Flock Of Sheep Jokes
45 flock of sheep jokes and hilarious flock of sheep puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about flock of sheep that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Flock Of Sheep Short Jokes
Short flock of sheep jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The flock of sheep humour may include short flock jokes also.
- I was viciously attacked by a flock of sheep… But there was nothing I could do to stop the bleating.
- A mathematician is asked to build a fence around a flock of sheep using the least amount of materials possible. So he builds a fence around himself and then defines himself as outside.
- So I saw a German Shepard crapping on my lawn this morning.... I told him to gather his sheep and get the flock off my property.
- Little known fact: most shepards have NO idea how many sheep are in their flock.... Every time they try to count them.....
- A group of bats is a colony, crows is a m**..., sheep is a flock. What is a group of idiots called? A Freedom Caucus.
- What's the difference between a sheep and a Welshman? One lives in flocks in the hills and gets its hair s**... once a year, the other's a sheep.
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Flock Of Sheep One Liners
Which flock of sheep one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with flock of sheep? I can suggest the ones about flock seagulls and shepherd and sheep.
- What do you call a flock of sheep tumbling down a hill? A lambslide
- I was suddenly surrounded by a flock of sheep! It was... a lambush!!!
- I was attacked by a flock of sheep earlier... Fortunately, I was only grazed.
- What is it called when a flock of sheep abandon their leader? Muttony
- What do you get if you cross a motorway with a flock of sheep? A flock of dead sheep
- As the shepherd said to his sheep Let's get the flock out of here
- What did Jesus say to the flock of sheep? I herd that.
- Make like a sheep and get the flock out of here!
Flock Of Sheep Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about flock of sheep you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sheep ewe jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make flock of sheep pranks.
A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep.
He tells to the shepherd: "I will bet you 100 € against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."
The shepherd thinks it over; it’s a big flock so he takes the bet.
"973," says the man.
The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right.
Says "OK, I’m a man of my word, take an animal."
Man picks one up and begins to walk away.
"Wait," cries the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation."
Man says sure.
"You are an economist for a government think tank" says the shepherd.
"You are exactly right!" responds the man, "but tell me, how did you deduce that?"
"Well," says the shepherd, "put down the dog and I will tell you."
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to have her hair she would look like a brunette.
When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The farmer was amazed - she was right!
So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car.
Before she left, farmer walked up to her and said.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
My (blonde) sister hates blonde jokes. I (redhead) told her I have a redhead joke for her. She was eager to hear it!
A redhead goes for a drive through the country, just enjoying the peaceful ride with her windows open. She has to stop as a shepherd is moving his flock across the road. The redhead gets out of her car to stretch and has an idea.
"Hey Mister! If I can guess how many sheep you have, may I keep one?"
The shepherd has hundreds of sheep and feels confident enough to agree. The redhead looks over the flock and says, "361." The shepherd is stunned that she guessed correctly but, being a man of his word, allows her to pick out her favorite. The redhead is about to put her new pet in her car when the shepherd calls out to her.
"Hey Lady! If I can guess your real hair color, may I have my dog back?"
My sister was not amused.
White Baby
A [white] m**... is captured by a tribe of natives in the heart of Congo. He is left to wonder around camp, and eventually befriends the chief's daughter. Now, those indians live by herding sheeps across the plains. And so, one day, the m**... and the chief's daughter have s**... time in the middle of the flock, unseen. Trouble is, he gets her pregnant. and, obviously, his baby will be the only white baby in the tribe. So he goes up to the chief, who is a big proud man, and tells him:
- listen, chief, i, uh, got your daughter pregnant two weeks ago in the middle of your flock... And my baby will be the only white baby.. Can I marry her? And please, don't get mad.
The chief pauses, and thinks for a while.
- Okay, I won't get mad about white baby, but you don't say anything about black sheep.
Another blonde joke.
A blonde has her hair dyed brown. A few days later she's out driving through the countryside when she stops her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she says to the shepherd, If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one? The shepherd agrees, so the blonde thinks for a moment and says, 352. The shepherd is amazed, You're right! Which sheep do you want? The blonde picks the cutest animal. The shepherd says to her, Okay. How's this for a bet? If I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?
Now that you put it that way...
A christian m**... spends a year in a remote African village spreading the gospel. In that time the tribal chiefs daughter gets pregnant, and eventually has a baby that turns out to be white.
Outraged the chief confronts the m**.... Being the only white person his daughter had ever met, he accuses him of being the father and betraying his trust.
Calmly the m**... walks with the chief to the edge of the village where some sheep are grazing.
"Chief, there is always an explanation for everything. For example, you have over one hundred white sheep out there, but in the midst of them all is a single black lamb, and nobody even questions why. Now look at your situation and try to find understanding in your heart for this strange set of circumstances we now find ourselves in."
After silently watching the flock of sheep for a few moments the chief replies to the m**....
"Tell you what. You keep quiet about that little black lamb out there and I won't say anything about the baby."
A blonde and a shepherd.
A blonde, tired of people assuming she's s**..., goes to a salon and has her hair dyed brown. On her way home she sees a shepherd and his flock of sheep. She stops and asks, "if I guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?" The shepherd agrees and the blonde guesses, "237." He does some quick figures in his head, realizes she's right and tells her to grab one. As she comes back with her pick **he** asks, "if I guess what color your roots are, can I have my dog back?"
**
A dumb blonde was really tired
A dumb blonde was really tired of being made fun of, so she decided to dye her hair and look like a brunette. When she had brown hair, she decided to take a drive in the country.
After she had been driving for a while, she saw a farmer and a flock of sheep and thought, "Oh! Those sheep are so adorable!"
She got out and walked over to the farmer and said, "If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one home?"
The farmer, being a bit of a gambler himself, said she could have a try.
The blonde looked at the flock and guessed, "157."
The farmer was amazed - she was right! So the blonde, (who looked like a brunette), picked one out and got back into her car. Before she left, the farmer walked up to her and said.
"If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
The hiker and the shepherd.
A hiker is walking through the countryside, and he sees a shepherd with a flock of sheeps.
He asks the shepherd:
- Hey, good friend! How much wool do the sheeps give?
- The white ones or the black ones?
Confused, the hiker says:
- The white ones...
- About 7 kilos of wool per season.
- And the black ones?
- They too, they too.
- And how much milk do the sheeps give?
- The white ones or the black ones?
- ... the white ones.
- About three liters per week.
- And the black ones?
- They too, they too.
The hiker is starting to feel annoyed by the shepherd and says to him:
- Why do you always answer me with "the white ones or the black ones"
whenever I ask you about your sheeps?
- Well, sir. Because the white ones are mine.
- Ahhhh... and the black ones?
- They too, they too.
(I hope it makes sense. English it's not my first language and I tried to translate it as accurate as possible).
White priest goes and lives with an African tribe...
He spends his days teaching the way of the lord. After several years, a village woman gives birth to a white baby. The Chief is not happy with this. When he confronts the priest, the priest tries to explain these things happen in nature. With the chief not understanding, the priest tries to explain further....
"ok chief. See that flock of sheep?"
"Mmm yes".
"See they are all white, but that one black one?"
"Mmm yes".
"Does that help you to understand?"
"Mmm yes. I no say nothing about baby, you no say nothing about sheep."
Black Sheep
A m**... is sent into the deepest part of Africa to live with a tribe.
One day, the wife of one of the tribe's noblemen gives birth to a white baby.
The village chief confronts the m**...: "You have taught us of the evils of s**... sin, yet here, a black woman gives birth to a white child. You are the only white man who has ever set foot in our village!"
The m**... replies, "No, no. You are mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what is called an albino. Look over at that field. See the flock of white sheep? - and yet amongst them one of them is black. Nature does this on occasion."
"Tell you what," the chief says, "I won't tell on you .. you don't tell on me."
A blond is tired
A blond gets tired of blond jokes, so she dyes her hair. She goes for a ride and comes across a farmer with a flock of sheep. She asks the farmer, "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" The farmer accepts. The blond guesses, "382". The farmer says, "Wow, that's correct. Pick any one you want!" She looks over the entire flock before picking one and putting it in her car. The farmer then says, "I have an offer for you. If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"
Most Intelligent But Funniest
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible. The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it. The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock. The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.
A farmer was out tending his flock when he saw a man drinking with a cupped hand from a stream.
He shouted over in Welsh: Don't drink the water! It's disgusting! There's sheep p**... in it!
The man at the stream lifted his head and carried on drinking. Realising the man couldn't hear him, the farmer moved closer and shouted the same thing in Welsh again.
But still the man couldn't hear him.
Finally the farmer walked right up to him and repeated his warning. To which the man replied: Dreadfully sorry, my good man, I can't understand a word you say. Can you speak English, old chap?
Oh I see, said the farmer. I was just saying if you use both hands you can get more in.
A Scotsman is tending his flock of sheep... (long)
when he decides to take a nap under a nearby tree.
After he falls asleep, a young woman walking on a nearby road decides to play a joke on him.
She lifts up his kilt, takes a ribbon from her hair, ties it around his manhood, and leaves with a giggle.
After awhile the Scotsman wakes up and walks over by the bushes to take a wee.
He lifts up his kilt and is amazed to see a bright blue ribbon tied around his manhood.
without skipping a beat he says "well I don't know where you've been laddie, but I can see you won first prize!"
The white m**... was summoned by the African Chieftain one day...
The Chieftain tells the m**..., word has reached me that a white baby has been born down the road a ways, and there is not a single other white man within a thousand miles,
The m**... thinks on it for a second, then turns to look out the window. He responds to the Chieftain, you must understand, that often our lord works in mysterious. Do you see that black sheep out there amidst the white sheep? The lord singled him out from the rest of the flock because he is special,
The Chieftain speaks quickly, cutting off the White man and says, okay you got me... I won't tell on you if you don't tell on me
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson was taking the train
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson was taking the train one day when they passed a huge flock of sheep in a field. As quickly as they had observed the fluffy cloud it had passed out of view.
"So many sheep!" Watson exclaimed. "I wonder how many there were?"
"Elementary, Dear Watson. There were 167 sheep." Sherlock calmly stated.
"Holmes, are you really telling me you managed to count them all in that brief moment?" Watson inquired.
"Don't be silly, Watson. I counted the legs and divided by four."
An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible.
The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it.
The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock.
The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.
A young sheep, out to pasture, is suddenly cornered by a farmer and t**....
The young sheep faints of fright, and when he awakens immediately runs back to his flock.
Bleating wildly, he exclaims how could the farmer do this to me!
A wise elder sheep says, calm down, son. What happened?
The young sheep, still hysterical, cries i was the most beautiful ram in the whole flock! Then the farmer trapped me, put a yellow tag on my ear, cut off my tail, and the worst part is there's a rubber band around my t**...! How could this get any worse?!
The elder sheep looked at the frightened ram and sighed, you might want to sit down, I've got some bad news for ewe.
A shepherd owned a remarkable dog, deft at sheep herding and able to speak.
At the end of the day, after his dog had herded the flock into the pen, the shepherd asked his canine friend to confirm how many sheep were in.
"40," the dog barked.
"40? I counted 37."
"Yes," replied the dog, "I rounded them up."
Train passes a flock of sheep
Passenger says to his friend, wonder how many sheep there are.
His friend takes a quick gander, shrugs, and remarks, Looks like 82.
What? How do you know that??
Easy. I counted their legs and divided by 4.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were taking the train one day when they passed a huge flock of sheep in a field.
As quickly as they had observed the fluffy cloud it had passed out of view.
"So many sheep!" Watson exclaimed. "I wonder how many there were?"
"Elementary, Dear Watson. There were 167 sheep." Sherlock calmly stated.
"Holmes, are you really telling me you managed to count them all in that brief moment?" Watson inquired.
"Don't be silly, Watson. I counted the legs and divided them by four."
HELP: Trying to write a joke
I hope this doesn't go against any sub rules. I'm ok if it gets deleted.
So, I had an idea pop into my head last night, and I need some help in fleshing out the body of the joke.
It would go something like this:
A man and his son are walking near (body of water) on Christmas Day. They come across a flock of sheep doing (land/water based military manoeuvres). The day looks around totally bewildered and asks "What is going on here?"
The son answers, "That's a Fleece Navy, Dad."
Any ideas?