fit Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious fit puns

Looks like Trump is keeping up Michelle's ideals of getting America fit again.

One day in office and he has thousands of people getting up and going out for walks on this beautiful Saturday morning.

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I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.

I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.

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I gently slid her panties to the side...

....so I could fit her socks into the drawer

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My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank.

She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

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Two engineer students were biking across campus.

One said to the other, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice: The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

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What's E.T. short for?

So he can fit in his spaceship.

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My boss, who is a fit woman, caught me in the shower room after work.

She said to me "Would you mind taking my blouse off?"
I replied, "Certainly," and took it off.
Then she turned around and said, "Would you take my skirt off too?" So I removed that as well.
Then she finally asked me to take her underwear off, so I did that too.
Then she looked at me and said, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, you're fired"

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Why is the area between a woman's chest and hips called a waist?

...because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there.

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A translated Norwegian joke

Two guys meets in the middle of nowhere, trying to find their wives.
They decide to help each other out, by describing their wives.

The first man goes on: "My wife is tall, well fit, blonde, got big firm breasts, thight bouncy ass, a massive lust for sex and a face of a model. How about yours"?

The second man replies: "She can go F**k herself, lets search for yours instead!"

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When I said to my teacher,I had 26 pets, didn't believe me. So I showed her a picture of my fish tank.

Teacher freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

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How do you know your girlfriend is getting fat?

She starts to fit into your wife's clothes.

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Why does Ariel wear seashells?

Because she can't fit into D shells

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2 engineers on a bike

two engineers were biking across a university campus when one said,"where did you get such a great bike?" the second engineer replied, "well, i was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "take what you want."" the first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

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Given the words 'wife', 'odds', 'egg', and 'blowjob' which one doesn't fit the category?

Ans: Blowjob. You can beat an egg, you can beat the odds, you can beat your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob.

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United States

Two immigrants from Africa arrive in the United States and are discussing the difference between their country and the U.S. One of them mentions he's heard that people in the U.S. eat dogs, and if they're going to fit in, they better eat dogs as well. So they head to the nearest hot dog stand and order two 'dogs.' The first guy unwraps his, looks at it, and nervously looks at his friend.
"Which part did you get?"

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Wife tells her husband

Wife: "I got a bag full of clothes i don't wear anymore. I want to donate them."

Husband: "Why do you want to donate them? Just throw them away."

Wife: "There are poor starving people, who might need some clothes that weren't worn a lot."

Husband: "Women who fit in your clothes are not starving."

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A wheelchair user rides towards a bar.

On his way in he notices a man stood by the door smoking a cig.

The wheelchair user looks at the smoker and says "you do know that there is no reason for doing that at all. It won't make you feel better. It won't help you to fit in. It won't make you look cool."

"Really" says the smoker. "So why the fuck are you wearing those Nike sneakers?"

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A girl uses chemicals to remove polish and no one looks twice

And yet when Hitler tried it, everyone threw a fit

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I was going to be a politician for Halloween

Then I realized I couldn't fit my head up my ass

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Anal sex keeps my wife really fit.

Every time I mention it she runs a mile.

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How many animals can you fit in a pair of pantyhose?

A couple calves,
an ass,
ten little piggies,
a beaver,
a shit load of hares,
and a fish that no one can seem to find!

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Did you know that you can fit any boat on your head like a hat, if you flip it over?

That makes it cap sized

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Why is the Toblerone chocolate shaped like a triangle?

So that it'll fit inside the box.

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Two engineers are meeting for lunch

Two engineers are meeting for lunch. The second arrives on a bicycle that the first doesn't recognize.

"Where did you get the bike? " the first asks.

The second explained, "It was the weirdest thing. I was walking over here when a beautiful woman rode up on the bike, hopped off, tore off all her clothes and said 'take what you want!' So I took the bike."

"Good call," mused the first, "the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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Three women are bragging about their conquests in a bar

The first one says,"I am so loose, I can fit my fist in my pussy!".

The second one responds with, "Oh yeah? I can fit both my fists in mine!".

The third woman laughs as she starts to slide down the barstool.

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"Doctor, I have an embarrassing medical problem..." NSFW

Well, what is it?" asks the doctor.

"I have five penises."

"Five penises!," exclaims the doctor, "How does your underwear fit?"

"Like a glove!"

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My grandma decided to start walking 2 miles a day when she turned 60 to try to keep fit

She's 70 now and I have no goddamn idea about where she is.

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3 hookers are at a bar

They are each taking shots until one talks about how she can take the biggest cock. She says "I can by far take the largest cock, I can fit a whole remote in my vag"

The second hooker says "Thats nothing I can fit a whole wine bottle in my vag and not even feel it"

The third hooker sits there silently as she slides down the bar stool

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What is ET short for?

So he can fit in the spaceship.

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How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?

10 little piggies, 2 calves, a beaver, an ass, some hares, and a fish that no one can seem to find.

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I once met a man with 5 penises. I said "That must be rough"...and "how does your underwear fit?"

He said "Like a glove!"

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5 penises

A man visits his doctor and tells him,

"You've got to help me doc. I've got 5 penises!"

To which the doctor replies,

"5 penises! How do your pants fit?"

"Like a glove!"

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What engineers want.

Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, 'Take what you want.'" The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."

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Whats blue and doesn't fit anymore

A dead epileptic

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Paddy and Murphy come across a girl whose bike has a flat tire...

Murphy leaves Paddy to help her and goes on his way.

A few minutes later, Paddy passes Murphy on the girl's bike.

"What the feck happened"? asks Murphy.

"Well, I fixed her bike and be jaysus she takes her fuckin knickers off, lies on the ground and says, 'take what you want big boy!', so I took the bike.''

"Good on ye'' says Murphy, ''I'm sure the fuckin knickers wouldn't fit ya anyway"

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What are the most funny Fit jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Fit? Well, here are the best Fit dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Fit pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes