Floor Covering Jokes

22 floor covering jokes and hilarious floor covering puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about floor covering that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Floor Covering Short Jokes

Short floor covering jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The floor covering humour may include short carpet jokes also.

  1. I was going to cover my bathroom floor with dead baby skin... My wife told be that would be infant tile.
  2. I'm going to travel to Prague Once there, I will enter a bank, and cover the floor with trampolines.
    They'll have to deal with a bunch of bouncing Czechs.
  3. What do you get when you cross an 80's pop star and a cheap floor covering? Vinyl Ritchie.
  4. I was mopping and my boss asked why the floors were all covered in water "Just gettin' her wet first. You know, a little floor-play"
  5. Ice cream van man found dead on the floor of his ice cream van, covered in sprinkles and raspberry sauce Police are not treating the death as suspicious.
    They believe he topped himself.
  6. Did any of you hear about what happened when the kitchen floor in heaven got covered in crumbs? Jesus swept.
  7. Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands... Police say that he topped himself.

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Floor Covering One Liners

Which floor covering one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with floor covering? I can suggest the ones about carpet rug and wooden floor.

  1. Why is the forest floor covered in leaf litter? Because nature abhors a vacuum
  2. Why can the floor lie? Because the carpet's covering it.
  3. What did the rug say to the floor? Don't move, got you covered.
  4. What do you use to cover a herpetarium floor? Reptiles.

Floor Covering Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about floor covering you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rugs jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make floor covering pranks.

Blonde genies

A guy is walking along a beach when he comes across a lamp partially buried in the sand. He picks up the lamp and gives it a rub.
Two blonde genies appear, and they tell him he has been granted three wishes. The guy makes his three wishes and the blonde genies disappear.
The next thing the guy knows, he's in a bedroom, in a mansion, surrounded by 50 beautiful women. He makes love to all of them and begins to explore the house.
Suddenly he feels something soft under his feet. He looks down and notices the floor is covered in $100 bills.
Next, there's a knock at the door, so he answers it.
Standing there are two persons dressed in Ku Klux k**... outfits. They drag him outside to the nearest tree, throw a rope over a sturdy limb, and hang him by the neck until he's dead.
As the k**... are walking away, they remove their hoods.
It's the two blonde genies!
One blonde genie says to the other, "I can understand the first wish--having all those beautiful women in a big mansion to make love to.
I can also understand him wanting to be a millionaire.
But, why he wanted to be hung like a black man is beyond me!"

In 8th grade english class I wrote a script titled "The Pun"

The very first set description in the script said that the stage was to be painted over with random words and phrases.
When I handed in the assignment, my teacher came up to me and asked: "Why is your script titled 'The Pun' and why is the floor covered with phrases?"
"Because my script is a play on words!"

The police were called to a crime scene.

They found a woman with a b**... golf club in her hand. Her husband, covered in blood, on the floor.
She screamed "My husband. What have I done?"
Cop "How many times did you hit him?
Wife " I don't remember. Put me down for a six"

I found a cucumber on the bathroom floor.

I looked at it, disgusted, and showed it to my wife.
I said, "Have you been m**... with this?"
"No!" she gasped.
I said, "Then why is it covered in cobwebs?"

A father takes his son on a fishing trip

On their tiny boat, Little Tommy realises that that the floor is covered in a mess of different nets. He looks up to dad and asks, "Dad, why do we need so many kinds of nets?"
Dad smiles gently and looks into his young son's eyes.
"Back in my day, when I went fishing with my own dad we only needed one net! Nowadays, we need one specifically for trout, herring, bass and all the different kinds of fish!"
Little Tommy listens yet is still confused and tugs on his father's cargo pants
"But what changed Daddy?"
Dad pats the top of Little Tommy's head and sighs
"Nets became prejudiced to the type of fish they caught."
"There's no Net Neutrality now."

A guy walks into a bar and notices a large pile of $10 bills ....

He asks the bartender what the pile of money is about, and the bartender tells him, "We have a long-running contest here. You put in $10, and if you can complete three tasks, you get to walk away with the whole pile."
"What are the three tasks?" asks the man.
"Well, first you have to go over there in the corner, grab that large bottle of tequila, and c**...-a-lug the whole thing in one go without making a face.
"Second, you have to go out back where we keep Killer, our crazy mongrel wild dog, and extract one of his teeth using only your bare hands.
"If you get this far, you're going up to the fourth floor. There's an 80-year-old woman living there. She's a v**..., and you have to deflower her."
"Fine," says the man, "I can do this." He throws down his $10, goes over to the corner, grabs the tequila, and downs the whole thing without making a face. The bar patrons give him a light round of applause.
Already feeling tipsy, he stumbles to the back door. For the next three minutes, horrible, guttural animal sounds emanate. He stumbles back in, hair wild, clothes torn to shreds, covered in cuts, bruises, and blood, and growls, "Alright, now where's that old lady who needs her tooth pulled?"

An Avon Lady was delivering products in a high-rise and was riding in the elevator.

Suddenly, she had the powerful urge to f**....
Since no one was in the elevator, she let it go - and it was a doozy.
Of course, the elevator then stopped at the next floor, so she quickly used some Avon Pine-Scented Spray to cover up the smell.
A man entered the elevator and immediately made a face.
"Holy cow! What's that smell?"
"I don't know, sir. I don't smell anything. What does it smell like to you?"
"Like someone crapped a Christmas tree."