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Flips Jokes

61 flips jokes and hilarious flips puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about flips that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Flips Short Jokes

Short flips jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The flips humour may include short flipping jokes also.

  1. Today I learned that if you're in a canoe and it flips over in the water.... .....you can safely wear it on your head....because it's capsized.
  2. The inventor of the USB died. They lowered his coffin, raised it back out, flipped it over, lowered it again, raised it back out, flipped it over again, then lowered him again.
  3. My teenage daughter can't decide whether she wants to be a hairdresser or a short story writer... I guess she'll have to flip a coin....
    Heads or Tales.
  4. My dad once told me that I would spend my life flipping burgers Jokes on him. I'm on register now.
  5. Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if you flip it over? That makes it cap sized
  6. When the creator of USB drive will die, they'll lower his coffin into the ground.. ..take it out, flip it over and lower again.
  7. The debates flipped gender roles. Last night we saw an argument between a woman who wanted to talk facts, and a man who only wanted to talk about his feelings.
  8. I was angry at my friend and he sarcastically asked "what would Jesus do?" So I flipped over the table and chased him from the building with a whip.
  9. You know you can fit any boat on your head Just flip it upside down. That makes it capsized
  10. A man with two left feet goes into a shoe store... ...and asks the shop assistant: "Do you sell flip-flips?"

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Flips One Liners

Which flips one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with flips? I can suggest the ones about flipped and flip flop.

  1. Yo mama's so fat she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops
  2. i hope people on September 2nd 1885 were flipping out on Back to the Future Part III day
  3. What does an indecisive person wear? Flip Flops.
  4. What does a man with two left feet wear to the beach? Flip-Flips.
  5. I saw a radical Muslim today... He had just landed a kick-flip into a 50-50 grind.
  6. What does the man with two left feet ask the shoe salesman? "Do you sell flip-flips?"
  7. How does the Hulk make extra money? He flips cars.
  8. Why did the solstice get a job as an acrobat? It wanted to "flip" the season.
  9. What did the claustrophobic ninja do when he fell down a well? He flipped out
  10. What did the pigeon say after its friend landed a sick flip? Coo.
  11. Did you hear about the angry pancake? He just flipped.
  12. Pickup line: If I flip a coin.... What are the chances of me getting head? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
  13. What do you call two left sandals? Flip flips
  14. What do you call it when a deaf person flips you off? A finger of speech!
  15. Yo mama so fat She left the house in high heels and came back with flip flops

Flips joke, Yo mama so fat

Ridiculous Flips Jokes to Spark Fun and Laughter

What funny jokes about flips you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean flops jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make flips pranks.

A panda walks into a cáfe.

He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and unloads it into the ceiling.
Why? Asks the confused waiter, as the panda starts leaving. He tosses a wildlife manual over his shoulder.
I'm a panda, he says at the door, look it up.
The waiter flips to the page about pandas, and it says, Panda. Large black and white bear-like animal native to China. Eats, Shoots, and leaves
Credits: Eats, Shoots, and Leaves

An Alabama cop is sitting behind a billboard on the highway doing radar.

Suddenly he sees a teenager in a Mustang fly by him doing 125mph in a 60mph zone.
He flips on his lights and goes after the kid finally catching up to him 2-miles down the road.
The cop walks up to the Mustang and says "Son, I been wait'n fer you all day!"
The kid replies "Sorry Officer, I got here as fast as I could!"

So the speed of light, e, and the square root of (-1) walk into a bar...

So the speed of light, *e*, and (-1)^1/2 walk into a bar. The speed of light heads over to the bartender and gets his drink pretty quickly, as he's wont to do. Then (-1)^1/2 goes and orders his drink, and *e* just flips out on him. The square root of -1 asks *e* what's wrong, and he says, "I came in here first, and you just went in front of me!" (-1)^1/2 just says, "Hey, man, I'm just following the rules here!"
Finally, the bartender gets fed up and says, "No, no, no, you idiot, it's *i* before *e* **except** after c!

A young couple is out carousing one evening...(could be repost)

While driving down the highway the guy says to the girl, "If I go 100 miles an hour, will you t**... clothes?" She agrees and he begins to speed up.
When the spedometer hits 100 she starts to s**.... When she gets all her clothes off he is so busy staring at her that he drives off the road and flips the car. The girl is thrown clear without a scratch but her clothes and her boyfriend are trapped in the car. "Go get help," he pleads.
She replies, "I can't, I'm n**...."
He points to his shoe that was thrown clear and says "Cover yourself with that and go get help." She takes the shoe, covers herself, and runs to the gas station down the road.
When she arrives she is frantic and yells to the attendant, "Help! Help! My boyfriend's stuck!"
The attendant looks down at the shoe covering her c**... and replies, "I'm sorry Miss. He's too far in."

A Jets fan walks into a bar with his dog.

The bartender says, "Hey bud, no pets allowed in here."
The man says, "But wait! This is a special dog, you have to turn on the game to see. When the Jets score, my dog does flips!"
Sure enough, when the bartender turns on the game, the Jets make a few field goals and the dog starts flipping and jumping after each kick.
"Wow," said the bartender, amazed, "that's great! What does he do when they score a touchdown?"
"I don't know, I've only had him for two years."

My dad's favorite joke.

A lady walks into a cafe and orders a burger from the cashier. She notices the cook isn't wearing a shirt and curiously watches him prepare her food. He takes a handful of ground beef and slaps it against his hairy stomach, flips it over, and does the same to the other side. Appalled, the lady looks at the cashier and says, "Eww, that's *disgusting*!" The cashier replies, "If you think that's g**..., you should see him make donuts."

A Lawyer a Priest and a Rabbi.....

are driving behind a school bus when it suddenly runs off the road and flips over. The rabbi looks at the other two and says, "We must go out and help the children." The lawyer responds, "Screw those kids." To which the priest replies, "Do you think we have time?"

A man is walking by a prison....

...when he sees a midget climbing out one of the cells at the top of the prison. The midget is climbing down a rope when he turns around and sees the man on the street. The midget flips off the men and continues to climb down the rope.

The man says to himself, "Wow, that's a little condescending."

An ice cream truck flips over on the highway, what does it leave?

A Rocky Road

A student comes to a young professor's office hours...

She glances down the hall, closes his door, and kneels pleadingly. "I would do anything to pass this exam." She leans closer to him, flips back her hair, gazes meaningfully into his eyes. "I mean..." she whispers, "I would do... anything."
He returns her gaze. "Anything?"
"Anything."
His voice softens. "Anything??"
"Absolutely anything."
His voice turns to a whisper. "Would you... study?"

How does the Hulk make money?

He flips houses.

Four gay guys are headed to happy hour

When they get to the bar there is only one stool. They're about to leave to find a less crowded bar where they can sit and relax when the bar tender puts up his finger for them to wait, runs around the bar and flips over the stool.

A man and a woman are arguing who is supposed to make coffee.

The man says, "I work and you stay at home, so you should make the coffee." The woman replies, "Well, the Bible says men are supposed to make coffee." "Really?" asks the man. The woman takes out a bible and flips to a page, then says, "See? Hebrews."

[Offensive] One from the pub again: an old Jewish man wins the lottery...

It's a big old lottery, and he has to go up on stage to accept it.
His speech? He thanks his mum, his dad, his family, and then h**....
Everyone's all riled up. They ask: why h**...?
He rolls up his sleeve, flips his arm over, and tells the crowd: "Well, he gave me the numbers."

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog

The bartender says, "No pets allowed." The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Browns game and you'll see. Whenever the Browns score, my dog does flips." The Browns keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping. "Wow! What happens when the Browns score a touchdown?"
The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years."

If the voting recount flips the outcome of the election, I have the perfect guy to call Trump and tell him that he's no longer going to be President...

Steve Harvey.
"I have to apologize.....the 1st runner-up, is Trump. The next President of the United States is...Hillary Clinton!"
*DEEP INHALE*
"***WRONG***"

Couple at next table: "The thing is, Linda; some people just take things personally and completely overreact."

Me: (flips table)

What does godzilla do part time when he's not destroying cities?

He flips houses

An american and a russian went to a bar

A couple of drinks later, the american flips a coin high in the air and shoots a hole through with a revolver, shouting
- BILL, BUFFALO BILL
A moment later the russian whips out three t**... and shouts:
- BILL, CHERNOBILL

Genders

I couldn't decide what gender I should be today, so I flipped a coin...
*flips a coin*
Wait a minute, how many sides does a coin have...?

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog......

A guy walks into a bar with his pet dog. The bartender says, "No pets allowed."
The man replies, "This is a special dog. Turn on the Jets game and you'll see. Whenever the Jets score, my dog does flips."
The Jets keep scoring field goals, and the dog keeps flipping and jumping.
"Wow! What happens when the Jets score a touchdown?"
The man replies, "I don't know. I've only had him for 7 years."

So this old guy is lying face down in the sand on a n**... beach.


A hot blonde comes along and starts rhythmically smacking his buttocks like drums.
Then the g**... flips around, grins toothlessly at her and says, Why don't you play the flute instead of the bongos?

A ship with 66 passengers sets off, however during the sail it flips over, there are no survivors but how many people died?

99

How can you tell if your stick of butter is doing flips?

somersault-ed, and some are not.

Age is not an excuse. I just caught an 80-year-old man doing exercise down a hill.

He was very acrobatic too, doing flips in his wheelchair.

A married couple are celebrating 20 years of marriage...

A married couple are celebrating 20 years of marriage and are out at a dance club. There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large: break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? Twenty years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." The husband says, "Looks like he's still celebrating!"

A girl with 2 left feet goes into a shoe shop...

and asks for a pair of flip flips

A guy takes his wife out for the night and they end up at a disco where there's a guy on the dance floor giving it large – break dancing, moonwalking, back flips, every dance move going...

The wife turns to her husband and says, See that guy on the dance floor? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down.

The husband replies, It looks like he's still celebrating.

I man and his wife walk into a disco...

And in the middle of the dance floor there is a very handsome man with a great body and expensive jewelry. Who is busting some serious moves, back flips, moon walking, running man etc.
The wife turns to her husband and says "see that man he asked me to marry him ten years ago but I said no"
The husband replies "and it looks like he is still celebrating"

Sigmund Freud walks into a bar

Sits down and orders a banana daiquiri and a hotdog. He looks over to the stage and Mozart comes out and starts going crazy on a keyboard. Freud downs his drink, flips a few tables and runs out angrily. Mozart looks at the barman and asks, "What was that about?" The barman replies. "Pianist envy."

Me: *flips pillow to the cold side*

Everyone else at the f**...- :0

"A married couple are out one Night"

A married couple are out one night at a dance club. There's a guy on the dance floor giving it large: break dancing, moon walking, back flips, the works. The wife turns to her husband and says, "See that guy? Twenty years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down." The husband says, "Looks like he's still celebrating!"

A man with 2 left feet goes to a Shoe Store

„Hi, do you have flip flips?

What did the man with two left feet wear?

Flip flips.

A husband took his wife to a disco on the weekend. There was a guy on the dance floor busting tile. He was breakdancing, moonwalking, doing back flips - the works. The wife turned to husband and said: "See that guy? 25 years ago he proposed to me and I turned him down."

Her husband says: "Looks like he's still celebrating!"

Can I have Reptile Assitance?

A: what?
B: you know, reptile assistance.
A: what are you talking about?
B: Reptile assistance. you know, crocodile help
A: WHAT!?
B:...
A:...
B: can I have a Gatorade?
A: \*flips table\*

A man with two left feet enters a shoe shop

He asks: "Excuse me, do you have flip flips?"

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. There is a small menu on the bar, so he picks it up and reads:

"Cheese sandwich: $2.50
h**...: $5"
A gorgeous woman is the bartender, and she comes over to get the guys order. He asks her "are you the one who gives the h**...?" The leggy blonde flips back her curly hair and silkily says with a wink and seductive smile "why yes, I am."
"Well wash your hands. I want a cheese sandwich."

Q. How does a lawyer sleep at night?

A. He lies on one side then flips over and lies on the other side too.

what do you call a deer with no eyes?

No I deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs.
Still no eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs turning back flips?
Still no flipping eye deer.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, turning back flips next to his friend the giraffe?
Still no flipping eye deer a tall mate!

Did you hear about the man who had two left feet?

He went to the shoe shop and bought a pair of flip flips

Hit me with your best Dad jokes?

What does a person with two left feet wear?
FLIP FLIPS!

Flips joke, What do you call it when a deaf person flips you off?

jokes about flips