Flew Jokes
133 flew jokes and hilarious flew puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about flew that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Flew Short Jokes
Short flew jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The flew humour may include short flown jokes also.
- I thought opening a door for a woman was polite But she just screamed and flew out of the plane
- My girlfriend found one of my puns so funny that she flew into space and told it to an alien. Unfortunately, the alien didn't laugh. Personally, I think she took the joke a bit too far.
- I told my boyfriend that he better start treating me like a princess So he flew me to Paris, got me drunk, and drove me into a tunnel pillar at 105 km/h.
- Woman are so confusing nowadays. I thought opening the door would be the nice thing to do for a lady, but she just screamed and flew out the plane.
- I just flew in from the gender neutrality conference.... And boy or girl are my arms tired
- Two flies riding on a motorbike. One says to the other: Stop! Stop! A bug just flew into my eye.
- I opened the door for this lady, and she flew right out the door. Next thing I know, everyone on the plane starts yelling at me.
- United's Service Has Really Gone Downhill Just 16 yrs ago they flew you right to your office.
- There was a race to see what company's planes flew fastest United Airlines beat everyone...
- What do you call a fly when it retires? A flew.
BUH DUM TSS!
No? Alright.. I'll see myself out.
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Flew One Liners
Which flew one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with flew? I can suggest the ones about flying and flee.
- I just flew in from Chernobyl And boy are my arms leg.
- I just flew in from a Ravioli convention. Boyardees arms tired.
- Japan's worst kamikaze pilot He flew over 25 missions
- I just flew back from a Transformers convention And boy are my arms tires
- What did the Mexican say when his homework flew out the window? Where you going essay!?
- Why do seagulls fly over the sea? because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.
- Just flew in from a vehicle weaponization convention And boy are my tires armed
- I just flew into Australia and, boy, are my arms... confiscated.
- What do you call a fly that has died? A flew.
- My bird Nicole flew away. Now I have a Nicoless Cage.
- What did the mathematician say when when his geometric parrot flew away Polygon
- My wife says I'm not committed enough. But I flew 9,256 miles just to be away from her.
- Had some airline food the other day I guess you could say it flew right thru me
- I thought I understood the meaning of when pigs fly, But then the swine flew.
- Why do seaguls fly over the sea? Because if they flew over a bay they'd be beagles!
Humorous Flew Jokes to Bring Fun and Laughter to Your Life
What funny jokes about flew you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean floated jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make flew pranks.
I proposed my Russian girlfriend and she said Yes!
For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow.
It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, "You may now kiss the bride", but I just assumed it was purely an American thing and didn't mind.
Later during the reception, we were both starving and decided to head over to the buffet to get food. On the way we passed the drink table, where about six people were waiting to get a fruity drink from a bowl.
As we passed, they all said in unison, "You may now kiss the bride!" My wife got giddy and gave me a big kiss, which I of course returned.
As we walked away I asked, "Why did *they* tell us to kiss and not the priest?"
My wife answered,
"In Soviet Russia, the punchline tells you!"
Two r**... flew to Canada on a hunting trip.
They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.
They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.
The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."
Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.
Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the two r**... survived the
c**....
After climbing out of the wreckage, Billy Ray asked Billy Bob, "Any idea where we
are?"
Billy Bob replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."
There was a m**... in my yard last night.
Luckily, they flew away this morning.
So there was this guy who flew so close to the sun he was able to touch it in exactly one spot...
...after that, he was a real tangent.
Wrong Email
A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.
Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's f**.... He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.
The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:
To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!
Two bats are sitting in a cave...
...one looks at the other a says, "I'm hungry. Think I'll go get some blood". So he flew out of the cave.
About an hour later he returns with his face covered in blood. His buddy looks at him and says, "Wow! How did you get all that blood?".
"Well...", he replies, "you know when you are flying out of the cave, you hang a right and then you see that tree in front of you..."
"Yeah?", says his buddy.
He replies, "Well.....I didn't".
The police vs the senior citizen
A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."
"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper
Lance Armstrong flew to NY yesterday to fight the
allegations of doping.
... would have been more convincing if he'd taken a plane, though.
Lost vulture
A young vulture flew away from his home for a bit and got lost on his way back. His parents searched and searched, but they couldn't find him. About a week later, he finally finds his way home, and his parents are so happy that they have a huge feast. His father places a plate in front of him loaded with his favorite foods. He asks his father "What's all this?" His father replies "Carrion, my wayward son."
I saw a crow on a tree outside my house today...
Another two landed briefly but then flew away again.
It was an attempted m**....
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle...
A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.
Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."
The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.
"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."
Reindeer joke!
Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer passed away today at the age of 57. He was struck by a 747 jet liner and a flock of seagulls as he flew over Barcelona. Coroners say that the reindeer in Spain was hit mainly by the plane.
What did the bird say when it flew into the window?
Owl
Two atoms bump into each other, and become stuck.
"Oh, no," said the first atom. "We're going to be stuck like this forever!"
"It'll be okay. Try not to be so negative! Think positive for a second."
The first atom thought real hard, and the two flew apart.
A man heard a talk show was looking for people with unusual talents
When he showed up to audition for the segment the talk show host asked him what talent he was going to perform. The man explained "I imitate birds." The talk show host laughed, waving him away saying "thousands of people can imitate birds. We want something nobody has ever seen before." The man shrugged, flapped his arms, and flew away.
Oh, jokes from 7 year-olds are cool now? From my son last night: "Why do sea gulls fly over the sea?"
Because if they flew over the bay they'd be bay gulls ("like bagels, get it Dad?").
What did the bat say to the other bat when he almost flew into a tree?
Whoa did you hear that?
The man at the circus.
A man is going to the circus to look for work. The man finds the manager in his caravan and asks him if he could get a job at the circus.
Oh, so you're looking to join the circus then? Tell me, what can you do?
I can mimic a bird, the man says proudly.
Hah, scoffs the manager, every single person at this circus can mimic a bird, even the slow stable boy, that's not anything we'd want here at this circus.
Oh well, says the man and flew out the window.
Hey everybody! I just flew in from Chicago, and good golly are my arms tired!!
From m**... on the plane.
I just flew in from New York and boy are my arms tired
from all the m**... I did in the airplane lavatory.
I always wanted to tell jokes...
I always wanted to tell jokes, but I had pretty severe social anxiety. So, I wrote the jokes down on pieces of paper and taped the paper to frisbees. Then I threw the frisbees at passers by so they could read my jokes.
The trouble was, most of them flew right over their heads.
Pavlov was drinking in a bar
and chatting with some fellow scientists. The time flew by, and before he knew it the barman loudly rang the bell signalling last orders.
Pavlov clapped a hand to his forehead, 'Oh c**...!' he cried. 'I forgot to feed the dog!'
I was walking down the road..
I was walking down the road and saw a beautiful woman, A spark flew off between us. We had passionate, amazing s**....
Amazing what tasers can do these days.
Little Johnny is in class...
The teacher asks the class, "there are 5 birds on the line, someone shoots one bird, how many are left?"
Johnny says none, because when the gun went off, there birds flew away. The teacher says, no there are 4 but I like the way you're thinking.
Johnny says ok teacher, there are 3 women sitting on a bench eating ice cream cones. The first one is lightly l**... the ice cream, the second is biting the ice cream and the third one gobbles the whole cone down. Johnny asks, which one is married? The teacher says, the one that gobbles the ice cream cone down? Johnny says, no, it's the one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you're thinking.
What happened when the composer got angry?
He flew off the Handel
This will make you groan..
I like to travel a lot, and last year I flew and visited Hiroshima, Japan. It was fairly cold that day so it wasn't the best day, but it wasn't the worst....
Met a beautiful girl down at the park today..
Met a beautiful girl down at the park today.
Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having s**... right there and then.
God, I love my new Taser...
Why couldn't the monk who flew a helicopter understand the monk who flew commercial jets?
Because he was on a higher plane.
Dead fly
When you kill a fly, does it become a dead flew?
Did you hear about the drunken idiot who flew into a black hole?
I don't think he understood the gravity of his situation.
I was walking in the park...
..and I saw a beautiful girl. I went up to her, spark flew, she fell at my feet and before I knew it we were having s**....
God do I love my new taser.
I recently attended a f**...
And the procession was going up a steep hill on Main Street. Well all of a sudden the door of the hearst flew open and the coffin fell out. Since the road was so steep it flew back down Main street and into a pharmacy where it crashed into the counter. The lids popped open and the deceased says to the astonished pharmacist, "You got anything to stop this coffin?"
I don't understand women...
I thought opening the door was the right thing to do, but she just screamed and flew out of the plane...
Last time I flew on Malaysian Airlines, I decided not to shower first.
I figured I could just wash up on shore.
What do you call a sick eagle that just flew in from out of the country?
an ill-eagle immigrant
If someone else flew first
It just wouldn't be wright
How did the sadomasochist cross the road?
He flew united
Today, Jesus rose from the dead. He had been wipped, spat on, flogged, humiliated, and crucified.
In fact, he was beaten so badly you'd think he flew united.
My great grandfather once worked in a WW2 aircraft factory.
*"Our factory closed down on account of increased B-24 production"*, he said.
*"Why is that?"*, I asked. *"Did the military favor the B-24 over your aircraft?"*
*"The military hated the B-24!"*, he snapped back. *"It always flew above flak and our Focke-Wulfs couldn't hit them either."*
A man auditioned for a talent show
A man auditioned for a talent show and when he walked on to the stage the judge asked him what was his talent. The man replied "I do bird impressions".The judge said "Thats not something we would be interested in". The man said "Thats ok" and flew out the window.
I put my phone on airplane mode
Then it flew away.
A stray bullet just flew through my window and broke my monitor.
I think there are better ways to take a screenshot...
In a psychiatric
guard walks in on patient throwing thing out of the window:
Guard - What are you doing?
Patient - Sending airplanes.
Guard - Where is your doctor?
Patient - He flew on the first flight.
Did you see how far that guy's head flew during the beheading?
"Ya what a show. I guess it really is all in the execution."
I just witnessed a m**......
They just flew over my house
Did you hear about the insect living in a brief case?
He flew off the handle when I tried to swat him.
So aliens flew by our planet recently and one asked the other...
Alien 1 How advanced is that civilization?
Alien 2 They have discovered nuclear technology.
Alien 1 Oh boy... That's pretty intelligent. We better keep our distance then from their missles.
Alien 2 Nah, they're not that smart yet. They have em pointed at themselves.
I just flew into town, and boy are my arms tired
...I'm a real nervous flyer, so I spent the whole flight just jerking it in the bathroom.
I just flew back from Chernobyl
These new wings work perfectly!
"We're going to be together for the rest of our lives!" smiled my wife as we flew on our dream vacation to Hawaii...
"You seem pretty sure of yourself." I replied.
"I am!" she said, gazing out the window. "The left wing's fallen off and the engine's on fire."
Last time I flew Malaysian Airlines I didn't shower first
I just figured that I'd wash up on the beach instead.
A joke my grandfather told me as a kid.
After the passengers loaded on, the plane flew out of the airport. As they were getting airborn, an announcement came over the speakers: "Welcome to the first fully-automated flight. There are no pilots operating this plane, it's being operated entirely by a computer. Rest assured that rigorous testing has been run to ensure that the trip will be completely safe. Nothing can go wrong.
Nothing can go wrong.
Nothing can go wrong.
Nothing can go wrong..."
How did the fly end up in the glass of milk?
It flew in one ear and out the udder
I met this beautiful girl in the park yesterday. Sparks flew and she fell at my feet. We ended up having s**... right there on the spot.
God, I love my new taser!
I met a beautiful girl down at the park today
Sparks flew, she fell at my feet, and we wound up having s**... right then and there!
Gosh I love my new taser
Kim Jong Un and Putin are riding in a plane together
When they flew over Russia, Putin said, "I threw 100 dollars out the window and made 100 of my peasants happy"
When they flew over North Korea, Kim said, "I threw 1,000 dollars out the window and made 1,000 of my peasants happy"
When they flew over the Ocean, the pilot told the co-pilot, "I could throw 2 people out of the window and make everyone happy"
The policeman looked at the tree with the hanging dead body. "It's a m**...", he shouted.
The crows flew away.
I smashed a CD in half...
Bits flew everywhere.
There was a m**... outside my house this morning
But don't worry I scared them and they soon flew away
Any thoughts why?
I thought that opening doors for ladies is a polite thing, but when I o'ened one up for this grandma she started shouting and flew out of the plane for some reason
What do you call a dead fly?
A flew.
I gave a man a flight ticket and he flew for a day.
My friend pushed a man off a plane and he flew for the rest of his life.
A man runs out of petrol
A MAN was driving down the road and ran out of petrol. At that moment, a bee flew in his window.
"What seems to be the problem?'' asked the bee.
"I'm out of petrol,'' the man replied.
The bee told the man to wait right there and flew away. Minutes later, the man watched as an entire swarm of bees flew to his car and into his petrol tank.
After a few minutes, the bees flew out.
`"Try it now,'' said the bee.
The man turned the ignition key and the car started right up.
"Wow,'' the man exclaimed. "What did you put in my petrol tank?''
"BP,'' answered the bee.
A Japanese man flew to Amerika to be with the girl of his dreams that he had met online.
He arrived at her parents house and rang the doorbell. When her father opened the door, the Japanese man bowed and introduced himself.
"My name is Hieto Sazukawaskawa and I am here to sleep with your daughter."
The fathers eyes grew wide and he asked in disbelieve.
"You are here to WHAT?"
"Sazukawaskawa"
I hit a Turkey..
and it flew over my car and landed on the car behind me. It was a Cop and he pulled me over and gave me a ticket for flipping him the bird.
A fly flew into my boyfriend's eye...
Told him they'd stop bugging him if he made less eye contact.
I just flew in, and boy are my arms tired...
Yeah, I m**... the whole flight here!
Why are the people who flew from Spain always dry, even if it was raining there?
Because the rain in Spain stays mainly in the plane.
