Floridas Jokes
119 floridas jokes and hilarious floridas puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about floridas that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Floridas Short Jokes
Short floridas jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The floridas humour may include short jokes also.
- It's a good thing Gatorade was developed at the University of Florida as opposed to Florida State Seminole Fluid doesn't sound quite as good.
- Two blondes are walking and one asks, which is closer, the moon or Florida? And the other responds, duh... ... can you see Florida?
- Too soon for COVID jokes? COVID is like fashion…
We started hearing about it in Italy…
Became popular in LA and NYC…
Florida ignored it…
And it was all made in China in the end. - What's the difference between the lost city of Atlantis and Florida? About 3 days
In all honesty though, my thoughts and good wishes go out to the people of Florida, - I like Florida. Everything is in the 80s: The people, the temperature, and the average IQ.
- If three Florida State football players are in the same car, who is driving? The police officer.
- I went to this restaurant on the beach in Florida and ordered something called the Pelican Burger. It was good, but the bill was enormous.
- I saw al gore talking about rising sea levels the other day... He really needs to come to terms with losing Florida.
- Two old ladies sitting in a doctor's office in Florida... The one says to the other, "I can't see, I can't hear anything and I can barely walk. thank god I can still drive."
- What do a Florida hurricane, a Kansas tornado, and an Arkansas divorce have in common? Some poor sap's gonna lose a trailer.
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Floridas One Liners
Which floridas one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with floridas? I can suggest the ones about and .
- What's the difference between Florida and the Lost City of Atlantis? A few hours.
- Florida man fires gun at a retail store. It was target.
- The feeling of amusement you get reading about "Florida Man" schadenflorida
- Florida is the sunshine state But clearly not the brightest state
- "Where are my keys?" -Florida
- In 49 states in America, a crab shack is a restaurant. In Florida, it's a changing room.
- 2020 was like... an alternate universe where we were all living in Florida.
- Did you hear about that giant cooling device in Florida? It was a Miami heat fan.
- That detective must be from Florida Because he's an investi-gator
- Did you hear about the debate between Houston and Florida? It's Roe v. Wade
- Florida Gators drink Gatorade Florida State Seminoles drink Seminole fluid.
- Did you hear about the people in Florida with no ears? Neither did they.
- What do you call a turn signal in Florida ? No one knows , they don't exist
- Florida roulette Just like Russian,
But with a fully loaded cylinder - I have a friend in Florida who likes to brag a lot... She says she's always hot.
Floridas Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about floridas you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make floridas pranks.
So I asked a blonde, "Which is closer, Florida or the Sun?"
She said, "The Sun, because I can look up and see it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Wrong Email
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's f**.... He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
Gatorades competition.
Upon the inception of Gatorade at the University of Florida, and the strides the teams were making on the field, Florida State University *also* tried to make their own energy drink for student athletes.
Unfortunately no one wanted to drink the "*Seminole Fluid*"...
(Real news) In Florida, a truck filled with $120,000-worth of chocolate was stolen.
Police warn the thieves could be armed and PMSing.
Honesty Is Not Always the Best Policy (real news)
A Florida man arrested for speeding and DUI admitted to police that prior to getting in his car he'd been drinking beer and watching "The Fast & the Furious." Although, he admitted his favorite movie is "Dumb and Dumber."
The Original sports drink.
Despite What The University of Florida Claims about Gatorade being the first sports drink Florida State Football had the first energy drink. They have been drinking Seminole Fluid for years.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
In Florida, a couple has been accused of making m**... in a public library.
Isn't that crazy? Florida has a library.
-Conan Monologue June 12, 2014
A couple of unemployed tough guys see a pair of crocodile shoes in a store window.
The one turns to the other and says, "Look at that price tag! I tell you there's money to be made there!"
So they spend the next 4 weeks in Florida hunting crocs. They kill several, eventually running out of bullets and resorting to a knife at first, then their bare hands.
The first one turns to the other and says, "I'll tell you what, if this next croc we see doesn't have shoes on I quit."
So I just heard there is a disease killing off the Alligator population in Florida.
They all got Gatorades.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Florida man contracts h**... while checking his birthday p**...'s mouth for sores
As meemum used to say, "you shouldn't look gift w**... in the mouth"
Florida lawmaker Randall Thompson is forced to resign after it is revealed he spent taxpayer money on expensive footwear for his wife.
I guess Randall mishandled his panhandle sandal scandal.
Gatorade
Everybody knows that Gatorade was first used by the University of Florida's football program, but they weren't the first Florida team to create a hydrating beverage.
But unfortunately no one wanted to buy Seminole Fluid.
A man's dog dies
A fine elderly Catholic gentleman lived alone in Southwest Florida in an upscale gated community except for his beloved dog that he had for a long time.
The dog finally died and the gent went to the parish priest, saying "Father, my dear dog is dead. Could you possibly be saying a Mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick told the grief stricken man "No, we can't have services for an animal in the church, but I'll tell you what, there's a Baptist church down the road, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they'll do something for the animal."
The old fellow said "I'll go right now. Thank you Father...By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?"
Father Patrick replied
"Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic."
What do University of Miami, Florida State, and University of Florida football fans have in common?
None attended the University of Miami.
This and That are both on summer break.
That is heading to Florida. This has plans to travel somewhere, but he won't give me the details.
i have no idea where this is going
Jeb says hes good at fixing things and I don't doubt him...
People who voted in Florida during the 2000 presidential election know what I'm *talkin* about.
I read a story about a Florida man named Arti that was paid a buck to strangle 2 innocent people in a Safeway parking lot...
Oddly enough, the headline was "Artichokes 2 for $1 at Safeway"
What did the Florida boy have on his feet?
Crocs
What do you call a an Egyptian crocodile who swears they live in Florida?
In da-Nile
What's the phobia where you're afraid of Florida?
Sanity.
Uber Ark Driver Needed in Florida Panhandle area
Just got a call from a friend on the Florida coast where a lot of rain is falling. He told me an Uber Ark driver position is available.
How Can You Tell It's Fall In Florida?
When the color of the license plates start to change.
Why did Donald Trump win Florida in the Presidential Election?
Floridians have seen the positive effect an Orange can have on the economy.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Multijokes: How many Jews can you fit in a family car.
Standard Answ**e**r: Three in the back, two in the front and six-million in the ashtray.
Follow-Up Answ**e**r: Three in the back, two in the front and none anywhere else because the Holocaust never happened.
Alternate Answ**e**r: Three in the back, two in the front and a family of eight hiding under the roof-rack.
Efficient Answ**e**r: Not enough, we'll need to use trains.
Anti-Joke Answ**e**r: Please tell me, myself and some Jewish friends are going to Florida but ~~cannot afford~~ are too-cheap for plane tickets.
Racist Answ**e**r: Throw a dollar in there and they'll all get in.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
It's a good thing Gatorade was invented at the University of Florida and not Florida State University.
Because then it would be Seminole fluid.
All this time we thought Donald Trump would make the White House a skyscraper....
...and it turns out he's just going to make a second one in Florida!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What does the Florida State football team and a Florida State cheerleader have in common?
They both s**... for four quarters.
Florida
The further north you go the more south it gets
This dude from Florida got mad at me the other day.
Apparently people from Tampa aren't called tampons.
When I was learning to drive, my parents told me I should never be on a highway where the flow of traffic was going more that 80mph.
Then I moved to Florida.
Florida Retirement Community...
A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Villages, a Florida Adult community.
A man walks over and sits down on the other end of the bench.
After a few moments, the woman asks, "Are you a stranger here?"
He replies, "I lived here years ago."
"So, where were you all these years?"
"In prison," he says.
"Why did they put you in prison?"
He looked at her and very quietly said, "I killed my wife."
"Oh!" exclaimed the woman. "So you're single?!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I love Florida everything is in the 80's
The temperature, the people, and the IQs.
Hurricane Irma
Right now Irma is signaling for a left turn.
But it's Florida so, you know, you can't really be sure whats going to happen.
Ex who lives in Florida
called and asked if she and her kids could come North and stay with me until the hurricane passes.
I said "Well, your dog can."
Nobody's happier about hurricane Irma than Hillary Clinton and Al Gore
It's the only reason their books are flying off the shelves in Florida.
The NHL's Florida Panthers have apologized to their fans for using Kevin Spacey in a marketing campaign
it's probably for the best. He's a better fit with the Nashville Predators
The state of Florida is a navigational anomaly...
The further north you go the more southern it gets.
Carry A Flashlight
A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida.
"Is it true," the tourist asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."
I heard it's so cold in Florida that frozen Iguanas are falling from trees.
I'll make sure to bring a coat next time Iguana visit Florida.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Hey, check out my new dog!
"He used to be police dog down in Florida."
"Oh, what breed is he?"
"He's a m**... lab."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
President Donald Trump and his motorcade are cruising along a country road to Florida after the government shutdown. Suddenly they hit a pig, killing it instantly.
Trump tells his chief of staff to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees him staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 21-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
"I said I'm Donald Trump's Chief of staff, and I just killed the pig."
A 32 year old Florida man has died after overdosing on his homeopathic regimen.
He forgot to take his pills.
What do Marco Rubio and an AR-15 have in common?
They're both really easy to buy in Florida.
Children in florida during the hurricanes,
They all got free swimming lessons in the comfort of their home.
It's a good thing the popular sports drink was invented at Florida instead of Florida State...
Because Gatorade is a much better name than Seminole Fluid .
Why can't you compare Washington State and Florida?
Because it'd be like comparing apples and oranges.
What's it called when someone messes with unpurchased product in central Florida?
Tamper Bay
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My mother-in-law can m**... any joke.
After the 2000 Presidential elections with the multiple vote recounts in Florida, she came home and told us the funniest joke she had just heard:
Have you seen the new Texas quarter?
You count it five times!
Job offered: joined the exciting field of TSA
Title: TSA inspections officer
Location: Florida
Starting date: Immediately
Pay: Eventually
Why you only hear about the Florida man and not the Alabama man.
No one likes to write those news about family.
2 Florida men get into a fight
I have no idea what happened, but I'm sure it'll end up on the news.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
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I was bitten by a Great White at a Florida beach.
I mean, he used the phrase "a**... Superior," but either way that was one coked-out skinhead.
a mexican was kidnapped and taken to one of the florida keys as prisoner, one day he found a phone and was able to contact the authorities, when asked where he was, he said:
Akey
WNBA announces plan to play abbreviated 22-game season in Florida beginning in late July without fans in attendance.
Come on. Do I even have to type the punchline for this one?
Billy Bob parked his rig in Florida for a few days before driving back home. He was about to dive into the surf but figured he'd better check out the alligator situation with the townsfolk. "Nope, no gators here," a local as- sured him.
Billv Bob had swum out 50 led before his
brain kicked in again. "Hey. how come there
ain't no gators in here?" he yelled back to the
guy onshore.
"Because they're afraid of the sharks," came
the reply.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A case of a deadly, brain-eating amoeba has been confirmed in Florida.
Poor thing will starve down there.
Did you hear about the new Roller Coaster at Disney World Florida?
It's called the Coronacoaster. It just keeps going up and up until everyone on it dies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two blondes are driving to Miami for spring break
On a long boring stretch of highway they start complaining about how long it's taking to get there and the driver asks "What do you think is further away, Florida or the moon?" The passenger replies "Oh my God, you give blondes such a bad name. I can't believe how s**... you are, you can't even see Florida from here!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Everything in Florida is in the 80s
The Temperature, the Humidity, the Average Age, and the IQ.
Boxes of previously uncounted ballots have been found in Florida
Associated Press is now declaring the State of Florida for Al Gore
Adam Johnson, the man pictured carrying House Speaker Nancy Pelosi's lectern during the Capitol riot, has been arrested in Florida
His lawyer has confirmed that at trial he will not be taking the stand.
What's the difference between Donald Trump and a Jet Engine?
The jet engine stops whining when it gets to Florida.
A garbage man was doing the rounds one morning in Oklahoma
He came to a house where there was no bin out front, but there was a guy sitting on the porch.
The garbage man called out. 'Hey! Where's 'ya bin?'
The guy replies 'I've been in Florida'.
The garbage man says 'No. No. Where's 'ya wheely bin?'
The guys says 'I've really been in jail but I tell everyone I've been in Florida'