flies Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious flies puns

Leave a man on a plane and he flies for a day.

Throw a man off a plane and he flies for the rest of his life.

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What is born skinless, flies wingless and sings until it dies?

A fart.


*dedicated to my dear departed Grandfather who told me this joke almost 40 years ago when I was a kid.*

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Two flies are arguing on a toilet seat when...

One gets pissed off!

(sorry!)

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What has 4 wheels and flies?

A garbage truck

...I'll see myself out.

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A Briton flies into Australia

and is asked by the immigration officer, Do you have any felony convictions?
The Briton replies, Sorry. I didn't realize that was still a requirement.

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Horrible joke

So a guy is in a bar when the woman across from him sneezes and her glass eye flies out. The man catches it and hands it back to the woman. The woman says "thanks" and then offers to buy him a drink.

The woman then offers to drive him home. On the way to his house, the man asks "Are you always this nice to men that you meet?" and she says "No, you just happened to catch my eye"

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A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the window..

Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughter's innocence, the mother turns around and says "Don't worry; that was an insect". To which, her daughter replies "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that".

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A dildo hits a family car...

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."

To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

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A man goes up to the leader of a circus

A man goes up to the circus, and says to the leader of the circus "I can do great bird impressions." The leader of the circus says "That's nothing special, lots of people can do great bird impressions, so get out of here"
The man says "ok" and flies away.

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An American, an Englishman, and an Irishman walk into a bar. Each one orders a pint. Three flies land, one on each glass.

The American gags and pushes his drink away. The Englishman shrugs, flicks the fly away, and drinks the beer. The Irishman picks up the fly, shakes it up and down, and shouts, "Spit it out, fucker!"

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Superman is flying over the ocean . . . NSFW

... And he spots Wonder Woman on an island lying spread-eagle naked on the beach.

He thinks, "Man, I've always wanted to fuck her."

So he flies down at super-sonic speed, drills her within seconds, and flies away chuckling.


Meanwhile, Wonder Woman says, "What the fuck was that?"

And the Invisible Man says, "I don't know . . . but my ass hurts like hell."

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What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck.

I'm sorry.

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A lawyer opens his car door on the side of the road

as a car flies past and takes off his door. Stunned, he quickly looks around and spots a police officer nearby. "Officer, you saw that guy just hit my brand new Porsche, you have to do something!" The officer can't believe what he is seeing and shakily replies, "Sir, how can you lawyers be so materialistic? Do you not realize that your entire left arm is also missing?" The lawyer quickly looks at his left arm and yells, "No, my Rolex!"

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[NSFW] Wonder Woman is laying naked, face down, on a rooftop...

...when Superman flies by and sees her. Her naked body has him feeling all types of ways, so he starts to think, "You know, I'm faster than a speeding bullet. I could be in and out of there before she even realizes what happened."

So, Superman flies in, does his business and takes off.

Wonder Woman says, "What was that?" The Invisible Man responds, "I don't know, but my fucking ass is killing me."

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A man goes to India for a cheap penis extension..

The surgeon suggests a baby elephants trunk stitched on for £3000.
The man agrees.
6 weeks later, while having dinner with his new girlfriend he feels an unusual stirring in his pants and thinks this is the night.
While chatting over dinner his cock flies out and steals an apple off the table and goes back into his pants.
"Wow!", she says, "can you do that again?"
He says,"My cock can, but I don't think my arsehole can take another apple."

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Bird Impression

A traveling sideshow puts up a help wanted ad. A guy gets all excited and applies.

The sideshow owner brings him in for an interview and asks, "Ok, what's your talent? What can you do for me?"

The guy says "I do a really great bird impression!"

The owner responds, "Pff, no thanks. Plenty of people can do that."

So the guy says "Oh..ok...well thanks anyway,' and flies away.

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How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Only two, but its kinda hard to get em in there.

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A Mom is driving with her 7-year old daughter.

They are following a garbage truck, when a dildo flies out and hits the windshield. The little girl asks, "Mom, what was that?" Mom, being embarrassed, says "Oh honey, it was just a bug." "Wow!", says the little girl, "It sure had a big dick!"

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How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Two, but I have no clue how they got in there.

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What has three balls and flies through space?

E.T. the Extra-Testicle.

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A German, Italian, And Irishman are sitting at a bar...

when 3 flies fly into the room and into the 3 drinks.

The German puts down the drink, and says "i cant drink this!'

the Italian takes out the fly, and says "that's good enough for me" and continues drinking.

The Irishman starts vigorously shaking the fly, and yells "SPIT IT ALL OUT!!"

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Superman was flying above Metropolis

When he saw Wonder Woman sunbathing on the roof of the Justice League, totally naked. Superman thinks to himself, 'Hey, I'm Superman, I could fly down there really fast and fuck Wonder Woman, and she'd never know.' So Superman flies down and fucks Wonder Woman so fast she doesn't even see him. When he's done, Wonder Woman sits up and says "What the fuck was that?", To which the Invisible Man replies, "I dunno, but my asshole is killing me."

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Mom, dad, daughter and the dildo

A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen. Embarrassed, and to spare her young daughters innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect." To which, her daughter replies, " I am surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

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Two vampire bats are hanging from the ceiling of their cave...

... and one of them says he's hungry, so he flies off to find some food. Within a minute, he's back, blood all round his mouth, looking like he's had a really good meal.

The other bat is amazed, and says, "Where did you find so much blood so fast?"

So the first bat says, "Come with me, I'll show you." And he leads his friend to the mouth of the cave.

"See that big rock there?" He asks.

The other bat nods.

"I didn't."

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How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

2...but who knows how they got in there

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Time flies when you're having fun,

Measure spiders when you're not .

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How many flies does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only two, but the real question is how they got in there.

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What is green, has 8 wheels, and flies?

A garbage truck

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How do you tell male flies from female flies?

After dinner a wife comes into the kitchen and sees her husband sitting at the dinner table with a fly swatter and asks what he is doing.

Husband: I'm killing flies. I already got two male flies and three females.

Wife: How do you know whether they are male or female.

Husband: Well, I got two on my beer and three on my wallet.

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a family are driving behind a garbage truck......

A family are driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was an insect."

To which, her son replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that."

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Two bats...

were in a cave thirsty for blood. One bat looks to the other and says, "I'm going to look for blood, stay here I'll be back".

He flies out of the cave and returns after a long time with blood dripping out of his mouth.

Excited, the other bat asks him "Where did you find so much blood??".

The other bat says, "you go out of this cave and turn left".

"Yes", replied the other bat, excitedly.

"Then you see a tree"

"Yeah"

"Well, I didn't".

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A bartender says "Hey! We don't serve faster-than-light particles here!"

A tachyon flies into a bar.

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What has four legs and flies?

A dead horse.

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Wonderwoman was sunbathing naked on top of the justice league tower...

Superman was flying over and he had the idea that "hey I'm quick as lightning, I could go down there and have sex with her really quick then be out of there in a second." So he flies down, gets the job done and flies off. Wonderwoman jumps up and goes "what the hell was that?" Invisible man replies "I don't know but my ass really hurts."

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Superman is flying around the world when he sees WonderWoman tanning on the beach....

He notices that she's naked and spread eagle and has a thought.

Superman: I bet I could fly down there and have sex with her and fly away before she even knew it.
So like a depraved bastard he does exactly that and hears a conversation as he flies away.

Wonderwoman: Did you feel that strong gust of wind just now?

Invisible Man: Yeah, and on top of that my ass is killing me.

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What are the most funny Flies jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Flies? Well, here are the best Flies dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Flies pick up lines to share with friends.

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