JokoJokes

Fits Jokes

108 fits jokes and hilarious fits puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fits that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Fits Short Jokes

Short fits jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fits humour may include short suit jokes also.

  1. My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank. She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.
  2. How can you tell if your girlfriend is getting too fat? If she fits in your wife's clothes.
  3. I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not. I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"
  4. How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She starts fitting in your wife's clothes.
    (Old joke, I know, just heard it though, made me laugh.)
  5. "We're looking for a drug dealer," said the police officer, "and you fit the description we've been given." I said, "That was easy then. What can I get you fellas?"
  6. I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus... It's nothing flashy, but it fits the bill
  7. How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She starts to fit into your wife's clothes.
  8. Wife: "Look. I haven't worn this in 8 years and it still fits." Husband: "For God's sake woman, it's a scarf!"
  9. In a fit of rage, a friend of mine ran over a pedestrian with his electric car. He will be charged with battery.
  10. Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if you flip it over? That makes it cap sized

Share These Fits Jokes With Friends




Fits One Liners

Which fits one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fits? I can suggest the ones about fitted and fitness.

  1. What's E.T. short for? So he can fit in his spaceship.
  2. I just joined a gym for religious minorities. Jehova's Fitness
  3. Why does Ariel wear seashells? Because she can't fit into D shell
  4. Why is the Toblerone chocolate shaped like a triangle? So that it'll fit inside the box.
  5. Box of condoms = $6.99 Cashier's face when you ask where the fitting room is = Priceless
  6. Elton John bought his pet rabbit to the gym... "It's a little fit bunny...."
  7. Why are the great pyramids in Egypt? The British couldn't fit them on their ships.
  8. Apparently Elton John has a personal trainer for his rabbit… It's a little fit bunny
  9. Whats blue and doesn't fit anymore A dead epileptic
  10. How did Jesus maintain his killer abs? Cross Fit
  11. Apple fitness products don't work. I tried the iHop and it only made me gain weight.
  12. What did the Scottish epileptic boy get for Christmas? A Wii fit
  13. Why are the pyramids in Egypt? Because they wouldn't fit in the British Museum.
  14. The sign outside the drug rehab facility was very fitting "Stay off the grass."
  15. How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat? When she fits in your wife's jeans.

Fits joke, How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat?

Cheerful Fun Fits Jokes to Brighten Your Day with Humor and Joy

What funny jokes about fits you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean compatible jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fits pranks.

After months of patience and persistence I finally have a nice body.

It fits perfectly in my trunk.

What's the difference between an oyster salesman with tourettes, and a p**... with diarrhea?

Well, one shucks between fits...

So heres one.

So a teenager walks into a store in the mall to buy a hat. He asks for what size he should get. The store manager tells him most of the hats are one size fits all. Just then a screaming toddler walks in followed by a young girl. The boy looks at them, turns to the store manager and says "that's what they said about the c**...."

What's the difference between an epileptic corn husker and a nymphomaniac with diarrhea?

One shucks between fits

What is the difference between an epileptic oyster-shucker & a p**... with diarrhea?

The epileptic oyster-shucker SHUCKS between FITS.

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster shucker and a h**... with dysentery?

One of them shucks between fits.

How do you know it's time to lose some weight?

When you buy a new hula hoop... and it fits.

I invented something to keep the inside of my car quiet.

It fits right over her mouth.

My friend decided to take up wood working and he heard this joke at his new work place

A joiner makes sure that what he makes fits with the rest down to the tenth of a millimeter.
A carpenter makes sure it fits down to a millimeter.
A mason makes sure it fits down to the centimeter.
If the painter makes it to the right address, it's a good thing.

What's the difference between an epileptic corn farmer and a pornstar with a bout of diarrhea?

One shucks between fits.

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster and a p**... with IBS?

Well, one you have to shuck between fits...

How many talking heads does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. One to hold the bulb, and another to spin the story until the bulb fits.

A very Fat woman comes into a store and tells the clerk,

'i would like to see a bikini that fits me'
Clerk...'me too'

What fruit fits best in your palm?

a palm-agranate!

My friend woke up this morning in fits of laughter.

I think he must have slept funny.

A young woman learned that you can smoke in the rain if you make a hole in a c**... and put it over the cigarette.

She goes to a convenience store and asks a middle eastern clerk for a c**.... The guy looks at her with obvious disapproval, but does his job. He asks her what kind she wants and she answers,
I don't really care, as long as it fits the camel

What movie title best fits The Flash's s**... life?

The Fast and the Furious.

So the Pope is doing a crossword puzzle when a Bishop walks in.

"What is a four letter word for a woman that ends in -unt?" the Pope asks. The Bishop thinks for a minute, afraid to say such a word to the holiest of men. Then a miracle comes to him. "A-unt?" he suggests. "Yes, that fits better, got an eraser?"

Priest does a crossword puzzle

A gentleman sits next to a priest on an airplane. He sees the priest doing a crossword puzzle.
Time passes and the priest says, "Excuse me, sir, but do you know a four letter word that describes a woman and ends in 'u-n-t'?"
The gentleman thinks about this and finally says, "I believe the word you're looking for is 'aunt.'"
The priest replies, "Oh, you're right. That fits, too. Would you happen to have an eraser?"

Did you hear about the two gay Irishmen?

Michael Fitzpatrick and Patrick Fits Michael

I bought a muzzle for my pet duck....

Nothing flashy, but it fits the bill.

What's the difference between a corn husker with epilepsy and a p**... with dysentery?

What's the difference between a corn husker with epilepsy and a p**... with dysentery?
One shucks between fits.

"That dress fits you like a glove"

"It sticks out in five places"

Most Intelligent But Funniest

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible. The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it. The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock. The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.

3 women in a bar..

talking about how loose they are.
One fits a sausage
one fits a cocumber
and the other one slides down the bar stool.

What do you call an epileptic puppy?

Kibbles 'n Fits.

If the shoe fits, wear it...

Unless you found it near a bouncy castle, you creep.

a pervert calls a retirement home

an old lady picks up.
he starts directly "hey granny guess what i am holding in my hand ? "
granny replies " oh if it fits in one hand only then i am not interested "

I've been shopping in the kid's department for hours and they FINALLY found something that fits me!

Although the handcuffs are a bit snug....

Did you hear they finally made a device that makes cars run 95% quieter?

Yeah it fits right in her mouth.

What's the difference between an epileptic corn farmer and a p**... with dysentery?

The farmer shucks between fits.

A women tells her husband

"Isn't it nice that my wedding dress still fits me when none of my friends can wear theirs?"
To which the husband replies "Yeah, but you forget honey, you were 9 months pregnant then too"

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing I'd like to donate.

Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? That's much easier.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

A guy was once born with 5 p**...

His underwear fits him like a glove.

I was working at the shoe store

When a teenage girl came into the store, looking for new shoes. I saw that she was struggling to fit into some of the traditionally sized shoes, so I showed her special shoes for wide set feet. She began to cry and thought that I was calling her fat. I told her, "I'm not calling you fat, but if the shoe fits, wear it."

My wife was cleaning the closet last week

Wife: I have a bag full of used clothing, I think I should donate them
Me: Just throw them in trash, that's much easier
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes
Me: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.
BANG@#$%^&*

Looking for a muzzle for my pet duck.

Don't need anything flashy as long as it fits the bill.

Have you met the guy with 5 d**...?

His underwear fits like a glove.

p**... are like belts...

They go from hole to hole until the one that fits.

Three women walk into a bar and are talking about how loose they are,

The first one fits a hot dog, the second a cucumber and the last one slides down the bar stool.

My wife sorted out some clothes she no longer wears, I said what are you going to do with them? she replied give them to charity, I said why don't you just throw them away, she replied, there are a lot of starving women out there that will appreciate them.

I replied, anyone that fits into your clothes are definitely not starving.

Have you heard about the guy with 5 p**...?

His underwear fits like a glove.

Whats the difference between a blond girl and an elevator?

An elevator only fits 5 people in it.

I don't have s**... fantasies...

Only fits of insanity. I know this because my wife says "You must be crazy to think I'm going to do that!"

Wife: I have a bag full of dirty & used clothing I'd like to donate....!

Husband: Why not just throw these in the trash? That's much easier for you.
Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use all these clothes with basket full satisfaction.
Husband: Honey, anyone who fits into your clothing is not starving.

A middle-aged housewife decides to donate her old clothes to charity

Wife: "I've gathered up some old clothes and I need you to drop them off at the church charity."
Husband: *Groaning* " Why not just throw them out? It's easier that way."
Wife: "Because there are people out there who are poor and starving that need these clothes."
Husband: "Darling, anyone who fits into your clothes is not starving."

i almost cracked an i**... joke that fits perfectly into our conversation

nevermind i just realized it's actually unrelated

My son is Traumatised by Years of a**...

A bit long of a name maybe, but it fits him perfectly

What's perfectly round and fits into round holes perfectly well?

A square peg in denial.

I once knew a guy with 5 p**....

The c**... fits like a glove

My wife said I am giving all of the clothes I no longer wear to charity, I said just chuck them, she replied there are a lot of starving people in the world that can benefit from them, I replied.

Anyone that fits your clothes are definitely not starving.

Why did French use yellow as the color for their angry vest movement ?

It fits so well with their teeth.

Three Prostitutes are in a bar, discussing how loose they are.

The first fits a sausage.
The second fits a cucumber.
The third laughs, and slides down the barstool.

I often sleep like a baby

that is, not very much with various fits of crying and p**....

I'm doing a free Bra give away.

Send me a picture of your t**... and I'll see if there's something that fits you.

Whats the difference between

An epileptic clam diver and a p**... with diarrhea?
The epileptic clam diver Shucks Between Fits

Have you heard of the man with 5 p**...?

He's been looking for a c**... that fits like a glove.

How can you tell your girlfriend is getting fat?

She fits in your wife's clothes.

My friend told me she works in TV

Don't know how she fits in there.

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible.

The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it.
The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock.
The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.

What kind of tree fits in your hand?

A palm tree.

what gets longer when pulled, fits between brests, slides neatly into a hole, has choked people when used improperly, and works best when j**...?

A seatbelt.

I've just bought my pet duck a face mask so I can take him for a walk during corona-virus.

Its nothing flashy but it fits the bill.

Wife: I want to donate my clothes to people who are poor and starving.

Husband: Anyone who fits into your clothes is surely not starving.

A man with 5 p**... went in for a routine check up with his doctor.

During the exam, the doctor asked, Have you been practicing safe s**...?
The man responds, Yes, although it can be cumbersome at times.
The doctor then asks the man, How do you use a c**... with 5 p**...?
The man says, Fits like a glove.

It was mine and my wife's 25th wedding anniversary the other day and she said to me "Did you know i wore this on our first date and it still fits me"...

I said "Its a scarf"...

What's the difference between an epileptic corn schucker and a p**... with diarrhea?

One schucks between fits.......
I'll see myself out......

What's the difference between an epileptic guy preparing oysters and a p**... with diarrhea?

One shucks between fits...

Wife: I have a bag full of clothes I'd like to donate. Husband: Why not just throw it in the trash? It's much easier. Wife: But there are poor starving people who can really use the clothes

Husband: Honey, anyone who fits in your clothes is not starving.

An old woman picks up the phone

She hears a man's voice say "If you can guess what I have in my hand I'll give it to you"
The old woman says " Hello? if it fits in one hand you can keep it!"

What is the difference between an epileptic corn farmer and a p**... with explosive diarrhea?

One of them shucks between fits.

how can you tell if your gf is getting fat?

when She fits in your Wife's clothes.

Why could the petit clairvoyant never find a dress that fits?

Everyone thought she was a medium

What's the difference between a oyster shucker with Parkinson's and a p**... with diarrhea

One of them fits when they shuck

What's the difference between an epileptic oyster and a h**... with diarrhoea?

With the oyster you shuck between fits...

Help! I don't know how to tell my girlfriend that she's gotten fat

She now fits perfectly into my wife's clothes.

How can you tell when your girlfriend is getting fat?

When she fits into your wife's clothing.

I was hanging out with my Scizophrenic friend and all of a sudden he bursted into fits of laughter

I asked what was so funny and he said "you wouldn't get it, it's an inside joke"

Fits joke, I was hanging out with my Scizophrenic friend and all of a sudden he bursted into fits of laughter

jokes about fits