flew Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious flew puns

The madam tell her girls ' Just give those guys blow-up dolls.'

'They're so wasted they'll never know the difference'

After when they're walking home the first guy says 'I think mine was dead; She never moved or made a sound the whole time'

The second says 'I think Mine was a witch'

First: 'really whys that?'

Second: ''cause when i bit her ass she farted in my face and then flew out the window'

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I just flew in from Chernobyl

And boy are my arms legs.

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Met a beautiful girl down at the park today..

Met a beautiful girl down at the park today.

Sparks flew, she fell at my feet and we ended up having sex right there and then.

God, I love my new Taser...

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I always wanted to tell jokes...

I always wanted to tell jokes, but I had pretty severe social anxiety. So, I wrote the jokes down on pieces of paper and taped the paper to frisbees. Then I threw the frisbees at passers by so they could read my jokes.

The trouble was, most of them flew right over their heads.

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Met a beautiful girl today..

I was walking in the park when i bumped into this beautiful girl. Straight away sparks flew, she fell at my feet and ended up having sex right there and then.

God, i love my new Taser.

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I met a beautiful girl down at the park today

Sparks flew, she fell at my feet, and we wound up having sex right then and there!

Gosh I love my new taser

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A man auditioned for a talent show

A man auditioned for a talent show and when he walked on to the stage the judge asked him what was his talent. The man replied "I do bird impressions".The judge said "Thats not something we would be interested in". The man said "Thats ok" and flew out the window.

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I thought opening a door for a woman was polite

But she just screamed and flew out of the plane

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My girlfriend found one of my puns so funny that she flew into space and told it to an alien. Unfortunately, the alien didn't laugh.

Personally, I think she took the joke a bit too far.

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I met a beautiful girl the other day at the park.

Amazed by such beauty, I went up to her. Sparks flew and she fell at my feet, we ended up having sex right there and then.


I fucking love my new Taser

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I told my boyfriend that he better start treating me like a princess

So he flew me to Paris, got me drunk, and drove me into a tunnel pillar at 105 km/h.

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Japan's worst kamikaze pilot

He flew over 25 missions

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So aliens flew by our planet recently and one asked the other...

Alien 1 How advanced is that civilization?

Alien 2 They have discovered nuclear technology.

Alien 1 Oh boy... That's pretty intelligent. We better keep our distance then from their missles.

Alien 2 Nah, they're not that smart yet. They have em pointed at themselves.

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What did the Mexican say when his homework flew out the window?

Where you going essay!?

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The man at the circus.

A man is going to the circus to look for work. The man finds the manager in his caravan and asks him if he could get a job at the circus.

Oh, so you're looking to join the circus then? Tell me, what can you do?

I can mimic a bird, the man says proudly.

Hah, scoffs the manager, every single person at this circus can mimic a bird, even the slow stable boy, that's not anything we'd want here at this circus.

Oh well, says the man and flew out the window.

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Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels.

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Two bats are sitting in a cave...

...one looks at the other a says, "I'm hungry. Think I'll go get some blood". So he flew out of the cave.

About an hour later he returns with his face covered in blood. His buddy looks at him and says, "Wow! How did you get all that blood?".

"Well...", he replies, "you know when you are flying out of the cave, you hang a right and then you see that tree in front of you..."

"Yeah?", says his buddy.

He replies, "Well.....I didn't".

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I just flew in from the gender neutrality conference....

And boy or girl are my arms tired

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A 7 year old and 4 year old are in their bedroom....

"You know what" says the 7 year old. "I think it's time we started swearing. When we go down for breakfast I'll swear first, then you."

"OK" says the 4 year old.

They go downstairs and the mom asks what they'd like for breakfast.

"I'll have Coco pops bitch!"

WHACK! He flew out of his chair bawling his eyes out.

The mom looked at the 4 year old and sternly said "And what do you want?"

"Don't know, but it won't be fucking Coco pops"

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Lost vulture

A young vulture flew away from his home for a bit and got lost on his way back. His parents searched and searched, but they couldn't find him. About a week later, he finally finds his way home, and his parents are so happy that they have a huge feast. His father places a plate in front of him loaded with his favorite foods. He asks his father "What's all this?" His father replies "Carrion, my wayward son."

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I was walking in the park...

..and I saw a beautiful girl. I went up to her, spark flew, she fell at my feet and before I knew it we were having sex.

God do I love my new taser.

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A helicopter was flying around above Seattle...

A helicopter was flying around above Seattle when an electrical malfunction disabled all of the aircraft's electronic navigation and communications equipment.

Due to the clouds and haze, the pilot could not determine the helicopter's position. The pilot saw a tall building, flew toward it, circled, and held up a handwritten sign that said "WHERE AM I?" in large letters. People in the tall building quickly responded to the aircraft, drew a large sign, and held it in a building window. Their sign said "YOU ARE IN A HELICOPTER."

The pilot smiled, waved, looked at his map, determined the course to steer to SEATAC airport, and landed safely. After they were on the ground, the copilot asked the pilot how he had done it.

"I knew it had to be the Microsoft Building, because they gave me a technically correct but completely useless answer."

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I proposed my Russian girlfriend and she said Yes!

For the wedding, my whole family and friends flew over to her home town of Moscow.

It was a beautiful ceremony, however I did find some things strange. For instance, the priest never said, "You may now kiss the bride", but I just assumed it was purely an American thing and didn't mind.

Later during the reception, we were both starving and decided to head over to the buffet to get food. On the way we passed the drink table, where about six people were waiting to get a fruity drink from a bowl.

As we passed, they all said in unison, "You may now kiss the bride!" My wife got giddy and gave me a big kiss, which I of course returned.

As we walked away I asked, "Why did *they* tell us to kiss and not the priest?"

My wife answered,

"In Soviet Russia, the punchline tells you!"

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A young Native American boy walks up to his father...

...and asks "Father how do we get our names?"
Father says: "When your brother was born, I came out of the teepee and saw a bear standing in the distance, so we called your brother Standing Bear.

Then, when your sister was born, a white dove flew by the teepee when I stepped outside, so we named your sister White Dove.

Why do you ask, Two Dogs Fucking?"

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Wrong Email

A Minnesota couple decided to vacation to Florida during the winter. They planned to stay at the very same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday. His wife would fly down the following day.

The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister of many years who was called home to glory following a sudden heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife
Subject: I've Arrived
Date: 16 May 2003
I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is not as uneventful as mine was.
P.S. Sure is hot down here!

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A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom...

'I think it's about time we started swearing', says the 7 year old. 'When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?'

'Ok' the 4 year old, agrees with enthusiasm.

Their mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast - 'Oh, shit Mom, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some Coco Pops bitch'

WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.

She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice, 'And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?'

'I don't know, but it sure as shit won't be fucking Coco Pops'.


Kinda old but i only just heard this one, gold.

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Two rednecks flew to Canada on a hunting trip.



They chartered a small plane to take them into the Rockies for a week hunting moose.


They managed to bag 6. As they were loading the plane to return, the Pilot said the plane could take only 4 moose.


The two guys objected strongly. "Last year we shot six. The pilot let us take them all and he had the same plane as yours."


Reluctantly, the pilot gave in and all six were loaded. The plane took off. However, while attempting to cross some mountains, even on full power, the little plane couldn't handle the load and went down.


Somehow, surrounded by the moose bodies, only the two rednecks survived the
crash.


After climbing out of the wreckage, Billy Ray asked Billy Bob, "Any idea where we
are?"


Billy Bob replied, "I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year."

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Little Johnny is in class...

The teacher asks the class, "there are 5 birds on the line, someone shoots one bird, how many are left?"

Johnny says none, because when the gun went off, there birds flew away. The teacher says, no there are 4 but I like the way you're thinking.

Johnny says ok teacher, there are 3 women sitting on a bench eating ice cream cones. The first one is lightly licking the ice cream, the second is biting the ice cream and the third one gobbles the whole cone down. Johnny asks, which one is married? The teacher says, the one that gobbles the ice cream cone down? Johnny says, no, it's the one with the wedding ring on, but I like the way you're thinking.

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A young man goes into a talent agency..

The talent agent asks him, "What's your talent son?"
The young man tells him, "I can do bird impressions sir!"
Unimpressed the talent agent scoffs and says "Fuck off mate, we get thousands like you, just get out."

So he flew out the window.

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I opened the door for this lady, and she flew right out the door.

Next thing I know, everyone on the plane starts yelling at me.

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The police vs the senior citizen

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left. "Amazing," he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mp...h, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, "What am I doing? I'm too old for this," and pulled over to await the trooper's arrival. Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, "Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I've never heard before, I'll let you go."
The old gentleman paused. Then he said, "Years ago, my wife
ran off with a State trooper. I thought you were bringing her back."

"Have a good day, sir," replied the trooper

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United's Service Has Really Gone Downhill

Just 16 yrs ago they flew you right to your office.

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There was a race to see what company'sā€‹ planes flew fastest

United Airlines beat everyone...

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"We're going to be together for the rest of our lives!" smiled my wife as we flew on our dream vacation to Hawaii...

"You seem pretty sure of yourself." I replied.

"I am!" she said, gazing out the window. "The left wing's fallen off and the engine's on fire."

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Fuck cheesy chat-up lines, We need better break-up lines:

Hey baby, are you being followed? Because I've been seeing people behind your back.
Is it hot in here, or are you just suffocating me in this relationship?
I didn't know angels flew this close to the ground. Maybe that's because this angel's gained a little weight since we started going out.
You and me love, we're like six balls in cricket. OVER!
I'm leaving you on religious grounds. I've decided to become a Jew, and you're a fucking pig.

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What are the most funny Flew jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Flew? Well, here are the best Flew dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Flew pick up lines to share with friends.

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