Flesh Jokes

These are the 66 flesh jokes and hilarious flesh puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about flesh that are good jokes for kids and friends.

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jokes about flesh

Best Short Flesh Jokes

These are our top flesh puns. Have fun with a good flesh joke in English with simple flesh humour.

  1. Today I learnt a school of piranhas will rip every inch of flesh of a child's body in under a minute.
    Today I also lost my job at the aquarium.
  2. I was forcibly held underwater, made to consume human flesh, and drank human blood all before puberty. man Christianity has some weird traditions.
  3. The other day, we took my Grandpa to one of those spas where the fish eat your dead flesh. It's a lot cheaper than cremation.
  4. Yo mama's so fat... ... she caught a flesh eating disease and the doctor gave her ten years to live.
  5. Why didn't the AA batteries work on my flesh light? Because my flesh light only takes a D.
  6. First we'll take off the top, then we can eat the flesh. Who knew coconuts tasted this good?
  7. Yo momma is so fat... When the doctors told her she had flesh-eating bacteria they gave her 10 years to live
  8. He was such a brutal fighter that, after slaying the tigress in the arena, he proceeded to devour her flesh. And he felt no remorse. He was Gladiator.
  9. Did you know that a school of hungry piranhas can eat a man's flesh in a minute? Sadly, I also lost my job at the aquarium.
  10. 90% of the money I have made.... ...has been spent on hard liquor, loose women, and other pleasures of the flesh.
    The rest I squandered.
Flesh joke, 90% of the money I have made....

Make fun with this list of one liners, gags and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor found in these flesh jokes can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of flesh puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, these jokes offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Flesh One Liners

Which flesh dad jokes are funny enough to crack down and make fun with flesh?

  1. Your Momma so fat....... Her flesh eating disease got diabetes.
  2. I managed to lose 245lbs of unsightly flesh... Divorced the wife.
  3. I'm starting a food delivery service for zombies Hello Flesh!
  4. What is a cannibal's favorite meal delivery service? Hello Flesh
  5. "Bones?" I said. "Is that you?" "In the flesh", it replied.
  6. How do Zombies get rid of Bad Breath? They Munch on some Flesh Mint!
  7. What do you call a vegan who cheats on their diet with human flesh? A humanitarian
  8. What do you calls a life insurance agent ripe with flesh eating bacteria? A lepper-con
  9. Your mom is so fat she got flesh eating disease. The doc gave her 75 years to live.
  10. How did the pervert see through the fog With his flesh-light
  11. How much is a pound of flesh? An arm and a leg.
  12. Pssst! It's me, a skeleton... the flesh
  13. What do you call an open source Adobe Flash? Adobe Flesh
  14. My new flesh-light is dishwasher safe! Not sure why my roommates are opposed to it?
  15. What is a zombie's favorite restaurant? Subway: East flesh!

Flesh Eating Jokes

Here is a list of funny flesh eating jokes and even better flesh eating puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Apparently there is a flesh eating STD just discovered in the UK; however, it already exist in Russia, it's called Rotchakokof
  • How do you eat the Flesh Hounds? WH40K Humor: I don't know about you, but I prefer my Khorne Dogs with ketchup.
  • Yo momma is so fat... ...She was diagnosed with a flesh-eating virus and they gave her 15 years to live.
  • Yo mama is so fat that when she was diagnosed with a rapid flesh-eating disease, the doctor gave her twenty years to live.
  • Why was 6 afraid of 7? I have a flesh-eating disease, and it's slowly killing me.
  • Why didn't the cannibal eat the flesh of a dead m**...? Because it was \*bad to the bone\*.

Human Flesh Jokes

Here is a list of funny human flesh jokes and even better human flesh puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Do you know what cannibal tribes have said about the taste of human flesh? It's an acquired taste that varies person to person.
  • I've eaten tons of human flesh... ...It was my own and all came from around my fingernails.
  • What does human flesh taste like? It varies from person to person.
Flesh joke, What does human flesh taste like?

Rib-Tickling Flesh Jokes that Bring Friends Together

What funny jokes about flesh to tell and make people laugh ? Check out these list of good jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make flesh prank.

Difference between Vegans and Vegetarians.

Both do not put anything that is flesh, inside mouth.
Where as vegetarians s**... milk, vegans do not.

TIL that a school of piranhas can s**... all the flesh off of a child's body in less than a minute...

On the downside, I lost my job at the aquarium...

I knew a kid in grade school who was born with deformed eyelids...

...So they took the flesh from his circumcision to fix his deformity. For the rest of his life he was c**...-eyed.

Heaven Between Legs

A nun went to her Mother Superior and asked her to hear a confession.
"Mother, today I experienced the pleasures of the flesh. Father Saunders came to me and told me I had the gates to Heaven between my legs. He then told me he had the key to Heaven and put it in the gates."
"Why that lying ba***rd !" the Mother Superior screamed. "For years he has told me it was Gabriel's trumpet and I've been blowing it!"

if it looks like bread, smells like bread, and tastes like bread...

it's probably the flesh of a 2000 year old messiah

One fine day, down at the local diner.

A waitress taking the breakfast order of a mother and her young son is startled when the little boy looks up at her and growls in a low, deep voice:

**"I want to consume the flesh of swine, and the unborn."**

His mother shakes her head, sighs, and says, "Bacon and eggs. He wants bacon and eggs."

What do you get when you cross a Swedish tennis pro, a computer virus, and an insatiable hunger for mort flesh?

Cyborg Bjorn Borg hosting smorgasbords at the morgue.

How many Jews does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Not sure, but that is definitely the smell of burning flesh.

Who uses a Rubik's Fleshlight?


A man sold his flesh to a cannibalistic sushi shop...

...I guess you could say he's on a roll.

A man and a woman argue over the custody of their child...

The woman screams, "The child is mine! I birthed him from my own flesh and blood and carried him through labour! All you did was screw me, you don't deserve him!"
The man calmly replies, "Tell me, if I put ten cents in a vending machine and a drink pops out, does it belong to me or the vending machine?"

Zoology is an interesting subject...

For example, did you know that a school of piranhas can completely s**... the flesh from the bones of a child in 20 seconds?
Also, I lost my job at the zoo today...

TIL that a school of piranhas...

... can completely s**... the flesh of the bones of a small child in less than 20 seconds.
Also today I was fired from the zoo...

TIL that a school of piranhas are able to s**... all the flesh off of a child in under two minutes.

Sadly, I was also fired from the aquarium.

My wife and I went to a new restaurant last night, where they serve the flesh of exotic birds and animals.

We both decided to try pelican, which was absolutely fantastic, but the bill was enormous.

My little brother jumped out the window when I told him a cannibal clown was coming upstairs to feast on his flesh.

I can't believe he fell for It.

A guy visits his favorite d**...

He puts his money on the bedside table and says I've been bad, mistress. I need to be punished.
She makes him s**... and bend over as she whips his quivering bottom.
Next she makes him crawl into bed and ties him securely to the bedposts.
She runs her whip over his flesh and, as he wriggles in anticipation, the bed posts break and his arms come free.
Don't worry, I can fix this he says, as he runs out to his car. He returns in a few minutes with some tools and gets to work.
In a few minutes the bedposts are fixed.
He looks admiringly at his handiwork and beams.
Good as new, mistress!
She says This sub really loves reposts.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Seven's been worried about six even since he left Afghanistan. Every time 6 closes his eyes, he sees the war and hears the gunshots. He sees the blood, the killing, the death, and soldiers falling. When he looks at seven, he remembers when they were forced to eat their own flesh to not starve in those caves. He sees the war and the flashbacks will come back forever, burned into his soul and mind.

Two Cannibals Are Talking

Two cannibals are talking to each other.
Hey, you remember that person we ate a couple weeks ago, the one that tasted so good?
Yes, it's still flesh in my memory.

3 generations of males went to an old-fashioned store...

The young man asked for a pound of raisins from the pretty lady behind the counter. She had to climb a ladder to fill the order, revealing her n**... flesh under her short skirt. Then, she asked his dad what he wanted.
Wanting to see a p**...-less beauty climb the stairs again, he too asked for a pound of raisins. This time she caught on while grabbing the raisins, looking down on the men getting their carnal delights.
She then asked the grandpa, "I suppose yours is raisin' too?" "No," the old fella said, "but it is twitchin' a bit."

Yesterday I learnt that 20 piranhas can s**... all flesh off a man within 6 minutes.

Unfortunately, I also lost my job at the local swimming pool.

Jesus loves you

Great thing to hear in church...
... not so much in a Mexican prison.

(heard in the tv-series Flesh and Bone)

Sometimes parents are too critical.

Like this morning, when I woke up and walked into the kitchen. My dad took one look at me and said, "You look like you've seen a ghost."
"But dad, you've been dead for over a year. Yet here you are in the flesh."
"Then try looking like you've seen a zombie."

Flesh joke,  First we'll take off the top, then we can eat the flesh.

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like kids and toddlers can enjoy. They can be verbal, as in a play on words, or narrative, often involving a set-up and a punchline. JokoJokes has it all! Jokes in Spanish are also found. Teens are often joking with 4 year olds and 6 year olds. Found out more in our Jokes FAQ section

The impact of these flesh jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.