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Flood Jokes

82 flood jokes and hilarious flood puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about flood that are clean and suitable for kids and friends. We've covered all the best pakistan flood jokes, short flood jokes, flash flood jokes.

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Popular Flood Short Jokes

Short flood jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The flood humour may include short tsunami jokes also.

  1. About 4,000 years ago: God: I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!
    Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note*
    God: Correction, I shall create a great flood!
  2. My wife and I had a huge argument because she accidentally flooded the kitchen but we've sorted it now. It's all water under the fridge.
  3. A new study proves that beavers cause extensive flooding I've read it. The evidence against them is damning.
  4. Too much water joke God: Noah, what do you think of the great flood I used to purge all the evil on Earth?
    Noah: Too much water.
  5. In 1919, a storage tank full of molasses in Boston exploded, causing a flood that killed 21 people. I guess you could call it the Boston Molassacre.
  6. Did you hear the local concrete plant was flooded last week? They're having a hard time moving inventory now.
  7. After a flood of forged financial documents from a small eastern european country, an urgent warning was issued by banks worldwide CHECK CZECH CHEQUES
  8. A reporter in Houston asked a woman how many churches were open during the flood She said; "I don't know I eat at KFC"
  9. quebec, Canada is currently experiencing record breaking flooding It's a good thing frogs can swim
  10. What does a cyclone, flood, fire and a woman have in common? Sooner or later one of em will get your house....

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Flood One Liners

Which flood one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with flood? I can suggest the ones about drowned and disaster.

  1. I want to make a joke about hurricane Harvey But I am scared my inbox will be flooded
  2. Why are dutch people so tall? Shorter ones drowned in floods.
  3. What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark? Flood lights
  4. House-hunting in Texas is overwhelming... The market is flooded.
  5. Have you seen the floods in Paris? It's inseine!
  6. Beware of bards during floods. They're known for luteing.
  7. An Egyptian farmer refuses to believe his fields had flooded... He was in De Nile.
  8. The human body is made up of about 60% Water So I'm not fat, I'm just flooded.
  9. Where were the Egyptians during the flood? In de-nile
  10. How did the dog survive a flood? Because it was a good buoy
  11. Why are housing prices in Toronto falling? Because the market got flooded.
  12. What did the farmer say when the river flooded his farm? Dam it!
  13. What shoes do you buy when your basement is flooded? Pumps.
  14. Joel Osteen is converting more people each day to followers. The people are flooding in.
  15. I hear it's a good time to buy real estate in Texas! The housing market is flooded.

Noah Flood Jokes

Here is a list of funny noah flood jokes and even better noah flood puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What did God say to all the animals during the Greaf Flood? Don't worry. I Noah guy
  • What did Noah use to see at night on the Ark? Flood lights.
  • God: Earth is going to be flooded. Someone should build an ark. Jesus: I Noah guy who can do it
  • If you need a boat when it starts flooding... I Noah guy.

Pakistan Flood Jokes

Here is a list of funny pakistan flood jokes and even better pakistan flood puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A charity single has been released in aid of Pakistan flood relief... Raindrops keep falling on Ahmed.
  • Reports of terrible flooding in Pakistan Authorities fear it was the work of a s**... plumber
Flood joke, Reports of terrible flooding in Pakistan

Flash Flood Jokes

Here is a list of funny flash flood jokes and even better flash flood puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What does the Pope say when the Grand Canyon starts to flash flood? God, dam it.
  • How did the Jamaican meteorologist report the risk of flash flooding? "Mon, soon."
Flood joke, How did the Jamaican meteorologist report the risk of flash flooding?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about flood can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of flood puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Uproarious Flood Jokes to Share with Friends

What funny jokes about flood you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean high waters jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make flood prank.

A Religious Joke From a Non-Religious Reditor

A flood occurs in a small town. A man climbs on top of his house to avoid the rising waters. A boat sails up to the house and offers the stranded man a ride. The man refuses saying, "No thanks, God will save me," and the boat leaves.
Then, a large ship comes along and offers the man help. Once more, the man says, "No thank you, I am waiting for God to help me," and the ship leaves.
Finally a helicopter flies overhead and offers to give the man a lift, and, one last time, the man passes, replying, "The good Lord will surely rescue me," and the chopper flies away.
Eventually the man drowns when the flood waters rise above his roof.
Once in heaven the man asks God, "What was up with that? Why'd you leave me hanging like that? Why didn't you save me? I was good, I went to church, I confessed all my sins, and followed the bible, why wasn't I rescued?"
God replies,"What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter!"

How Do You Start a Flood?

An engineer and an attorney were fishing in the Caribbean.
The attorney said, I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood and my insurance company also paid for everything.
The puzzled attorney asked, How do you start a flood?

A joke I've known since primary school.


A huge flood occured one day, and an entire town is swallowed up by the water.
A man driving a boat comes by a man that's trying to stay afloat.
**"Quick, get on my boat!",** he said.
The semi-drowning man replies that God will send him help and save him. And so the man left.
Another man comes by a boat and yell's at the man, "**Hey!** ^~~Listen!~~ **Get on my boat!"**
Once again, the man replies that God will send him help and save him.
And so the man left, and with that, the man drowns.
Upon death, the man wakes up in Heaven to see God.
He asks, **"God, why didn't you send me help?"**
God replies, **"What do you mean? I sent you two boats!"**

After the Great Flood

After the Great Flood, Noah sends the animals to go forth and multiply.
A pair of snakes stayed behind. Noah asked, why they stayed.
The pair of snakes replies We can't multiply, we're adders ...
so Noah builds them a log table

Insurance

A lawyer and an engineer were discussing insurance.
"You need fire insurance, burglary insurance and flood insurance." says the engineer.
"The fire and theft and burglary I can understand," said the lawyer,
"but the flood insurance? How do you start a flood?"

So I wrote some Chuck Norris jokes the other day...

The devil once sold his soul to Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't speak, he thinks loudly.
New Orleans didn't flood because of a hurricane. Chuck Norris did a canon ball into the Gulf of Mexico.
Chuck Norris once punched the Tower of Pisa.
Chuck Norris doesn't f**..., because nothing can escape Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving, the Earth uses a parachute.
When Chuck Norris takes a shower, the soap doesn't clean him. He cleans the soap.
Netflix marathons Chuck Norris.
If Chuck Norris stared at the sun too long, he wouldn't go blind. The sun would.
If Chuck Norris bit a vampire, the vampire would turn back into a human.

God gathered a Jew, a Christian and a Muslim...

... and told them:
-I am tired of mankind's sins! In two weeks I'll unleash a great flood that will kill all humanity!
The Christian said:
-We have only two weeks to appease Him!
The Muslim said:
-We have only two weeks to change our ways!
The Jew said:
-We have only two weeks to learn how to breathe underwater!

Why did the Irish Football manager flood the pitch ?

So he could bring his 'sub' on

Flood

A man hears that a flood will happen. He goes to the attic, with one window to look out on. He starts to pray with god.
**Man:** Oh god, can you please rescue me from Satan's flood?
**God:** Of course you can get rescued!
The flood by now flooded a quarter of the first floor. An SUV pulls up on the driveway.
**SUV Driver**: Hop in if you want to live!
**Man:** No thanks, God will rescue me.
The SUV drives off.
A half hour passes. The flood starts to reach the attic. A raft wades into the scene.
**Raft Rider:** Get on my raft if you want to live.
**Man:** No thank you, God will rescue me.
**Raft Rider:** I am pretty sure you are going to die but whatever.
The raft wades away from the house.
Now the flood has taken over the attic.
The man accepts his fate and drowns.
When he ended up at Heaven, God's angry face is over the gates.
**Man:** You didn't rescue me!
**God:** I tried to! I sent a SUV and a raft out, but you refused both of them.

Anheuser Busch is using a Georgia brewery to can water for flood victims in Oklahoma and Texas

They're labeling very clearly so people don't confuse it with Bud Light

3 men are lined up for the firing squad...

...and they will be shot in public. The first guy, not willing to die, thought of a great way to trick the squad. Just as the guns were raised to shoot him, the guy pointed behind the squad and shouted, "Avalanche!" The firing squad was tricked, and as they looked behind them, the guy ran away. The second guy decided to try the same trick himself. So as the guns were raised again, he pointed behind the squad, shouting, "Flood!" Again, the squad fell for it, and as they looked behind them, the second guy ran away. The third guy was utterly impressed by what the first two guys did to save themselves, so he decided to try out the trick himself. As the guns were raised once more to shoot him, the third guy shouted out, **"Fire!"**

What did the engineer say to the flood?

Dam!

What does a fire, flood, earthquake, tornado, hurricane, and a wife have in common?

Sooner or later, one of them is probably going to get your house.

Why did the flood barrier rupture?

Dam good question.

Criminals flood in from across the English Channel.

"They have no respect for our laws," said a Marseille policeman ahead of England's first game.

Why do programmers hate designing flood defence simulations?

Because of the overflow errors!

British gorilla

Just guaranteed a flood of reposts with a change from Harambe to Nigel (or whatever it is).

Wolfram-Alpha was recently shut down because of a flood of calculations that didn't make any sense at all being submitted at once.

It was quite a cheeky NaNDDoS.

Two retired business men sitting on a beach.

Mike: Nice to meet you. I'm a retired businessman. When my store burned down, rather than rebuilding I took the insurance money and retired here.
John: You know, I'm a retired businessman, too. When a flood washed away my store I took the insurance money and retired here, too.
Mike is silent for a while then he asks John, "How do you start a flood?"

Why did the river cross the road?

To flood New Orleans.

After it rained for 40 days and 40 nights, how was the flood of Genesis stopped?

God dammed it.

To anyone stuck in the flood

Crying is only making the problem worse.

In light of some recent idiotic questioning by reporters

A man is interviewed after his wife was swept away in a flood. The reporter asks "Were you close with your wife?" He responds, "No, we drifted apart recently."

This flood is devastating. Everything in my kitchen ended up sinking with the exception of a carton of ice cream and some root beer.

They stayed afloat.

Why did they call the next hurricane Irma?

Because the IT Crowd said it will be followed by a heavy flood.

I used to work at an aquarium...

It was destroyed in a flood, and I feel like I've lost my porpoise

My parents and I came to the US from Germany when I was a little girl.

They didn't speak much English, but were experienced educators back home. One winter, they decided to open a tutoring/ study session program to help students stay productive and focus over the break. It wasn't until after a flood of angry phone calls and visitors that we realized that "Concentration Camp" was not an ideal program name.

What's the integral of 1/(cabin)

A natural log cabin.
Wait, I forgot the C
It's a flood victim house

Three guys are fishing in the Carribean.

o**... says, I had a terrible fire and lost everything. Now the insurance is paying for everything, and that's why I am here.
The second guy says, I had a terrible e**.... I lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I am here.
The third guy says, What a coincidence! I had a terrible flood; I lost everything. Now the insurance company is paying for everything and that's why I'm here!
The other two guys turn to him with confusion and ask, Flood? How do you start a flood?

Why was the biblical Flood such a big deal?

Why couldn't just God dam it?

Two men are waiting for appointments with their insurance claims adjuster.

They chat and learn they have a common bond. The first one says "My restaurant was wiped out by a fire, everything inside was wrecked."
The second one says "Mine was taken out by a flood, total loss too."
The first one thinks a bit then asks "How do you start a flood?"

An English man, Scottish man, and a Irish man were about to be executed by the firing squad.

They put the Englishman against the wall, when he says
"EARTH QUAKE!".
The firing squad start panicking, whilst the English man runs off.
They put the Scottish man against the wall, when he says
"FLOOD!".
The firing squad start panicking more, whilst he also runs off.
They put the Irish man against the wall, when he says
"FIRE!"

The Most s**... Man On Earth

There was a flood in a village.
One man said to everyone, I'll stay! God will save me!
The flood got higher and a boat came and the man in it said Come on mate, get in!
No replied the man. God will save me!
The flood got very high now and the man had to stand on the roof of his house.
A helicopter soon came and the man offered him help.
No, God will save me! he said
Eventually he died by drowning.
He got by the gates of heaven and he said to God Why didn't you save me?
God replied, For goodness sake! I sent a boat and a helicopter

This hurricane won't cause a flood.

Only just a floor-rinse.

In the wake of Hurricane Florence, residents of North Carolina are returning home to deal with flood damage, mold, and apparently with the arrival of the President...

Tiny mushrooms.

If the Genesis flood happened in prehistoric times...

...It'd be Jurassic Ark

What happened to the broom in the flood?

He got swept away.

What did the b**... find after his home was destroyed by a flood?

Not a dam thing.

What could have stopped the Great Flood?

g**....

After The Flood...

After the flood, satisfied his work was done, Noah was inspecting the Ark one last time when he came across a pair of snakes.
"Why are you still here?" he asked in surprise. "It's safe now. Go forth! And multiply!"
The snakes stared at him in confusion.
"But....we're adders."

An Englishman, an American and an Irishman are lined up against the wall to be executed by the n**....

The Englishman is first, they put him against the wall, ready, aim …. The Englishman yells out earthquake earthquake!!! The Germans panic and he manages to run away.
The american is next and having seen what happened, as the Germans go ready, aim …. He yells out flood, flood. Again the Germans panic and he manages to run away.
The Irishman is next the Germans line him up and go ready, aim…. The Irishman confidently yells out Fire fire ….....
Apologies to any Irish offended. And Germans too.

When Noah's Ark settled safely after the flood, he opened the doors and commanded the animals, Go forth and multiply."

All the animals departed from the Ark, except for two snakes in the back. Noah proclaimed again, Go forth and multiply, but the snakes stayed put. Perturbed, Noah asked them, Why have you not followed my command?
* We can't multiply. We're Adders. *

There is a major flood warning in the UK

A lot of water is coming from Scottland p**... themselves in laughter

Three old men are lounging in chairs on the beach in the French Riviera.

One of them says, "I had a business but it burned to the ground. With the insurance money I was able to retire here."
Another said, "Well that's a coincidence. I had a business that had a gas leak and blew up and the insurance money allowed me to retire here."
The third guy said, "You're not gonna believe this but I had a business and it was destroyed by a flood and I was able to retire here with the insurance settlement."
After a pause, the first guy asked the third guy, "So who do you call to arrange a flood?"

Insurance Proceeds

A doctor vacationing on the Riviera ran into an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.
The lawyer replied, Remember that run down industrial building I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds.
"What are you doing here? Inquired the lawyer.
Remember multi-family housing I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds.
Puzzled the lawyer asked, how'd you start the flood?

Noah and the snakes

According to the Bible, Noah built an ark and brought a pair of each animals on board to survive a flood. When the ark ran aground Noah told the animals to go forth and multiply.
The snakes told Noah We can't multiply, we're adders.
Noah gathered some driftwood tree trunks and built a platform for the snakes. Even adders can multiply when given a log table.
You might have to be older than me to understand this. People on reddit who are older than me are rare, but they exist.

Flood joke, Noah and the snakes

jokes about flood

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these flood jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.