Floating Jokes
93 floating jokes and hilarious floating puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about floating that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Floating Short Jokes
Short floating jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The floating humour may include short boat jokes also.
- You can tell the gender of an ant by dropping it in water. If it sinks it's girl ant, If it floats it's boy ant.
- Some people think filling animals with helium is wrong... I don't judge. Whatever floats your goat.
- How do you tell the difference between a boy ant and a girl ant? Drop the ant in a glass of water. If it sinks, it's a girl ant.
If it floats, it's buoyant. - As a programmer, I may not be able to set up a parade... But I can make an array of floats...
- "This is your Captain speaking..." "...if you look out of your window you will see a small yellow life raft floating in the sea. I am talking to you from there."
- How do you make an elephant float? A can of coke, a scoop of vanilla ice cream, and an elephant.
- My little brother won a goldfish at the local fair. Sadly, the next morning he was floating dead in his little pond. So now I have to look after the fish.
- [Programmer Joke] Why did the int drown? Because he couldn't float! (Insert laughter here)
- Two balloons were floating around a desert. One said to the other, "look, a cactussssssssss..."
- Two dinosaurs standing on a cliff As they're looking out to sea an ark floats past. One dinosaur turns to the other one and says,
'Oh, was that today?'
Share These Floating Jokes With Friends
Floating One Liners
Which floating one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with floating? I can suggest the ones about splash and ship.
- How do you make a whale float? Two scoops of ice cream, some root beer, and a whale.
- What floats like a butterfly and stings like a bee? Nothing.
- Why do dogs float? because they're good buoys
- Why do gay men float? Flambuoyancy
- I've invented a new soft drink that floats out the can It breaks the laws of fizzicks
- How do gay people float? Flambuoyancy.
- What does a pirate do for entertainment? Whatever floats his boat.
- How do you make a dead baby float ? Two scoops of ice-cream and one scoop of dead baby.
- When your iPod stops working, it floats. Because it doesn't sync.
- What happens when you drop a decimal point in water ? it floats.
- I like water. It really floats my boat!
- What did the ship captain say when his son learned to float ? That's my buoy !
- Why can't integers swim? Because they can't float
- Why should you stay in Ireland if sea levels rise? Because Cork floats
- What floats on water and goes quick? A South African duck
Giggle-Inducing Floating Jokes for Joyful Times with Friends
What funny jokes about floating you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean flight jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make floating pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a dead baby float?
One glass of rootbeer and two scoops of dead baby.
The other day a girl asked me if I like b**... or thighs. I told her I prefer bubble butts and a trimmed p**... with thin lips...
So I got kicked out of KFC.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
If you're from it, sorry...
Q. Why doesn't Texas float away into the gulf?
A. Oklahoma s**...
Hipster Jokes!
Why did the hipster float down the tributary?
Because the river was too mainstream.
How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Some obscure number you've never heard of.
Why did the hipster burn his mouth when he ate pizza?
Because he ate it before it was cool.
So last night I fell off my balcony...
Instead of falling and getting really badly hurt, I kinda just floated down to the ground... landing without a scratch.
The news spread fast and everyone was wondering how that happened. I was later asked to explain the whole event, but I couldn't. I guess I just didn't get the whole gravity of the situation.
An Englishman, American and Irishman walk into a bar.
All three of them order a beer. The Englishman sees a fly floating in his beer and calls the bartender over and demands a new beer. The American also sees a fly floating in his beer and just flicks it away and drinks the beer. The Irishman sees a fly in his beer also and picks it up and screams "SPIT IT OUT! SPIT IT OUT!"
As I was telling my grandfather goodnight over the phone, he proceeded to tell me "the height of conceit."
Which in his own words:
"You know the height of conceit son? A flea floating on his back down a river, sporting a hard-on, yelling 'OPEN THE DRAWBRIDGE' "
That man.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Quadriplegic jokes I've gathered from over the years.
What do you call a quadriplegic that hangs on your wall?
Art.
What do you call a quadriplegic that lays on your porch?
Matt.
What do you call a quadriplegic that is in a hole?
Doug.
What do you call a quadriplegic in a ditch?
Phil.
What do you call a quadriplegic doing water ski jumps?
Skip.
What do you call a quadriplegic floating in the water?
Bob.
What do you call a quadriplegic playing in a pile of leaves?
Russell.
What do you call a quadriplegic inside of your mail box?
Bill.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Four gay guys are sitting in a hot tub
When a c**... floats up to the surface.
One says, "Who f**...?"
Mother's Day
Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.
But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.
"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."
A Spanish pirate walks into a bar...
A Spanish pirate walks into a bar, and he appears down in the dumps. The bartender notices this and asks,
"Aye, what'll ye be havin'?"
"Agua, por favor."
"Hm, whatever floats yer boat, lad."
"...Sí."
What do you call a guy who's laying down in front of a door?...Matt. What do you call a guy floating up and down in the water?... Bob. What do you call a guy leaning against a wall?...Art. What do you call a gal who you owe money to that you set on fire?...
.........................................................................................
.
.....
..BERNADETTE!!!!!!
"What are those things on mommy's chest?"
A young boy once asked his father: "DAD, what are those things on mommy's chest?" The father replied: "Son, those are mommy's balloons you see, before she dies they get pumped up and she floats to heaven."
A couple days later, the father comes home early from work and sits on the couch. The young boy runs downstairs screaming: "DAD! DAD! MOM'S DYING!" The father get's up quickly and asks: "WHAT'S WRONG!!" The young boy replies: "UNCLE JAKE'S UPSTAIRS BLOWING UP MOMMY'S BALLOONS AND SHE'S YELLING OH GOD I'M COMING!"
Muhammad Ali in 1974: Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee
Floyd Mayweather in 2015: Run like a chicken, hug like a bear
An Englishman, a Scotsman, and an Irishman walk into a bar...
...and each take a seat and order a beer. When the Englishman gets his beer, he sees a fly floating in it, and politely asks for a different brew. The Scotsman, intrigued by this, looks into his beer and also notices a fly in it. He shrugs and picks it out. When the Irishman's beer arrives, also containing one fly, he's had enough. He picks up the fly, holds it very close to his mouth, and says...
"Spit it out, lad, spit it all out!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The eldest of three siblings comes up to his mother and asks: "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Leaf?"
"Well, honey," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a leaf landed on your head."
Satisfied, the child goes away.
Later, the middle child tugs at her mother's hand. "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Feather?"
"Well, darling," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a feather floated down and landed on your head."
The little girl smiles and goes on her way.
A few moments later the youngest child runs into the room and says: "WARGLBARGLAAHRGLB?"
The mother says: "Shut up, Refrigerator."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What is the difference between a dead h**... and a brick?
I don't have a brick floating in my pool.
My friend always wants to talk about the scientific principle of buoyancy.
It's not interesting to me, but hey, whatever floats your boat.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make...
How do you make a dead baby float?
With a scoop of ice cream.
How do you make a dead baby shake?
Cup of milk
2 cups of fruit
A dead baby and a blender
How do you make a dead baby split?
A sharp axe and a strong swing.
A man walks into a bar and orders a Manhattan.
The drink comes and he sees a piece of parsley floating in the glass.
"What in the world is this?"
The bartender says, "Central Park."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a human corpse float?
Two scoops ice cream, one scoop human corpse, and half a liter of root beer.
Why was Noah the best business man in the bible?
He floated his stock while everyone else was being liquidated
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know how to make a dead baby float?
2 scoops of dead baby and a coke....
A penguin falls asleep on an iceberg,...
When he wakes up, he finds himself encased in ice, floating in the middle of the ocean. To his fortune, he spots the horn of a narwhal close by. Thanking his lucky stars, he calls out to him. The narwhal comes and the penguin asks "Thank goodness you're around, Mr. Narwhal. Could you break the ice?". The narwhal stares at him for a bit.
"Ok, so what are your hobbies?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do girls float better than boys?
Because they're boyn't.
My friend was showing me his new golf ball.
He tells me, "This ball is amazing, you can't lose it. If it goes in the rough, it makes a beeping sound. It glows in the dark so you can find it when its getting dark. If it goes in the water, it will float and make its way back to the shore."
I said to him, "That's incredible, where did you get it?"
"Found it"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
All things that float are female
They're boyn't
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber p**..., floated in the vicinity.
The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the water, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.
"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.
"How could you possibly know what kind of ship it was?" replied the pilot.
"It was a dictatorship."
Person 1: For the last time, it's not "reverse gravity", it's called BUOYANCY
Person 2: *shrugs* Whatever floats your boat
We live on a tiny, useless ball of rocks and water, floating through the vast expanse of outer space
But it means the world to us.
I think I just disproved gravity!
This research is going to have Issac Newton floating in his grave.
I met this guy who liked to put helium balloons in his ship
Whatever floats your boat I guess
How can you tell the gender of an ant?
You put them in water. If it floats, then it's buoyant.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How do you make a dead baby float?
Half a can of rootbeer. 2 scoops of dead baby.
A magician gets himself a parrot for his act
After a couple weeks of performing with the magician the parrot begins to heckle the magician during his shows. "it's under his hat, it's up his sleeve, his assistant has it."
The magician is performing on a cruise ship when the ship sinks. The magician wakes up on a piece of driftwood with the parrot standing on the opposite end. The parrot and the magician spend 2 days floating at sea without saying a word.
Finally the parrot says, "Alright, I give up. Where's the boat?"
What do you call a soda and cream drink with a lit cherry bomb at the bottom?
A Beirut-beer Float
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
My friend likes to go around filling animals with Hellium.
I was going to tell him to stop, but then I thought to myself: "Hey, whatever floats your goat"
Two Italian guys, Dino and Marcello, go fishing on a boat
Suddenly, Dino spots an old WWII bomb floating towards them.
Dino screams "Marcello! Look! It's a mine!"
Marcello -scared- replies "Okay okay Dino, you can a have it!"
There are two great financial geniuses in the Bible
One was Noah, who floated his stock while everyone else had to go into liquidation.
The other one was pharaoh's daughter, who went to the bank of the Nile and drew out a prophet.
A luxury boat sank and a passenger was holding on to a floating piano...
All of a sudden, someone floats by sitting atop a floating cello and asks: May I accompany you?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why do l**... float?
Because they're boyn't
What's big, yellow and doesn't float?
An excavator.
Didn't think that was funny?
Neither did the driver
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two bananas are sitting by a river
When a piece of p**... comes floating by.
"You guys should come in the water it feels great" says the p**...
One banana turns to the other and says
"Can you believe this s**...?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Gary and Pete, 2 alcoholics, were lost at sea.
While floating in their small boat, they spotted a bottle on the water.
Gary quickly grabbed the bottle and took out the cork.
To his shock, a genie flew out.
"You have freed me. You may have a wish."
Gary thought hard and pointed at the sea.
"Turn all this water into Guiness."
There was a flash and the genie was gone, leaving a frothy sea of Guinness.
"why would you do that?!" complained Pete.
"What, you don't want beer?" asked Gary.
Pete shook his head and sighed.
"Now we'll have to p**... in the boat."
Three wishes
Three friends are stuck on an island. One day, one of the them found a bottle floating near land. It so happen to be a genie bottle! "Thankyou for freeing me! You may have three wishes!", the genie explains. The first person wished to go back home, and just like that, they vanished and went home! Excited, the second person wished to go home as well, and the genie made his wish come true. The third person was sad. They looked at the genie and said, "I'm so alone, I wish that my friends would come back!"
There are 2.000000000001 kinds of people in the world
Those who have dealt with floating point, and those who have not.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two Irishmen lose their oars
Two Irishmen lose their oars after paddling far out into the ocean. They were lost and had no idea what to do. One of them finds a bottle floating and picks it out of the water only to find a genie pop out. The genie tell them that he will grant them only 1 wish. Without hesitation, one of them shouts I want the ocean water to turn to Guinness!
The genie grants his wish and disappears. The other Irishman was furious with his partners quick decision. He looks at him and screams you m**...! Your haste decision has s**... us! Now we have to p**... in the boat!
Me: I think I have a crush on Beyonce
Mate: Whatever floats your boat.
Me: No, that Buoyancy
Putin asks a fortune teller when he will die...
Putin starts reading all the stuff on the Internet about how he has cancer, is going to be assassinated or overthrown. He goes to a fortune teller and pays her 1,000 rubles to tell his fortune.
She looks in her crystal ball. He says "tell me what you see." She says "I see parades. People dancing. They are wearing historic Ukrainian peasant outfits. There are floats and bands. You die on a Ukrainian holiday.
"Yes, but when" Putin says. "Which holiday?"
She says (of course) "Any day you die will be a Ukrainian national holiday."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man went skydiving for the first time. "It's easy," said the instructor.
"Just count to five and pull on the main c**...," the instructor continued. "If that doesn't open, count to ten and pull on the reserve c**...."
"Super easy," he concluded. "Then you'll float slowly to the ground, and our bus will be there to drive you back to the airport."
The man jumped out the plane, and pulled on the main c**.... Nothing happened. He pulled on the reserve c**.... Nothing happened.
He looked down at the ground which was approaching fast, and said: "I bet that bus won't be there to pick me up either."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman had three young daughters...
One day, the first daughter came to her and said "Mama, how did I get my name?"
"Well, the day you were born, a beautiful lily flower floated in through the window and landed on your head, so we named you Lily."
The second daughter asks "Mama, how did I get my name?"
"Well, the day you were born, a beautiful daisy flower floated in through the window and landed on your head, so we named you Daisy."
Finally the third sister goes "Gah wah nah nah wah gah nah!"
And her sisters yell back "Shut up, Brick!"
I inherited a magic device that floats in the sky and weaves magic carpets.
You might say it's a family air loom.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
An apple and a p**... were floating down the river.
The p**... yells: "Apple, apple, come play with me." The apple says: "No! Ew! Stay away from me!"
A little further down the river the p**... yells again, "Apple, apple, come play with me." The apple disgustingly replies, "No! Ew! Stay away from me!"
Suddenly a man grabs the apple out the river and takes a bite. The p**... shouts to apple, "See you tomorrow!"
I told my friend like Beyoncé
He said whatever floats your boat
I said, no that's buoyancy!
