Flirting Jokes

Humoristic puns and funny pick up lines

Guy: I'm hungover

Girl: Stop flirting with me on the walkie talkies, someone's gonna hear us. Over.

Been chatting and flirting with this 14 year old chick

Now she tells me she's an undercover cop. How freakin' cool is that for someone her age.

I was flirting with this teenager on the internet...

...after a while, she tells me she's an undercover cop.

How cool is that for someone her age?

A women gets pulled over.

Attempting to get out of a ticket, she tries, as the cop is walking to her car, to try flirting.
"Hi," she says seductively.
"Hi," he replies.
"I thought you didn't give pretty ladies tickets?" She pouts.
"You're right, we don't. Here's your ticket, have a nice day."

I was flirting with an Asian girl at a bar last night when I decided to ask for her number.

She replied, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!"

I said, "Wow!"

Then her friend said, "She means 6663629".

My boss won't stop flirting with me, it's making me feel really uncomfortable.

Mainly because we're a family run business.

A new hot secretary joined a company...

Two guys of this company start to speak about her:

"Holy molly she is so hot, we should really try to sleep with her"

So they start flirting with her.

One week later, the first one manages to sleep with her. His friend asks him "So, how was it?" "Meh, my wife is better".

Surprised by this answer, this guy starts to hit on the secretary very hard, and gets to have sex with her three days later.

His friend then asks him if he shares his opinion. He answers: "Yeah, you were actually right: your wife is better".

A Koala walks into a bar...

So he sits down and after a while of chatting with the barkeep he starts to notice a girl eyeing him from across the bar. So he goes and talks to her and after some flirting they decide to go upstairs

So they go upstairs and get into the 69 position and when its all said and done the koala goes to leave, but the girl says "Hey, where's my money?" Appalled he says "What do you mean?" She replies by telling him to look up the definition of prostitute in the dictionary. He does so and it reads 'One who does sexual acts for money.' He then tells her to look up the definition of koala in the dictionary. She does this and it reads "small, tree dwelling marsupial that eats bush and leaves."

What's the difference between flirting and sexual harassment?

Whether or not the woman finds the man attractive.

Courtesy of my black high school ethics teacher.

A black man and a white woman are out on a date for the first time. Things are going well and the woman is dying to take the man home. She has never been with a black man before and all of her friends keep telling her how get it is.

She's aggressively flirting with him all night and eventually suggests that they go back to her apartment. He agrees and they grab a cab. By the time they get there, the woman is so hot to trot that she practically shoves him through the front door.

She takes him to her bedroom and then heads into the bathroom to change into sexy lingerie. Thinking about the man in the other room and imagining what how big he could be, the woman gets so turned on she can barely stand it. Finally she feels prepared. Burning with desire, she steps out of the bathroom and tells him: "Alright, now show me what you black men are known for!"

So the man grabs her TV and runs out the door.

Two women are talking and the conversation veers towards work...

One of them says to the other:

"Work is great! The jobs are challenging, my coworkers are supportive and the pay is phenomenal. But there is one problem. The mail boy is constantly flirting with me and its borderline harrasment now."

"Well, what did he say?"

"Its just the one thing, everytime he passes by me he compliments me on how wonderful my hair smells."

"That doesnt sound too bad."

"Yeah, but hes a dwarf!"

Come over

A guy and a girl had been flirting for sometime.

One day the girl says come over there's no one at home

So the guys quickly goes to the girls house and starts ringing the doorbell. He knocks and rings the doorbell again several times but... nobody answered

So a black man walks into a bar on a Friday night...

...and a woman approaches him and the two hit it off very well. After hours of flirting and dancing together they head back to the woman's apartment. The woman begins to undress and says, "Show me that it's true what they say about black men." So the black man stabs her, steals her purse and leaves.

An American man travels to Japan on business...

...and on his first night he visits a bar in Tokyo to experience the local nightlife. He meets an enchanting woman, and after several rounds of drinks and flirting, she accompanies him back to his hotel. They commence copulation, and in the throws of passion, the woman screams out "Machigatta ana! Machigatta ana!" The man, pleased with himself for appeasing his lover's desires, finishes and rolls over to sleep.

The next morning, he meets a prospective business associate for golf. On the first hole, his golf partner completes the round under par. In an attempt to impress him, he shouts "Machigatta ana!" His associate replies "What do you mean 'wrong hole'?"

70 year old man goes to his doctor

and tells the doctor the night before he met a woman half his age. She started flirting with him, and one thing led to another. He went back to her place, he got instantly hard, and they screwed like bunnies for 4 hours.

The doctor asks, "So what's wrong?". Guy responds, "Nothing's wrong."

The doctor says, "So why are you telling this to me?".

Guy says, "Telling you - I'm telling everybody!!!"

Peter is invited to dinner with his girlfriend's family.

Before dinner, Peter goes into a Pharmacy says to the pharmacist "Hello, could you give me a Condom? I'm going to my girlfriend's place for dinner and I think I may have a shot". The Pharmacist gives him the condom.

As he was exiting, he stepped back in to the Pharmacy and said Give me another condom because my Girlfriend's sister is very cute too. She's always flirting with the way she crosses her legs and I might have a chance there too". The pharmacist gave him a second condom.

As Peter was leaving, he turns back one more time and says "Give me one more condom. Her mum is still pretty cute and she always tries to get my attention with the way she sways her hips or licks her lips". The pharmacist gave him a third condom.

During dinner, Peter sat down with his Girlfriend on his left, her sister on his right and her mum facing him. Once her father enters the room, Peter repectfully lowers his head and starts the dinner prayer "Dear Lord, bless this dinner and thank you for all you've given given us".

Ten minutes later, Peter is still praying "Thank you Lord for your kindness. ....". More time goes by and he's still praying, his head down close to the table. The rest of the family keep looking at each other surprised. His girlfriend eventually moves in close and whispers "I didn't know you were so religious?". Peter, with his head still on the table replies "I didn't know your father was a Pharmacist".

A man took a woman out for dinner...

but she didn't speak a word of English. They were having a great time, though, feeding each other, flirting, touching and giggling. After the meal is over, the woman draws a picture of a bed on a napkin and gives a sly wink. The man still can't figure out how she knew he was in the furniture business.

The comments in another thread were slamming Readers Digest jokes, and that's where this one came from.

Turns out that Roy Moore is having a bad influence on weather in Alabama.

The temperatures are flirting with the teens this week.

A guy and a girl go on a date and things get along so well that they decide to go to the girl's place...

Some flirting and fooling around later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands.

He then takes off his trousers and again washes his hands. Watching all this the girl says, You must be a dentist."

The guy, surprised, replies, Why yes actually. How did you figure that out?"
"Easy," she says, "you keep washing your hands."

One thing leads to another and they make love.

After it's over the girl says, "You must be a good dentist."

The guy, now with an inflated ego, "Sure - I'm a good dentist. How did you figure that out?"
To which she responds,

"Didn't feel a thing."

I was flirting with a girl at a party. My friend came over and whispered in my ear.

He said, "What's going on between you two tonight?"

I said, "A condom."

Yesterday at the optician...

So I was getting new glasses at the optician yesterday and she was real cute, so I was flirting and it was going pretty well until I fell into the lens grinder and made a spectacle of myself.

My Version Of Flirting!

My version of flirting is looking at someone I find attractive and hoping they're braver than I am.

Do you know what happened the first time Ed Sheeran started flirting with a girl before he was famous?

She ran.

Two muffins are put in an oven.

The first muffin says, "Man, are you hot or is it just me?" The second muffin replies, "This isn't the time for flirting, Dave."

They say that a good romance starts with a strong foundation, chemistry and flirting

Whereas a bad romance starts with a RA RA AH AH AH, ROMA ROMA-MA, GAGA OH LA LA

Hey guys, What's the best compliment you can give to a girl you're flirting with?

"You remind me of my cousin"

A man and a woman are flirting in a bar

The woman asks the man what he does for a job to which he replies "I'm a vampire hunter"

"There are no vampires around here through" she says looking at him confused. He takes a long drink and says "you're welcome"

A blonde hooks up with a guy at a bar having met earlier on Tinder.

Straight away, she starts flirting with him, subtly at first, but it quickly escalates.

"I don't usually get much response to my profile, why'd you pick me?" asks the guy.

"Well, in all honesty, I mostly use Tinder for sex", claims the blonde, "You're cute and I like what you wrote in your profile about being a unique".

"Um... I'm a eunuch"

Guys. Do you know the difference between a guy flirting at the office and a girl flirting at the office?

Hmmm #metoo

Attention Nerds!

It would be so much easier if humans came with an error message just like computers do.
Imagine sitting in a restaurant and failing miserably at flirting with the waitress.
"Warning! Error establishing connection with the Server"

I was in a Thai strip club.

After flirting with one of the workers, I suggested we go to the bathroom together.

"Ooo, what for, honey?" she winked.

I said, "Clarity."

Did you hear about the blonde who got detention for flirting with boys in class?

She told the teacher she wanted to go down in history...

L.P.T. Servers and waiters aren't really into you. You may believe they are flirting by giving you more attention...

... but in reality they just want the tip.

There's a fine line between flirting and harassing.

The jawline.

I fired my gardner for outrageous behaviour

He was flirting with my wife yesterday. This morning I caught him banging the hoe in the garden.

My grandpa flirting with a 91 year-old lady at his senior home.

"You look young enough to be my daughter."

My girlfriend and I went to her sister's house...

We both sat down on the couch with her sister, who was wearing a revealing dress on. We talked and talked until my girlfriend went out to go buy something real quick, leaving me and her sister alone.

As soon as she left, her sister started flirting with me. What really caught me by surprise was when she asked me to have sex with her while my girlfriend was away.

I immediately got up from the couch and headed outside towards my car. There, my girlfriend was outside waiting for me and jumped on me, hugging me. "I knew you wouldn't cheat on me. It was a test and you passed." She kissed me.

Moral of the story: Always leave your condoms in the car

Thankfully no one was hurt

A man and a woman get in a terrible car wreck.

Both of their vehicles were completely destroyed, but fortunately, no one was hurt.

Thankful, the woman says to the man in a flirting tone,

"We're both okay, we should celebrate."

So the woman gets a bottle of wine out of the trunk of the smashed car, and hands it to the man with a smile.

The man almost forgetting about the accident takes a really big drink, and hands the bottle to the woman.

The woman closes the bottle and put it away.

The man asks,

"Aren't you going to take a drink?"

And the woman replies,

"No, I'll celebrate after the cops leave."

A man walks up to another man...

...and in perfect unison they say to each other, How am I supposed to know if I suffer from narcissistic personality disorder? Taken aback they stare at each other for a few more moments. After a few seconds the owner walks over and says, Sir this is a mirror store. To which the man replied, SHUT UP! Can't you see I'm flirting?

What'd I tell my boyfriend after he broke up with me?

"Now that I'm one of your ex-girlfriends, I look forward to you actually flirting with me now!"

What are the funniest flirting jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Flirting? Well, here are the best Flirting puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Flirting pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes