fishing trip Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious fishing trip puns

A woman and a man are lying in bed

A woman and a man are lying in bed next to each other when her phone rings.

She picks up, the man looks over at her and listens. She is speaking in a cheery voice, "Hi. I'm so glad you called. Really? That's wonderful. I'm so happy for you. That sounds terrifiic. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye bye."

She hangs up and the man asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh," she replies, "that was my husband telling me about the great time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

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A man was out on a fishing trip

When suddenly, he dropped one of his oars into the water, frustrated that he couldn't get the boat moving, he decided to seek help.

He saw someone with two beautiful women on his boat who also had a spare oar. "Excuse me, may I borrow one of your oars?" he yelled.
The man appeared offended, "thems ain't 'ores, thems me sisters!"

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My wife said to me the other day "For the last time I am on my period and I am NOT getting into the water to swim!"

She totally ruined my shark fishing trip.

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When the fuck did you get here Harvey?

Four guys have been going on the same fishing trip for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Harvey's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Harvey's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do. Two days later the three arrive at the camping site only to find Harvey sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.
"Shit, Harvey, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday evening. I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, "Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie. She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.
And then she said, "Do whatever you want." So, Here I am. You guys want a beer?"

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The fishing trip

So four high school friends have gone fishing together every year for the last two decades. That was until this year, when Jim had to inform the group he couldn't make it.

"Look, it's the wife. She's been saying I haven't been spending enough time with her."

Of course, the others were upset but told him they couldn't rearrange all the schedules to make it work out this year, so they stuck to the date.

The morning of trip, the guys are unloading on the dock when Jim comes running up with his stuff.

"What's the deal, Jim?" asked one of the fishermen.

"So I came home from work last night and I found my wife in the bedroom. She was laying down with a spool of rope, some duct tape and a ball-gag, and told me how she's been reading *50 Shades of Grey*. She told me to tie her up and do anything I want. So, uhh, here I am!"

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How do you keep a Baptist from drinking all your beer on a fishing trip?

Invite two of them.

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Why do you always need to take 2 baptists on a fishing trip instead of one?

If you take one, he'll drink all of your beer, If you take 2 neither will drink a drop

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Four religious men of the cloth go on a fishing trip...

That night in the fish house they decide to confess their greatest sin to each other. The Catholic priest says, "my greatest sin is lust. I look at porn constantly online and when I can I have crazy sex with parishioners." The Rabbi says "my sin is greed. I never give to charities and sometimes steal from the Temple." The Islamic imam says, "my sin is gluttony. At least once a week I go to the liquor store for a six-pack and then head to McDonalds in the middle of the night and get a big bag of Big Macs, Bacon cheese burgers and fries and eat and drink it all while sitting in the parking lot." The Baptist minister says, "My greatest sin is gossip and I can't wait to get back to town!"

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3 Guys go on a camping trip...

3 guys go on a camping trip. They get to the campground, decide to do some fishing and go back to their campsite just before dark to set up their tent. The guy who brought the tent made a mistake and had gotten a tent that was quite small, so they ended up having to sleep side by side.

The next morning, the guy on the left says "Man, I had an awesome dream, I dreamt I got a handjob by this hot ass chick" the guy on the right goes "Wow really? Me too!"

The guy in the middle says, "That's funny, I dreamt I was skiing."

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Three men are standing near a magical river...

... and legend says that one who says something whilst jumping over the river will turn into it .

The first runs and jumps and yells, "Eagle". He turns into an Eagle and flies away.

The second man runs and says, "Fish". He turns into a fish, falls into the water, and swims away.

The third runs, but trips and screams, "Oh, shit!"

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The honeymooners

So me and an old friend decide to go on a fishing trip. When we arrived at the lodge we were informed that the only boat they had was for the honeymoon cabin, we asked if it was available, but no, it had just been rented my a newly wed couple for the weekend.



So we rented a boat from town. We decided to call it and early night and hit the lake early.




When we get out on the lake we notice the boat from the honeymoon suit with a man sitting fishing by himself. Thought nothing of and went back to fishing.



Well this happened the next day, too. so curiosity got the best of us as we paddled over to the gentleman and started a friendly fishing convo.
He hadn't been here for years and begged his now-wife for the chance to go again, she obliged.



But that got me wondering where she was so I asked where she was and if they just got married why they weren't "knocking boots".



"ohh she gots the gonorrhea"



so i ask "what about oral?"



"she's got the pyria"



"anal?"



"nope diarrhea"



so my buddy chime in "what good is she then"



"shes got worms"





*sorry about grammar and punctuation mistakes. pm and I will gladly edit for you.

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There are three men, Nobody, No-one and Stupid.

They were on a fishing trip in Canada when the first fell in the river, and began to drown, as he had never learned to swim as a child.

The second stayed behind to help rescue him from the river.

The third ran to the nearest police station and explained the situation to the first police officer he saw.

"Officer! Come quickly, Nobody is drowning in the river and No-one is helping him!"

"Are you stupid?" Asked the officer

"I am, yes, nice to meet you."

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Dad joke? Dad joke.

My father, who is still pretty spry at the age of 73, has been single for about 20 years.
On a recent trip to the doctors office he requested a half-dose prescription of Viagra.
The doctor asked him, "Why only a half-dose, Jack? I wasn't aware you were seeing anyone."
He replied, "Oh, it's nothing like that, Doc. I only need to get it up far enough to pee out of the boat when I'm fishing."

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Fishing

Two rednecks go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment - the reels, the rods, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. I mean they spend a fortune!

The first day they go fishing, but they don't catch anything. The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day. It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the men catches a fish.

As they're driving home they're really depressed. One guy turns to the other and says, "Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us fifteen hundred bucks?"

The other guy says, "Wow! It's a good thing we didn't catch any more!"

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The Husband's Best Friend

A woman meets with her lover, who is also her husband's best friend.

They make love for hours. Afterwards, as they lie in bed, the phone rings. Since it's the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. The best friend listens, only hearing her side of the conversation:

"Hello? Oh, hi... I'm so glad that you called... Really? That's wonderful... Well, I'm happy to hear you're having such a great time... Oh, that sounds terrific... Love you, too. OK. Bye-bye."

She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"

"Oh," she replies, "That was my husband telling me about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

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The Fishing Trip

On Friday afternoon, a man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey I have been asked to go on a fishing trip with my boss. We'll be gone a week. This is a great chance for me to work on that promotion! Would you please pack some clothes for me and set out my rod and tackle box. I'll swing by the house to pick them up in an hour. Oh! And please pack my new blue pajamas."

The wife thinks this sounds a little fishy, but does exactly what her husband asked.

The following weekend the husband comes home very tired, tan and happy. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he has had a good time.

I did! he says as he carries his things into the bedroom. You wouldn't believe all the fish we caught! Some bass, some catfish, and a few trout.

As he tosses his suitcase onto the bed, his wife leans against the doorjamb.

"Really." She says.

Yup, he says. Then he glances up at her, By the way, why didn't you pack my new blue pajamas like I asked?"

The wife crosses her arms and replies, "I did. They're in your tackle box."

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Barack Obama was out jogging one day...

When he tripped, and fell over a bridge railing and landed in the river below. Before secret service could get to him, 3 kids who were fishing pulled him out of the water. He was so grateful he offered the kids whatever they wanted in return for saving his life. The first kid said, "I want to go to Disney world!" To which Obama replied, "not a problem, I'll even fly you there in Air Force one." The second kid then says, "I want a new pair of Nike Air Jordan's!" "You got it." Said Obama. "I'll even have Michael Jordan himself sign them." Then the third kid says, "I want a motorized wheelchair with a built in big screen tv and headset." Obama seemed a bit confused at this. "You don't look like yore handicapped." He said. To which the kid replied, "I will be after my dad finds out I saved you from drowning.

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Four guys on their annual fishing trip.

Four guys have been going to the same fishing trip for many years.

Two days before the group is to leave, Ron's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.

Ron's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?!

Two days later, the three get to the camping site only to find Ron sitting there with a tent set up,
firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the fire.

"Shit Ron, how long you been here, and how did you talk your missus into letting you go?"

"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Last night, I was sitting in my chair and my wife
came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'Guess who?'"

I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.

She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom.. The room had candles and rose petals all over.

On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did.

And then she said, "Do whatever you want."

So, Here I am.

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Little Johnny and his grandfather.

Little Johnny is waken up unusually early one morning by his grandfather, who informs Johnny that they are going on a fishing trip.


Once they make it there, they begin fishing, Little Johnny's grandfather teaching him the ins and outs of the sport.


Then Grandpa cracks open a nice cold beer, and drinks it. Little Johnny, having never been exposed to this wonderful refreshment, is amazed at how pleasing this drink seems to be.


"Grandpa, can I have one?" He asks

"Can you touch your dick to your asshole?" Grandpa replies

"Well, no, but why-?"

"Well, then, no, you can't have one."


Later on that day when they are in the car on the way home, Grandpa lights up a cigar. This is also something Johnny has never been exposed to, so he watches in amazement at his Grandpa exhaling such long, twisted clouds of smoke.

Again, he asks "Grandpa, can I have one of those?"

"Can you touch your dick to your asshole?"

"No, I can't" Johnny replies

"Then no."


Finally, they arrive home, to the wonderful smell of Grandmother's home baked cookies, a secret recipe passed down for generations. Grandmother hands the plate to Johnny, saying "I made these just for my big boy for helping bring home dinner!"


Grandpa is taken in by the serene smell, and can't help but ask

"Johnny, can I have one of those?"

"Well, Grandpa, can you touch your dick to your asshole?"

"Well, yes! Yes I can!"

"Then go fuck yourself"

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A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend.

They had sex for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings.
Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation... She is speaking in a cheery voice) "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm... so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye."
She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?"
"Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

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THE EXPLANATION

The mother-in-law arrives home from shopping to find her son-in-law
Paddy in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase.
"What happened Paddy ?" she asks anxiously.
"What happened!! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife
(your daughter) telling her I was coming home today from my fishing
trip. I get home... and guess what I found? Yes, your daughter, my wife
Jean, naked with Joe Murphy in our marital bed! This is unforgivable,
the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"
"Ah now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There
is something very odd going on here. My daughter would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened."
Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile.
"Paddy. I told you there must be a simple explanation ....
She never got your E-mail!"

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Did you hear about the girl who joined six men on a fishing trip?

She came home with a red snapper.

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Singles Ad

SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work! Call and ask for Daisy.

Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever.

Man.... what a bitch.

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When you go on a fishing trip with a Mormon, how do you keep him from drinking all of your beer?

You invite another Mormon.

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Fishing trip

A man phones home from the office and tells his wife, "Something has just come up. I need to go fishing with the boss for the weekend. We leave right away, so can you pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and my blue silk pajamas? I'll be home in an hour to pick them up."

He hurries home, grabs everything and rushes off.

Sunday night, he returns. His wife asks, "Did you have a good trip?"

"Oh yes, great! I think I really impressed the boss. But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas."

"Oh, no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box."

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Cookies

A father and son were out on a fishing trip. After a little while out on the water the father reaches in his coat pocket and pulls out a cigarette, then proceeds to light it. "Daddy, can I have one too?" the young boy asked. "Does your dick touch your asshole?" replied the father. "No," the boy shamefully admitted. "Than you can't have one" the father responded as he pulled a beer out of the cooler and popped it open. "Can I have one of those, then?" the boy asked hopefully. "Does your dick touch your asshole?"
"No..."
"Then no, you can't have one" he stated as he took another swill of beer. After a few hours had passed, the boy reached into his bag and pulled out a bag of homemade cookies his mother had given him. "Ooo!" said the father, "can I get one of those?" The boy looked at his father and asked, "does your dick touch your asshole?"
"Why, yes it does!" he proudly boasted.
"Good!" the boy replied, " than you can go FUCK yourself, because these are my goddamn cookies!"

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How do you keep your Baptist friend from drinking all your beer on the fishing trip

You bring a second baptist.

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THE IRISH MIRROR

After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin.

In one of the stores, he picks up a mirror and looks into it. Not ever having seen a mirror before, he remarked at the image staring back at him.
'How 'bout that! he exclaims, 'Here's a picture of my Fadder .'

He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father, so he hung it in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go fishing, he would go there and look at it.

His wife began to get suspicious of his many trips to the shed. So, one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror.

As she looked into the glass, she fumed, 'So that's the ugly bitch he's running around with.'

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How do you get a Mormon to not drink all of your beer on a fishing trip?

Bring two Mormons.

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Why should you always invite more than one Baptist on a fishing trip?

Because if you only invite one, he'll drink all your beer.

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The best salesman in the world

The boy went into the mall to get a job. He told the management that he was the world's best salesman. They gave him a job as a seller, but expected profits from day one.

On Saturday evening the manager came down and asked how many customers he had served today. The boy said he had helped one customer. The director was disappointed with the boy and said he already had sellers today who had done much better than him. The manager asked the boy how much the sale was worth, and the boy answered "$93,100.25". The manager was very confused and asked the boy what he had sold.

The boy: "I started off with a $0.25 fish hook which got him looking at the fishing poles. I set him up with the $100 bait master and asked him where he was gonna fish, I told him about that great lake down south but told him he'd need a car with all wheel drive to make it up the rough terrain so we got him into the $33,000 SUV we had on the lot, when he asked about boat rentals I thought I had lost him, but I ended up selling him the $60,000 riverking pro to top it off."

The manager steps back in disbelief and says "Wow, you sold that all to a guy who came in for a fish hook?

"No" the boy said "The customer came in and told he had to buy tampons for his wife. I simply told him the weekend was already wrecked so he might as well go on a fishing trip"

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A priest, a minister, and a rabbi

A priest, a minister and a rabbi are on a fishing trip. They get out on the water and the Priest goes, "Oh darn, I forgot the picnic basket!" so he proceeds to step out of the boat and walk to shore, grabs the picnic basket and comes back out to the boat. The rabbi looks on in bewilderment.

The minister looks around as he's about to cast and realizes, "I forgot the tackle box!" He also proceeds to get out of the boat and walk to shore, grabs the tackle box and heads back to the boat. The rabbi is absolutely shocked at this point.

Finally, the rabbi turns to the priest and minister and says, "I forgot the bait." He steps out of the boat and splashes around in the water.

The priest turns to the minister and says, "You forgot to show him where the rocks are didn't you?"

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Fishing trip

One day a grandpa and grandson go the lake, get in a boat and go fishing. After a while of catching no fish, the grandpa decides to light a cigarette.

The boy goes, " oh wow grandpa, could I take a puff?" Grandad asks, " can your dick touch your ass?" "No" says the boy. "Well then no you cant " says grandpa.

More time passes and still no fish. Grandpa takes out his porno magazine he happened to bring along and starts flipping through it. Boy asks," Hey grandpa, can I look at that?" "Can your dick touch your ass?"asks grandpa. Boy sadly says "no".

After much more time and still no fish, they both start to get really really hungry. The boy then decides to pull out a sandwich he had packed and he starts eating it. Grandpa looks over at him and hungrily asks, " hey, do you think I could have a bite? " The boy asks," can your dick touch your ass?" The grandpa proudly says, " you damn right it can"

The boy smiles at him and says, " Well then go fuck yourself"

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A woman goes on a fishing trip with 20 guys.

The only thing she came home with was a Red Snapper

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Phone Call Joke

A woman is in bed with her lover who also happens to be her husband's best friend. They had sex for hours, and afterwards, while they're just laying there, the phone rings. Since it is the woman's house, she picks up the receiver. Her lover looks over at her and listens, only hearing her side of the conversation... She is speaking in a cheery voice) "Hello? Oh, hi. I'm so glad that you called. Really? That's wonderful. I am so happy for you. That sounds terrific. Great! Thanks. Okay. Bye." She hangs up the telephone and her lover asks, "Who was that?" "Oh" she replies, "that was my husband telling me all about the wonderful time he's having on his fishing trip with you."

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What are the most funny Fishing Trip jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Fishing Trip? Well, here are the best Fishing Trip dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Fishing Trip pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes