluid.

Gatorade

Everybody knows that Gatorade was first used by the University of Florida's football program, but they weren't the first Florida team to create a hydrating beverage.

But unfortunately no one wanted to buy Seminole Fluid.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes