The Best 32 Fixes Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Fixes jokes. There are some fixes fix jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these fixes snowmobile puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Fixes Jokes and Puns

What's the difference...

What's the difference between a chef and a perverted aquarium owner?
One fixes dishes and the other dicks his fishes.

An old snake

"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.

Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"

"The glasses are fine, doc. I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"

My grandpa's favorite joke

This works better in my native language, but I am going to do my best to try to translate it effectively.

At the end of a good day's work, an accountant goes home and announces proudly to his wife "Honey, I missed the bus today but I saved $2 by chasing after it all the way home! "

His wife fixes him with a look of pure contempt and says "You fool!! You could have saved $75 if you'd only chased after a cab."

Zen Master and the Hot Dog

The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it.

"Where's my change?" asks the Zen Master.

The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

If I'm ever in a coma unplug me.

Then plug me back in and see if that fixes the problem.


A man fixes a lightbulb, crosses the street, and walks into a bar. He tells the bartender:

"My whole life is a joke."

My friend has a job where he fixes lights

and the other week he was in an Indian restaraunt fixing some, and they were using these huge cauldrons to cook their food.

As he was attaching one of the lights he fell into one of thsee "cauldrons" and he was extremely injured, terribly unlucky.

Today I rang the hospital to see how he is doing and then said its not going good. He's in a corma.

Fixes joke, My friend has a job where he fixes lights

With all these jets breaking the sound barrier. . . Who fixes it?

A guy calls into work....

says he can't come in, he has a terrible hangover.

the boss says "well, when that happens to me, i ask my wife for sex, and that usually fixes me right up."

the guy says he'll try that.

later, he comes into work, ready to go. the boss sees him and says

"so, that worked, didn't it?"

the guy says "yes, it did, and you have a really nice house."

A man is dying of cancer...

He tells his wife, "Honey, if things start looking bad, please just turn off my life support."

A tear rolls down her cheek as he grasps her hand and continues, "Then turn it back on again and see if that fixes it."

Why are ugly guys better with computers then women?

Turning off a computer often fixes the problem.

You can explore fixes flaws reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean fixes cache dad jokes. There are also fixes puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


We've updated Skype so you have the latest version...

it includes performance improvements and general fixes.

Niantic's customer support

minor text fixes

When Microsoft and Apple ship faulty products

Microsoft: We will fix that faulty battery timer through a software update. *never fixes it though*

Apple: *quietly removes the battery timer*

What's the difference between a Boy Scout and a guy who fixes bicycle horns?

One's motto is 'Be Prepared', the other's is 'Beep Repaired'

Trump will take his time considering new FBI director candidates...

Until the Kremlin fixes its routers to give him an answer.

Fixes joke, Trump will take his time considering new FBI director candidates...

What does a person with broken English, who fixes himself Vietnamese beef noodle soup when he is sick, say?

Pho cure self.

What type of vegetable fixes a flat?

Asparagus

A plumber fixes a damaged pipe in a doctor's house and asks for 200 dollars. Doctor says to him: "Even i, don't make so much money in such a short period and i'm a doctor".

And the plumber goes: "I know sir. I used to be a doctor myself"


What happens when you play a modern country song, backwards?

Your truck fixes itself, your dog comes back to life, your girlfriend comes back to you, and your beer refills itself.

I have an Eastern European friend who fixes my language mistakes...

My personal spell Czech.

What do you call someone who fixes tiny cars?

A quantum mechanic

What do you call somebody who fixes really small things?

A quantum mechanic.

If something doesn't work, unplug it and plug it back in, it fixes it every time.

Except for Grandma.

What do you call an Italian who fixes horse races?

A Rigatoni

What do you call diabetic who fixes your internet and thinks you can't prove or disprove the existence of God?

A diagnostic.

Fixes joke, What do you call diabetic who fixes your internet and thinks you can't prove or disprove the existen

Have you heard of the Irish guy who fixes garden chairs?

His name is Paddy O'Furniture

What do you call an Egyptian doctor who fixes back problems?

A Cairo-practor!

What kind of bird fixes stuff?

A repair-a-keet.


An old snake is feeling his age.

"Doc, I need something for my eyes...can't see well these days". The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks.

The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed.

Doc says, "What's the problem...didn't the glasses help you?"

"The glasses are fine, doc. I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"

They say rubbing alcohol fixes outside wounds, so what fixes inside wounds?

Drinking alcohol!

What do you call a doctor who fixes websites?

A URL-ologist.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the fixes fixed puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working fixes plumber piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes