Fiveyearold Jokes
10 fiveyearold jokes and hilarious fiveyearold puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fiveyearold that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Comical Fiveyearold Jokes and Gems that Will Get You in Laughter Land
What is a good fiveyearold joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
My five-year-old, everyone.
My insanely witty five-year-old, ladies and gentlemen:
Step-daughter: "I'm hungry."
Me: "Nice to meet you, hungry, I'm dad."
Her: "Ahhhhgh could you not say that anymore?"
Me: "Aw why not, sweets?"
Her: "Because I don't like it when you call me names like hungry or thirsty or anything!"
Me: "Alright, I'm not going to say that anymore."
Her: "Nice to meet you, not going to say that anymore."
I had just been out-dad-joked by my five-year-old. It was so unexpected, and was the first time I think I recognized how hilarious she was with her wit. I really miss her (because of a divorce, not a f**...).
Pilot Choice
As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.
"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."
Americans are getting stronger.
Fifty years ago, it took two people to carry twenty dollars' worth of groceries. Today, a five-year-old can do it.
Why do chickens sit on eggs?
Because they don't have any chairs.
Source: my five-year-old.
Little Mikey
A five-year-old Mikey asks his Grandpa, Grandpa, what do you call it when there are two people on top of each other in bed?
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The Grandpa feels very uncomfortable but decides not to confuse the child and bravely says, That's i**..., my boy.
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OK, nods Mikey and off he goes.
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He comes back after five minutes and says, Grandpa, that's not right. I've just spoken to mom and she said that it's not called i**... but a bunk bed!
Why did the bottle say "Haaaaay"
It was full of wine.
(A very insightful joke from my five-year-old)
A family moves into their new house.
Grandma comes for a visit and asks the youngest child, a five-year-old, how he likes the new place. It's terrific, he says. I have my own room, my brother has his own room, and my sister has her own room. But poor mom is still sleeping with dad.
What does a stegosaurus eat off of?
His plates.
-Jude; My five-year-old son
A lawyer, a teacher, and an anti-vaxxer walk into a bar
The lawyer leaves early because she wants to be home in time to tuck her five-year-old in.
The teacher leaves a little later to make sure his teenage son gets home at a reasonable hour.
The anti-vaxxer stays and has several more rounds because... well.
I had to explain racism to my five-year-old nephew. It's just not acceptable. He didn't really understand.
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