flip Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious flip puns

My favourite sex position is called "WOW" ...

It's where I flip your MOM over

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Yo mama's so fat

she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops

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A priest, a rabbi & a 13 year old boy are all on a plane

The plane is going down and there are only two parachutes left.

The priest turns to the rabbi and says, "rabbi, we have both lived long and fulfilling lives, let's give the boy a parachute and we can flip a coin to decide who will get the last one."

The rabbi says, "fuck that 13 year old!"

The priest, asks, "do you think we have enough time?"

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My favorite sex position is the WOW

That's when I flip your MOM over.

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My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out."

My wife shouted upstairs, "the sun's just come out." I thought great, threw on some shorts and flip flops and shot down the stairs. I was rather shocked when I got down to find our lad holding hands with his mate Michael.

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What's the speed limit of sex?

68, because if you go 69 you'll flip over and eat it.

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Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if you flip it over?

That makes it cap sized

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When the creator of USB drive will die, they'll lower his coffin into the ground..

..take it out, flip it over and lower again.

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Married couple

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"

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What does an indecisive person wear?

Flip Flops.

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Manafort and Cohen flip on the President. Trump is convicted of treason. He is 'hung by the neck until dead.' Miraculously, minutes after his hanging, he walks out of the gallows and addresses the press:

"Fake noose, folks."

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You know you can fit any boat on your head

Just flip it upside down. That makes it capsized

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A joke my dad told me in polish, I'll translate.

3 men where discussing the fastest things in the universe.
One man says "it's the human thought, because you think about stuff and you don't even know when it happened"
The second man says "no, light is faster because you flip the switch and before you can even think about it, it's there".
The third man says "no no no, it's diarrhea, because before I can think about it, and before I can even turn on the lights, I shit my pants!"

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I decided to have scrambled eggs this morning...

Immediately after thinking "I'll just flip this omelette."

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Dildo

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"

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Peanut butter and Jelly flavoured apples

A man is walking by a fruit stand and sees a sign for "Peanut Butter and Jelly flavoured Apples" so out of curiosity he asks the fruit vendor for a sample.

The man bites in to the Apple.

"Wow that tastes just like peanut butter, but you said it tastes like peanut butter AND jelly."

The vendor replies "Flip it around!"
And sure enough the other side tasted like jelly.

The man now astonished by this apple, asks about any other flavors.

The vendor says, "Sure I do! I even have an apple that tastes just like pussy. Try it!"

The man bites into it. With an expression of pure disgust he spits it out.

"This tastes like shit!!"

The fruit vendor replies, "Flip it around!"

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An atheist was spending a quiet day fishing

when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat high into the air. Then it opened its mouth to swallow both.

As the man sailed head over heels, he cried out, Oh, my God! Please help me!

At once, the ferocious attack scene froze in place, and as the atheist hung in mid-air, a booming voice came down from the clouds, I thought you didn't believe in Me!

Come on God, give me a break!! the man pleaded. Two minutes ago I didn't believe in the LochNess monster either!

(Credit. The Joke Cafe)

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My favorite Sex Position!

It's called WOW!

You might have not heard about that one before.....

Yeah it's where i flip your MOM over!

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A rich man and a poor man are at a bar talking about what to get their wives for Christmas.

The rich man says " I got mine a Mercedes and a diamond necklace just in case she doesnt like the car" the poor man responded " I'm getting mine flip flops and a dildo. If she doesn't like the flip flops she can go fuck herself."

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I would rather have a puppy!!

A little boy and his dad are walking down the street when they see two dogs having sex. The little boy asks his father, "Daddy, what are they doing?"

The father says, "Making a puppy. "

So they walk on and go home.

A few days later, the little boy walks in on his parents having sex. The little boy says, "Daddy, what are you doing?"

The father replies, "Making a baby."

The little boy says, "Well, flip her around! I'd rather have a puppy instead ! "

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If I ever get fat...

I'm gonna post before and after photos on the internet. I'll just flip them, so everyone tells me how amazing I used to look.

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What did the pigeon say after its friend landed a sick flip?

Coo.

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"Using a Dildo"

A man and woman had been married for 30 years, and in those 30 years, they always left the lights off when having sex. He was embarrassed and scared that he couldn't please her, so he always used a big dildo on her. All these years she had no clue. One day, she decided to reach over and flip the light switch on and saw that he was using a dildo. She said "I knew it, asshole, explain the dildo!" He said, "Explain the kids!"

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Two guys are out drinking late. One turns to the other and says "I'm going to hate going home. No matter how quietly I sneak into bed, my wife wakes up and starts nagging me". Other guy turns to him and says "I don't have that problem"

I come home, flip on the lights and yell "Honey! I'm home! Let's Fuck!" and she always pretends she's fast asleep.

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Pickup line: If I flip a coin....

What are the chances of me getting head? ( อกยฐ อœส– อกยฐ)

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A man is sitting alone on his wedding night (NSFW)

Guy walks up to him and says,

"shit man why do you look so down? you just got married!"

"Well I would be happy but my wife has gonorrhea."

"Couldn't you just get a blowjob?"

"Well I could but she's got pyria"

"Ok couldn't you just flip her over then?"

"Well I'd do that too but she's got diarrhea"

"Shit man what the hell are you doing with a vile woman like that?"

"well she's got worms too and I love to fish"

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Sunbathing on the beach, the wife came up to me asked what I thought of her flip flops?

Bloody horrible I said "Put your bikini top back on"

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Little Timmy and his father are walking in the park

Little Timmy and his father are walking in the park. Timmy sees two dogs humping, and says, "Dad, what are they doing?" His father looks and says, "Oh, they're making a puppy."

Later that night, Timmy walks into his parents' room and sees mom and dad going at it, and says "Dad, what are you doing??" His Dad says, "Oh, we're making you a baby brother." Timmy says, "Well flip her over, I'd rather have a puppy"

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I have a special trick for getting the result I want in a coin flip

It's not perfect, but it works about 50% of the time.

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Fire somebody

Business was terrible and not picking up.ย I had to fire somebody and I narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack.ย 

It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers.ย 

Rather than flip a coin, I decided I would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.ย 

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night.ย  She went to the cooler to take an aspirin.ย 

I approached her and said, "Debra, I've never done this before but I have to either lay you or Jack off.

"Could you jack off for now?" she says. "I feel like shit. If you can wait, I'll do you at lunchtime."
......ย 

I had to let Jack go.ย 

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sex ed

One day a little boy was at the park with his grandfather when he saw two dogs having sex. He asked what they were doing and was told that was how they made puppies. Later that night he had a bad dream and when he went in to his parents' room he saw them having sex. When he asked what they were doing he was told they were trying to make him a baby brother or sister. Disgusted, he demanded "Well flip her over, I'd rather have a puppy!"

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A blind man applys for a job at a sawmill...

During his interview the manager asks "why shoud i hire you? your blind!". "well thats simple" the man replies, "I can tell you what kind of wood any board is by smell alone." "well see about that" says the manager. He leaves and returns with a board and lays it on the desk "well what kind of wood is this?". The blind man smells, "could you flip it over please?" The manager flips it, smells again. "simple" he states "this is birch, easy!" So the manager returns with a different board, same thing, He requests him to flip it, smells. "easy again, its white pine!". "alright" replies the manager " Iv'e got a good one for you now" he leaves the room and gets the secretary to strip naked and lay on the desk. "what kind of wood is this then?" The man smells, asks for the board to be turned over, smells again. "Aha! You thought you could trick me, but i know exactly what this is. Is a spruce door from the shitter in a tuna fish boat!"

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jack off

Business was terrible and not picking up. The boss had to fire somebody, and he narrowed it down to one of two people, Debra or Jack. It was an impossible decision because they were both super workers.

Rather than flip a coin, he decided he would fire the first one who used the water cooler the next morning.

Debra came in the next morning with a horrible hangover after partying all night. She went to the cooler to take an aspirin. The boss approached her and said, "Debra, I've never done this before, but I have to either lay you or Jack off. "Could you jack off?" she says. "I feel like shit."

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My mama's fat

Last night she went out in high heels and came back in flip flops

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The Tale of Two Whales

A guy and girl whale are swimming along, when the guy whale spots a ship on the horizon. He says to the girl whale, "Hey, I dare you to swim over to that boat and use your blowhole to flip it over." The girl whale swims over to the vessel and capsizes it in one go. She says to the guy whale, "That was too easy." The guy whale says, "Alright, I dare you to eat all of the sailors floating in the water." The girl whale responds with, "No! I agreed to the blow job, but I refuse to swallow the seamen."

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What are the most funny Flip jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Flip? Well, here are the best Flip dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Flip pick up lines to share with friends.

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