Fitted Jokes
49 fitted jokes and hilarious fitted puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fitted that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Ever find yourself laughing hysterically at jokes about "fitted sheets" or "lids," even though you never actually heard them before? Read this article to learn about the hilariously surprising punchline behind these common household items! From a glove's advantage to the usefulness of silk, you won't want to miss out on these quirky fitted jokes!
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Funniest Fitted Short Jokes
Short fitted jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fitted humour may include short fitting jokes also.
- My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank. She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.
- How can you tell if your girlfriend is getting too fat? If she fits in your wife's clothes.
- I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not. I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"
- How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She starts fitting in your wife's clothes.
(Old joke, I know, just heard it though, made me laugh.) - "We're looking for a drug dealer," said the police officer, "and you fit the description we've been given." I said, "That was easy then. What can I get you fellas?"
- I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus... It's nothing flashy, but it fits the bill
- How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She starts to fit into your wife's clothes.
- Wife: "Look. I haven't worn this in 8 years and it still fits." Husband: "For God's sake woman, it's a scarf!"
- In a fit of rage, a friend of mine ran over a pedestrian with his electric car. He will be charged with battery.
- Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if you flip it over? That makes it cap sized
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Fitted One Liners
Which fitted one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fitted? I can suggest the ones about suited and fitter.
- What's E.T. short for? So he can fit in his spaceship.
- I just joined a gym for religious minorities. Jehova's Fitness
- Why does Ariel wear seashells? Because she can't fit into D shell
- Why is the Toblerone chocolate shaped like a triangle? So that it'll fit inside the box.
- Box of condoms = $6.99 Cashier's face when you ask where the fitting room is = Priceless
- Elton John bought his pet rabbit to the gym... "It's a little fit bunny...."
- Why are the great pyramids in Egypt? The British couldn't fit them on their ships.
- Apparently Elton John has a personal trainer for his rabbit… It's a little fit bunny
- Whats blue and doesn't fit anymore A dead epileptic
- How did Jesus maintain his killer abs? Cross Fit
- Apple fitness products don't work. I tried the iHop and it only made me gain weight.
- What did the Scottish epileptic boy get for Christmas? A Wii fit
- Why are the pyramids in Egypt? Because they wouldn't fit in the British Museum.
- The sign outside the drug rehab facility was very fitting "Stay off the grass."
- How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat? When she fits in your wife's jeans.
Fitted Sheet Jokes
Here is a list of funny fitted sheet jokes and even better fitted sheet puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is the difference between a piece of fabric with elastic around the edges, designed to go on a bed, and an unexpected bout of diarrhea when wearing sandals? One is a fitted sheet...
- How do you put on a fitted bed sheet correctly the first time? Step 1: Wrong.
- I am a single male and I folded a fitted sheet at the laundromat today AMA!
- I was going to write a poem about fitted sheets... But I don't have a clue on where to start
Amusing & Witty Fitted Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about fitted you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean suit fitting jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fitted pranks.
My uncle was the first man to be fitted with a lead pacemaker. He died last week.
We buried him with a heavy heart.
Hearing aid
Having lost most of his hearing a number of years ago, this elderly man goes to the doctor to be fitted with hearing aids which promise to allow him to hear 100%.
A month later, he returns to the doctor for a check up on his progress. The doctor tells him that his hearing is perfect and asks if his family is pleased.
The man says, "Oh, I haven't told them about the hearing aids yet. I just sit around and listen to them talk. I've changed my will three times!"
Sammy just bought a new pair of pants.
He's explaining to Dean that these pants were specially fitted for dancing.
"Ballroom?" Dean asks.
"Not much," Sammy replies.
A man throws a dollar coin into a wishing well...
and a genie pops out. The genie tells him "You have thrown the largest money value into this well since it has been built. You may have one wish."
"I want a dragon."
"Are you sure? That's... pretty big, and would probably give me away. Anything else?"
"I want to learn how to fold a fitted sheet."
"...what color dragon do you want?"
A knight was about to ride off into battle.
Afraid that his wife would be unfaithful, he fitted her with a chastity belt. He gave the key to his best friend, telling him that he was the only person he could trust.
The knight rode off, and an hour later he heard the sound of galloping hoofbeats behind him. His friend rode up next to him.
"I'm glad I caught you," said the friend. "You gave me the wrong key."
SPOILER ALERT:
I just had a piece of metal fitted to the back of my car to reduce drag and increase fuel efficiency.
I got security cameras fitted outside my house.
Just to convince people that I have stuff worth stealing.
An elderly gentleman with severe hearing problems goes to the doctor and gets fitted with hearing aids.
After a month, he goes back for a checkup. The doctor asks him how things are going now
that he can hear everything, and wonders if his friends and family have said anything.
The gentleman replied, "I haven't told anyone yet. I just sit around and listen to their conversations. I've changed my will three times already!"
So---there was this woman who had a problem with silent gas
and she went to the doctor and she said, "This is so embarrassing. I have this problem of f**... silently. You probably haven't noticed, but I've let three of them since I've been in this office with you. Is there ANYTHING you can do?" He said, "Yes, but the first thing is to get you fitted for a hearing aid."
Fitted sheets were originally invented in 1682 in Salem, MA.
Unfortunately, they didn't catch on at that time since anyone who could actually fold them was accused of witchcraft and subsequently burned at the stake.
My friend had this really fancy business meeting...
He had this special outfit prepared, but he needed it to be properly fitted, to look nice. I offered to do it but he said he could do it himself
"Fine," I said...
"Suit yourself"
What do you call a queue of people waiting for hearing aids to be fitted?
Deaf row
I saw a sign in a shop window that said "Watch batteries fitted, £2.50."
I thought Why would anyone pay to see that?
Playgrounds in the UK have been fitted with advanced p**... detection systems to help protect children
The company behind the technology has called it NonceSense™
I got a b**... sound system fitted into my car.
Might make my job as a hearse driver more entertaining.
My girlfriend suggested we get soundproof walls fitted in our bedroom.
It will stop the neighbours complaining about our snoring.
New Hearing Aid
Having lost most of his hearing a number of years ago, this elderly man goes to the doctor to be fitted with hearing aids which promise to allow him to hear 100%. A month later, he returns to the doctor for a check up on his progress. The doctor tells him that his hearing is perfect and asks if his family is pleased.
The man says, Oh, I haven't told them about the hearing aids yet. I just sit around and listen to them talk. I've changed my will three times!
Did ya hear about the woman with five legs? Her knickers fitted her like a glove.
Every time I do it, I try my best but I still s**... at it. When I was young my parents explained it to me in very simple terms. Over the years, many girls have showed me how to do it. I'm ashamed to say I've tried to learn from online videos.
And yet I still can't fold fitted sheets.
I recently got an alcohol tester fitted to my wallet to make sure I don't drink too much when I'm driving.
It's a picture of my wife, when she starts looking good I know I've had too much.
My parents just fitted a really noisy stairlift at home.
It drives me up the wall.
Not sure I heard right but...
My girlfriend plans to avoid pregnancy by having an IED fitted.
Did you hear about the amputee who escaped the hospital after being fitted with his prosthetics?
You might want to watch out. News reports claim that he is armed and dangerous
I used to know a guy who had five legs.
His pants fitted him like a glove.
Colin had his neck brace fitted years ago
He's never looked back
Blueish colored feet....
A man goes to doctor after suffering from blueish colored feet for few weeks
Doctor: This means your feet have been infected and need to be amputated and fitted with wooden leg.
After operation, doctor attached a wooden feet which started to look blueish after few days.
Doctor: This definitely means your jeans is getting discolored.
