Florist Jokes

82 florist jokes and hilarious florist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about florist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Short Florist Jokes
Florist One Liners
More Florist Jokes

Funniest Florist Short Jokes

Short florist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The florist humour may include short floral jokes also.

Angelina Jolie walks into a florists.'I'd like to buy some flowers', she says. 'Orchids?' says the florist. 'No, just flowers today'.
If you see a monk going door to door selling flowers in your neighborhood, call the authorities immediately. Because only YOU can prevent florist friars.
Don't ever buy flowers from monks. Only you can prevent florist friars.
(Sorry if repost.)
Why can you never find a botanist in the woods? Because you can't see the florist for the trees!
Europe is in turmoil, but at least I've got some steady income despite the migrant crisis I own a florist around the corner from the French embassy
The Florists wife was Rose The weatherman's wife was May
The bankers wife was Penny
And the senators wife was Peggy.
Did you hear about the new Marty McFly movie... ...Where he travels back in time to become a florist? It's called Back to the Fuschia.
Spanish Stores End in "ía" For instance, florists is florería. Lavandería is a laundromat. But what do you call Taco Bell for short?
Diarrhoea
This valentines day be sure not to buy flowers from any Monks. Because only you can prevent florist friars!
Saw a guy come racing out of our local flower shop, arms full of random product. Then the shop owner rushed out after him. I couldn't help, so I just yelled encouragement to her: "Run, florist! Run!"

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Florist One Liners

Which florist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with florist? I can suggest the ones about flower shop and gardener.

So, a florist gave me the wrong flowers. I think they're called oopsie daisies.
Never buy flowers from a monk... Remember, only you can prevent florist friars.
Never buy flowers from a monk Only YOU can prevent florist friars
I just got fired from a florist. I took too many leaves.
How do you kiss a florist? With tulips.
What type of insurance does a florist provide? Wife insurance
What did the Texan florist say when he was robbed? "What in carnation?!"
A flower shop burst into flame... It was a florist fire.
I got caught stealing at the florist. When the cops arrived I insisted it was a plant.
The ugly 40 year old florist next door is quitting her job She wants to be deflowered
Menacing Florists: That can be arranged.
What does a hot tempered florist sell? Impatients
What do you call a black guy who sells flowers? A florist.
How did the florist act after getting her dream job? Got so excited she wet her plants.
If a tree... fell on a florist, would he make a sound?

Silly Florist Jokes for a Good Time with Friends

What funny jokes about florist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean botanist jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make florist pranks.

Guy takes his girlfriend to the prom...

So this guy is taking his girlfriend to the high school prom. And he's got a lot of work to do.
First he has to rent a tux, so he goes to the tuxedo store. But there's a huge tuxedo line at the store. Finally he gets out of there and realizes he has to go buy a corsage, so he goes to a florist. But there's this big long corsage line at the florist. Finally he gets the corsage and has his tux and he's gotta go rent a limo. But there's this huge line when he gets to the limo place.
Finally after waiting and making all the arrangements, it's the night of the prom. He picks her up and takes her down there to get in, but there's this huge ticket line at the door. Finally they get in and they start dancing and having fun, and she says to him, "I'm hungry," so he goes to get her some food, but there's this huge buffet line. He gets her some food and they eat and they're dancing again and she says, "Now I'm thirsty, can you get me a drink?" So he goes to get her a drink and there's no punchline.

There once was a humble florist living in a small town...

He would sell his beautiful flowers to the townspeople every day. One day, some friars moved into the nearby, previously empty abbey. These friars, however, grew their own beautiful flowers to sell to pay for their expenses, and these flowers were grown in such abundance and sold so much that the florist was rapidly losing money.
A man in town noticed the poor florist's distress and offered him some help. "Hey, I know a guy named Hugh that can help you out here. See that big guy over there? That's him. By tomorrow he'll have dealt with these friars' intrusive business practices."
"Alright" said the florist, "I can't thank you enough." Though he had his doubts, he tried to trust the man.
The next morning as he went to his shop he noticed the friars had already packed up their things and were long gone. He found that man and asked, "How? How did you do it??"
"Simple" he stated, "Hugh, and *only* Hugh can prevent florist friars."

An order of monks are selling flowers...

...illegally on the lawn of the p**... Mansion, Hugh Hefner's property. Instead of calling the police, however, Hugh decides to spring into action and stop them himself. After an intense argument, the monks agree to leave peacefully. If it had been anybody else they would have gotten away with it; unfortunately for them, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Hugh Hefner

Today, famous p**... Hugh Hefner successfully managed to stop an order of monks from operating a business on his property. The police forced the friars to close down their stall, which was outside the p**... Mansion, where they had been selling flowers.
Said one friar, "Well if it was anyone else we could've gotten away with it, but unfortunately only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

I found this story amusing.

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

A pun from Colin Mochrie.

Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florists across town thought the competition was unfair. They asked the good fathers to close down, but the friars would not.
They went back and begged the friars to close. The friars ignored them.
They asked their mother to go and ask the friars to get out of business. They friars ignored them, too.
So, the rival florists hired Hugh Smith, the roughest and most vicious t**... in town, to persuad them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, the friars did so, thereby proving that . . .
Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

So two friars open a flower shop...

And since everybody wants to buy flowers from men of god, all the other florists in town go out of business. The last florist still in business goes to them and begs them to close down but they wont. After that, the rival florist goes to the friars' mothers and asks them to tell their sons to close their shop. The mothers ask, but they wont. After this, he goes and talks to Hugh. Hugh is the meanest, toughest guy in town. He beats up the friars and destroys their shop, and says he'll be back unless they close down, so they close down. Moral of the story: Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

So this guy is taking his girlfriend to the high school prom...

So this guy is taking his girlfriend to the high school prom, and he's got a lot of work to do. First he has to rent a tux, so he goes to the tuxedo store and there's a huge tuxedo line. Eventually he rents a tux and gets out of there and realizes he has to go to the florist. once he gets there he realizes there's a huge corsage line at the florist. Eventually he gets the corsage and has to go rent a limo, but there's a huge line when he gets to the limo place. Finally, after waiting for hours and making the arrangements, it's the night of the prom. He picks up his girl and takes her to get in, but there's an enormous ticket line. once they get in the start having some fun and dancing, but she tells him I'm hungry So he goes to get her some food, but there's a huge buffet line. He gets her some food and they eat. they go back to dancing and she says Now I'm thirsty, can you get me a drink? So he goes to get her a drink and there is no punchline.

A woman is opening presents at her birthday party,

and the first present she picks up is from the local florist, Max. She looks at the box and says, "I bet these are flowers" and Max nods his head. Sure enough, inside the box are flowers.
The second present she picks up is from the local candy shop owner, Molly. She looks at the box and said, "I bet this is candy" and Molly nods her head. Sure enough, inside the box is candy.
The third present she picks up is from the local liquor store owner, Joe. She looks at the box, which is leaking. " I bet this is a bottle of liquor" she says.
"Nope" says Joe.
The woman dabs some of the liquid on her finger and tastes it. "Oh, I know what this is, it's champagne!"
"No" says Joe.
The woman, frustrated, puts the box to her mouth and slurps off as much liquid as she can. "I have no idea. What did you get me, Joe?"
"A puppy."

Who's the most badass flower salesman?

Chuck Florist

What did the florist say when he sharted himself?

Poopsy daisies.

The flower shop

A man walks into a florist.
'I'd like to buy some flowers for my wife'
'Certainly sir.., and what is it your after?
s**...'

Hot girl at prom

Mafia florists

Some Italian mafia members own a florist shop in a city. Theirs is the only florist is the area, and so they control most of the flower business in the area.
One day, however, another florist shop opens up across the street. Afraid for their business, the mafia send one of theirs to rustle the place up, maybe scare them off. But he comes back to report that the florists are all friars! Being devout Catholics, they can't mess with the good friars.
The mafia boss has a solution. He turns to a guy named Hugh.
"Hey Hugh, you're atheist, right?"
"Yes."
"You you'll have no qualms about shaking up that flower shop?"
"I don't see why I would, boss."
Then he puts his hand on Hugh's shoulder, turns to the rest of the group, and says,
"Only Hugh can prevent florist friars."

A boy is taking a girl to the prom...

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to prom. First he goes to get a tux but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he hast to get some flowers so he goes to a florist and there is a huge flower line there. It takes forever but he gets the flowers.
Next he heads to get a limo, unfortunately there is a long limo line at the rental office and it takes a long time but he gets the job done.
Finally the day of the prom comes and the two are dancing happily and are having a good time.
When the song is over she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there is no punchline.

Some monks were trying to sell flowers...

...at the p**... mansion. These monks had always been successful at selling flowers. However, Hugh Heffner was especially annoyed this day by their persistence and had security e**... them from the premises.
Turns out, only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

The Friars

Some friars were behind on their belfry payments, so
they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of
God, the rival florist across town thought the competition
was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but
they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close.
They ignored him. He asked his mother to go and ask the
friars to get out of business. They ignored her, too.
So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest
and most vicious t**... in town, to "persuade" them to close.
Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd
be back if they didn't close shop. Terrified, the friars did so,
thereby proving that . . .
Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

A boy asks the love of his life to the prom.

A boy asked the girl he is in love with to prom. There was a long line of boys waiting to ask her. When he got to the front asked she said yes. After she said yes he went to the florist to pick up a corsage for her. He arrived to find a huge line. He waited in the line to get her flowers. Next after he had flowers the dedicated young lad went to rent a Limo. The line was long as the limos he was looking for. Finally the day of prom of arrives and the boy and his date get to the venue. The line to get out the door is extremely long and they have to wait a long time to get in. When they finally get into the dance they dance they go and have a grand time. After a couple minutes the boys date asks him to get some punch. He agrees. He goes to the table and there is no punchline.

There once was a florist

There once was a florist with a fairly successful flower stand on the side of the road.
One day, three friars set up a competing flower stand across the street. Since everyone wanted to buy their flowers from the men of god, the florist began losing all his business to the friars. He tried everything from flashy advertising to lowering his prices to offering exotic flower types, but nothing worked and soon his business had run completely dry.
So one night, the florist hires a hitman named Hugh. Hugh goes across the street, smashes the friars' flowers and pots and breaks up their stand - proving once and for all that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

A guy is taking his girlfriend to the prom

He waits in the ticket line for a really long time but he eventually gets them. He goes to rent a limo. The rental line is really long but he eventually does it. He goes to buy her flowers. The line at the florist is really long but he eventually gets the flowers. At prom, she asks him to get some punch. He goes to the refreshment table and there's no punchline.

A man prepares for prom

He wants to buy a gift for his date. The gift line is long but he waits and gets a gift. He also wants to rent a limo. The limo line is long but he gets a limo. He then remembers to buy flowers. The florist line is long but he gets flowers. Finally, he goes to prom. His date ask him for some punch and there's no punchline.

Two Monks

Two Monks attempted to sell flowers outside the p**... mansion yesterday. Despite the best attempts of the mansions security, the monks could not be forced from the grounds. It wasn't until the owner of the mansion himself arrived, that the friars left. It just goes to show:
that only Hue can stop florist friars.

A man walks into a florist.

WATER THOOOOOOOOOOSE!

Shopkeeper receives flowers at the opening of his new store...

And the card says "Rest In Peace". So he calls up the florist, angry, and she says, "Sir, at least you weren't the one who got flowers at your wife's f**... that said, 'Congratulations on the new location.'"

A Boy is taking his Girlfriend to Prom...

His mom suggests he rent a limo. He goes to the limousine agency, but there's a long limo line. Finally, after waiting patiently, he gets the limo.
His dad tells him he should get a tux. He goes to the tailor to rent a tuxedo, but there is a long tuxedo line. Finally, after waiting patiently, he gets the tuxedo.
His sister tells him to get a nice corsage. He goes to the florist to buy a corsage, but there is a long corsage line. Finally, after waiting patiently, he gets the corsage.
The big day arrives, and he and his girlfriend show up for the prom. When they get inside, she mentions she's thirsty and tells him to get her some punch. He's pleased to discover that there's no punchline.

Why did Hugh Jackman single handedly stop a Franciscan botanist from accidentally dropping a match in the forest?

Because only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Going to the prom

A boy asks the crush of his dreams out to prom, and she said yes! So he plans out a list of to-do before the big dance.
First he goes to rent a tux, but there is a long tux line at the shop, he waits for 20 minutes.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits even longer but eventually gets the flowers. Next he heads out to rent a limo.
Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets a very nice limo.
Lastly he goes to the barber and once again there is a long line but as he sits and waits he is just dreaming how his date will look, and within no time he gets his hair cut.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

but wheres the punch line?

What do you call a disorganized florist?

Out of sequins!

Some monks were selling flowers outside the p**... mansion

Hugh Hefner realises this and puts a stop to it as they are on his property and welcoming tourists. The local news catches wind of this and goes to interview the monks.
The reporter asks "do you think you will set up shop somewhere else?"
And the monks reply "oh yes, only Hugh can prevent florist friars."

Police responded to a call outside the p**... mansion.

Mr. Hefner called the police to remove a group of monks selling daisies out of an i**... roadside stand in front of the p**... mansion. A police spokesperson released a statement "we responded promptly to Mr. Hefner's call because as everybody knows, only Hugh can prevent florist friars."

I went to a flower shop on my way to the hospice and asked for a dozen roses...

"I'm sorry sir, " said the florist, "I only have some with a couple of days life left in them. "
"No problem, " I replied, "that's more than enough. "

A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments.

A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious t**... in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

Going to the prom.....

A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom.
First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds.

Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious t**... in town to "persuade" them to close. Terrified, they did so - thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

The Florist

I'm not the easiest guy in the world to get along with. So when our anniversary rolled around, I wanted my wife to know how much I appreciated her tolerating me for the past 20 years. I ordered flowers and told the florist to enclose a card that read, 'Thanks for putting up with me so long.'
When my wife got the delivery, she called me at work.
Just where do you think you going? she asked.
What do you mean? I said.
She read the card aloud as the florist had written it: Thanks for putting up with me. So long.

What does a german bee say to a jew florist?

Ya like gas?

Two friars were behind on their belfry payments.

So they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they politely declined, He went back and begged the friars to close. They ayet again declined. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious t**... in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, proving once and for all that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

Very generous barber

Is cutting a police officers hair, after that the police takes out his wallet, but barber says it's for free. The next morning barber finds dozen donuts left for him at the door.
Later that day, a florist comes, and as he is taking out his wallet, the barber says it's for free. The next morning barber finds dozen flowers left at the door.
Later that day a jew walks in, he cuts his hair, and then says it's for free.
The next morning barber finds dozen jews at the door.

Mary One-lip searched her whole life for her one-lipped prince, until she found a handsome florist. But she could not marry him...

... For he had tulips.

A boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom

First he goes to rent a tux, but there's a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets the job done.
At the prom, the two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.

A man can't decide what to get his girlfriend, a florist, for her birthday.

He goes all around town in search for a gift when he discovers a lovely garden of flowers. Because his wife loves flowers, he decides to pick out a lovely bouquet of daisies, roses and dandelions. The garden is empty and lifeless when he leaves that day.
When the day of his girlfriend's birthday arrives he gives her the handpicked bouquet of the flowers. The girl blushes and says Oh, thank you honey! These flowers are so pretty! They almost make me forget that someone destroyed my garden!

A monk was selling flowers on the p**... mansion grounds and no one but Hef could get him to leave...

Only Hugh can prevent florist friars.

A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds

A group of friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise the funds.
Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, the rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious t**... in town to "persuade" them to close. Terrified, they did so - thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

Florist joke, If you see a monk going door to door selling flowers in your neighborhood, call the authorities imme