The Best 88 Fit Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Fit jokes. There are some fit fists jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these fit ashtray puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Fit Jokes and Puns

Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.

One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.

A man goes to the doctor for a physical. He tells the doctor not to be alarmed, but he has 5 penises.

The doctor says, " 5 penises!? How do your pants fit?"

The man replies, " like a glove."

I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.

I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.

I gently slid her panties to the side...

....so I could fit her socks into the drawer

My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank.

She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.


A college engineering student shows up with a new bike

"Woah where did you get such a nice bike?" his fellow engineering student asked.

"I was walking down the street last night and this girl on her bike came up to me started taking off her clothes and said 'its all yours' so I just took the bike" he said.

His friend replied "Good choice bro the clothes probably didn't even fit you"

Two engineer students were biking across campus.

One said to the other, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

What's E.T. short for?

So he can fit in his spaceship.

My boss, who is a fit woman, caught me in the shower room after work.

She said to me "Would you mind taking my blouse off?"
I replied, "Certainly," and took it off.
Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well.
Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too.
Then she looked at me and said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"

I was sitting on a bus with a friend and he told me this joke...

What do you do if you see an Epileptic having a fit in the bath?

Throw in your laundry.

The guy behind us leaned over and said "I think that's disgusting. My son died in the bath whilst having a fit."

We both went white and apologised. The guy got up to get off and said, "he choked on a sock."

How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat?

She starts to fit into your wife's clothes.

You can explore fit fittin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean fit sizes dad jokes. There are also fit puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why does Ariel wear seashells?

Because she can't fit into D shells

United States

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S. One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"

Wife tells her husband

Wife: "I got a bag full of clothes i don't wear anymore. I want to donate them."

Husband: "Why do you want to donate them? Just throw them away."

Wife: "There are poor starving people, who might need some clothes that weren't worn a lot."

Husband: "Women who fit in your clothes are not starving."

A girl uses chemicals to remove polish and no one looks twice

And yet when Hitler tried it, everyone threw a fit

Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if you flip it over?

That makes it cap sized

Why is the Toblerone chocolate shaped like a triangle?

So that it'll fit inside the box.

Two engineers are meeting for lunch

Two engineers are meeting for lunch. The second arrives on a bicycle that the first doesn't recognize.

"Where did you get the bike? " the first asks.

The second explained, "It was the weirdest thing. I was walking over here when a beautiful woman rode up on the bike, hopped off, tore off all her clothes and said 'take what you want!' So I took the bike."

"Good call," mused the first, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

A woman was trying to breastfeed her son in a bus

The kid throws a tantrum and refuses to suck on his mother's breast. So in a fit, the mother tells her son, "If you don't want this milk, I'm gonna give this to the gentleman beside us."

An hour later, the kid still refused to breastfeed. So she tells her son again, "If you won't breastfeed, I'm really gonna give this to this man beside us!"

Then the guy beside them suddenly interrupted, "Please make up your mind now. My stop was 30 minutes ago."


"Doctor, I have an embarrassing medical problem..." NSFW

Well, what is it?" asks the doctor.

"I have five penises."

"Five penises!," exclaims the doctor, "How does your underwear fit?"

"Like a glove!"

me: will this car fit 5 people?

**salesman:** yeah, without any problems.

**me:** damn! my homies have lots of those

I once met a man with 5 penises. I said "That must be rough"...and "how does your underwear fit?"

He said "Like a glove!"

5 penises

A man visits his doctor and tells him,

"You've got to help me doc. I've got 5 penises!"

To which the doctor replies,

"5 penises! How do your pants fit?"

"Like a glove!"

Whats blue and doesn't fit anymore

A dead epileptic

A priest and a police officer walk into a bar.

A priest and a police officer walk into a bar. They each spend some time drinking, before both leaving.

The priest goes to his car, and the officer sees he is having difficulty to walk.

As he goes to enter, the officer stops him. He says "are you in a fit state to drive, reverend?"

He replied "yes, I have only had water."

The officer says "that's a lie, I can smell wine on your breath"

The priest looks to the sky and says "You did it again, lord!"

I saw this really fit girl in the nightclub last night and she was wearing a chessboard patterned shirt...

So, I made a move on her.

Two engineers meet each other on their way into work

One of them has a new bike, and the other one asks where he got it.
"Well," the first one says, "it's the funniest story. A beautiful woman rode up to me, threw down the bike, ripped off her clothes, and said 'Take what you want.'"
"Good choice," said the other engineer, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you."

My granma got my granpa a new pair of pants. When I asked him how they fit, he said, "like a cheap castle".

When I looked confused, he explained, "no ballroom"

What did the Scottish epileptic boy get for Christmas?

A Wii fit

Given the terms crab , tuna , lobster , and Chinese guy caught in an avalanche of boulders , which does not fit?

Ans: tuna . The other 3 are crushed asians.

A man goes to the doctor and says "I've got a problem, I have 5 penises"

The doctor says "Woow, how do your pants fit?", he replies "like a glove"

There's a man living near me who has 5 Penises.

Rumour has it his underwear fit him like a glove.

Dog walks into a telegraph office...

Clerk says, "What's your message?"

Dog says, "Woof woof, woof woof woof, woof woof woof woof."

Clerk says, "You know, for the same price, you can fit one more 'woof' in."

Dog replies, "But that wouldn't make any sense."

I think Americans are right to worry about immigrants

Because they might commit a mass shooting just to fit in with the culture.

The man who wrote the hokie pokie died recently

They had a real hard time trying to fit him into the coffin though.

It all started when they put his right leg in..

How do you know your girlfriend is getting too fat?

Because she tried on your wife's pants and they fit.

There's a man with two penises? That's nothing, I once knew a guy with FIVE penises...

...and his pants fit like a glove.

My girlfriend told me she had never heard of condoms...

I thought she must be pulling my leg so I played along. Oh yeah? I said, They're for covering your cigarettes in the rain.

Well one day we were in a pharmacy and she asked the clerk for a package of condoms. He asked what kind, and she said oh, to fit a camel.

A man walks into a doctors office

A man walks into a doctors office and says
Man: "Doctor, Doctor! I have 5 penises!!"

Doctor: "That's amazing! How do your pants fit?!"

Man: "Like a glove."

Woman greets mailman at her mailbox, invites him in, they make passionate love, then she makes him a lunch fit for a king and then hands him a $1 bill.

Flabbergasted mailman says: "My goodness that was outstanding, wonderful, thank you, I really appreciate it. May I ask why you did all this for me?"

Woman says: "I told my husband you were retiring and suggested we do something for you and he said "screw the mailman, give him a dollar", the lunch was my idea."

Why couldn't the psychic fit in the small shirt?

Because he was a medium

These pants fit like a cheap hotel...

No ballroom.

what's the worst part about being a pedophile?

trying to fit in.

I have a shirt with 120 tiny pockets that fit exactly one mint each....

It's my Tic Tactical vest.

You know you can fit any boat on your head

Just flip it upside down. That makes it capsized

Wife: I'm going to donate all my old clothes to starving people

Husband: Honey, anyone who can fit into your clothes, isn't starving...

A man goes to the doctor and says, Doctor, my sex life is not very good, I can't perform very well in bed.

The doctor says, You don't look very fit, are you getting any exercise? The man replied that he wasn't exercising at all, so the doctor said, I want you to walk 5 miles a day, then call me in a week and tell me if things have improved. The man calls the doctor a week later and the doctor says, Are you performing any better in bed now? The man says, I don't know, I'm 35 miles away.

I saw a 5 legged woman crying and I asked her why

She said she could never get shoes to match. I tried to console her so I said at least your knickers fit like a glove

Studying for finals is like playing Tetris

just when you seem to get the facts to fit together, all that you thought you learned disappears.

Why did Avogadro have trouble picking up chicks?

Because his number couldn't fit in their phones

After Generation Z, the next generation should be called generation AA

It would fit even better because they will be the generation to grow up with batteries inside everything.

Yes, you've got to be careful when you tell jokes in public.

I was in the pub with a few mates a while back and one of them was telling this joke, I'm sure you know it:

Q. What do you do if an epileptic has a fit in the bath?

A. You throw in your washing.

Then a guy came over fuming and said, "I'm sorry but I don't find that funny. My brother died in the bath as a kid while having an epileptic fit.

My friend said, "Oh, I'm really sorry. Did he drown?"

"No, said the man, "He choked to death on a sock."

3 women in a bar are comparing how loose they are...

One claimed they could fit a sausage, another claimed they can fit a cucumber and the other slid down the bar stool.

Ralphie May....

Or may not fit in the coffin.

I dropped my wife's epilepsy medicine in the washing machine instead of fabric softener.

Now her clothes don't fit.

What was Jesus Christ's least favorite form of exercise?

Cross fit.

There once was a family of moles in their mole hole when one smelled something sweet...

The father mole stuck his head out of the mole hole and said "is that honey?" So the mother mole squeezed through the hole next to the father and smelled "that may be maple syrup! It smells so wonderful!" The baby mole, wanting to see what all the commotion was about, frustratingly couldn't fit between the father and mother mole. So he wailed " All I smell is molasses!"

One of my favourite jokes. Might take a minute to sink in...

I saw a guy having an epileptic fit in a nightclub. Everyone was just standing around watching, pointing at him and talking about it. "Look!! That guy's having a fit!!" etc...

I said "Why don't you take a picture? It'll last longer."

He wasn't the most fit or handsome guy, but she loved him for what he is.

A Millionaire.

Was in a pub the other day...

Was in a pub the other day as one of the patrons was teliing the classic "What do you do if an epileptic person has a fit in the bath? Throw in the washing!" as a big burly guy walks over and says, "I don't think that's funny. My brother was epileptic and died in the bath."
"Sorry, did he drown?"
"No. He choked on a sock."

Wife: donate my clothes to poor people who are starving.

Husband: honey, if they fit in your clothes they surely aren't starving.

A man walks into a doctor's office...

A man walks into a doctor's office and says "Doctor, listen, I've been having troubles with my five penises." The doctor responds, "Five penises! That's incredible, how does your underwear fit?". The man says, "Like a glove".

No problems

A former Sergeant , having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-alec punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence ... He had no trouble with discipline that year.

[NSFW] Why was the Pedophile depressed?

Because he couldn't fit in

How many superheroes can you fit in one car?

Five

Two in the front

Two in the back

And Peter Parker in the ash tray

A hooker and a priest walk into a spaceship...

It lasts for 1 season and a movie and everyone throws a fit when it won't come back.

A widow puts out an ad for a man...

She put out an ad for a man that would not beat her, not run away, and could satisfy her sexually. A few days later the doorbell rings. And in the doorway is a man with no arms or legs. He told her he was there to answer her ad, and she asked him why he thought he fit the criteria.

"Well, I have no arms so I will never beat you. I have no legs so I can't run from you."

"How do you suppose that you can satisfy me sexual," she asked with a puzzled face.

"Well, I rang the doorbell didn't I?"

Did you hear about the man born with 5 dicks?

His pants fit like a glove.

My wife told me she wants to give her clothes away to starving children,i told her that if they fit them they arent starving

That is when the fight began

What do you call a snakeskin suit?

A Hissy Fit

Did you hear about the guy with five penises?

His pants fit like a glove.

Mike was going to be married to Karen so his Father sat him down for a little chat...

He said, 'Mike, let me tell you something.
On my wedding night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants, handed them to your Mother, and said, Here, try these on.''

She did and said, 'These are too big.
I can't wear them.'

I replied, 'Exactly.. I wear the pants in
this family and I always will.'

Ever since that night, we have
never had any problems.

'Hmmm,' said Mike. He thought that might be a good thing to try.

So....On his honeymoon, Mike took off his pants and said to Karen, 'Here, try these on..!

She tried them on and said, 'These are too large. They don't fit me.'

Mike said, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I always will.
I don't want you to ever forget that.'

Then Karen took off her panties and handed them to Mike. She said, 'Here, you try on mine !

Mike did and said,
'I can't get into your panties.'

Karen said, 'Exactly.
And if you don't change your smart-ass attitude, you never will.'

Why do your heart, liver and lungs all fit in your body?

Because they are well organized

When to leave your girlfriend?

When your wife's clothes start to fit her.

Not a joke, just a story with a reminder to be careful when telling jokes...

I heard a joke a few weeks ago that went, "What do you do when an epileptic is having a fit in the bath? Throw your washing in."

I decided to repeat the joke in work today to a few of my customers (I work in a pub) and when I finished, one guy got really mad at me. He screamed that I shouldn't tell jokes like that because his brother died in the bath as a kid while having an epileptic fit.

I asked, "Did he drown?"

The guy was furious and said, "No, he choked on a sock!"

Three gay men are at a bar.

The first one says, I'm so loose, my boyfriend can fit his fist inside me without effort! Second one says, Oh yeah? I'm so loose that my bf can fit his whole arm inside me without effort! Third guy laughs and the stool beneath him disappears.

How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two, but the trick is finding two people small enough to fit IN the lightbulb...

An atheist, a vegan, and a cross fit enthusiast walk into a bar.

And everyone knows because he won't shut up about it.

Multijokes: How many Jews can you fit in a family car.

Standard Answ**e**r: Three in the back, two in the front and six-million in the ashtray.

Follow-Up Answ**e**r: Three in the back, two in the front and none anywhere else because the Holocaust never happened.

Alternate Answ**e**r: Three in the back, two in the front and a family of eight hiding under the roof-rack.

Efficient Answ**e**r: Not enough, we'll need to use trains.

Anti-Joke Answ**e**r: Please tell me, myself and some Jewish friends are going to Florida but ~~cannot afford~~ are too-cheap for plane tickets.

Racist Answ**e**r: Throw a dollar in there and they'll all get in.

I accidentally dropped my girlfriends epilepsy medication in the washing machine...

...now her clothes don't fit anymore

A Computer Science student at MIT showed up at his buddies dorm room with a new bike.

His buddy said sweet bike, where'd ya get it?

You'll never believe this, he said, I was walking across campus and this beautiful blonde on a bike stopped, threw down her bike, tore off all her clothes and said _take whatever you want!_

His buddy stared at him blankly for a minute, then said smart. Her clothes would have never fit you.

GRANDPA'S CONDOMS

An old man finds a condom in his grandson's apartment and asks what it is.

"It's a condom," replies the grandson, sheepishly.

"What do you use it for?" asks Grandpa.

The grandson is embarrassed, so he says, "I use it to keep my cigarettes dry when I smoke in the rain."

Grandpa says, "That's a great idea." He goes to the drug store and asks the pharmacist for a condom.

"What size would you like?" asks the pharmacist.

"Big enough to fit a Camel."

A husband walks into his bedroom to find his wife pulling all her clothes out of the closet.

"What's going on here?"

The wife replies that she's just looking for stuff to donate.

"Why don't you just throw them out?" The husband asks.

"Dear! There are so many unfortunate people who could use these clothes!"

The husband replies without missing a beat, "Honey, I know you mean well but anyone who can afford to eat enough to fit in your clothes isn't exactly unfortunate!"

Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.

Wife arrives home late at night from a business trip and quietly opens the door to her bedroom. But she notices four legs instead of two peeking from under the blanket!

Seized by a fit of rage, she reaches for the baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket until the screaming stops.

Still in shock, she lurches to the kitchen to have a drink. As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.

"Oh welcome home darling," he says, "my parents came for a visit, so I let them have our bedroom. I hope you said hello."

A man goes to a doctor. The doctor examines him and finds out he has five penises.

The doctor says, "That's amazing! How do your pants fit?"

The man says, "Like a glove."

I bought a copy of the Kama Sutra to spice things up in the bedroom with my girlfriend...

...unfortunately, it wouldn't fit inside her.

Yo mama is so fat that she needs cheat codes for the Wii fit

What did the guy with 5 penises say?

"These pants fit like a glove"

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the fit quarts jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working fit fitness piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes