Fist Jokes

130 fist jokes and hilarious fist puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fist that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

A collection of funny fist jokes that will make you smile, laugh, and fist bump. From a fist fight to a profusely fist bump, you're sure to get a chuckle out of these jokes about fingers, asses, and the popular fist first UTD.

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Funniest Fist Short Jokes

Short fist jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fist humour may include short punch jokes also.

  1. Son: "Mom, Dad, I'm gay." Mom: *Stares at Dad*
    Dad: *Clenches fist*
    Mom: "Don't!"
    Dad: *Sweats Profusely*
    Mom: "..."
    Dad: "HI GAY, I'M DAD"
  2. Do you know how Chris Brown's girlfriend found out that he had been cheating on her? She found another girl's lipstick on his fist.
  3. Son: Mom, Dad, I'm gay Mom: *looks at Dad*
    Dad: *clenches fist*
    Mom: don't you dare!
    Dad: hi gay, I'm Dad!
  4. Never hit a man with eyeglasses Use your fist instead.
    >Enthusiastically told by my 6 year old brother, I thought it was worth sharing.
  5. I saw two blind guys fist fighting, I yelled, "I'm betting on the guy with the knife."
    And they both ran away.
  6. Son: Mom, dad, I'm gay. Son: Mom, dad, I'm gay.
    Mom: *gasp*
    Dad: *clenches fists*
    Mom: Honey, stop!
    Dad: *steps forward*
    Mom: N-
    Dad: HI GAY, I'M DAD.
  7. Three logicians walk into a bar. The bartender asks "Something for all three of you?"
    The fist responds: "I don't know"
    The second responds "I don't know"
    The third responds "Yes"
  8. I got into a car accident with a midget... He got out of his car, angrily shaking his fist and yelled, "I'm NOT happy!"
    "Well," I replied, "which one are you?"
  9. What did the regular hotel room say to the fancy hotel room Oh suite!
    This was made up by my 11 year old son, I thought it was fist bump worthy.
  10. Raising my fist to the sky, I roared, "It's not how many times you fall down, it's how many times you get back up!" "Sir, that's not how field sobriety tests work." the cop replied.

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Fist One Liners

Which fist one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fist? I can suggest the ones about knuckles and wrist.

  1. Never hit a man with glasses Fists are just more efficient
  2. What do you call a fist fight at noon? A lunchbox
  3. Deaf people seem tough to me Because they always let their fists do the talking
  4. Good cop: where is the money? Blind cop: *bangs fists on the table* WHERE IS EVERYTHING
  5. I got sick from a fist bump it's the first confirmed case of ebrola
  6. Hey girl, are you a tube of Pringles? Because my whole fist is stuck inside of you
  7. I almost struck 'x=1' with my fist, but didn't. Sorry, no punchline.
  8. I once got into a fist fight with a pirate... He had mean right hook.
  9. What do you call two rabbits in a fist fight? Hare knuckle boxing.
  10. I named my right fist "Attention." Now my wife has finally stopped asking for it.
  11. I hit a Milestone today and now my fist really hurts.
  12. Why do dogs lick themselves? Because they can't make a fist
  13. A phallus shaped potato ruled the world with an iron fist. He was a Dic-tater.
  14. I could never fist a girl My hand would always be reaching for a Pringle.
  15. If I got paid to play rock paper scissors... I'd be making money hand over fist.

Fist Bumping Jokes

Here is a list of funny fist bumping jokes and even better fist bumping puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Friend hooked it up. Fist bumped and as we were parting ways, said "I owe you!"
    Dad Friend: "Don't forget A&E!"
    Me: "Huh?"
    Dad Friend: "A-E-I-O-U! Already forgot your vowels-tsktsk."
  • Hey man, congratulations on that aggressive knuckle cancer. (Fist bump)
  • I use this for my Tinder description and it works. "I fist bumped Chuck Norris once and survived".
  • I thought it was called a Fist Bump Why not call it a Finger Bang?
  • Fist Bump for Jesus Don't leave me hanging!
  • What does a fish say when he hits concrete? Dam!
    A customer told me that joke, equipped with an " old guys rule" shirt and a hardy fist bump.
  • GoodBye! Guy: Why is it so difficult to say goodbye? I mean should we kiss? hug? or exchange fist bumps?

    McDonald's Worker: Sir please, the manager and other customers are looking at us...

Fist Pump Jokes

Here is a list of funny fist pump jokes and even better fist pump puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Where can a hand refuel its car? At a fist pump.

Fist Fight Jokes

Here is a list of funny fist fight jokes and even better fist fight puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • This guy and I were arguing in an elevator when all of the sudden it turned into a fist fight We really took it to the next level
  • I'm always extra nice to the guy who used to deliver my mail. I'd hate to get into a fist fight with an ex-professional mail boxer.
  • Why fist fights break out at NASA? Sometimes an argument of perihelion will get out of hand.
  • need a Justin Bieber joke need a Justin Bieber joke about the fist fight he got into last night
  • What do you call someone who doesn't like food fights? A pasta-fist.
  • I broke my fist in a fight... So when I got it X-rayed the doctor asked how it happened. I told him I'd tripped on a step, but he said he could see through me.
  • Top 5 life hacks to win a fist fight every time. 1.
    5. Bring a gun
  • A kid asked challenged me to a fist fight Just thought i would yell you while I'm shining my knuckle dusters.
  • I got into a fist fight with a Dracula fan over who's the best vampire. He put up a good fight until I caught him with a mean hook to the temple.
    He was down for The Count.
  • George Bush and his competitor got into a fist fight... I got to say, it was Al Gore...
Fist joke, George Bush and his competitor got into a fist fight...

Cheerful Fist Jokes for Unforgettable Laughter with Friends!

What funny jokes about fist you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean palm jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fist pranks.

What do you get if you fist Gavrilo Princip?

A Black Hand.

An economist, a chaos theorist, and a statistician are trying to shoot a deer for dinner with a bow and arrow...

The economist assumes no wind, and misses five feet to the left. He hands over the bow to the chaos theorist, who overestimates the effect of the wind, and misses five feet to the right. The statistician pumps his fist in the air and exclaims: "We got him!".

I saw some n**... on TV last night...

I just sat there shaking my fist. I was furious.

Latvian joke.

I tell Latvian joke:
Latvian man very hungry.
He go in minefield, look for potato feed family.
Many hours, he suddenly find big potato, size of fist!
He quickly pull out pin, put in mouth, s**... whole thing.
Then he say "But why was there pin in potat "
End from joke.

I like my girls like I like my Pringles....

Thin, stacked, and just barely wide enough to accommodate my fist.

Three women are sitting in a bar discussing who is looser…

The first one says "My husband can fit his fist inside me".
The second one says "My husband can fit both firsts inside me".
The third one just smiles and slides down the bar stool.

My wife slammed her fist on the table and shouted... "Why must you question everything I say!?"

..."Everything?" I replied

Whats the difference between your Mom and the Pringles guy?

I can't get my whole fist in the Pringles guy's can.

Three prostitutes in a bar...

First one holds up four fingers "I can take that inside me" she says.
"Well, I can take this" says the second, holding up a fist.
The third one slides slowly down the bar stool.

(JOKE) "BULLY" sammy:what is the best way to fight a bully?....vann duke:I don't know,how?...sammy:stop his fist with your face!

sammy:what's the best way to fight a bully?....vann duke:I don't know,how?....sammy:stop his fist with your face!

A little bloke gets into a fight with a big bloke...

The big bloke says "Mate, if you don't back off I'm going to mop the floor with your face."
The little bloke looks up at him with a raised fist and yells, "You'll be sorry!!"
"Oh, yeah? Why?"
"Well, you won't be able to do the corners very well"

Two nuns were riding though the streets

and realised they were late for church, one said to the other "I know a short cut" they zip through back streets and down a cobble stone path, the other Nun says "I've never come this way before!" The fist Nun replies "yeah, it's the cobble stones"

I'm not really a fighter...

I'm more pass a fist

Three girls are sitting at a bar talking about how loose they are

The first girl says "I'm so loose my boyfriend can get three fingers inside of me". The second girl says "I'm so loose MY boyfriend can get his whole fist in me." The third girl just smiles and slowly slides down the bar stool.

I rule with an iron fist and open mockery of the plebs

Though my heart is a fist,

I really do ❤ my girlfriend

My girlfriend's not up for being f**... tonight.

I guess I'll just put my feet up.

Why are lesbian prostitutes so wealthy?

They make money hand over fist

There's so much n**... on TV these days, it makes me so angry.

I just sit there, shaking my fist.

I used to play Rock-Paper-Scissors professionally.

I made money hand over fist.

A guy walks up to a girl in the bar with his fist closed and says........I will go down on you if you can guess what I have in my hand.

The girl says........The empire state building.
The guy says..........That's close enough.

Foreigner? Why not fist her?

Badoom TSSSSssT!
(Say it out loud)

I always wondered why my girlfriend's ex had his fist clenched when he saw me with her.

Then it hit me.

2 Trump Supporters go to heaven

St. Peter greets them at the Pearly gates and asks if there is anything in the universe they'd like to know before meeting God. The fist guy asks, "What was really in Hillary's emails?"
"Nothing incriminating really", replies St. Peter.
The other guy turns and whispers, "Wow, this goes higher than we thought."

Today the world has lost a great leader who ruled with an iron fist.

Mrs.Brady you will be missed... (some guy named Fidel Castro died too)


I've always wanted to try my hand at that.

A blonde and her husband

A blonde and her husband are sleeping when the neighbor's dog starts barking and wakes them up. The blonde sighs, shakes her fist and says 'Wait until you see what I'm going to do to those neighbors!'
She runs out of the house and five minutes later she comes back with a smile on her face. The husband asks 'So, what did you do?'
The blonde says 'Well, I took the dog from their yard and I put it in our yard to see how they like it having the neighbor's dog barking all night.'

Son:"Mom,Dad, I am gay"

Mom: Stares at Dad
Dad: Clenches fist
Mom: "Don't!"
Dad: Sweats Profusely
Mom: "..."
Son: "No dad, I'm serious!"
Dad: "You're serious? I thought you were Gay

Stalin ruled Russia with an iron fist...

The arm of the law it was on, however, had a very hard time reaching us.

What's the difference between a w**... arm solute vs a black power fist raise?

Paper always beats rock!

My girlfriend compares herself to the Iron Fist

She's the sworn enemy of The Hand.

A man walks up to Ryu

"Can I see your famous Rising Dragon Fist?"

3 Women are sat at a bar..

The first of the three says proudly "I can fit my whole fist up there". To this the second woman turns and says "well I can fit both my fists up there". The third woman just smiled and slowly slid down the barstool.

A pastor was charge for assault after claiming he was a pacifist.

He also stated that if anybody disrespects the Bible they will catch these pastor fist.

What do you call an i**... Italian immigrant?

an imPASTA!

An Native American was walking into the store

As he neared the store another native american was walking out.
Seeing this man the man entering shouted out " Hello friend, What did you get on this fine day?"
The man leaving turned his head toward the first man and replied back "Why i got a 12 pack for the old lady"
The first man put his fist to his chest and said "Wow, what a good trade!"

A man with no arms walks into a bar.

About now you realize that because he cannot make a fist, that there is no punchline.

LPT: If someone punches you in the face, don't worry! You are already getting revenge!

Remember that your face is exerting the same amount of force back to the fist that it is exerting on your face

In the beginning there were no tides.

Then Chuck Norris clenched his fist on the beach.

"Why are you f**... me?" A question that should never come up during love making.

f**... should always be discussed beforehand.

Iron Fist vs The Hand

Not your average fapping contest.

Three bottoms sit in a bar...

The first says, "I'm so loose, my partner can put their fist in me."
The second laughs and says, "That's nothing. I'm so loose that my partner can put their arm in me."
The third laughs and the barstool disappears.

Three buttholes walk into a bar

They sit on bar-stools while their ladies enjoy a beer.
The first one says I'm so loose that I can hold in a fist easily
The second one giggles and says I'm so loose I can hold in two fists, no problem
The third one laughs.... and the bar-stool disappears

Although it is an odd nickname, I sometimes call my buddy by the name of Gold.

He takes it as a comment but doesn't know he is actually a softy who can be pounded flat by my fist.

Three gay men are at a bar.

The first one says, I'm so loose, my boyfriend can fit his fist inside me without effort! Second one says, Oh yeah? I'm so loose that my bf can fit his whole arm inside me without effort! Third guy laughs and the stool beneath him disappears.

You can hit a man with glasses....

...but hitting him with your fist is more effective.

I think f**... should be called ...


She raised her fist in defiance!

As Amy was being taken into jail the other evening, she raised her fist way up in defiance.
Later that night, her cell mate had her fist way up in Amy.

What do you call the boat of a Russian potato that rules with an iron fist?

A dicktatership.

best jokes about Albania, from Romania:

Why the Albanian submarines resurface every 2 minutes? So the rowers can breath.
How do you destroy an Albanian tank? You shot the guy that pushes it.
Why did the Albanians lost the war? The archer was sick.
The Albanians managed to releases on market their fist computer, it's keyboard has 2 b**...: if you pres the first one nothing happens and the second one cancels the command

Three women are drinking at a bar.

As the night goes on, they begin talking about how loose their vaginas are.
The first woman boasts that her lover can fit his entire fist in.
The second woman says "That's nothing, my husband was able to fit both of his fists in!"
The third woman laughs, finishes her drink, and slides down the barstool.

The blond reared back and clenched his fist

With all his might, he punched the tree, and the force of the impact broke his hand. "Ouch! I thought you said this tree was bouncy!"
His friend face palmed. "No, I said it was a rubber tree."

A guy with two d**... goes to the doctor with his middle finger held in his fist.

When the doctor asks he replies, "because a bird in hand is worth more than two in the bush!"

Fist joke, A guy with two d**... goes to the doctor with his middle finger held in his fist.

jokes about fist