Flatulance Jokes

52 flatulance jokes and hilarious flatulance puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about flatulance that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Funniest Flatulance Short Jokes

Short flatulance jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The flatulance humour may include short jokes also.

  1. Today I put a new lens on my camera that allows me to take photos of farts. It's called flatulence.
    Sorry, I'm a dad.
  2. What do you call a teacher who doesn't flatulate in public. A private tutor.
    -Credits to my cousin ;)
  3. When people around me complain about my flatulence I explain to them that it puts me on the same level as the great Pharaohs of old.... Because we have a Tutanhkhamun.
  4. "So you are suffering from flatulences, grandpa?" "Suffering? No, that's my last remaining pleasure!"
  5. A guy was running around trying to determine the source of physicians' flatulence He was only following doctors odors.
  6. What did the flatulent man say to the preacher during confession? Forgive me Father, for i have wind.
  7. A man with no nose applies to be a professional flatulence detector.
  8. What did the neckbeard say while giving the eulogy for his extremely flatulent friend? Rip in peace
  9. My thesis on Orbital Flatulence took seven years of hard work... Well, that's what I tell everyone. I was really just f**... around.
  10. A question about flatulence. If you die due to a lack of breathable air caused by flatulence, is the Cause of Death "a**...-phyxiation"?

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Flatulance One Liners

Which flatulance one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with flatulance? I can suggest the ones about and .

  1. Why are blacksmiths so flatulent? Whoever smelt it, dealt it
  2. What do you call a sociopathic Englishman with flatulence? Jack the Ripper
  3. What do you call a flatulent boxer? Gassius Clay
  4. What do you call a flatulent homosexual boxer? Gassius Gay
  5. What do you call a champion boxer with flatulence? Gaseous Clay
  6. What do you call a rapper with flatulence? 50 scents.
  7. What is the gassiest insect? A flatul ant!
  8. What do you call someone who gives their life in the name of flatulence? A fartyr.
  9. What do you call a flatulent group of witches? ...
    A Dutch Coven
  10. Flatulence is... really nothing more than a beans to an end.
  11. What do you call a flatulent teacher? A tutor
  12. What do you call an ambulance with a flat tire? A flatulence.
  13. What is the scientific units for flatulence concentration? Farts per million.
  14. What has ten letters and starts with gas? "flatulence"
  15. Who is the most flatulent artist? De-gas

Flatulance Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.

What funny jokes about flatulance you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make flatulance pranks.

After nine years of marriage, a butcher's wife is tired of her husband's morning flatulence.

She warns him that he'll f**... his guts out.
One night, the wife decides to put pig scraps in his pants, so he will think that he actually f**... his guts out and stop the flatulence.
The next morning, the husband goes to the bathroom.
Two long hours later, he comes out and says, "You were right about me f**... my guts out. But with the grace of the dear Lord and these two fingers. I got them back in there!"

An old couple had been married for 30 years...

And every morning for those three decades, at precisely 6:30 am, the man would release a horrendous f**... that would gag a maggot! His wife would be awakened by said f**... and the man would laugh. Oftentimes he would give her the ole' "Dutch Oven". Every time, however, the disgusted wife would exclaim "One day, you're gonna f**... your guts out!". The husband would then laugh harder and perhaps wave a little more foul air in her direction.
One day, it was thanksgiving. The wife gets up much earlier to begin food preparation for the feast. As she is removing the innards of her fleshy killed turkey, she gets an idea. She gathers up the fowl gut and brings them upstairs to her sleeping husband. She then deposited the entrails into the back of his jockeys. She returns to her kitchen and waits for 6:30.
When 6:30 arrives, she hears the earth shattering flatulence all the way downstairs which is followed immediately by a despairing cry. The woman giggles behind her hand.
Several minutes later, her husband comes to her kitchen, white-faced and wide-eyed. He says, "All this time, you were right. I finally f**... my guts out!" The wife says, " My goodness! Really?". He replies, "Yeah, but I got em' all back in."

A long-married man has a routine...

... That greatly bothers his wife. Every morning, he wakes up, gets out of bed, and rips a f**... loud enough to wake the dead (or his living wife).
So, when she has finally had enough, she wants to make sure that he will never wake with his thunderous flatulence.
One morning, she gets up early, and sneaks to the kitchen for a bowl leftover bits and giblets of turkey she had in the fridge. She steals back to the bedroom, places the contents of the bowl in her husband's underwear. Then she goes downstairs, and begins to make breakfast.
After about half an hour, the hears the creak of the mattress, a loud f**..., and a scream of confusion and fear. She chuckles to herself, and continues to make breakfast with a smirk on her face.
After another half hour, she begins to wonder: Where *is* her husband? But her query is answered within minutes. Her husband waddles into the kitchen looking happy.
She asks, "What was that scream about?"
And her husband replies: "Honey, somehow I managed to f**... my guts out. But, with a little luck, and these two fingers, I was able to shove 'em back in!"

A rich society hostess gives a dinner for a number of businessmen.

Unfortunately she suffers from flatulence. The first time she 'toots' one of the gentlemen gets up and says pardon me ma'am and leaves the room. The next time she 'toots' another gentleman does the same. An American turns to his British colleague and says 'What gives - she keeps f**... and guys leave the room'. His colleague says 'this is British politeness - the gentlemen are taking the blame for the lady'. The next time she 'toots' the American stands up and says 'have this one on me, ma'am' and leaves the room.

An elderly lady goes to her GP complaining about her flatulence

She tells him that although she farts many times each day, it's more of a nuisance than a real problem.
"What do you mean?" Asks her doctor.
"Well," says the old lady, "they're silent and they don't smell."
The doctor writes a prescription and tells her to come back in a week.
When she returns she says, "I don't know what you gave me doctor! I still f**... all day and although they're still silent, they now stink the place up!"
The doctor nods and says, "now that we've cleared up your sinuses, I'll see what I can do about your hearing."

Another f**... joke that includes a doctor

A man goes to the doctor to tell him about his recent extreme flatulence. He is constantly f**... as he tells the doctor about his problem.
At one point, the Doctor excuses himself, leaves the room and comes back with a six foot long pole with a hook on the end.
The Doctor answers, "Open a window!"

A man visits his doctor...

and says "Doc, you gotta help me. I have a terrible case of flatulence. Fortunately it's completely silent and there's no smell, but I haven't stopped passing gas for two days ! Can you help me ? "
Doc says "Yes, but first we need to check your hearing and your sinuses."
[ok, I'm walking off, no need to throw stuff.]

Why is flatulence more satisfying after a long struggle to push it out?

Because you know you made a real ef-**f**...**

I wrote up my thesis about the effects of diet on adult flatulence.

The professor found my observations rather a**...-toot.

An elderly lady goes to see the doctor about her flatulence.

Doctor, can you please help? I pass wind all the time. They don't smell, they don't make a sound, but I've f**... three times already since coming in here.
The Doctor prescribes some tablets and asks the lady to return in a week.
Doctor, help! My gas has gotten worse! They still don't make a sound but now they stink, it's disgusting!
The Doctor replies, Good, we've fixed your sinuses, now let's work on your hearing.

An old lady is sitting with her doctor

I've been having the most terrible flatulence, doctor. I just can't stop passing gas. Luckily, they're silent and they don't smell at all. Why, you couldn't tell but I've f**... at least five or six times in the few minutes I've been here with you.
The doctor pulled out his prescription pad and began writing.
Are these pills to help with my stomach?
The doctor replied, no – your sense of smell.


A lady sees the doctor to complain about her flatulences. „Doctor, I have these huge flatulences. Although they don't smell they're bothering me. The doctor gives her some pills to s**... and asks her to show up next week. After a week the lady returns: „What pills did you give me? My farts stink like h**... now! The doctor replies: „You nose is okay now again, now we take care of your flatulences.