Floated Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber penises, floated in the vicinity.

The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the water, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.

"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.

"How could you possibly know what kind of ship it was?" replied the pilot.

"It was a dictatorship."

Mother's Day

Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed one Mother's Day morning. As she lay there looking forward to breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen.

But after a good long wait she finally went downstairs to investigate. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs.

"As a surprise for Mother's Day," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."

Who was the best financier in the Bible?

Noah. He floated his stock while the whole world was in liquidation.

The eldest of three siblings comes up to his mother and asks: "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Leaf?"

"Well, honey," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a leaf landed on your head."

Satisfied, the child goes away.

Later, the middle child tugs at her mother's hand. "Mommy, mommy, why is my name Feather?"

"Well, darling," the mother says, "it's because when you were a little baby, a feather floated down and landed on your head."

The little girl smiles and goes on her way.

A few moments later the youngest child runs into the room and says: "WARGLBARGLAAHRGLB?"

The mother says: "Shut up, Refrigerator."

So last night I fell off my balcony...

Instead of falling and getting really badly hurt, I kinda just floated down to the ground... landing without a scratch.

The news spread fast and everyone was wondering how that happened. I was later asked to explain the whole event, but I couldn't. I guess I just didn't get the whole gravity of the situation.

A father has three daughters, Petal, Butterfly and Breezeblock...

...one day, Petal skips over to her Dad and asks,"Daddy, why am I called Petal?" He lifts her onto his lap, and explains, "Well darling, when you were born, and as I held you in my arms, a petal floated down gently onto your forehead, so we decided to name you Petal."

Butterfly overhears this and asks, "The why am I called Butterfly?" He lifts her onto his lap and explains, "Well darling, when you were born, as I held you in my arms, a butterfly flew down, and landed on your head, so we decided to name you Butterfly".

Breezeblock overhears this and asks, "ERRRGGGHJAAARRGGVYYYBBLLUURRRRRRRR"

The most successful investor was Noah.

He floated stock, while everything else around him went into liquidation.

Two blondes were tubing down a river...

Two blondes were tubing down a river when they got pulled into the rapids. Their tubes capsized and floated off without them and they ended up on opposite sides of the river.

One yells to the other, "How do I get to the other side?"

The other yells back, "You're on the other side!"

Why was Noah the best business man in the bible?

He floated his stock while everyone else was being liquidated

One wish

Two Irishmen go on a cruise. Halfway through their vacation the ship wrecks, and the two Irishmen escape on a lifeboat. They floated about for a couple days, hoping to be rescued. On the third day one of the men notices a bottle floating near the lifeboat.
"Wouldn't it be cool if there were a genie in the bottle?", he asked. Without hesitation the other man picked the bottle up and rubbed, and whoosh, out pops the genie.
"I am a powerful genie, but I can only grant one wish," the genie shouts.
Before the other man could even get in a word

"I wish the ocean was nothing but Guinness."

And whoosh the genie grants the wish and disappears.

"No, you idiot, now we have to pee in the boat."

A cruise magician...

... Had a parrot who spoiled every trick. You know, like, "That box has a hidden floor".

One day during the performance, the cruise ship exploded, but the magician and the parrot saved themselves on a piece of debris.

They floated along in silence for three days, when the parrot quips "Okay, I give up. How did you manage to make the ship disappear?".

I was in a bank yesterday and all the money just floated out the door by itself.

It was a polterheist.

There once was a floating head...

Being very sad that he had no body, he floated into a bar. Upon receiving his alcohol, he began to drink. Slowly, after every sip, a body started to appear from neck down. Excitedly, he ordered more and more drinks and drank them, until he finally had a whole body. After leaving some money on the counter he stumbled out into the street and got hit by a bus. The moral of the story? Stop while you're ahead.

Why was Noah a great businessman?

He floated his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.

What happened when Billy Mays's ghost floated into the rave?

Everyone started partying like it was $19.99.

3 gay men resting inside a jacuzzi

Then suddenly a condom floated...

The 3 gay men looked at one another seriously.

Gay man 1: Ok,Which one of you farted?

Why was Noah the best businessman?

He floated his stock while the rest of the world was in liquidation.

The greatest journalist? Samson. He took two columns and made an impression on everyone.

A group of men from San Francisco were skinny dipping...

When a Condom floated to the surface

"okay guys, who farted?

Little Ghost

So this little ghost floated by my room twice headed the same direction: left to right, left to right. I'm guessing it was just deja boo.

A woman waited to find out the sex of her baby...

After giving birth in a birthing pool, the baby floated to the surface with no arms or legs.

It's a buoy!

I looked up at the multicoloured sky, where sandals and sunglasses floated above everything. Then I couldn't stop myself, and I broke out into song.

"Summer wear over the rainbow."

Damned if you do

Grandad: My sister drowned in a pond. Dreadfully sad...

Me: Oh my God, that's terrible!

Grandad: Not really. If she'd floated, we would have had to burn her!

Did you hear about Rommels wristwatch?

It fell off while he was crossing a river, and just floated there, didn't sink, didn't drift downstream, just floated there.
They called it die wacht am Rhein.

A Puerto Rican and a white guy were standing on a tenement roof.

The white guy turned to the Puerto Rican and said, "The updrafts on the side of the building are terrific. Watch." The white guy jumped off the side of the building, fell to within a meter of the sidewalk and floated back up, landing on his feet on top of the building.
The Puerto Rican was so impressed he decided to try it. He took a flying leap off the side and a few seconds later splattered all over the sidewalk below.
Two cops were watching from across the street. One shook his head and said to the other, "Boy, that Clark Kent sure hates Puerto Ricans."

What are the funniest floated jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Floated? Well, here are the best Floated puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Floated pick up lines to share with friends.


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