Flask Jokes

15 flask jokes and hilarious flask puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about flask that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Flask Jokes will make you laugh out loud with funny stories, puns, and one-liners related to hydro flask, carts, whisky, and the Franciscan! Get some good laughs right now!

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Funniest Flask Short Jokes

Short flask jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The flask humour may include short bottle jokes also.

  1. Always carry a whiskey flask in case of a snake bite. With that in mind, always carry a small snake. ~ W.C. Fields
  2. Why did the scientist drop a wrist watch into his flask? He was looking for a timely solution.
  3. Mushroom soup I asked my mate what kind of soup he had in his flask.
    He started clucking.
    "Chicken?" I said.
    "No," he replied, " Mushroom...but I can't make a noise like a mushroom."
  4. My girlfriend likes to experiment in bed… …that's why we have all these beakers, Erlenmeyer flasks and Petri dishes.
  5. How does an imam keep his tea hot? He uses a thermosque flask yes, I know, that deserves a beheading
  6. I'm off for a walk tomorrow, so decided to make my own trail mix. It's mostly Spiced r**... and Coke in a flask...

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Flask One Liners

Which flask one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with flask? I can suggest the ones about beaker and wine glass.

  1. What do you call funny laboratory equipment? A comical flask.
  2. You know when I like using my Erlenmyer flasks? Early 'n mah uh' flasks.

Flask joke, You know when I like using my Erlenmyer flasks?

Silly & Ridiculous Flask Jokes to Spread Joy & Laughter

What funny jokes about flask you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean beer bottle jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make flask pranks.

If you're going to drink and drive, always carry a flask in your car

If you get pulled over for a DUI, put the flask in your lap, suspiciously​ insist that it's "water," and that's when the officer finds out that's it's chloroform.

A blonde and a brunette are taking a break

The brunette pulls out a thermos and starts to sip coffee while eating her lunch. The blonde asks what's up with the funny looking flask. "It's a thermos flask, it keeps hot beverages hot, and cold beverages cold!" the blonde is enthused, and decides right away to get one herself.
The next day the blonde walks in the breakroom with a brand new thermos and shows it to the brunette. "Oh," the brunette remarks, "What do you have in there?"
"Two coffee and an ice cream!"

An Irish prayer...

On a cold winter night; an older Irishman walks down the street using his prized glass flask of whiskey to keep warm. Just as he returns it to his back pocket he slips on ice and falls with a crunch. As he lay there assessing his injuries, he feels warm liquid running down his leg.
He closed his eyes and said, "Please Lord, let it be blood."

A doctor and a lawyer met with an accident....

A doctor and a lawyer in 2 cars collide on a country road.
The lawyer seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helps him from the car and offers him a drink from his hip flask.
The doctor accepts and has a couple of generous sips and hands it back to the lawyer, who closes it and puts it away.
"Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asks the doctor.
"Sure, after the police leave."

p**... the Bear

p**... is out around town doing a bit of shopping, in one particular store he spots something shiny behind the counter and says to the assistant "What's that thing there?"
"Its a thermos flask" says the assistant.
"What does it do?" p**... asks.
"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold, sir" She replies.
p**... buys the thermos flask and takes it to work the next day. At lunch time he sits down and takes it out of his rucksack.
"What's that thing?" m**... asks.
"Its a thermos flask, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold" p**... says.
"Is that so? What've got in it?" Asks m**....
p**... says "Two cups of coffee and an ice cream"

A teacher instructs her fifth-grade class to ask their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end.

The next day the kids come in and share their stories. "My daddy told me about my uncle Dave," says one boy. "He was a pilot in Vietnam and had to bail out over enemy territory with nothing but a flask of whiskey, a p**..., and a knife. He drank the whiskey during the drop, then landed in the middle of 20 Charlies. He shot 15, stabbed three, and killed the last two with his bare hands."
"What is the moral of this horrible story?" yelps the mortified teacher.
"Stay away from Uncle Dave when he's drinking."

David Beckham is out shopping one day.. (Old)

He spots a tall, cylindrical silver thing. He asks a shop assistant what it is; "It's a Thermos flask, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold" replies the assistant.
So David buys it. On arriving home, Victoria asks what he's
got there. "It's a Thermos flask, keeps 'ot fings 'ot an cold fings cold."
"Great," replies Victoria, " you can take that to training with you, show the lads."
So David takes it along to the England Camp the next day.
The players ask him what he has there, "A Thermos flask, keeps 'ot fings 'ot an cold fings cold"
"Zo vot have you got in it David?" asks Sven.
"A cup of coffee an a choc ice" he replies.

Flask joke, David Beckham is out shopping one day.. (Old)