Following is our collection of funniest Florida jokes. There are some florida floridian jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these florida michigan puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
Upon the inception of Gatorade at the University of Florida, and the strides the teams were making on the field, Florida State University *also* tried to make their own energy drink for student athletes.
Unfortunately no one wanted to drink the "*Seminole Fluid*"...
and saw a bumper sticker on a parked car that read, "I miss Detroit."
So I broke the window, stole the radio, and left a note that read...
"I hope this helps."
Police warn the thieves could be armed and PMSing.
A Florida man arrested for speeding and DUI admitted to police that prior to getting in his car he'd been drinking beer and watching "The Fast & the Furious." Although, he admitted his favorite movie is "Dumb and Dumber."
Despite What The University of Florida Claims about Gatorade being the first sports drink Florida State Football had the first energy drink. They have been drinking Seminole Fluid for years.
Two blondes are sitting on a balcony at night staring at the stars and moon. One of them asks the other, "what do you think is further, the moon or Florida?" The other responds, "hello?!?! Can you see Florida from here?!?!"
Isn't that crazy? Florida has a library.
-Conan Monologue June 12, 2014
'Cause they all go there to croak!
The one turns to the other and says, "Look at that price tag! I tell you there's money to be made there!"
So they spend the next 4 weeks in Florida hunting crocs. They kill several, eventually running out of bullets and resorting to a knife at first, then their bare hands.
The first one turns to the other and says, "I'll tell you what, if this next croc we see doesn't have shoes on I quit."
They all got Gatorades.
You can explore florida myers reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean florida orleans dad jokes. There are also florida puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
As meemum used to say, "you shouldn't look gift whores in the mouth"
I guess Randall mishandled his panhandle sandal scandal.
It was good, but the bill was enormous.
It was a Miami heat fan.
Everybody knows that Gatorade was first used by the University of Florida's football program, but they weren't the first Florida team to create a hydrating beverage.
But unfortunately no one wanted to buy Seminole Fluid.
Most people know Gatorade was developed at the University of Florida for its sports program, but they were not the first Florida school to do so.
Unfortunately no one wanted to buy Seminole Fluid.
A fine elderly Catholic gentleman lived alone in Southwest Florida in an upscale gated community except for his beloved dog that he had for a long time.
The dog finally died and the gent went to the parish priest, saying "Father, my dear dog is dead. Could you possibly be saying a Mass for the poor creature?"
Father Patrick told the grief stricken man "No, we can't have services for an animal in the church, but I'll tell you what, there's a Baptist church down the road, and no telling what they believe in, but maybe they'll do something for the animal."
The old fellow said "I'll go right now. Thank you Father...By the way, do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?"
Father Patrick replied
"Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic."
None attended the University of Miami.
That is heading to Florida. This has plans to travel somewhere, but he won't give me the details.
i have no idea where this is going
The one says to the other, "I can't see, I can't hear anything and I can barely walk. Thank God I can still drive."
One asks the other, "Which one do you think is closer, Florida or the Moon?"
The other blonde says, "Well duh! You can't see Florida from here."
The doctors decided to make him some eyelids using his foreskin.
He's a little cock-eyed now, but he'll be fine.
The police officer.
When the color of the license plates start to change.
Walks into a Bar A man walked into a Florida bar with his crocodile and asked the bartender: "Do you serve lawyers here?" "Sure." "Good. One beer for me and a lawyer for my crocodile."
Some poor sap's gonna lose a trailer.
Floridians have seen the positive effect an Orange can have on the economy.
Standard Answ**e**r: Three in the back, two in the front and six-million in the ashtray.
Follow-Up Answ**e**r: Three in the back, two in the front and none anywhere else because the Holocaust never happened.
Alternate Answ**e**r: Three in the back, two in the front and a family of eight hiding under the roof-rack.
Efficient Answ**e**r: Not enough, we'll need to use trains.
Anti-Joke Answ**e**r: Please tell me, myself and some Jewish friends are going to Florida but ~~cannot afford~~ are too-cheap for plane tickets.
Racist Answ**e**r: Throw a dollar in there and they'll all get in.
Because then it would be Seminole fluid.
They both suck for four quarters.
Florida State Seminoles drink Seminole fluid.
After seeing the wild success of the University of Florida's **Gator**ade, Florida State University also wanted to get in on the sports drink industry.
Weirdly, their **"Seminole Fluid"** was not well received.
Apparently people from Tampa aren't called tampons.
The director says Cut!
A little old lady was sitting on a park bench in The Villages, a Florida Adult community.
A man walks over and sits down on the other end of the bench.
After a few moments, the woman asks, "Are you a stranger here?"
He replies, "I lived here years ago."
"So, where were you all these years?"
"In prison," he says.
"Why did they put you in prison?"
He looked at her and very quietly said, "I killed my wife."
"Oh!" exclaimed the woman. "So you're single?!"
The temperature, the people, and the IQs.
He really needs to come to terms with losing Florida.
About 3 days
In all honesty though, my thoughts and good wishes go out to the people of Florida,
-Florida
Right now Irma is signaling for a left turn.
But it's Florida so, you know, you can't really be sure whats going to happen.
called and asked if she and her kids could come North and stay with me until the hurricane passes.
I said "Well, your dog can."
It's Roe v. Wade
If the US wants to take hurricanes seriously they need to give them Muslim names. We got Irma and people don't care. But when the weatherman starts saying Abdullah is coming at Florida as a category 5, the whole country would evacuate.
It's the only reason their books are flying off the shelves in Florida.
The further north you go the more southern it gets.
... can you see Florida?
A tourist was being led through the swamps of Florida.
"Is it true," the tourist asked, "that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?"
"That depends," replied the guide, "on how fast you carry the flashlight."
I'll make sure to bring a coat next time Iguana visit Florida.
Trump tells his chief of staff to go up to the farmhouse and explain to the owners what had happened. About one hour later Trump sees him staggering back to the car with a bottle of wine in one hand, a cigar in the other and his clothes all ripped and torn.
"What happened to you?" asked Trump
"Well, the Farmer gave me the wine, his wife gave me the cigar and his 21-year-old daughter made mad passionate love to me."
"My God, what did you tell them?" asks Trump.
"I said I'm Donald Trump's Chief of staff, and I just killed the pig."
They're both really easy to buy in Florida.
"Mom, you don't sound so good. What's wrong?"
Very feebly she answers, "I haven't eaten in quite some time."
"How long has it been, Mom?"
"My last meal was 26 days ago."
"26 Days!? How come?"
"I didn't want to be caught with food in my mouth when you called."
Someone's going to lose a mobile home
They all got free swimming lessons in the comfort of their home.
Two Blondes living in New York are stargazing.
One looks to the other and asks "Which do you think is farther, Florida or the Moon?"
Her friend responds "You can't see Florida from here, duh."
"Mom, how are you?"
"Not too good," said the mother. "I've been very weak."
The son said, "Why are you so weak?"
She said, "Because I haven't eaten in 38 days."
The son said, "That's terrible. Why haven't you eaten in 38 days?"
The mother answered, "Because, I didn't want my mouth to be full in case you should call."
Florida Man is the worst super hero ever.
Because Gatorade is a much better name than Seminole Fluid .
Because it'd be like comparing apples and oranges.
Because they hate liberal snowflakes.
In Florida, it's a changing room.
Tamper Bay
After the 2000 Presidential elections with the multiple vote recounts in Florida, she came home and told us the funniest joke she had just heard:
Have you seen the new Texas quarter?
You count it five times!
Title: TSA inspections officer
Location: Florida
Starting date: Immediately
Pay: Eventually
No one likes to write those news about family.
It was target.
I mean, he used the phrase "Aryan Superior," but either way that was one coked-out skinhead.
Akey
You can't. Nobody in Florida has any cents.
Come on. Do I even have to type the punchline for this one?
Poor thing will starve down there.
It's called the Coronacoaster. It just keeps going up and up until everyone on it dies.
The other blonde turns and says "Hellooooooo, can you see Florida?"
On a long boring stretch of highway they start complaining about how long it's taking to get there and the driver asks "What do you think is further away, Florida or the moon?" The passenger replies "Oh my God, you give blondes such a bad name. I can't believe how stupid you are, you can't even see Florida from here!"
The Temperature, the Humidity, the Average Age, and the IQ.
Seminole Fluid doesn't sound quite as good.
Associated Press is now declaring the State of Florida for Al Gore
an alternate universe where we were all living in Florida.
His lawyer has confirmed that at trial he will not be taking the stand.
The jet engine stops whining when it gets to Florida.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the florida houston jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working florida gators piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.