Flower Garden Jokes
26 flower garden jokes and hilarious flower garden puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about flower garden that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Flower Garden Short Jokes
Short flower garden jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The flower garden humour may include short flower bed jokes also.
- Middle Ages Joke Flower: I will droop my petals a little.
Aspiring gardener: THOU WILT NOT. - For the past month I have woken up to find hundreds of flowers with no heads all over my doorstep,garden and drive. I think I'm being stalked.
- My wife complained that my indoor garden raised the electricity bill too much. As a compromise, I replace all the flower bulbs with LEDs
- I stopped gardening because my flower colours weren't vibrant enough I just couldn't see a bright fuchsia in it.
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Flower Garden One Liners
Which flower garden one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with flower garden? I can suggest the ones about garden and vegetable garden.
- I accidentally planted the wrong flowers in my garden Oopsie daisies
- Where does the gardener go to get rid of her unwanted flowers? Plant Parenthood
- What is it called when a person in a coma is surrounded by flowers? A vegetable garden
- What is the fiercest flower in the garden?
The tiger lily. - What do you call a p**... who plants flowers? A garden h**...
Flower Garden Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about flower garden you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean planting flowers jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make flower garden pranks.
Peeing in the Flowers...
A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped and every once in a while a $20 fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a policeman stopped her and said, "Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag."
"Oh, really? Darn it!" said the little old lady. "I'd better go back and see if I can find them. Thanks for telling me officer."
"Well, now, not so fast," said the cop. Where did you get all that money? You didn't steal it, did you?"
"Oh, no, no", said the old lady. "You see, my back yard is right next to a golf course. A lot of Golfers come and pee through a knot hole in my fence, right into my flower garden. It used to really tick me off. Kills the flowers, you know. Then I thought, 'Why not make the best of it?'"
So, now, I stand behind the fence by the knot hole, real quiet, with my hedge clippers. Every time some guy sticks his thing through my fence, I surprise him, grab hold of it and say, 'O.K., buddy! Give me $20, or off it comes!'"
"Well, that seems only fair," said the cop, laughing. "OK. Good luck! Oh, by the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Not everybody pays."
A group of monks have an encounter with the almighty while tending their flower garden.
The experience so transforms them that they decide to form a new order, with a monastery, dedicated to growing flowers as a form of worship. Two years into the venture they realize that they are running out of funds and decide to begin selling some of their flowers as a way to raise funds to support their ministry and their way of life. Unfortunately a sheep from a nearby farm wandered into the monastery and quickly consumed all of their prize flowers.
It turns out only a ewe can prevent florist friars.
A man can't decide what to get his girlfriend, a florist, for her birthday.
He goes all around town in search for a gift when he discovers a lovely garden of flowers. Because his wife loves flowers, he decides to pick out a lovely bouquet of daisies, roses and dandelions. The garden is empty and lifeless when he leaves that day.
When the day of his girlfriend's birthday arrives he gives her the handpicked bouquet of the flowers. The girl blushes and says Oh, thank you honey! These flowers are so pretty! They almost make me forget that someone destroyed my garden!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A child walks up to their parents and asks
A child walks up to their parents and asks hey, mom and dad. Why did you name me Petal?
The parents smile and reply, When we got you home, a petal from a flower in the garden fell on your forehead . The child satisfied with the answer walked away.
The younger sibling came up and asked the same question.
Darling, we named you Droplet because when you got you out of a hospital, a rain drop fell on you head. Hence, Droplet , the parents replied.
Gharwaalalalaajahaha!!!! said the youngest child.
Oh shut up Refrigerator, don't be mean! the father yelled
A bricklayer, a gardener and an electrician
A bricklayer, a gardener and an electrician argue about whose job is the oldest
The bricklayer goes first: "You see, we were there already when the pyramids were being built!"
The gardener answers: "True, but we already planted the flowers and trees in the garden of Eden."
To that, the electrician says: "You are right! But when god said 'Let there by light', we already layed the cables!"
I visited a flower garden
Last week I visited a flower garden in my city. There is a lot of exotic and rare plants. The rarest of the plants are all in one part, behind locked gate. You can go there only with a guide or a presenter. Unfortunately, when I came, there was no guide available. I peeked in and saw a gardener tending to the plants. I asked him if he could let me in and show me around. He said, he cannot do that, only a presenter can do that. I really wanted to see those plant so I asked him why it cannot be him. He said "Well, I am a grower, not a shower.''
Two old friends are catching up for the first time in a few months.
Dave: How's those memory pills you're on Bill, are they working?
Bill: They're fantastic mate, couldn't be happier. I'm remembering old faces, recalling old times, I'm very happy.
Dave: Hmm, what are they called, I might have to get some for myself.
Bill: Oh, umm, gee, what's the name of that flower?
Dave: Daisy?
Bill: No no no, the really pretty flower.
Dave: A tulip?
Bill: No, that's not it either, the romantic flower that grows in the garden.
Dave: A rose?
Bill: Yes! That's it, a rose. (Yelling to his wife) Hey Rose, what's the name of that medication I'm on?!
Be kind, it's my first joke...
Once upon a time there was an incredible Gardener.
So the amazing thing about this gardener is that he always knows exactly how many bags of mulch he needs for a job, just by looking. Like he gets it right, every time. He’s the best. So one day, he looks at a yard he’s working on and he’s like… 18 bags. So he goes to the store, buys 18 bags of mulch and goes to work. And when he’s finished, the flower beds are amazing! Beautiful roses, beautiful lilies and beautiful orchid bushes.
But there’s one problem, he still has 1 bag of mulch left. He can’t believe it! This has never happened before. Well, the extra bag of mulch drives him crazy, because he’s THE GUY who always gets the right amount of mulch! He’s like… aaah! Extra mulch! Oh no! So… on the drive home, he throws the bag of mulch out the window, over the side of the 101 freeway.
Talking over the fence
My wife Julie was talking over the garden fence to our neighbor Betty.
"Hi Betty, how are things, how are you finding all this lock down stuff?"
"It's OK, bit strange having Jim around the house so much."
"I can imagine, I saw him coming home this morning from the store, he had a big bunch of flowers with him."
Betty went quiet, her cheeks reddening.
"What's the matter Betty, did i say something wrong?"
"No. It's just when he buys me flowers I have to go upstairs, take all my clothes off and lay on the bed with my legs open."
"Why?, don't you have any vases in your house."
A group of Irish friars was running short of funds...
A group of Irish friars was running short of funds, so they decided to start a business selling flowers from the cathedral gardens. Happily, their business was extremely successful- so successful, in fact, that the local flower shop could no longer stand up to the competition. The owner, determined not to give up so easily, asked the holy men to find some other way to make money.
"No," they replied. "God has guided us to success."
So the florist went down to the local tavern and hired Hugh McTaggart: the meanest, toughest brawler in town. He showed up at the friars' flower stand, knocked over the register, turned over the tables, and punched the abbot in the face, threatening to come back if they kept selling flowers. Naturally, the friars decided to close the shop and come up with another source of income.
The moral of the story? *Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.*
A woman pregnant with triplets catches three stray bullets from a drive-by shooting.
In the emergency room, a doctor tells her she and her unborn children will be fine but they could not remove the bullets. He informs her all is well and the children, two girls and a boy, will pee the bullets out in around 16 years.
So around the 16th year, the mother is in the kitchen making her morning coffee when one her daughters runs in, frantic and concerned.
"Mom! Mom! I was peeing and a bullet came out!"
Her mother tells her there's nothing to worry about and tells her the story.
Then around noon, the mother is in the garden watering some flowers when the other daughter comes outside and says
"Mom! Mom! I was peeing and a bullet came out!" The mother explains everything and goes back to watering.
That night the mother was laying in bed reading when her son burst into her room.
"Mom! Mom! I was-"
"Let me guess, you were peeing and a bullet came out?"
"No, no!" says the son, "I was jacking off and I shot the dog!"
A mother superior called 3 nuns and asked them to do a sin or something wrong...
The nuns were hesitant because they didn't want to, but the superior said it would be a lesson in confession.
Then a little later, one came back and was crying
"Why? What did you do?" asked the mother superior
"I picked flowers in the garden."
"Ok your sins are forgiven, go drink the holy water."
The nun did as told, then another nun came, she was also crying
"Why? What did you do?"
"I stole a candy from a kid"
"Ok your sins are forgiven, go drink the holy water."
She also did as told...
Then the last nun came, but she was roaring with laughter
"Why? What did you do?" asked the mother superior sternly
"I peed in the holy water!"