Fishing Jokes
161 fishing jokes and hilarious fishing puns to laugh out loud. Read sport jokes about fishing that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover laughs and puns related to fishing! Read a selection of hilarious jokes and puns about fishing, fishing rods, reels, fishing hooks and more. Enjoy a fishing trip full of fun and flirting with these funny fishing jokes!
Quick Jump To
- Short Fishing Jokes
- Fishing One Liners
- Boating Fishing Jokes
- Fishing Boat Jokes
- Fishing Rod Jokes
- Bass Fishing Jokes
- More Fishing Jokes
Funniest Fishing Short Jokes
Short fishing jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fishing humour may include short catching fish jokes also.
- Give a Man a Fish and You Will Feed Him for a Day. Teach a man to fish and he will spend a fortune on gear he will only use twice a year.
- Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will
use twice a year - Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day. Teach a man to phish, he will become a Nigerian Prince.
- My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank. She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.
- Fishermen hate him- You won't believe the one item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else Click bait.
- I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me. I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
- Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses. He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."
Trump 20:16 - Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Give a man a poisoned fish, and you feed him for the rest of his life.
- Fishermen hate him—you'll never guess this one strange item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else Click bait
- Why do koi fish travel in groups of four? To protect the group from predators. When attacked, kois A, B, and C will go in one direction. The fourth one is the D koi.
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Fishing One Liners
Which fishing one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fishing? I can suggest the ones about fisherman and hunting.
- Why do Americans fish with a gun? So they get the whole school.
- what kind of fish is made up of 2 atoms only? 2Na
- What kind of STD's do fish get? Merm-aids
- What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms? 2 Na
- Give a man a fish and feed him for a day Give a fish a man and feed it for a month
- What do you call a polish fisherman? A fishing pole.
- Why are fish poorly educated? All the schools are below C level.
- What fish is made of only two sodium ions? 2 Na
:D - What fish is made of 2 sodium atoms? 2Na
- I spent the afternoon by my wife's grave... ...she thinks it's going to be a fish pond
- Why did Noah have so much difficulty fishing on the ark? He only brought two worms.
- Vegans who drink water disgust me. That's a Fish's house you filthy Savage.
- Why did the American start shooting the river? He learned fish swim in schools
- How do you draw the most realistic fish? It must be drawn to scale.
- Just finished building doors for my fish. I'm highly skilled in the field of carp-entry.
Boating Fishing Jokes
Here is a list of funny boating fishing jokes and even better boating fishing puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
- Give a man a fish Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Fish 24:7 - If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish, you can sell him your boat.
- What do you call a polish guy on a boat? A fishing pole
- Two back desk orchestral players go fishing And one falls out of the boat.
He screams: "help, I don't know how to swim!"
His partner replies: "just fake it!" - What did the fishing boat say to the man'owar? I warship you
- Americans like to fish by shooting guns at big groups of fish from their boats. They call it "School Shootings".
- 3 nicotine addicts are out fishing in a boat. They have 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw one cig overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
- What do you call a girl hanging off the back of a fishing boat? Annette
- My girlfriend fell off a fishing boat just off the coast of Maine and was devoured by a giant shellfish. You might say a New England clam chowed her.
Fishing Boat Jokes
Here is a list of funny fishing boat jokes and even better fishing boat puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Another So Oldie It's Moldy joke Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day. - I took my laptop on the fishing boat one day when it fell in... It was Adele, rolling in the deep.
- What do you call a man who can predict the number of fish a boat will catch? A net prophet.
- I called my fishing boat "Dubstep" Because it's the only time i drop the bass.
- Give a man a fish, you'll feed him for a day... Teach a man to fish, and he'll spend all day drinking beer on a boat.
- 3 men in a boat fishing They have 4 cigarettes and no lighter or matches. How do they light cigarettes.
Throw 1 cigarette over board and they are a cigarette lighter. - Took the boat out fishing with a friend last weekend. . . Turns out he's not so good at swimming. He was remarkably good at drowning, however.
- So I went fishing with this Jesus guy. Boat started sinking. I said What do we do now? He said never mind we'll walk.
- Give a man a fish He eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he takes your boat and drinks all of your beer!
- A fishing boat has to dump its catch to save it from sinking.. Abandon Shrimp!!
Fishing Rod Jokes
Here is a list of funny fishing rod jokes and even better fishing rod puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Dating is a lot like fishing Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.
- With relationships, they say there's plenty of fish in the sea... But I'm just stuck here holding my rod
- They say that there are plenty of fish in the sea. But until I catch one, I'm just going to be sitting here, holding my rod.
- They say there are plenty of fish in the sea. But until you catch one you're just holding your rod.
- Finding a girlfriend is a lot like fishing... There are plenty of fish in the sea, but it's just you holding your rod until you catch one.
- There's plenty more fish in the sea But until I catch one I'm left here holding my rod.
- There's plenty of fish in the sea(fixed) But until I find one I'm just stuck holding my rod
- Fishing & girlfriends Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i'm stuck here holding my rod
- Why do priests love to go fishing with kids? So they have someone to hold their rod.
- How do you catch a steroidal fish? With A-Rod.
Bass Fishing Jokes
Here is a list of funny bass fishing jokes and even better bass fishing puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I went fishing with Skrillex once It didn't end well, he kept dropping the bass
- Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish.... And a Bass Pro Shop salesman will eat for a lifetime.
- I got arrested for fishing without a license at a dubstep festival. The arresting officer yelled "drop the bass!"
- Why can't you go fishing with Skrillex? Because he always drops the bass.
- A poem A fisher was fishing a bass
The water came up to his knee.
Strange, it rhymed this morning when there was high tide. - Why are DJ's so bad at fishing? Because they're always dropping the Bass.
- Why are djs so bad at fishing? They always drop the bass
- Why isn't Skrillex invited fishing? Because he keeps dropping the bass.
- What did the fish say when he ran into a cement wall? Dam.
What did the dam say to the fish?
Dumb bass. - Why couldn't the DJ keep any of the fish he caught? He kept dropping the bass
Uplifting Fishing Jokes to have Hilarious Fun with Friends
What funny jokes about fishing you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fish catch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fishing pranks.
A Fishing Tale
On the shore of the Indian Ocean a raggedy Indian fisherman lay dozing with a hat over his face. Beside him two fishing lines were stuck into the sand.
Up comes an American.
'What are you sleeping for?' says the American. 'You'd be better off catching fish.'
'What for?' asks the fisherman.
'What do you mean, what for? You'd catch some fish, you'd sell them and with the money you'd buy yourself a trawler.
The trawler would catch even more fish. You'd sell it and buy yourself an even bigger boat. You'd catch still more fish. You'd sell it.
Then you'd build yourself a fish processing factory . . . and get rich.
And then you could lie on the beach and sleep.'
The fisherman pulled his hat even further down over his face.
'But that's what I'm doing now.'
A Woman Who Reads
One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops anchor and begins to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies.
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with s**... assault,"says the woman.
"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day, ma'am," he said, and left.
Moral of this story: Never argue with a woman who reads. It is likely she can also think.
So a man was driving on the highway with a speed limit of 90
.. but then he noticed that all the other drivers were way above the speed limit so our guy thought "hey everybody's speeding, i cant get caught" so he goes above 110. Ten minutes later, a cop pulls him over.
Clearly upset, our guy says "But officer, i wasn't the only one speeding.. there were a bunch of others too.. why did you catch only me?"
Cop says" Ever gone fishing?"
Guy says yes,
Cop- "ever caught all the fish??"
After the resurrection, Jesus was hanging out with Peter, fishing.......
Jesus says, "I feel like performing a miracle. What should I do?"
Peter says, "How about the walking-on-water gig?"
Jesus agrees, steps out of the boat, and slowly starts sinking as he walks around.
Peter helps him back into the boat and asks, "Why didn't it work this time?"
Jesus replies, "I'm not sure, maybe it's the holes in my feet."
fishing by the river
A man and his friend were fishing by the river when a f**... procession approached. The man stood up, took off his hat, and waited for the procession to pass, and sat back down. His friend said,"That was very respectful of you, very nice." The man then replied,"Well we were married for 40 years."
Why do you always invite at least two mormons to go out fishing with you?
If you invite only one, you'll have to share your beer.
Bag limit.
A guy was on his boat fishing in a pond and caught way over the bag limit. He was heading back to the dock when the game warden stopped him and asked to check what he caught. The warden opens the fishermen's cooler and sees that the guy has surpassed his limit by about 20 fish. The warden tells the man he has too many fish and he is going to cite the fishermen. The fishermen says "No, you see these are my pet fish. I didn't catch them I called them to me". The warden doesn't believe the guy, and so the fishermen tells the warden he will show him. The guy dumps the cooler of fish in the water. The warden waits a minute and says to the guy "ok now call the fish back".
...
"What fish?"
Two guys were out on a lake ice fishing
One looks at the other and sees that he's got a pile of fish, and asks him,
"hey buddy, how'd you catch so many fish and I'm sitting here with nothing?"
"Eep or orms orm" the man grumbled
"What?"
"Eep or orms orm!"
"Buddy, i got no clue what you're saying!"
The man spat in exasperation and said, "Keep your worms warm!"
Oldie but a Goodie
Two guys were out fishing on the lake when a hearse and f**... procession passed the boat on a nearby road. One of them stood up and held his fishing hat over his heart as the hearse passed. His buddy commented, "Gee, Harry, that was really nice and respectful!"
To which Harry replied, "Well, after all we were married 40 years."
The fishing trip
So four high school friends have gone fishing together every year for the last two decades. That was until this year, when Jim had to inform the group he couldn't make it.
"Look, it's the wife. She's been saying I haven't been spending enough time with her."
Of course, the others were upset but told him they couldn't rearrange all the schedules to make it work out this year, so they stuck to the date.
The morning of trip, the guys are unloading on the dock when Jim comes running up with his stuff.
"What's the deal, Jim?" asked one of the fishermen.
"So I came home from work last night and I found my wife in the bedroom. She was laying down with a spool of rope, some duct tape and a ball-gag, and told me how she's been reading *50 Shades of Grey*. She told me to tie her up and do anything I want. So, uhh, here I am!"
On the phone while fishing...
I was on the phone with an interviewer today while fishing when all of the sudden I get a bite, I pause trying to decide what to do. Then I tell him, "Hey can you hold for a second? I've got fish on line two."
How Do You Start a Flood?
An engineer and an attorney were fishing in the Caribbean.
The attorney said, I'm here because my house burned down and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything.
"That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood and my insurance company also paid for everything.
The puzzled attorney asked, How do you start a flood?
A story about a r**... and a Game Warden.
A r**... with a bucket full of live fish, was approached recently by a game warden in Georgia as he started to leave a lake well known for it's fish.
The game warden asked the man, "May I see your fishing license please?"
"Naw, sir," replied the r**.... "I don't need none of them there papers. These here are my pet fish."
"Pet fish!?!?"
"Yep. Once a week, I bring these here fish o'mine down to the lake and let 'em swim 'round for a while. Then when I whistle, they swim right back into my net and I take 'em home."
"What a line of baloney....you're under arrest."
The r**... said, "It's the truth, Mr. Gov'ment man.
I'll show ya! We do this all the time!!"
"WE do, now, do WE?" smirked the warden. "PROVE it!"
The r**... released the fish into the lake and stood and waited.
After a few minutes, the warden said, "Well?"
"Well, WHUT?" said the r**....
The warden asked, "When are you going to call em back?"
"Call who back?"
"The FISH," replied the warden!
"Whut fish?" asked the r**....
Fishing secret
A guy is out ice fishing and he hasn't had a bite in hours, but the fellow next to him is pulling in fish after fish. Exasperated, the man finally approached the successful fisherman to find his secret.
"What's your secret buddy, I mean you've been pulling in fish left and right all day long."
"Ooo gahh takee darmns orm" the guy says.
"What??"
"Ooo gahh takee darmns orm"
"I'm sorry, I just can't understand you."
"Oh...," he says and spits something in his hand.
"You've got to keep the worms warm."
Did you hear about the 6 guys and the woman that went fishing?
The guys didn't catch anything, but the woman came home with a red snapper.
Fishing
There is a fine line between fishing, and just standing on the shore looking like an idiot
Gone Fishing.
This guy came home from work and said to his wife, "I need a vacation. I'm too stressed out. I think I'll go fishing for the weekend."
"Okay," she says. "I'll pack for you."
So she packs for him and he goes away for the weekend. When he comes back he says, "Wow, I feel a lot better now!"
"How did I pack?" the wife asks.
"You did fine, except you forgot my pajamas," he replies.
"No I didn't," she says. "I didn't have enough room in your bag so I put them in your tackle box."
The taxation office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand
The taxation office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an auditor to investigate him.
Auditor: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bundaberg r**... and a dozen Crown Lagers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."
Auditor: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one."
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?"
A man gets married and decides to set some ground rules..
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want, and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"
His new bride thought for a minute and replied, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be s**... here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."
Bill Gates Goes Fishing
Bill Gates goes fishing. Suddenly his fishing pole starts to jiggle, he quickly pulls it and see a gold fish hanging on it's edge.
"WAIT! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!" the fish screams.
Bill answers: "oh wow, a talking fish! That's amazing! There you go little guy, I was going to release you anyway" and sets him free.
The fish turns around and say: "Thank you, now how about a wish?"
Bill answers: "Oh alright... what do you want?"
A man goes ice fishing...
He takes out his ice pick and begins to hack away. Suddenly, he hears a booming voice from above say, "There are no fish there."
He moves to a new spot and begins again. Again comes the voice, There are no fish there either."
He tries a third spot, and again the voice informs him, "Not there either."
Frightened, the man calls out, "Is that you, God?"
"No," the voice booms, "I'm the rink manager."
Did you hear about the girl that went fishing with the three guys?
She came back with a red snapper.
Jesus, Moses, and Muhammad are fishing on a boat
As Jesus winds down the fishing lesson, he notes the time. He bids them farewell, and walks across the lake home.
After a while, Moses decided he wasn't very good at fishing, so he parted the lake and went home.
Being the last one left, Muhammed ██████████ █████ ████████████████ ██████████ ███████████████ ███████
A speeding driver was pulled over by a policeman.........
The driver asked, "Why was I pulled over when I wasn't the only one speeding."
The police replied, "Have you ever been fishing?"
The man then said, "yes".
"Have you ever caught all the fish?" asked the policeman.
My wife is an angel.
Bob and Harry are fishing one day....
Bob.... "How's your wife been?"
Harry...."She's an angel, how about yours?"
Bob...."Egh, mine is still alive."
Here's a joke for you.
Jews don't recognize Jesus. Protestants don't recognize the Pope. Baptists don't recognize each other in the liquor store.
This last bit translates into some practical advice. If you go fishing, don't bring a Baptist; he'll drink all the beer. But if you bring two of them, you'll have it all to yourself.
Why do you always need to take 2 baptists on a fishing trip instead of one?
If you take one, he'll drink all of your beer, If you take 2 neither will drink a drop
Two men are fishing from a bridge...
When one man notices a f**... procession. He quietly sets down his fishing rod, takes of his hat and bows his head. When the procession is out of sight he picks up his pole and continues fishing. The other man turns to him and says, "wow. I never knew you had a feely side in you" to which the first man replies, "it's the least I could've done, afterall, we have been married for forty years."
How many Mormons do you take fishing with you?
Two.
If you only take one, he'll drink all your beer.
A guy walking into a bar
sees an old man fishing in a puddle off the sidewalk.
Poor Old fool, he thought. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he'd humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today?
The old man replied, You're the eighth.
A father and son go fishing...
Son: Dad, what do we do first?
Father: We get this clickbait here and we throw it into the ocean.
Son: Then what happens?
Father: What happens next will shock you.
A cop pulls a driver over for speeding
The driver says, "C'mon, everyone on the road was breaking the speed limit."
The cop nods and says, "Tell me, have you ever been fishing?"
"Yeah... What's that got to do with it?"
"Did you catch *all* the fish?"
With age comes wisdom
An old man was fishing at the riverbank. Along came a frog who said, "If you kiss me I will turn into a beautiful woman and grant you any s**... favor you desire!"
The old man thought about it and put the frog in his coat pocket.
"Aren't you going to kiss me?" said the frog.
"I'm 75, I'd rather have a talking frog!"
Give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Teach a man to fish...
and he'll be fined for fishing without a license.
Force Awakens joke my 9yo made up
What did Poe ask Finn when they went fishing?
"Do you know how to tie a fly tighter?"
A father takes his son fishing
Son: Dad, can you teach me how to catch fish?
Dad: Sure, son! first you throw the clickbait into the water
Son: What next?
Dad: What happens next will shock you!
Teach a man to fish and he will have food for a lifetime.
Teach a feminist to fish and she will complain about how fishing is male-dominated.
10-inch BIC
Two guys are out fishing on a boat when one of them wants to have a smoke.
1: You got a lighter?
2: Yes. *pulls out a 10 inch long BIC lighter*
1: Woah, where'd you get that!?
2: I have a personal genie.
1: Cool! Can I make a wish?
2: Sure, just be very clear, he's a bit hard of hearing. *Summons genie*
1: I wish for a million bucks!
*The genie snaps his fingers and a million ducks fly overhead.*
1: Wow, your genie really s**... at hearing.
2: I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC?
My wife said to me the other day "For the last time I am on my period and I am NOT getting into the water to swim!"
She totally ruined my shark fishing trip.
Why should you always take two Baptists fishing?
If you take just one baptist, he'll drink all your beer; if you take two, they won't drink any.
Why was the fishing show so successful?
They had a great cast
Nigerian Fishing
Give a Nigerian a fish and he'll eat for the day.
Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll immediately turn into a prince and start emailing people.
A 100 year old Japanese man is being interviewed for a newspaper piece about extreme old age
and the reporter asks "do you think there's any merit to the stereotype that people from this village live a lot longer than others?"
The old man thinks for a second and says "you know, I'm not sure. Let me go ask my dad". And the reporter, stunned, stammers "y-your dad? Where is he right now??" and the old man says "I think he's out fishing with my grandpa".
A drunk Minnesotan decides to go ice fishing
He starts sawing a hole in the ice, but just then a booming voice says, "You will find no fish there."
The drunk ignores it and continues sawing. The voice repeats, "You will find no fish under the ice."
The drunk looks up and says, "God, is that you?"
The voice says, "No, I'm the manager of this ice rink."
When you go on a fishing trip with a m**..., how do you keep him from drinking all of your beer?
You invite another m**....
How do you keep a Baptist from drinking all your beer on a fishing trip?
Invite two of them.
A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.
A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.
He has two in his boat when the police approach him.
The man claims he's not poaching them and they are his pet lobsters, he's just taking them for a swim.
"I let them play in the water for a few minutes but when I whistle they come back to me."
So the police let him place the lobsters in the water and command the man to call them back.
"Call who back?"
Did you hear about the girl who joined six men on a fishing trip?
She came home with a red snapper.
I once told a fishing pun
The cringe was reel
Four high school kids who carpooled together decided to skip school and spend the day fishing.
The next day they told the teacher that they had had a flat tire, and couldn't make it to class.
Much to their relief, she smiled and said, "Well, you missed a pop quiz yesterday, so take seats apart from one another and take out a piece of paper." Still smiling, she waited for them to sit down.
Once they were seated and ready, she said: "First Question: Which tire was flat?"
What do russians use for fishing?
A fishing nyet
I was never really into fishing until the casting accident.
After that I was hooked.
Noah was feeling bored on the Ark
His wife said, "Why don't you go outside and fish for a little?"
Noah agreed, grabbed his fishing pole and went out on the deck to fish.
He comes back in 10 minutes later, sits down, and pouts.
His wife asks him, "Why did you stop fishing?" and he says,
"I ran out of worms."
A man was out on a fishing trip
When suddenly, he dropped one of his oars into the water, frustrated that he couldn't get the boat moving, he decided to seek help.
He saw someone with two beautiful women on his boat who also had a spare oar. "Excuse me, may I borrow one of your oars?" he yelled.
The man appeared offended, "thems ain't 'ores, thems me sisters!"
A Kiwi and an Aussie are fishing one afternoon and have a couple of cold beers
After a while the kiwi says to the Aussie, "If I was to sneak over to your house and make wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?" The Aussie after a great deal of thought, says, "I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."
The very first time I went fishing, I was instantly hooked!
The second time I went fishing, I was much more careful casting.
My wife began reading 'The Exorcist'.
She said it was the most evil book she ever read. So evil in fact, she couldn't finish it, took it over to the beach and threw it into the ocean off a fishing pier.
I went and bought another copy, ran the faucet over it and left it in the night table drawer by her bed. That night was the first time she ever screamed and fainted.
Valentines special! $500.00
We arrest you in front of your wife and release you on Sunday.
It includes fishing license, poles, boat fees, tent, beers and all necessities for the whole weekend.
We come in full police uniforms and blue lights.
I was fishing when I ran out of bait. I saw a small snake nearby trying to s**... a frog and knowing the snake couldn't bite me with the frog in his mouth, I grabbed him right behind the head, took the frog and put it in my bait bucket...
Now, the dilemma was how to release the snake without getting bit, so I grabbed my bottle of Jack Daniels and poured a little whiskey in its mouth.
His eyes rolled back, he went limp.
I released him into the lake without incident and carried on fishing using the frog.
A little later, I felt a nudge on my foot.
It was that snake, with two more frogs...
Two whales are swimming along in the ocean...
When one whale spots a fishing boat. So he says to the other whale "Hey, that is the boat that harpooned Frank, we should get back at them"
The other whale says "Oh yeah? What should we do?"
"I say we both go under their boat, and blow our blowholes as hard as we can, that will knock over their boat!" And so both whales went under the boat, and with a powerful blast they were able to capsize the boat and send all the sailors into the water.
The first whale then says "Now that they are all in the water, I say we eat them!"
And the second whale replies "Woah, woah, woah. I was all for the b**... but I won't s**... any s**...".
What kind of music should you listen to when you're fishing?
Something catchy!
Below is an ad that appeared in The Atalanta Journal.
Single black female seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who loves to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips; cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call this number and ask for Dixie.
(Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the local Humane Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever)
Girlfriends and fishing are similar
There are many fish in the sea, but till you hook one, you're just holding your rod.
Two r**... were fishing when one asked the other "If I slept with your wife, wouldn't that make us like family?"
His friend replied "No, that would make us even".
Two Italian guys, Dino and Marcello, go fishing on a boat
Suddenly, Dino spots an old WWII bomb floating towards them.
Dino screams "Marcello! Look! It's a mine!"
Marcello -scared- replies "Okay okay Dino, you can a have it!"
Jesus and Moses were fishing on a lake one day.
Jesus and Moses were fishing on a lake one day.
Jesus: Hey Moses, when's the last time you parted the water. You still got it in you.
Moses: It's been a while. Let's see.
And standing in the boat he held out his hands and the water parted.
Moses: What about you? Can you still walk on water?
Jesus: Let's see.
So Jesus steps out of the boat and sinks
Jesus: I haven't tried it since I got these holes in my feet.
Credit to u/kaptin_hippy
Two Australians were sitting around talking over a beer..
After a while the first Australian says to the second, If I was to sneak over to your house and make love to your wife while you was off fishing, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"
The second Australian crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes, thinking real hard about the question.
Finally, he says, _*"Well, I don't know about related, but I reckon it'd make us even."
Give a man a fish and he'll ask for chips.
Give a man chips and he'll beg for salt.
Give a man salt and he's going to want a drink.
Give a man enough drink, and he'll start complimenting your wife.
Give a man your wife and you can go fishing as much as you'd like.
The rain was pouring and there was a big puddle in front of the pub.
A ragged old man was standing there with a rod and hanging a string into the puddle.
A curious gentleman came over and asked what he was doing. "Fishing", the old man said simply. "Poor old fool", the gentleman thought, and he invited the ragged old man to a drink in the pub.
He felt he should start some conversation while they were sipping their whiskey, so he asked the old man, "and how many have you caught?"
"You're the eighth", the old man answered.
Give a man a fish, you'll feed him for a day,
Teach a man to fish and he'll develop an addiction to buying fishing supplies he'll use once every few months.
I got arrested for i**... fishing, even though there weren't any 'no fishing' signs.
Apparently if it's an aquarium in a hotel lobby, you don't need a sign.
A Russian and a Ukrainian go fishing together. They catch a talking goldfish, and she grants them 3 wishes if they let her go
The Russian says: we used my fishing rod, so I get first 2 wishes.
First: I want all the *insert some racial slurs* out of my glorious country.
Second: I want a big wall around Russia, nobody can cross.
Then Ukrainian has a dialogue with the fish
- Is the wall done?
- Yes
- Is it strong and durable?
- Yes
- Nobody can climb it?
- Nobody
- And nobody but moscovites inside?
- Yes
- Great! Then fill it up with s**... up to the edges
