Fist Jokes

What do you get if you fist Gavrilo Princip?

A Black Hand.

An economist, a chaos theorist, and a statistician are trying to shoot a deer for dinner with a bow and arrow...

The economist assumes no wind, and misses five feet to the left. He hands over the bow to the chaos theorist, who overestimates the effect of the wind, and misses five feet to the right. The statistician pumps his fist in the air and exclaims: "We got him!".

I saw some n**... on TV last night...

I just sat there shaking my fist. I was furious.

I like my girls like I like my Pringles....

Thin, stacked, and just barely wide enough to accommodate my fist.

Three women are sitting in a bar discussing who is looser…

The first one says "My husband can fit his fist inside me".
The second one says "My husband can fit both firsts inside me".
The third one just smiles and slides down the bar stool.

My wife slammed her fist on the table and shouted... "Why must you question everything I say!?"

..."Everything?" I replied

Whats the difference between your Mom and the Pringles guy?

I can't get my whole fist in the Pringles guy's can.

Three prostitutes in a bar...

First one holds up four fingers "I can take that inside me" she says.
"Well, I can take this" says the second, holding up a fist.
The third one slides slowly down the bar stool.

(JOKE) "BULLY" sammy:what is the best way to fight a bully?....vann duke:I don't know,how?...sammy:stop his fist with your face!

sammy:what's the best way to fight a bully?....vann duke:I don't know,how?....sammy:stop his fist with your face!

A little bloke gets into a fight with a big bloke...

The big bloke says "Mate, if you don't back off I'm going to mop the floor with your face."
The little bloke looks up at him with a raised fist and yells, "You'll be sorry!!"
"Oh, yeah? Why?"
"Well, you won't be able to do the corners very well"

Two nuns were riding though the streets

and realised they were late for church, one said to the other "I know a short cut" they zip through back streets and down a cobble stone path, the other Nun says "I've never come this way before!" The fist Nun replies "yeah, it's the cobble stones"

I'm not really a fighter...

I'm more pass a fist

Three girls are sitting at a bar talking about how loose they are

The first girl says "I'm so loose my boyfriend can get three fingers inside of me". The second girl says "I'm so loose MY boyfriend can get his whole fist in me." The third girl just smiles and slowly slides down the bar stool.

I rule with an iron fist and open mockery of the plebs

Though my heart is a fist,

I really do ❤ my girlfriend

My girlfriend's not up for being f**... tonight.

I guess I'll just put my feet up.

Why are lesbian prostitutes so wealthy?

They make money hand over fist

There's so much n**... on TV these days, it makes me so angry.

I just sit there, shaking my fist.

I used to play Rock-Paper-Scissors professionally.

I made money hand over fist.

A guy walks up to a girl in the bar with his fist closed and says........I will go down on you if you can guess what I have in my hand.

The girl says........The empire state building.
The guy says..........That's close enough.

Foreigner? Why not fist her?

Badoom TSSSSssT!
(Say it out loud)

I always wondered why my girlfriend's ex had his fist clenched when he saw me with her.

Then it hit me.

2 Trump Supporters go to heaven

St. Peter greets them at the Pearly gates and asks if there is anything in the universe they'd like to know before meeting God. The fist guy asks, "What was really in Hillary's emails?"
"Nothing incriminating really", replies St. Peter.
The other guy turns and whispers, "Wow, this goes higher than we thought."

Today the world has lost a great leader who ruled with an iron fist.

Mrs.Brady you will be missed... (some guy named Fidel Castro died too)

f**...

I've always wanted to try my hand at that.

A blonde and her husband

A blonde and her husband are sleeping when the neighbor's dog starts barking and wakes them up. The blonde sighs, shakes her fist and says 'Wait until you see what I'm going to do to those neighbors!'
She runs out of the house and five minutes later she comes back with a smile on her face. The husband asks 'So, what did you do?'
The blonde says 'Well, I took the dog from their yard and I put it in our yard to see how they like it having the neighbor's dog barking all night.'

Stalin ruled Russia with an iron fist...

The arm of the law it was on, however, had a very hard time reaching us.

What's the difference between a w**... arm solute vs a black power fist raise?

Paper always beats rock!

My girlfriend compares herself to the Iron Fist

She's the sworn enemy of The Hand.

A man walks up to Ryu

"Can I see your famous Rising Dragon Fist?"
"Shor-yu-ken!"

3 Women are sat at a bar..

The first of the three says proudly "I can fit my whole fist up there". To this the second woman turns and says "well I can fit both my fists up there". The third woman just smiled and slowly slid down the barstool.

A pastor was charge for assault after claiming he was a pacifist.

He also stated that if anybody disrespects the Bible they will catch these pastor fist.

What do you call an i**... Italian immigrant?

an imPASTA!

An Native American was walking into the store

As he neared the store another native american was walking out.
Seeing this man the man entering shouted out " Hello friend, What did you get on this fine day?"
The man leaving turned his head toward the first man and replied back "Why i got a 12 pack for the old lady"
The first man put his fist to his chest and said "Wow, what a good trade!"

A man with no arms walks into a bar.

About now you realize that because he cannot make a fist, that there is no punchline.

LPT: If someone punches you in the face, don't worry! You are already getting revenge!

Remember that your face is exerting the same amount of force back to the fist that it is exerting on your face

In the beginning there were no tides.

Then Chuck Norris clenched his fist on the beach.

"Why are you f**... me?" A question that should never come up during love making.

f**... should always be discussed beforehand.

Iron Fist vs The Hand

Not your average fapping contest.

Three bottoms sit in a bar...

The first says, "I'm so loose, my partner can put their fist in me."
The second laughs and says, "That's nothing. I'm so loose that my partner can put their arm in me."
The third laughs and the barstool disappears.

Three buttholes walk into a bar

They sit on bar-stools while their ladies enjoy a beer.
The first one says I'm so loose that I can hold in a fist easily
The second one giggles and says I'm so loose I can hold in two fists, no problem
The third one laughs.... and the bar-stool disappears

Although it is an odd nickname, I sometimes call my buddy by the name of Gold.

He takes it as a comment but doesn't know he is actually a softy who can be pounded flat by my fist.

Three gay men are at a bar.

The first one says, I'm so loose, my boyfriend can fit his fist inside me without effort! Second one says, Oh yeah? I'm so loose that my bf can fit his whole arm inside me without effort! Third guy laughs and the stool beneath him disappears.

You can hit a man with glasses....

...but hitting him with your fist is more effective.

I think f**... should be called ...

Uppercunting

She raised her fist in defiance!

As Amy was being taken into jail the other evening, she raised her fist way up in defiance.
Later that night, her cell mate had her fist way up in Amy.

What do you call the boat of a Russian potato that rules with an iron fist?

A dicktatership.

best jokes about Albania, from Romania:

Why the Albanian submarines resurface every 2 minutes? So the rowers can breath.
How do you destroy an Albanian tank? You shot the guy that pushes it.
Why did the Albanians lost the war? The archer was sick.
The Albanians managed to releases on market their fist computer, it's keyboard has 2 b**...: if you pres the first one nothing happens and the second one cancels the command

Three women are drinking at a bar.

As the night goes on, they begin talking about how loose their vaginas are.
The first woman boasts that her lover can fit his entire fist in.
The second woman says "That's nothing, my husband was able to fit both of his fists in!"
The third woman laughs, finishes her drink, and slides down the barstool.

The blond reared back and clenched his fist

With all his might, he punched the tree, and the force of the impact broke his hand. "Ouch! I thought you said this tree was bouncy!"
His friend face palmed. "No, I said it was a rubber tree."

A guy with two d**... goes to the doctor with his middle finger held in his fist.

When the doctor asks he replies, "because a bird in hand is worth more than two in the bush!"