Flooded House Jokes
28 flooded house jokes and hilarious flooded house puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about flooded house that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Flooded House Short Jokes
Short flooded house jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The flooded house humour may include short flood jokes also.
- What does a cyclone, flood, fire and a woman have in common? Sooner or later one of em will get your house....
- Katrina Hit me hard, Wrecked my house, threw all of my possessions around and flooded my basement, But I still think those jeans made her look fat.
- I saw an old woman on the news who's house was flooded She was standing there, knee deep in water, crying......and I thought that's not helping
Cr - I'm moving to North Carolina and I think I'm going to buy a house instead of renting I hear the market is flooded right now
- What's the integral of 1/(cabin) A natural log cabin.
Wait, I forgot the C
It's a flood victim house - What does a fire, flood, earthquake, tornado, hurricane, and a wife have in common? Sooner or later, one of them is probably going to get your house.
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Flooded House One Liners
Which flooded house one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with flooded house? I can suggest the ones about crowded house and drowned.
- House-hunting in Texas is overwhelming... The market is flooded.
- Why are housing prices in Toronto falling? Because the market got flooded.
- I hear it's a good time to buy real estate in Texas! The housing market is flooded.
- Why didn't the Egyptions believe their houses got flooded? They were in da Nile.
- I wanted to buy a house in New Orleans... But the market was flooded.
Flooded House Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about flooded house you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean painting house jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make flooded house pranks.
An Irishman's First Drink With His Son
I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back to the time I took my son out for his first drink.
Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.
I got him a Guinness Stout. He didn't like it - so I drank it.
Then I got him an Old Style. He didn't like it either, so I drank it.
It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.
By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey . . .
I could hardly push his stroller back home.
A Religious Joke From a Non-Religious Reditor
A flood occurs in a small town. A man climbs on top of his house to avoid the rising waters. A boat sails up to the house and offers the stranded man a ride. The man refuses saying, "No thanks, God will save me," and the boat leaves.
Then, a large ship comes along and offers the man help. Once more, the man says, "No thank you, I am waiting for God to help me," and the ship leaves.
Finally a helicopter flies overhead and offers to give the man a lift, and, one last time, the man passes, replying, "The good Lord will surely rescue me," and the chopper flies away.
Eventually the man drowns when the flood waters rise above his roof.
Once in heaven the man asks God, "What was up with that? Why'd you leave me hanging like that? Why didn't you save me? I was good, I went to church, I confessed all my sins, and followed the bible, why wasn't I rescued?"
God replies,"What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter!"
My first drink with my son
I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first drink.
Off we went to our local bar, which is only two blocks from the house.
I got him a Miller Genuine. He didn't like it – so I drank it.
Then I got him a Fosters, he didn't like it either, so I drank it.
It was the same with the Coors and the Bud.
By the time we got down to the Irish whiskey,
I could hardly push the stroller back home.
How Do You Start a Flood?
An engineer and an attorney were fishing in the Caribbean.
The attorney said, I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood and my insurance company also paid for everything.
The puzzled attorney asked, How do you start a flood?
Insurance Proceeds
A doctor vacationing on the Riviera ran into an old lawyer friend and asked him what he was doing there.
The lawyer replied, Remember that run down industrial building I bought? Well, it caught fire, so here I am with the fire insurance proceeds.
"What are you doing here? Inquired the lawyer.
Remember multi-family housing I had in Mississippi? Well, the river overflowed, and here I am with the flood insurance proceeds.
Puzzled the lawyer asked, how'd you start the flood?
repost (pretty sure) suspiciously knowledgable wife
wife calls the husband at work. "can you send a mechanic to our house, the carburettor is flooded."
husband is taken aback and becomes suspicious. "how do you know that?" he asks.
"because the car is at the bottom of the pool".
The Aquatic Research Fish ponds overflowed last night because of heavy Rain.
it flooded the residential area nearby. A man walked into his back yard the next morning and saw his entire basement was filled with water, and hundreds of fish swimming in his pool. He went in his house and called his insurance company. He told the representative what happened. She replied "Sorry, we don't cover acts of Cod."
The Most s**... Man On Earth
There was a flood in a village.
One man said to everyone, I'll stay! God will save me!
The flood got higher and a boat came and the man in it said Come on mate, get in!
No replied the man. God will save me!
The flood got very high now and the man had to stand on the roof of his house.
A helicopter soon came and the man offered him help.
No, God will save me! he said
Eventually he died by drowning.
He got by the gates of heaven and he said to God Why didn't you save me?
God replied, For goodness sake! I sent a boat and a helicopter
Flood
A man hears that a flood will happen. He goes to the attic, with one window to look out on. He starts to pray with god.
**Man:** Oh god, can you please rescue me from Satan's flood?
**God:** Of course you can get rescued!
The flood by now flooded a quarter of the first floor. An SUV pulls up on the driveway.
**SUV Driver**: Hop in if you want to live!
**Man:** No thanks, God will rescue me.
The SUV drives off.
A half hour passes. The flood starts to reach the attic. A raft wades into the scene.
**Raft Rider:** Get on my raft if you want to live.
**Man:** No thank you, God will rescue me.
**Raft Rider:** I am pretty sure you are going to die but whatever.
The raft wades away from the house.
Now the flood has taken over the attic.
The man accepts his fate and drowns.
When he ended up at Heaven, God's angry face is over the gates.
**Man:** You didn't rescue me!
**God:** I tried to! I sent a SUV and a raft out, but you refused both of them.
An Irishman's First Drink with His Son
I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first
pint.
Off we went to our local pub which is only two blocks from the house.
I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.
Then I got him a Stroh's, he didn't like that either, so I drank it.
It was the same with the Molson's and the Labatt's.
I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a few of
those. He didn't like that either.
By the time I decided he just didn't like to drink I could hardly push the stroller back home.
A religious lady is in her house when a flood is approaching...
Her neighbor came by with his pick up truck and said "hey myrna, i have room for you you and your chair, the flood is coming, lets go!"
She answered serenely, "no, I'm going to wait for the Lord to save me"
When the water had forced her to the second floor, a policeman in a boat came by and said Ma'am, c'mon, it's time to go."
She again answered serenely, "no, I'm going to wait for the Lord to save me"
When the water had forced her onto her roof, the coast guard lowered a man down to her who said "ma'am i'm here to rescue you, put this rope under your arms"
She again answered serenely, "no, I'm going to wait for the Lord to save me"
After she drowned, she met St. Peter and insisted on speaking to the Big Guy, whom she asked "Why didn't you come to save me?"
God replied "look lady, I sent you a truck, a boat, and a helicopter ..."
(heh)
Old Mrs. Watkins awoke one spring morning to find that the river had flooded the entire first floor of her house.
Looking out of her window, she saw that the water was still rising.
Two men passing by on a rowboat shouted up an invitation to row to safety with them.
"No, thank you," Mrs. Watkins replied. "The Lord will provide."
The men shrugged and rowed on.
By evening, the water level forced Mrs. Watkins to climb on top of the roof for safety.
She was spotted by a man in a motorboat, who offered to pick her up.
"Don’t trouble yourself," she told him. "The Lord will provide."
Pretty soon, Mrs. Watkins had to seek refuge atop the chimney.
When a Red Cross cutter came by on patrol, she waved it on, shouting, "The Lord will provide."
So the boat left, the water rose and the old woman drowned.
Dripping wet and thoroughly annoyed, she came through the pearly gates and demande d to speak to God.
"What happened?" she cried.
"For cryin’ out loud, lady," God said, "I sent three boats!"