Flatlined Jokes
9 flatlined jokes and hilarious flatlined puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about flatlined that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Flatlined Funny Jokes to Tell Your Friends and Kids.
What is a good flatlined joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman is in the hospital in a coma...
and the husband is in the waiting room. The doctor comes out and tells the husband every time he gets near her c**..., her heart rate increases, and tells the husband he believes o**... s**... will bring her out of the coma.
The husband enters the room. Shortly after, the doctor hears a flatline and rushes into the room, asking what happened. The husband replies, "I dont know, Doc. I think she choked."
The Next Instalment of the Flat Stanley Series:
Flatline Stan Lee
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A woman patient in a hospital had been in a coma for a number of years. Each day a nurse gave her a bed bath. One day while washing her private parts she notices that the monitor shows an increase in heart rate.
The nurse tells a Doctor, He considers the results and calls her husband. When he arrives the Doctor suggests that o**... s**... may help. The husband agrees and they pull the curtain around the bed for privacy.
30 minutes later the monitor shows her heart and breathing has stopped, then she flatlines and is obviously dead. The Dr rushes in and asks the husband what happened, he looks at the doctor and says I don't know, maybe she choked.
What's the funniest sound you'll never hear?
Your heart flatlining.
They reopened Pulse nightclub...
But they renamed it flatline...
An older man is laying on his deathbed.
"Honey," he rasps when he sees his wife, "I have to know. Our two daughters have been so beautiful and our only son has always been so ugly that I've had my doubts, and I can't leave this world without knowing, but is he truly mine?"
"Of course, dear," she answers. The man relaxes and sags back into the bed with a quiet note of contentment and flatlines in the next minutes.
As she mourns, she can't help but think, *Thank God he didn't ask about Jen and Kate.*
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a man's wife is in a coma...
...and the nurse notices that when she bed-bathes the woman's g**..., there are small fleeting signs of life.
So the doctor explains to the husband and suggests that perhaps if he performed o**... s**... on her, it might bring her out of the coma.
So the husband goes in, but after a minute or so the woman's heart monitor flatlines and all the staff rush in to find her dead.
"What happened?" the doctor screams to the man.
"I'm not sure..." he says,
"...I think she choked"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm no Doctor
A husband and wife are at the hospital.. the wife is in a coma.
The doctor pulls the husband to the side and says "we have tried everything in the realms of medicine to revive your wife., but we have no progress.
Th last option I can suggest which will sometimes work is to perform o**... s**... with her - would you be willing?"
Husband says yes and the nurses slide the curtains closed for privacy.
A few minutes later the machine that goes beep flatlines and the nurses and doctor race in to help.
When they ask the husband what happened he replies -
"Well, I'm no doctor - but I think she choked to death"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man's wife is in a coma
A woman was in a coma being cared for by the Intensive Care nursing staff who noticed a little reaction on the vital -signs monitor as they washed between her legs during a sponge bath.
They tried it again and sure enough there was definite movement on the monitor.
As soon as they realised what had happened they went straight to her husband and told him: This may not work, but, maybe some o**... s**... could bring your wife out of the coma.
The husband remained skeptical, but he finally let himself be convinced.
The nurses took him to his wife's room and explained that they would leave them alone so they could have more privacy, but would be checking her vitals in the other room for any reaction.
After a few minutes the monitor's alarm goes off and she flatlines –no pulse, no heartbeat, nothing!
The nurses run into the room desperate to help the woman and see what went wrong, asking the husband, what happened?!?
He replied: I don't know… I think she choked…
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