flirty Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious flirty puns

I met a 14 year old girl on the internet.

She was clever, funny, flirty, and sexy. I suggested we meet up.


She turned out to be an undercover detective.


How cool is that at her age?!

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Been chatting with this 14 year old girl. Real sexy and flirty. Things are going great, but now she tells me she's an undercover cop.

How fucking cool is that for someone her age.

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Retired General meets a younger woman at a party...

and after getting a little flirty, the woman asks him the last time he made love to a woman. The general stood tall and said "1956 ma'am." The woman, surprised, said "1956?! That long?! Let me make your night better..." and the two sauntered away to a private room. The woman began to strip and the two made passionate love for an hour. The woman cuddled up to the army general afterward and said "well, you sure haven't forgotten any thing since 1956...". The general looked at her confused and said "well I sure hope not. It's only 2130 now!"

[Military Time joke]

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Why did the guy not want to have sex with the flirty stewardess on a plane?

He doesn't give a flying fuck.

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Starting chatting to a 14 year old girl online...

Started chatting to a super sexy and flirty 14 year old girl online, and she just told me she's an undercover cop....

How fucking cool is that!

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a man walks into a bar...

A man sits in a bar ordering a beer, when suddently a beautiful flirty woman walks upto him. She starts flirting with the man, when she finally revealed that: "for 100$, you can make me do anything" she then touch his cruch, and said "and I mean anything" the woman then told him: "but only if you can describe it in three words" the man took a while, and considered this offer. When he finally took out his wallet, gave the woman a 100$bill, when he said these three words: "Paint my house"

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(Gets pulled over)

Me: (thinking to stay calm and act a little flirty)

Cop: License and Registration please.

Me: (pressing tits together) Can't you just let me go officer! :)

Cop: Sir, step out of the vehicle.

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So I'm chatting to this 14 year old on the Internet..

She is funny, flirty, sexy and intelligent and now she's telling me she's an undercover cop, how cool is that at her age!

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A dying man tells his son his last wishes

Dad: After I die, tell everyone I died of Aids.
Son: But Dad, you don't have Aids. You got Cancer.

Dad: I know, but your Mom is getting all flirty. The bitch is already wearing those skimpy clothes like a skank & I'm not even dead yet.

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A black man

A black man was sitting at a bar, minding his own business. A girl comes out of nowhere and starts talking to him. They talk for 2 hours and the girl decides to take him home. At her door, the girl gets flirty and asks "Will you show me what black guys are known for?" The man smiles and says "Hell yeah, babe".

He then takes her purse and runs.

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What do you and your shower have in common? You both get wet when I turn you on.

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Are you made of beryllium, gold, and titanium? You must be because you are BeAuTi-ful.

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Roses are red
Violets are blue
Love never crossed my mind
Until I came across you.

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Well, here I am! What are your other two wishes?

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Been chatting with this 14 year old girl on tinder. Real sexy and flirty. Things are going great, but now she tells me she's an undercover cop...

I hate matching with my employees.

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For my next trick I need a condom and a volunteer...

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Can I borrow your cellphone? I need to call animal control cause I just saw a fox!

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Did you fall from heaven? Cause your face is pretty messed up!

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Fuck me if I'm wrong, but isn't your name Cindrella?

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Screw me if I am wrong, but haven't we met before?

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Hi, I'm bisexual. I'd like to BUY you a drink...and then get sexual.

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You smell like trash..... Can I take you out?

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I'm no weatherman but I know you're going to get 3 inches tonight.

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They call me the cat whisperer, cause I know exactly what the pussy needs.

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I need more than 140 characters to tell you how beautiful you are.

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Did you get those yoga pants on sale? Because at my house they're 100% off,

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Can I have your picture so I can show Santa what I want for Christmas?

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Are you a keyboard? Because you're my type!

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I'll be Burger King and you be McDonald's. I'll have it my way, and you'll be lovin' it.

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I'm sorry I wasn't part of your past, can I make it up by being in your future?

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Are your pants 50% off? Cuz they'll be 100% off in my room.

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Every function without you will always be void of love.

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You must be peanut butter because you're making my legs feel like jelly.

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Did you fall from heaven?
No I crawled out from Hell.
No wonder your really Hot!

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Why did the coach go back to the bank? To get his quarterback!

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My name is John but you can call me tonight.

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Approach a woman in a bar and whisper "Hey, wanna get out of here?" If she says yes, you can sit where she was.

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I may not be Dairy Queen, baby, but I'll treat you right!

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Do you believe in love at first sight or do i pass by you again.

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There's only one thing better than the cutest cat in the world. A Dog.

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Gurl, you remind me of a box of chocolates.....(Why?) Cause I want to take your top off.

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Are you a computer whiz? it seems you know how to turn my software to hardware.

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Anyone have any sex laying around they're not using I could borrow?

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How do you pick up a Jewish chick. With a dust pan.

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Save your breath... You'll need it to blow up your date.

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Are you from Japan? Cause I'm currently trying to get in japanties.

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If your left leg was thanksgiving, and your right leg is Christmas, can I come visit you between the holidays?

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My love for you is like a fart. Everything about it is powered by my heart.

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I'm the flower, you're the bee. Why don't you suck the sweet pollen right out of me?

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Am I getting under your skin? The only skin you'll be getting under is my ball sack.

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If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "U" and "I" together.

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You must be from Pearl Harbor, 'cause baby, you're the bomb.

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Dont stop! I dont usually get to see beauty in motion

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I've got my ion you, baby!

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I sent an angel to watch over you last night but he came back saying he can't watch porn...

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If we were stranded in a desert and a snake bit my penis, would you suck the poison out?

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I don't want your candy, what I really want is your number.

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You're so beautiful you made me forget my pick up line.

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Its girls like u that cause global warming!

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Is your name Summer? β€˜Coz you're HOT!

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Are you Greek (If No) are you sure cause you look like a goddess to me?

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How can you be so sad when you are so beautiful?

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Roses are red, so are your lips. Sit on my face and wiggle those hips.

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Are you a Disney princess? Cuz your Cinder-hella-fine.

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Excuse me? Do you work at Little Ceasars? Cuz Ur Hot And I'm Ready.

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You know, you're not that bad looking -- for a fat-ass.

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Why does a blonde wear green lipstick? Because red means Stop.

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What is the tallest building in the world? A library- it has the most stories!

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Do you raise chickens? Because you raise my cock.

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I love every bone in your body, especially mine.

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Hey baby, I'm a power source, and you're the kind of resistor i'd like to deliver my load to.

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You still use Internet Explorer? You must like it nice and slow.

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Did it hurt when you felt from heaven?
Yeah, I died 5 years ago, like that puck up line.

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Now what's on the menu? Me-n-u

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Hi, can I follow you home tonight? Sorry, that came out a little strong, my mom always told me to follow my dreams.

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According to the second law of thermodynamics, you're supposed to share your hotness with me.

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Let's both be naughty this year and save Santa the trip.

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I've had so much to drink that you're beginning to look good.

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Are you the square root of -1? Because you can't be real.

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Baby you're so cute you made my page 404.

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Wanna dance? I can really put your inertia in motion.

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You're sweeter than 3.14

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Babe, your cuter than a puppy at an animal shelter, Cuz i want to take you home!

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S.I.N.G.L.E...sexy! innocent! naughty! gorgeous! lustful! exciting!

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Girl, if you were a camel, I'd hump you!

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Guy: Wanna go out? Girl: I have a boyfriend.

Guy: It's just like soccer, just because theres a goalie doesnt mean you cant score.

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Excuse me, I'm a little short on cash. Mind if we shared a cab home?

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You're so beautiful that last night you made me forget my pickup line.

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Hey baby, if I supply the voltage and you some resistance, imagine the current we can make together.

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I may not be Fred Flintstone but I can make your bed rock.

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If someone notices you with an open zipper, answer proudly: professional habit.

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Girl: Why are you so ugly? Boy: I'm you from the future.

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My favorite sexual position: The Chilean miner.

That's where you go down on me and stay there till Christmas.

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I don't think it's rude to ask someone in an online dating site to send a picture posing with a copy of today's newspaper.

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Hey Cutie ever do it in a sleigh?

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My love for you is like dividing by zero - it cannot be defined.

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I'd like to think inside your box.

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Why did the lady wear a helmet every time she ate? She was on a crash diet!

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Wanna get together and test the spring potential of my mattress?

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There's something actionable in your pants.

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Screw the nice list, I've got you on my "nice and naughty list!

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I didn't know angels could fly so low.

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Might I integrate your curves tonight?

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Are you Vietnamese? Cause I'm falling pho you.

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Take an icecube to the bar, smash it and say: "Now that I've broken the ice, will you sleep with me?"

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You have the nicest syntax I've ever seen.

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Life's a jungle let's go to your place and fuck like animals!

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You were beautiful in my dreams, but a fucking nightmare in reality.

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My cat's dead, can I play with your pussy instead?

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Do you love me because I am beautiful or I am I beautiful because you love me?

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A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

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"Excuse me miss, can I have the time? I'd check my watch but I can't take my eyes off you."

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Boy : I have a pen you have a phone number.

Think of the possibilities. Girl : I have a sandal you have a face. Think of Casualties.

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[man] Excuse me, would you like to dance? [women] NO! [man] Maybe u didn't hear me.

... I said u look really fat in those pants!

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If I freeze, it's not a computer virus. I was just stunned by your beauty.

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Does your skin feel burnt? Because I think you must have just fallen down from heaven, and re-entry gave you a tan.

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We must be subatomic particles, because I feel strong force between us.

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Boy: Have u ever been fishing before Girl: Why? Boy: I think we should hook up!

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Hey in my nursing class we just learned how to bathe people can I practice on you?

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You need some more fuel for that fire? Cause I got some wood for you right here.

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You must be a full moon, coz everytime you are around me, I turn into a beast.

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"Hi, I'm writing a phone book, can I have your number?"

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Are you a cat because you're purrrrrrfect.

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Does this rag smell like chloroform to you?

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Panties not best thing on earth, but next to it.

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Don't hate me because I'm beautiful. Hate me because your boyfriend thinks so.

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I fell in love at first sight. I should have looked twice.

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I flirted with disaster last night. Now disaster won't stop texting me.

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It's hunting season and fox like you shouldnt be out in the open!

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I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment?

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You cannot play with me unless you blow me. -Balloon

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Darling, you are the most beautiful woman in this party! Did you invite these guests on purpose?

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I'm no photographer, but I can picture us together.

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My idea of flirting is giving a girl 1 of my 10 tacos.

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If I had a star for every time you brightened my day, I'd have a galaxy in my hand.

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You owe me a drink, you're so ugly I dropped mine when I saw you.

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I bet we can get into some serious Treble together.

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Forget hydrogen, you're my number one element.

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There's a easter parade in my pants...wanna go?

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Let's convert our potential energy into kinetic energy.

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You're like milk, I want to make you a part of my complete breakfast.

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I can feel the gluons being exchanged between us.

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How about I slip down your chimney, at half past midnight?

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You must work at subway...cause you're givin' me a foot long.

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Your name must be Coca Cola, because you're so-da-licious

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Are you a sheep cause your body is unbaaaaalievable

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I'm attracted to you so strongly, scientists will have to develop a fifth fundamental force.

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Please, Lady, come home with me. You never know what I'll turn into, at midnight!

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You're more special than relativity.

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I want you more then a Hagen-Daas on a hot summer day.

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What are the best Flirty puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Flirty? Well, here are the best jokes about Flirty to have fun with.

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