The Best 49 Flood Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Flood jokes. There are some flood torrent jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these flood ark puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Flood Jokes and Puns

A Religious Joke From a Non-Religious Reditor

A flood occurs in a small town. A man climbs on top of his house to avoid the rising waters. A boat sails up to the house and offers the stranded man a ride. The man refuses saying, "No thanks, God will save me," and the boat leaves.
Then, a large ship comes along and offers the man help. Once more, the man says, "No thank you, I am waiting for God to help me," and the ship leaves.
Finally a helicopter flies overhead and offers to give the man a lift, and, one last time, the man passes, replying, "The good Lord will surely rescue me," and the chopper flies away.
Eventually the man drowns when the flood waters rise above his roof.
Once in heaven the man asks God, "What was up with that? Why'd you leave me hanging like that? Why didn't you save me? I was good, I went to church, I confessed all my sins, and followed the bible, why wasn't I rescued?"

God replies,"What are you talking about? I sent two boats and a helicopter!"

How Do You Start a Flood?

An engineer and an attorney were fishing in the Caribbean.

The attorney said, I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.

"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood and my insurance company also paid for everything.

The puzzled attorney asked, How do you start a flood?

What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark?

Flood lights

Flood joke, What kind of lights did Noah use on the Ark?

After the Great Flood

After the Great Flood, Noah sends the animals to go forth and multiply.

A pair of snakes stayed behind. Noah asked, why they stayed.

The pair of snakes replies We can't multiply, we're adders ...

so Noah builds them a log table

Insurance

A lawyer and an engineer were discussing insurance.

"You need fire insurance, burglary insurance and flood insurance." says the engineer.

"The fire and theft and burglary I can understand," said the lawyer,
"but the flood insurance? How do you start a flood?"


A charity single has been released in aid of Pakistan flood relief...

Raindrops keep falling on Ahmed.

God gathered a Jew, a Christian and a Muslim...

... and told them:
-I am tired of mankind's sins! In two weeks I'll unleash a great flood that will kill all humanity!
The Christian said:
-We have only two weeks to appease Him!
The Muslim said:
-We have only two weeks to change our ways!
The Jew said:
-We have only two weeks to learn how to breathe underwater!

Flood joke, God gathered a Jew, a Christian and a Muslim...

After a flood of forged financial documents from a small eastern european country, an urgent warning was issued by banks worldwide

CHECK CZECH CHEQUES

Why did the Irish Football manager flood the pitch ?

So he could bring his 'sub' on

Anheuser Busch is using a Georgia brewery to can water for flood victims in Oklahoma and Texas

They're labeling very clearly so people don't confuse it with Bud Light

3 men are lined up for the firing squad...

...and they will be shot in public. The first guy, not willing to die, thought of a great way to trick the squad. Just as the guns were raised to shoot him, the guy pointed behind the squad and shouted, "Avalanche!" The firing squad was tricked, and as they looked behind them, the guy ran away. The second guy decided to try the same trick himself. So as the guns were raised again, he pointed behind the squad, shouting, "Flood!" Again, the squad fell for it, and as they looked behind them, the second guy ran away. The third guy was utterly impressed by what the first two guys did to save themselves, so he decided to try out the trick himself. As the guns were raised once more to shoot him, the third guy shouted out, **"Fire!"**

You can explore flood improvements reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean flood noah dad jokes. There are also flood puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What did Noah use to see at night on the Ark?

Flood lights.

What does a fire, flood, earthquake, tornado, hurricane, and a wife have in common?

Sooner or later, one of them is probably going to get your house.

Why did the flood barrier rupture?

Dam good question.

Criminals flood in from across the English Channel.

"They have no respect for our laws," said a Marseille policeman ahead of England's first game.

Why do programmers hate designing flood defence simulations?

Because of the overflow errors!

Flood joke, Why do programmers hate designing flood defence simulations?

About 4,000 years ago:

God: I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!

Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note*

God: Correction, I shall create a great flood!

British gorilla

Just guaranteed a flood of reposts with a change from Harambe to Nigel (or whatever it is).

Wolfram-Alpha was recently shut down because of a flood of calculations that didn't make any sense at all being submitted at once.

It was quite a cheeky NaNDDoS.


Two retired business men sitting on a beach.

Mike: Nice to meet you. I'm a retired businessman. When my store burned down, rather than rebuilding I took the insurance money and retired here.

John: You know, I'm a retired businessman, too. When a flood washed away my store I took the insurance money and retired here, too.

Mike is silent for a while then he asks John, "How do you start a flood?"

Why did the river cross the road?

To flood New Orleans.

After it rained for 40 days and 40 nights, how was the flood of Genesis stopped?

God dammed it.

To anyone stuck in the flood

Crying is only making the problem worse.

In light of some recent idiotic questioning by reporters

A man is interviewed after his wife was swept away in a flood. The reporter asks "Were you close with your wife?" He responds, "No, we drifted apart recently."

This flood is devastating. Everything in my kitchen ended up sinking with the exception of a carton of ice cream and some root beer.

They stayed afloat.

Why did they call the next hurricane Irma?

Because the IT Crowd said it will be followed by a heavy flood.

A reporter in Houston asked a woman how many churches were open during the flood

She said; "I don't know I eat at KFC"

I used to work at an aquarium...

It was destroyed in a flood, and I feel like I've lost my porpoise

My parents and I came to the US from Germany when I was a little girl.

They didn't speak much English, but were experienced educators back home. One winter, they decided to open a tutoring/ study session program to help students stay productive and focus over the break. It wasn't until after a flood of angry phone calls and visitors that we realized that "Concentration Camp" was not an ideal program name.

What's the integral of 1/(cabin)

A natural log cabin.

Wait, I forgot the C

It's a flood victim house

Have you seen the floods in Paris?

It's inseine!

Why was the biblical Flood such a big deal?

Why couldn't just God dam it?

Two men are waiting for appointments with their insurance claims adjuster.

They chat and learn they have a common bond. The first one says "My restaurant was wiped out by a fire, everything inside was wrecked."

The second one says "Mine was taken out by a flood, total loss too."

The first one thinks a bit then asks "How do you start a flood?"

An English man, Scottish man, and a Irish man were about to be executed by the firing squad.

They put the Englishman against the wall, when he says
"EARTH QUAKE!".
The firing squad start panicking, whilst the English man runs off.
They put the Scottish man against the wall, when he says
"FLOOD!".
The firing squad start panicking more, whilst he also runs off.
They put the Irish man against the wall, when he says
"FIRE!"

This hurricane won't cause a flood.

Only just a floor-rinse.

In the wake of Hurricane Florence, residents of North Carolina are returning home to deal with flood damage, mold, and apparently with the arrival of the President...

Tiny mushrooms.

If the Genesis flood happened in prehistoric times...

...It'd be Jurassic Ark

What happened to the broom in the flood?

He got swept away.

What does a cyclone, flood, fire and a woman have in common?

Sooner or later one of em will get your house....

What did God say to all the animals during the Greaf Flood?

Don't worry. I Noah guy

What did the beaver find after his home was destroyed by a flood?

Not a dam thing.

In 1919, a storage tank full of molasses in Boston exploded, causing a flood that killed 21 people.

I guess you could call it the Boston Molassacre.

What could have stopped the Great Flood?

Goddamn.

After The Flood...

After the flood, satisfied his work was done, Noah was inspecting the Ark one last time when he came across a pair of snakes.

"Why are you still here?" he asked in surprise. "It's safe now. Go forth! And multiply!"

The snakes stared at him in confusion.

"But....we're adders."

An Englishman, an American and an Irishman are lined up against the wall to be executed by the Nazis.

The Englishman is first, they put him against the wall, ready, aim …. The Englishman yells out earthquake earthquake!!! The Germans panic and he manages to run away.

The american is next and having seen what happened, as the Germans go ready, aim …. He yells out flood, flood. Again the Germans panic and he manages to run away.

The Irishman is next the Germans line him up and go ready, aim…. The Irishman confidently yells out Fire fire ….....

Apologies to any Irish offended. And Germans too.

How did the dog survive a flood?

Because it was a good buoy

When Noah's Ark settled safely after the flood, he opened the doors and commanded the animals, Go forth and multiply."

All the animals departed from the Ark, except for two snakes in the back. Noah proclaimed again, Go forth and multiply, but the snakes stayed put. Perturbed, Noah asked them, Why have you not followed my command?

* We can't multiply. We're Adders. *

What does the Pope say when the Grand Canyon starts to flash flood?

God, dam it.

There is a major flood warning in the UK

A lot of water is coming from Scottland pissing themselves in laughter

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the flood rescuer jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working flood torrential piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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