Fitness Jokes

117 fitness jokes and hilarious fitness puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fitness that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Need a laugh? Look no further! Read this collection of jokes and one-liners related to fitness and health. Here you'll find the perfect punchline for your workout, from quips about bodybuilding to puns about running and nutrition. Get ready for some cheesy puns and laugh-out-loud lines about the gym, health, and fitness.

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Funniest Fitness Short Jokes

Short fitness jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fitness humour may include short exercise jokes also.

  1. My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank. She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.
  2. How can you tell if your girlfriend is getting too fat? If she fits in your wife's clothes.
  3. I'm starting a gym where we bring exercise equipment right to your front door, whether you requested it or not. I'm calling it "Jehovah's Fitness"
  4. How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She starts fitting in your wife's clothes.
    (Old joke, I know, just heard it though, made me laugh.)
  5. "We're looking for a drug dealer," said the police officer, "and you fit the description we've been given." I said, "That was easy then. What can I get you fellas?"
  6. I recently bought my pet duck a mask, to protect it from corona virus... It's nothing flashy, but it fits the bill
  7. How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat? She starts to fit into your wife's clothes.
  8. Wife: "Look. I haven't worn this in 8 years and it still fits." Husband: "For God's sake woman, it's a scarf!"
  9. In a fit of rage, a friend of mine ran over a pedestrian with his electric car. He will be charged with battery.
  10. Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if you flip it over? That makes it cap sized

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Fitness One Liners

Which fitness one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fitness? I can suggest the ones about skills and health.

  1. What's E.T. short for? So he can fit in his spaceship.
  2. I just joined a gym for religious minorities. Jehova's Fitness
  3. Why does Ariel wear seashells? Because she can't fit into D shell
  4. Why is the Toblerone chocolate shaped like a triangle? So that it'll fit inside the box.
  5. Box of condoms = $6.99 Cashier's face when you ask where the fitting room is = Priceless
  6. Elton John bought his pet rabbit to the gym... "It's a little fit bunny...."
  7. Why are the great pyramids in Egypt? The British couldn't fit them on their ships.
  8. Apparently Elton John has a personal trainer for his rabbit… It's a little fit bunny
  9. Whats blue and doesn't fit anymore A dead epileptic
  10. How did Jesus maintain his killer abs? Cross Fit
  11. Apple fitness products don't work. I tried the iHop and it only made me gain weight.
  12. What did the Scottish epileptic boy get for Christmas? A Wii fit
  13. Why are the pyramids in Egypt? Because they wouldn't fit in the British Museum.
  14. The sign outside the drug rehab facility was very fitting "Stay off the grass."
  15. How do you know when your girlfriend is getting fat? When she fits in your wife's jeans.

Fitness Trainer Jokes

Here is a list of funny fitness trainer jokes and even better fitness trainer puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I asked a fitness trainer at my local gym what would be the best machine to use in order to impress girls Apparently it's the ATM machine at my local bank.
  • I had to quit my new job as a personal trainer After a few weeks of work I decided I didn't have the fitness required to do the job so I handed in my too weak notice
  • I was having a quick rest at the gym last night when i noticed a hole in my trainer just big enough to fit my finger in, to cut a long story short, she complained and now I have to find another gym.
  • I was at the gym and i found a hole in my trainer that i could fit my whole finger in Unfortunately she made a complaint and now I'm banned for life.
  • An engineer built a fitness robot to be his own personal trainer. He took it to the gym for a test, but he was nervous about what the robot might do outside of the lab. It ended up working out.
  • h**... Maybe h**... was just a fitness trainer and he was helping all the Jews burn a few calories

Fitness Center Jokes

Here is a list of funny fitness center jokes and even better fitness center puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I wanted to spend more time in the fitness center.. ..but it didn't work out.
  • Vince McMahon opened a fitness center in the memory of r**... Savage. The Slim Gym
Fitness joke, Vince McMahon opened a fitness center in the memory of r**... Savage.

Fitness Christmas Jokes

Here is a list of funny fitness christmas jokes and even better fitness christmas puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.
  • Q: What do you call Santa Claus with muscles?
    A: Mr. XMass
  • You know you are getting clothes for Christmas when.... You have to try them on to see if they would "fit" your siblings
  • What did the cripple get for christmas? Wii Fit
  • New Year, Old Me Got a fitness tracker for Christmas and it's been on my wrist ever since. I haven't done any running yet, but I've m**... 5 miles.

Planet Fitness Jokes

Here is a list of funny planet fitness jokes and even better planet fitness puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Where does a four hundred pound alien go for exercise? Planet Fitness
  • LPT: If you couldn't fit all of the planets in the planetary alignment in one shot Try backing up a bit
  • Yo momma so fat When she joined Plant Fitness, they changed its name to just "Planet".
Fitness joke, Yo momma so fat

Cheeky Fitness Jokes to Experience Good Cheer & Frivolity

What funny jokes about fitness you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean diet jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fitness pranks.

The Total Gym uses Chuck Norris to stay in shape.

Chuck Norris is so tough, that he doesn't get a workout from the weights,they get a workout from him.

Doctor: "Yes, what is it I can do for you?"
Blond: "Doctor, yesterday, when I was doing my yoga, one of my friends told me that if I did this particular exercise, all my body’s blood would go into my head. But, when I stand, why doesn’t anyone say that all the blood would go into the legs?"
Doctor: "The fact’s your legs are not that hollow as your head is."

The movie Unstoppable is based on Chuck Norris' morning jog.

What is height of Activelaziness?
Asking for a lift to house while on a morning walk.

Chuck Norris only works out once a year... that's about all the gym equipment can take.

Chuck Norris leaves potholes when he jogs.

When Chuck Norris first saw Dragon Ball Z he thought it was a series of easy workout videos.

Chuck Norris has only used the 'Total Gym' twice in his life.
When his eyes are open - and when they are closed.

Q: What do you say to a bodybuilding cow farmer?
A: Show us your calves!

Q: Why did the bodybuilder buy tape from the hardware store?
A: Somebody told him he was ripped!

Q: Why wasn't the bodybuilder evicted?
A: Because he was squatting.

Q: Why did the bodybuilder cross the road?
A: He didn't. There's no walking on leg day.

At the gym:
Me: "What does this machine do?"
"Sir, that's a bench."
Me: "Perfect."

This elliptical isn't the only thing getting my heart rate up.

I got stopped by a police officer on the way here.
He told me it was i**... to carry these guns in public.

Do you believe in love at first set?
Or should I curl this barbell another 10 times?

How'd you like to go on a long romantic walk on the treadmill?

I heard that the m**... helps men to work out the chest and triceps... do you wanna help me verify this?

I wish this gym had a stationary bike built for two.

My six pack is protected by a layer of fat.

There were two guys at a gym Dan and Mike who hit the showers after a hard morning workout.
Dan said to Mike "Hey! Have you heard? That there is a gay guy at our gym today."
The Mike looking really curious and replies "Oh? Who do you think he is?"
Dan looks at Mike from mid-section to eye level and, says "Let me give you a kiss first before I tell you who."

My local gym have an offer on at the moment. Pay for a one-to-one with a fitness instructor and get a free protein drink.

Well I'm not falling for that one again.

Jim's Secret for Smooth & Healthy Skin

"Hey, Jim, you look fit and healthy. Start a new diet?" "Nope." "Join a fitness club then?" "Nope." "But your face looks so fresh and healthy. What's your secret?" "Got a new girlfriend." "But how does that make your skin so smooth?" Jim explained, "Well, my new girl is extremely hairy down below. In fact, she's like a wire brush." "Yeah. So?" "So, now, every night I exfoliate and moisturize!"

How do you tell if someone is riding a bicycle for fitness or because they have a DUI?

The cigarette.

My fitness instructor asked me how flexible I was...

So I told him I can't do Tuesdays or Thursdays.

I'm all about fitness

fit'ness whole burger into my mouth

I'm in hiding from exercise.

It's called the fitness protection program.

If you couldn't tell, I am into fitness.

Fitness whole slice of pizza into my mouth!

Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app this morning...

...and it sent an ambulance to my house

The newest Presidential Fitness award will go to kids who..

do not sweat while they eat.

I'm working on a fitness routine for insects.

It's going well, but I'm still trying to work out the bugs.

Not to brag, but I just got a job as a fitness model...

They hired me as the "before" picture.

How much did the obese man know about fitness?

Diddly squat

"I'm all about fitness...", said the very large man to a stranger.

Baffled, the stranger asked what he meant.
"...Fitness sandwich in my mouth."

Best exercise to lose a few pounds...

So my friend who is a fitness instructor just came up with a new exercise to lose pounds in just a matter of days. He calls it the "Brexit".

Red neck word of the day "fitness"

I don't think there's any way we're "fitness" in the back a da truck

Obama challenges W to the Presidential Fitness Challenge

Obama was able to do nine hundred and ten pushups.
Bush did 911

China apologizes for "slanderous" comments about Kim Jong Un.

Says they didn't realize he was a part of their fitness protection program.

What was Jared from Subway's fitness goal?

Getting in to smaller pants

I gave up on fitness and angrily buried my juicer. I was livid when my friend dug it up again and told me to man up.

Did you just exhume my blender?

I passed the presidential fitness test!

It was so much easier than last time.
All I had to do was tweet some nonsense and talk about s**... harassing my classmates!

Cardi B has a twin sister who's into fitness...

Her name is Cardi O

If Apple had a fitness band and had it made in the Middle East

It would be called Iran

I've decided to join Anytime Fitness

Because I like to dress up as a 12th century Viking Warrior when I work out.

Did you know CardiB has a sister who's into fitness?

Her name is CardiO

What fitness plan did Jesus manage to stick to?


Raw eggs are good for a fitness diet.

If you don't like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.

Yeah I'm into fitness!

Fitness whole pizza in my mouth!

I just learned Cardi B has a cousin who's really into fitness.

She's called Cardi O

Let's start a religious fitness training group. We can call it

Jehovah's Fitness

[OC] What do ypu call a monster that does a lot of exercise?


Did you hear about the athletic almond?

Total fitness nut.

A woman was just taking a bath when she heard the doorbell.

She thought she'd just pretend not to be home but then the ringer called, Hello? Anybody home? I'm the blind guy!
Ah well, if he is blind I can go and open the door just like this. No need to dress. thought the lady, hauled herself out of the bath and went to open the door.
Wow, said the guy waiting there, you should be on a fitness studio advertisement! Now, where should I put those blinds?

A woman was taking a bath when the doorbell rang

She thought she could just pretend like she isn't home, the person would leave and she could keep bathing. "Hello? Anybody home? I'm the blind guy"
She thought to herself "Well, if he's blind, then maybe I won't have to dress up. She got out of the bath, walked to the door and opened it.
"Wow!" Said the man. "You should be on a fitness studio advertisement! Now, where should I put those blinds?

Did you know NBC once considered a diet & fitness show based on people such as Air Force Amy, Mary Magdalene, Heidi Fleiss, Charles Ponzi, Berni Madoff, and Donald Trump?

The pilot was cancelled because they didn't want to weigh the pros and the cons.

What's the name of Cardi B's long lost sister who 's into fitness?

Cardi O!

Will be opening up a Christian gym soon.

Can't decide what to call it, Jehovah's Fitness, or CrossFit.

What do you call a big hairy gay man that's really into fitness?

Yogi Bear

Today I heard 24-hour Fitness filed for bankruptcy.

I guess they ran out of time.

I Accidentally j**... off while wearing my fitness band...

Later found out you are supposed to wear fitness band on your wrist..

Cardi B's sister is a fitness instructor

Cardi O

Did you know that Cardi B has a sister who is really into fitness?

Her name's Cardi O

What did the religious zealots call their gym?

Jehovah's Fitness

I'm into fitness

Fitness cake in my mouth

I saw on this girl's dating profile that she's a "health and fitness j**...." So that's cool...

We've got one of those three things in common.

Did you hear about Cardi B's cousin, the fitness instructor?

Cardi O.

What do you call adolescents who are into health and fitness?


I exercise running up the street knocking on all the doors.

Jehovah's Fitness.

Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app.

It just sent an ambulance to my house.

The uprising of the machines

When the machines finally rise up and access my fitness bracelet data, they will realize that I am not a threat.

Fitness joke, The uprising of the machines

jokes about fitness