Flat Jokes
151 flat jokes and hilarious flat puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about flat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Ready for a laugh? This article looks at the unique humor of Saskatchewan Flat, the puns of your so flat, sound of b-flat, a few flatmate jokes and the differences between flat and appartment. Discover how to enjoy the comedy of the flat-world here.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Flat Short Jokes
Short flat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The flat humour may include short blank jokes also.
- My flat-earther friend decided to walk to the end of the world to prove it's flat! In the end, he came around.
- My friend gets really upset when I call him a flat-Earther He says the correct term is bulldozer operator.
- Me: The earth isn't flat! fiat earther: correct
me: huh?
fiat earther: it's the shape of an Italian car
me: what?
fiat earther: you read my name wrong didn't you? - I debated a flat earther once he stormed off saying he'd walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong.
He'll come around, eventually. - The Earth's surface is 70% water. That water is uncarbonated. Therefore, the Earth is flat.
- I just watched a movie about a y=x graph The plot was a bit predictable
And a little flat
Good special f(x) though - Why are there no highly credited esteemed flat-earthers? Because flattery will get you nowhere.
- I just got kicked out of flat earth Facebook groups because I asked if the 6 foot social distancing had pushed anyone over the edge yet.
- Flat earthers are very worried about the COVID-19 pandemic. They are afraid that social distancing measures may push people over the edge.
- Why Don't We Have a Reality Show Where Flat Earthers Walk to the End of the Earth? Because that would be edgy
Share These Flat Jokes With Friends
Flat One Liners
Which flat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with flat? I can suggest the ones about plain and floor.
- The Only Thing Flat-Earthers Fear..... Is Sphere Itself.
- How does a Flat Earther travel the world? on a plane
- If the earth really is flat Wouldn't cats have pushed everything off the edge by now?
- What vegetable do you need when you get a flat tire? A-spare-I-guess.
- the flat earth society ... ... has members all around the globe
- I saw a homeless man living in a tire today, so I popped it Now he lives in a flat
- What do you get if you drop a piano down a mineshaft? A flat minor
- What would happen if a piano fell on top of you? You'd b-flat.
- I was a flat earther for 4 years Then I turned 5
- What do you get if you drop a piano down a mine shaft? A flat miner
- My singing voice sounds bad in my tiny apartment. It's a little flat.
- What do you get if you drop a piano on a military base? A flat major.
- What chord does a piano make when it drops on a child? ...A-flat minor
- What is a flat earther's least favorite flavor of gum? Spheremint
- Did you hear about the Flat Earther who went skydiving? He landed on a plane.
Flat Earthers Jokes
Here is a list of funny flat earthers jokes and even better flat earthers puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I debated a flat earther once. He got so mad he stormed off saying he would walk to the edge of the earth to prove me wrong. He'll come around eventually.
- A buddy of mine is one of those flat Earther's. He said he's angry and going to the edge. I have a feeling he'll come around.
- If there was a reality show about flat-earthers trying to find the edge of the world The ending would be a cliffhanger.
- Flat earthers are very worried about the pandemic. They are afraid that social distancing measures may push people over the edge.
- Why is it impossible for a flat Earther calculate the volume of the Earth? Because there is always a rounding error.
- What do the square-root of 2 and flat-earthers have in common ? They're both completely irrational.
- Flat Earthers say we've never truly seen real pictures of the earth but I've never seen my dad and I know he's real
- What is the flat earthers greatest fear? A well rounded argument.
- What's denser than a neutron star? A Flat Earther
- This is ridiculous. It's July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks. One almost caught our christmas decoration on fire.
Earth Flat Jokes
Here is a list of funny earth flat jokes and even better earth flat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Earth is flat! I mean, when was the last time you came across naturally carbonated ocean water?
- I was arguing with a flat Earth believer We argued about how many members the flat Earth community had. He said "We have members all around the globe".
- A flat earth conspiracist was boasting about how many people believe that the Earth is flat... He said, We have supporters all around the globe!!!
- Did you hear the Flat Earth Society is really gaining ground? They say they have members all around the globe now.
- I don't really care if the earth is round or flat. Because it's pointless either way.
- Earth can not be flat Because if it was cats would have pushed everything from the edge
- Flat Earth theory debunked We can say with certainty that the Earth is not flat because if it was cats would have tossed everything off the edge already.
- Did you hear about the guy who tried to prove the Earth was flat by walking to the edge? He finally came around.
- TIL the Earth produces global electromagnetic resonance with the highest peak frequency of 33.8Hz, slightly lower than a C#1 note with a frequency of 34.65Hz. I guess you can say the earth is flat.
- A have a joke about the Earth... but my friends say it's flat.
Flat Earth Jokes
Here is a list of funny flat earth jokes and even better flat earth puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- All 8 planets are singing Happy Birthday to the Sun and it sounds terrible. Everyone turns to Earth and Earth says, "don't look at me, I'm not flat"
- I was pretty mad when they told me my flat earth movie was nominated for an award. Golden globes
- If you push someone, they fall flat on the ground... They don't fall round on the ground.
Therefore the Earth is flat! - Why did the scientist's results show that the Earth was flat? Rounding error.
- I like my women how I like my Earth Flat.
- I am telling you the earth is flat! It's made up of 70% Uncarbonated water!
- What did the flat-earther say after finally seeing the earth from space? Half of the so-called continents are missing.
- Why will the flat earth society never be popular? Because they cant get the word a round.
- The Flat Earth society have made a new documentary.... .....which has been nominated for the Golden Globe award.
- The Flat Earth Community has supporters all around the globe.
Flat Tire Jokes
Here is a list of funny flat tire jokes and even better flat tire puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a feminist with a flat tire? Stranded.
- Knew somebody who used to live in a giant tire. He got a puncture one day……..
#
#
#
Now he lives in a flat. - Did you hear about the frog that had a flat tire? He was toad.
- To tell me my zipper was open, a girl tells me, "your garage is open" I said, "did you see my ford mustang gt super sport?"
She said "No, but i did see your mini cooper with two flat tires" - Kid: Dad, I need to fix my bike tire, it's flat. Dad: Kiddo, you need a henway for that. Kid: What's a henway? About three pounds.
(read outloud) - I needed an emergency tire change. I asked what the hourly rate was. I was relieved when they said it's a... ...Flat Fee.
- My boss is mad that I was late to work today I guess having a flat tire isn't a good excuse when you work from home.
- If you're flying through the desert and your boat gets a flat tire, what should you have in your pockets? Blue, because ice cream has no bones
- Two blondes are looking at a flat tire. One says to the other, how bad is it?
The other says, not bad it's only flat on the bottom. - I got a flat tire I shoulda bought asparagus.
Delightful Fun Flat Jokes for a Roaring Good Time
What funny jokes about flat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean compact jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make flat pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man comes home to his wife...
Upon entering their home he promtly asks her, "hey honey, do you want to play the r**... game tonight?", a flat and unenthusiastic "no" is her response, to which he replies excitedly "good sport"
This guy walks out of the bathroom when...
This guy walks out of the bathroom when a woman says, "Excuse me sir, but your garage door is open."
The guy then replies, "Oh, really? Did you see my Harley?"
She says back, "No, just a small bike, with two flat tires."
So A flat walks into a bar . . .
And the bartender looks up and says, "G you're looking sharp."
What happened?
A passerby saw a man laid flat on the sidewalk in front of the local beauty shop and ran to offer assistance. As the man came blinking into consciousness, the passerby asked, What happened?
The man rubbed the back of his head and said, I don't know! Last thing I remember, my wife was coming out of the salon there and I said, Well, at least they tried.
Legs in the Air
Little Johnny came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"
His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."
"Gee Dad that's great," said Little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"
"What do you mean?" said Dad.
"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming,"Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"
A Moment of Silence
Let's all spare a few moments of silence for the man who told his wife he was going to China on that Malaysian flight no MH. 370 and now can't come out of his girlfriend's flat.
My Girlfriend's Got A Puncture
My new girlfriend's car got a flat tyre as we were on our way to see my parents, so I called them up and said, "Sorry Mum, I'm going to be late, my girlfriend's got a puncture."
"Oh John!" she sighed. "I thought you had a real one this time."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Fella rescued a damsel in distress.
Fella was heading home when he saw a lady beside the road with a flat tire. Being kind hearted, Fella stopped to change the tire for her. Lady was so thankful she invited Fella back to her place for a thank you drink. One thing lead to another and soon they were in the sack together. He realized the time and jumped up with a start. Running around getting his clothes on, he said, "What am I going to tell my wife?" "Wait, do you have any baby powder" he asked. "Certainly" she replied. He dusted his hands with the powder and headed home.
Walking in the door, he was greeted by his wife demanding to know where he had been. So he told her the truth, how he had stopped to change a woman's tire then wound up spending the afternoon in bed with her.
His wife looked at him for a moment, then grabbed his hands looking at them. She screamed at him, "You s**..., you spent the day playing pool again, didn't you?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why are girls like rocks?
You skip the flat ones.
What'll happen if a piano is dropped on a man?
He will B flat
I just moved in to a new flat with two girls...
I just moved in to a new flat with two girls, it's been a bit of a nightmare to be honest. The first one has really bad OCD, whenever she goes in to a room she has to turn the light switch on and off 17 times. That's nothing compared to the other one, she's got epilepsy
My flatmates said I wasted my money buying a kilo of pasta..
..but I say it was worth every penne.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Emergency flashers
Yesterday, I had a flat tire on the interstate. So I eased my car over to the shoulder of the road, carefully got out of the car and opened the trunk.
I took out two cardboard men, unfolded them and stood them at the rear of my car facing on-coming traffic. They looked so lifelike you wouldn't believe it! They're dressed in open trench coats that exposed their n**... bodies and private parts to the approaching drivers.
But to my surprise, cars started slowing down to look at my cardboard cutouts. And, of course, traffic began backing up. Everybody tooted their horns and waved like crazy. It wasn't long before a state trooper pulled up behind me.
He got out of his car and walked towards me. I could tell he was not a happy camper!
"What's going on here?"
"My car has a flat tire," I said calmly.
"Well, what are those obscene cardboard men doing here by the road?"
I couldn't believe that he didn't know. So I told him, "Helloooooo, those are my emergency flashers!
What do you get when you push a piano out of the second floor window of an elementary school?
A flat minor.
Who were the fastest readers in the world?
9/11 victims. Went through 87 stories in 10 seconds flat.
An old man is dying..
His grandson asks him, "papa.. What will happen to your body when you die?" the grandfather looks up weakly at him and says, "I decay...". Just then his monitor flat lines and the boy sat wondering why his grandfather didnt know what would happen to his corpse.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Two guys meet up at a high school reunion
They start talking about people from their past.
"Hey, remember that flat chested girl Sam?"
"Oh yea, how she doing?"
"I just saw her like 15 minutes ago and now she's like this" - He holds his hands in front of his chest, fingers curled in.
"Oh, she got breast e**...?"
"No, she's got severe arthritis"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Scotsman moves to London
How's the flat you're living in in London, Jock? asks his mother when he calls home to Aberdeen.
It's okay, he replies, but the woman next door keeps screaming and crying all night and the guy on the other side keeps b**... his head on the wall.
Never you mind, says his mother, don't you let them get to you, just ignore them.
Aye, that I do, he says, I just keep playing my bagpipes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So a 70ish year old grandpa randomly walked up to me in the gym and laid this one on me:
What's the similarity between a flat chested woman and a stone?
You skip them both.
I've just got my son a flat piece of cardboard for his birthday.
I guess I'll never know why he so badly wanted an ex box.
What does it mean when a man looks deep into your eyes?
it means that you are flat chested.
What do you call it when a piano falls on a kids head?
A flat minor
I told my gf the world was flat and she became angry with me
I told her she was my world and she got angrier
My wife said we needed to childproof our upright piano, so it wouldn't fall over on our toddler...
... I said that was a good idea, because I wouldn't want a flat minor.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Flat Earthers
It's funny making a flat earth beliver angry, but if you push them over the edge then you're only proving them right.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Louis c**... helped me change a flat tire.
All I had to do was watch him jack it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken.
The waiter says: Nothing special, we just flat out tell 'em they're gonna die."
What do girls and rocks have in common?
The flat ones get skipped.
Four high school kids who carpooled together decided to skip school and spend the day fishing.
The next day they told the teacher that they had had a flat tire, and couldn't make it to class.
Much to their relief, she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a pop quiz yesterday, so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down.
Once they were seated and ready, she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?"
What do you call it when a trickster god is singing just a little flat, but nobody really notices?
Low-key low key Loki.
My dad just called a family meeting.
Me, mum, my two brothers, my sister and grandma hurried into the living room and gathered round an IKEA box laying on the floor.
"Dad, it's some flat pack furniture, what do you need the whole family for?" I asked.
"Well, it must be these strange Swedish customs", he replies, "It says assembly required".
Jokes are like babies...
...if they don't have a good delivery, they just fall flat.
The woman's husband is crying in the corner
The woman goes up to her husband and asks what is wrong
The husband replies crying: I'm upset because the world is flat
The woman confused tells him that the world isn't flat
The husband tells her: you are my world
Two flat earthers die and go to heaven. At the pearly gates they have the chance to ask god any questions they want and get truthful answers, so one flat earther asks god "is the earth flat?" to which god answers "No."
The flat earther looks at the other and says "this goes higher than we thought".
A Guy walks in an Irish Pub
I guy on vacation in Ireland walks into a pub and says
"I hear you Irish can drink, I'll give a thousand bucks
to the guy who can drink 10 pints of Guinness in under 5 minutes"
Everyone is quiet but one of the Irishmen gets up and leaves.
In a few minutes the Irishmen walks back in and says
"Line me up 10 pints of Guinness" and he drinks them in 4 minutes flat.
As the guy is paying him the $1000 he asks the Irishmen
"If ya dont mind me askin, when you left earlier, where'd ya go"
The Irishmen says "I had to go to the pub next door
cuz I wanted to make sure I could do it"
A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven
A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven. God himself was there and told him he would be happy to answer any questions the man might have - about anything across the entirety of Space and Time.
So of course the man said - "Was I right? Is the earth actually flat?" and God chuckled and said "Of course not".
The man shook his head in disbelief, shaken to his very core, before murmuring "...this goes even higher than I thought..."
The real reason for the missing of many flat-earthers in recent weeks as suggested by their friends of similar thought
The Flat Earth Society has reported that the 6 foot social distancing measures have led to the pushing of some of their members over the edge.
A flat earther snuck into a physics seminar
While the speaker was giving speech on recent development about gravity, flat earther shouted
" Why do you even think that gravity is real? "
Speaker dropped the mic.
Four college students get drunk together the night before their final exam.
They get so drunk that they wake up late and miss their exam. The four students go to the professor together and explain this elaborate lie that their car tire went flat when they were on their way to the exam. They beg for a retest, and the professor agrees.
The day of the makeup test, the four boys all arrive on time, completely sober. The professor looks at the boys, looks at his watch, and says you may begin the test.
The boys open the final booklet and to their surprise, they each only have one question.
Which tire was flat?
My sister told me this one
What is the similarity between girls and rocks?
The flat ones get skipped.
I just got my son a flat peice of cardboard for his birthday
I have no idea why he was so desperate for an ex box.
Some people just moved into the flat next to mine. Apparently, they listen to Metallica!
Whether they like it or not
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One from my granddad many years ago. "Why do seals have flat d**...?"
[Do an impression of a seal while clapping your hands near your groin]
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Latina with a flat b**...?
Bottomless Margarita
I used to share a flat with 3 beautiful women.
Until they found out...
I got out of my car, exasperated, and phoned my wife. I said, "Unbelievable...I was on my way to the bowling alley with my friends and my tyre went flat."
"Have you got a spare?" she questioned.
"Honey," I sighed, "I'm not at the bowling alley yet."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One morning a man came into the church on crutches
He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, then threw away his crutches.
An altar boy witnessed the scene, then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen.
"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle," the priest said. "Tell me, where is this man now?"
"Flat on his a**... over by the holy water."
Joke by my 6yr old. What do you call a baby that crossed the road?
Flat baby
Seeking therapy for her now lol
