Flash Jokes
128 flash jokes and hilarious flash puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about flash that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Laugh it up with these hilarious 'Flash Jokes' - from hot flashes to news flashes, we've got it all covered! Get your daily fill of wit and wisdom with light-hearted puns and jokes about arc flash, reverse flash, and Zootopia's Flash. Gather your friends to sparkle and flare it up with a bit of cape.
Quick Jump To
- Short Flash Jokes
- Flash One Liners
- Flash Drive Jokes
- News Flash Jokes
- Hot Flash Jokes
- More Flash Jokes
Funniest Flash Short Jokes
Short flash jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The flash humour may include short blink jokes also.
- It's ironic that in America, red white and blue stands for freedom... ... unless they're flashing behind you.
- Did you hear about the guy whose spouse was hit by lightning? His entire wife flashed before his eyes.
- Getting tired of these people who come to my door, telling me I'm gonna burn unless I'm saved... The flashing lights on their trucks were pretty cool to see, though.
- Why do Japanese people always look serious in photos? Last time they saw a flash, it destroyed their country.
- Correcting killed the cat, said a stranger standing next to a man. No, that was curiosi… a loud bang and flash of light silenced him quickly
- I noticed a car following me on my drive home I don't know why they thought they'd get away with it, the flashing lights made it really obvious.
- Disney reveals that the upcoming "Kenobi" series will be streamed exclusively in Flash player It will be titled Adobe Wan Kenobi
- The creator of the USB flash drive died today. He was lowered into his coffin, flipped over, and then lowered again.
- There is no need to tailgate me when I'm doing 50 in a 35 And those flashing lights on top of your car look ridiculous!
- They say red, white, and blue are the colors of freedom. Until they start flashing behind you.
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Flash One Liners
Which flash one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with flash? I can suggest the ones about flush and fuse.
- "On the plus side, I am completely immune to flash-bang grenades" - probably Helen Keller
- Red, White and Blue represent freedom until you see them flashing behind your car.
- Why couldn't the press take pictures of the fastest superhero? No Flash photography.
- What's it called when a Roman sees too many flashing colors? A Julius Seizure.
- Steve Jobs said his life flashed before his eyes. Except Apple doesn't support Flash.
- I asked my wife if I'm a superhero in bed. She said yes! The Flash.
- It's funny how red, white, and blue represent freedom Until they're flashing behind you
- News flash: Vandals destroy street signs They pulled out all the stops
- Why was the photographer arrested? flashing and indecent exposure...
- What do you call a superpowered stripper? The Flash
- Flashing is such a harsh term I prefer spontaneous gender reveal party .
- What is it called when Barry Allen commandeers a car. A Flash Drive.
- Which superhero loves to whip out his junk in public? The Flash
- My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it's gone.
- What is Bill Cosby's favorite type of grenade? A Flash Bang.
Flash Drive Jokes
Here is a list of funny flash drive jokes and even better flash drive puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Thinking about the time I glued flash drives to a boomerang .. Brings back memories
- How do clowns store files? They store them on a flash drive with 32 gigglebytes of space.
- What do you call a nudist in car? A flash drive. Christ, I'm dumb
- Recently I was at a store walking down the flash drives and hard drives section. I have to say, it was quite a walk down the memory lane.
- how did the Floppy drive turn into a Hard drive ...By a flash drive
- What data service is red and wireless? Flash-Drives
- The robot stabbing What's the robot equivalent of a poisoned dagger?
A flash drive with a computer virus. - What does the goddess IO help you to do? To connect flash drives correctly on the first try.
- TIFU by taking the wrong flash drive to my work presentation Whoops wrong USB
- What do you call an essay in a flash drive??? who wants 2 try?
News Flash Jokes
Here is a list of funny news flash jokes and even better news flash puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Breaking news: Creator of adobe flash player just died. More updates coming soon.
- News flash: Chapters truck caught speeding Police reported, "It was really booking it!"
- I was watching the news until someone flashed on camera. I guess it was a news flash.
- News Flash! Your gay.
Hot Flash Jokes
Here is a list of funny hot flash jokes and even better hot flash puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- After all these years of marriage, my wife is still hot However now it comes in flashes.
- Why did the solar wind start having hot flashes? It was experiencing magnetopause.
- I was at a concert last night and 6 girls flashed me at once Sounds hot, doesn'**...?
Cheerful Fun Flash Jokes for Lovely Laughter
What funny jokes about flash you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean flux jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make flash pranks.
The older man and his problems
A man getting along in years finds that he is unable to perform s**.... He finally goes to his doctor who tries a few things, but nothing seems to work. Finally, as a last hope, the doctor refers him to an African medicine man. The medicine man says, "I can cure this." With that said, he throws a white powder into a flame, and there is a flash with billowing blue smoke.
Then he says, "This is powerful healing but you can only use it once a year. All you have to do is say '123,' and it shall rise for as long as you wish!"
The man then asks, "What happens when it's over, and I don't want to continue?"
The medicine man replies: "When your partner can take no more s**... and is completely raddled, all she has to say is '1234', and it will then go down. But be warned: The pork swordsman will not rise again for another year."
The old gent rushes home, anxious to try out his new powers. That night he showers, shaves, and smothers himself in aftershave. He slides into bed,cuddles up to his wife, says "123" and suddenly he has the most gigantic stiffie ever, just as the medicine man promised.
His wife turns over and asks: "What did you say '123' for?"
What did the f**... do when he thought of retiring?
He decided to stick it out for one more year.
A note to the guy behind me driving to work this morning.
Dear guy behind me driving to work this morning,
Don't get mad at me for driving the speed limit. It's there to keep people safe!
And don't get mad at me for not getting out of your way. You don't own the road!
And don't ever flash your lights and honk your horn at others to make them move...geez. Such a rude ambulance driver!
15 years of prayer
So a homeless man starts praying to god everyday for 15 years straight asking to win the lottery at least once. He never misses a day and pleads to god. One day he starts praying when he sees a flash of light and hears god yell "ATLEAST BUY A LOTTERY TICKET IF YOU WANT TO WIN!"
The sons of Superman, Flash and John are chatting...
Superman's sons says, "my dad travels the fastest, he doesnt care about traffic and returns home from work in a matter of minutes."
Flash's son says, "Nah, dude, my dad travels at the speed of light, the moment he finishes work, he's home."
John's sons says, "Please, my dad's shift ends at 5, he's home watching TV at 4:30 already"
A f**... was considering retiring.
But he decided to stick it out a while longer.
Irish sectarianism joke
An American is visiting Ireland, and walking back to his hotel from the local pub. Suddenly he hears a voice behind him, demanding, "Are you a protestant or a catholic??". The American is well aware of the sectarian issues in Ireland and is understandably afraid to admit to either affiliation. In a flash of inspiration he responds, "neither, in Jewish!". And the voice comes back, "I must be the luckiest Palestinian in all of Ireland!"
The f**...
A man wearing a trench coat with nothing underneath goes walking through the park. He sees two little old ladies sitting on a bench, so he goes over and opens his trench coat with a flourish, revealing everything underneath. One of the ladies has a s**..., the other couldn't reach.
A priest and a rabbi get into a car accident...
A priest and a rabbi get into a car accident at an intersection. They get out of their cars and find that neither is hurt, which is surprising because it was a horrible accident. The cars are a mangled mess.
The priest says to the rabbi, "Thank the lord that we are both uninjured! That was *terrifying.* I still can't stop shaking. I was so frightened!"
The rabbi says, "Friend, I feel the same way. I saw my life flash before my eyes, but those airbags saved us. Look, I had this bottle of Manischevits wine on the seat next to me and it didn't even break! Here, let's have a drink to calm our nerves. " as he hands the bottle to the priest
"Yes, and also to celebrate still being alive!" the priest says as he takes a long drink from the bottle.
He hands the bottle back to the rabbi who, instead of drinking, closes the bottle and puts it in his pocket.
"Aren't you going to have a drink?" the priest asks
"Not until after the cops get here. "
Joe was heading towards the end of a round of golf...
...when hit his ball into the woods and found it in a patch of pretty, yellow buttercups. Trying to get his ball back in play, he ended up thrashing just about every buttercup in the patch.
All of a sudden, p**...! In a flash and puff of smoke, a little old woman appeared.
She yelled, I'm Mother Nature! Do you know how long it took me to make those buttercups?
Just for doing what you have done, you won't have any butter for your popcorn for the rest of your life.
Better still, you won't have any butter for your toast for the rest of your life.
As a matter of fact, you'll never have any butter for anything for the rest of your life!!!
Then p**...! she was gone!
After Joe recovered from the shock, he hollered for his friend, Bill, where are you?
Bill yells back, I'm over here in the pussywillows.
Joe shouts back, 'DON'T SWING, BILL. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DON'T SWING !
Did you hear the one about the dude who married an exhibitionist?
He saw his wife flash before his eyes.
Billy was sleeping in his room
Billy was sleeping in his room when suddenly a flash of light appeared. A man was then standing in Billy's room. Billy was amazed.
Billy asked ''Who are you?''
The man responded with "I'm you from the future"
Billy was amazed to be able to meet his future self.
He asked his older self "What will I be when I grow up?"
The older Billy locked the door and said "A p**..."
The Flash was caught high...
He seemed to have taken speed.
How does The Flash deal with feminine criminals?
With flashbangs.
I am trying to get some help for my PTSD...
But it always seems to be one flash forward and then two flashbacks.
An angel appears and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."
Immediately, the man chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, he is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.
One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"
The man says, "I should have taken the money."
What does Gordon program in?
FLASH... AAAHHHHHHHH. Its the language of the universe...
An angel appears to the head of a Philosophy Department...
...and says, "I'll grant you whichever of three blessings you choose. Wisdom, beauty, or ten million dollars."
Immediately, the professor chooses wisdom. There is a flash of lightning, the professor is transformed, but then he just sits there, staring down at the table.
One of his colleagues whispers, "You have great wisdom. Say something!"The professor says, "I should have taken the money!"
I keep having flashbacks to my emo phase.
I think I might have PTXD.
Do flashers have dreams
where they leave the house and suddenly realize they've got their pants on?
What did Wonder Woman tell The Flash when he saw that he was greying?
"I still find you dashing"
The flash from the hiroshima bomb was so bright...
...that even today, people there walk around with their eyes in a squint
What's the flashes favorite element?
Barium
A f**... went up to two old nuns sitting on a park bench and exposed himself to them. One of them immediately had a s**......
The other couldn't quite reach.
[OC] Grandad was a Flash cosplayer back in his days
Cause I have found some of his gray uniforms from the 1940's with thunder signs on it.
One night, Wonder Woman sent some n**... pics but one failed to impress...
...she didn't turn on the flash...
Wonder Woman
Batman is talking to the Flash. "Hey, Flash, did you hear about Wonder Woman? She was lying on the roof of her building n**... moving her hips in a suggestive manner. Superman was flying by and saw her. He took off his clothes, flew down and landed right on top."
Flash says, "Boy, I bet Wonder Woman was surprised."
Batman answers, "Not nearly as surprised as the invisible man!"
How much does a flashlight weigh?
I dunno, but its probably light.
I remember when I went to Comic-Con...
It was so dark in there, I had to take a picture with The Flash...
The Justice League has a vacancy and the number 7 is interviewing to fill a superhero position...
Batman: Thank you for coming, 7. Its been rough since the Flash took off and we're having a hard time finding someone to replace him. Let's get right to it. What is your first power?
Number 7: Well, for my whole life I've been in prime condition and I don't anticipate that changing anytime soon.
Bathman: That's great to hear. What do you consider your second power to be?
Number 7: 49
What's another name for bright hair?
Flash bangs
Which superhero would you want as a neighbor?
I'm not sure, but definitely not The Flash.
My girlfriend loves to bring up superheroes after we have s**......
She always says I'm the fastest man alive. What does the Flash have to do with s**...?
The Flash was arrested for molesting a child
He was charged as a speedophile
Did you hear about the new Mexican magician?
At the end of his show he says he shall disappear on the count of 3.
"Uno, Dos...(p**...) a flash of cloud and he's gone.
He disappeared without a "tres"
f**... opens his trenchcoat, exposing himself to three elderly women on a park bench.
First elderly woman sees what is happening and has a s**.... Second elderly woman sees what is happening and also has a s**.... Third elderly woman sees what is happening, but doesn't have a s**... -- her arms were too short.
A f**... exposes himself to three old women sitting on a park bench.
Two of them have a s**.... The third can't quite reach.
BATMAN: These new iPhones are great!
WONDER WOMAN: I know right, it's so easy to stay in touch with each other.
FLASH: How come I didn't get one?
GREEN LANTERN: Sorry man, Apple doesn't run Flash.
Which is better, Arrow or Flash
Being an Apple Fan, i think it's the arrow. I don't support Flash.
I'm developing some flash cards to improve communication and understanding with my dog
Not much to speak of yet, I just have a handful of ruff sketches.
Pale Tomatoes...
Two women are talking while gardening. "Oh, I am SO jealous of your tomatoes. Mine are so pale and yours are bright red.".
"It's easy, just walk out in your nightgown early in the morning and flash them. They'll be bright red after a couple of days."
They meet again a few weeks later.
"Hey, did my hint about your tomatoes help?"
"Huh. The tomatoes are still pale, but my cucumbers are like five feet...".
Can stars talk?
Daughter - Daddy can stars talk to each other?
Dad - Of course they use Morris code.... They flash each other.
You simply cannot make a dark, lengthy, joke about lightning.
It'll be over in a flash.
Did you hear about the message that tricked ice to flash to vapor without first passing through the liquid state?
It was subliminal.
Why are flashers always so poor?
Because they're only doing it for the exposure.
What does the Flash says when...
He has s**...?
"I'm gonna CAME"
As a kid my favorite superhero was The Flash and my favorite animal was the cheetah,
I guess that explains why I'm now addicted to speed
What superhero would be the the best stripper?
The Flash
Who is faster? Superman or the flash?
Umm. The cameraman?...
OG Rolling Stones Joke
I was on another forum, the comments section of a political site. Somebody was talking about how the Rolling Stones still got it despite having gotten a lot older. So people were making up humorous OG-version Stones song titles, like "Limping Jack Flash" and "Gimme Fiber."
And then somebody said it:
>!"Hey! You! Get Offa My Lawn!"!<
The tattoo parlour in my town is offering a free tattoo if you go in and flash your b**....
It's a t**... for Tat special.
True story
A few years ago, the (very attractive) checkout assistant in Asda asked the person in front of me for age ID. Ever the charmer I asked if she wanted to see my ID.
Quick as a flash she replied "Yeah, go on, show me your bus pass!"
So I asked my girlfriend what she would want for her birthday next week
She said: "Well, I dreamt of a golden ring with lots of small diamonds."
I asked her: "What do you think it means?"
She smiled and said: "I don't know..."
Flash forward to her birthday, with all our family members at the table, I gave her my present.
I still don't know why she didn't like this book called 'Dreams and their Meanings'.
Tried to snap pics of a ghost with my phone but they came out dark
The spirit was willing but the flash was weak
What did the flashlight say to the darkness?
**"Lighten up."**
The tattoo parlour in my town is offering free tattoos to anyone who would flash their b**....
It's a t**... for tat special.
At our tattoo studio, women can flash their b**... to get a discount
The business model we operate on is "t**... for tat".
I found a ghost who wanted to pose for a photo for me! Unfortunately, it came out horribly underexposed.
The spirit was willing, but the flash was weak.
A man was dumping toxic waste into a river.
Suddenly, the sky darkened, lightning flashed, and a glowing woman appeared, hovering above the river.
**"For your crimes, I curse you to only speak in words related to water!",** she intoned, and then vanished in another flash of lightning.
The man stood, shocked, before gathering his wits and muttering, "Well dam".
Upon seeing a beautiful milkmaid, Thor appears before her in a flash of lightning...
Picking her up, he takes her to the hay loft where he proceeds to make ravenous love to her for thee days.
As the sun rose on the third day, he walked to the door and said "Woman! I must go. I have duties and I am Thor!"
To which she replied... "You're Thour? I'm not going to be able to thit down on that milking thtool for a week!"
I have pictures of girls showing their t**....
I keep them on my flash drive.
What do you call an exhibitionist s**... bomber?
A flash bang
What does the Pope say when the Grand Canyon starts to flash flood?
God, dam it.
Gary and Pete, 2 alcoholics, were lost at sea.
While floating in their small boat, they spotted a bottle on the water.
Gary quickly grabbed the bottle and took out the cork.
To his shock, a genie flew out.
"You have freed me. You may have a wish."
Gary thought hard and pointed at the sea.
"Turn all this water into Guiness."
There was a flash and the genie was gone, leaving a frothy sea of Guinness.
"why would you do that?!" complained Pete.
"What, you don't want beer?" asked Gary.
Pete shook his head and sighed.
"Now we'll have to p**... in the boat."
Why did the woman flash the tattoo artist.
It was t**... for tat.
