Fishing Boat Jokes

88 fishing boat jokes and hilarious fishing boat puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fishing boat that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Fishing Boat Short Jokes

Short fishing boat jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fishing boat humour may include short fishing pole jokes also.

  1. Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  2. Give a man a fish Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day.
    Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
    Fish 24:7
  3. If you give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. If you teach a man to fish, you can sell him your boat.
  4. Two back desk orchestral players go fishing And one falls out of the boat.
    He screams: "help, I don't know how to swim!"
    His partner replies: "just fake it!"
  5. Americans like to fish by shooting guns at big groups of fish from their boats. They call it "School Shootings".
  6. 3 nicotine addicts are out fishing in a boat. They have 4 cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So they throw one cig overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
  7. My girlfriend fell off a fishing boat just off the coast of Maine and was devoured by a giant shellfish. You might say a New England clam chowed her.
  8. Another So Oldie It's Moldy joke Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.
    Teach a man to fish, and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
  9. I took my laptop on the fishing boat one day when it fell in... It was Adele, rolling in the deep.
  10. What do you call a man who can predict the number of fish a boat will catch? A net prophet.

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Fishing Boat One Liners

Which fishing boat one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fishing boat? I can suggest the ones about boating fishing and fishing rod.

  1. What do you call a polish guy on a boat? A fishing pole
  2. What did the fishing boat say to the man'owar? I warship you
  3. What do you call a girl hanging off the back of a fishing boat? Annette
  4. I called my fishing boat "Dubstep" Because it's the only time i drop the bass.
  5. A fishing boat has to dump its catch to save it from sinking.. Abandon Shrimp!!
  6. If you choose not to go for a boat-ride... is it a fished opportunity?
  7. I got a new fishing boat. I call it the master baiter.
  8. What was T-Pain doing on his boat? He was fishing for some Auto-tuna.

Playful Fishing Boat Jokes to Add Joy and Laughter to Your Group

What funny jokes about fishing boat you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fishing trip jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fishing boat pranks.

Three women were trapped on an island.

They needed to get across the water to the mainland. They came across a genie who said, "I will grant you ladies three wishes." The first woman said, "Turn me into a fish" and she swam across the water to the other island. The second woman said, "Give me a boat" and she rowed to the other side. The third woman said, "Turn me into a man" and she walked across the bridge.

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat.

He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting and old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted,"Are there any gators around here?!"
"Naw," the man hollered back, "they ain't been around for years!"
"Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore.
About halfway there he asked the guy,"How'd you get rid of the gators?"
"We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said.
"The sharks got 'em."

If they bring shrimp home on shrimp boats, fish home on fish boats, and clams home on clam boats, what do they bring c**... home on?
The Captains Dinghy!

Jesus and Moses decide to go fishing

Both sitting in a little boat, in the middle of the most beautiful lake in heaven, they start reminiscing about their days on earth. Back on earth, I once stood on the shore, raised my arms and the sea opened up so I could walk across
You think you can still do that? Asked Jesus.
Moses thought a bit, pulled in their lines and started rowing back to shore where jumped out, stood at the shoreline, raised his arms and sure enough the waters parted, as he lowered his arms the lake returned to normal. Both were impressed and they got back in their boat and headed back to the middle of the lake when Jesus remembered, You know, when I was on earth I could actually walk ON the water.
Moses grinned and said, You should try it here!
So Jesus swings his feet over the side of the boat, plants his feet, stands up aaaand immediately slips under the water. Quickly, Moses drags him back into to the boat and through tears of laughter announces, I knew you couldn't do it! Look at those holes on your feet!

An atheist is fishing in a boat on Loch Ness

When all of a sudden, the Loch Ness Monster comes up and begins thrashing his boat around. The monster tosses him into the air. On his way down he shouts "God, help me!"
Everything stops. He is mere feet from the monster's mouth. Then a loud, booming voice comes from the heavens and asks:
"You have not followed me for your entire life and have discouraged those who did. Why should I help you now?"
The atheist thinks for a moment before saying:
"Look, five minutes ago, I didn't believe in the Loch Ness Monster either."

A man walks into a bar and sits next to a guy with a little head.......

After having a couple drinks the man asks the other guy, "hey, I don't mean to be rude, but how is it you have such a small head."
The guy replies, "well it's a bitter sweet story. You see when I was in the war my plane got shot down in the Pacific. I parachuted out and ended up on an deserted island."
He continued, "after several months on this deserted island, a beautiful mermaid suddenly appeared and granted me three wishes."
"My first wish is that I'd like to be rescued from this island I told her."
To which the Mermaid said, "tomorrow a rescue boat will find you."
"My second wish is that I'd like to be rich for the rest of my days."
The Mermaid said, "invest early in these companies, and you will be a wealthy man...and what is your final wish?"
"Well Mermaid, you know I've been stranded on this island for so long, and seeing as you are so beautiful, I'd wish for nothing more than to sleep with you."
The Mermaid sighed and said, "I cannot grant you that wish, you see I'm a half fish, it would not work."
Frustrated, the man said, "Well how about a little head then?"

A Fishing Tale

On the shore of the Indian Ocean a raggedy Indian fisherman lay dozing with a hat over his face. Beside him two fishing lines were stuck into the sand.
Up comes an American.
'What are you sleeping for?' says the American. 'You'd be better off catching fish.'
'What for?' asks the fisherman.
'What do you mean, what for? You'd catch some fish, you'd sell them and with the money you'd buy yourself a trawler.
The trawler would catch even more fish. You'd sell it and buy yourself an even bigger boat. You'd catch still more fish. You'd sell it.
Then you'd build yourself a fish processing factory . . . and get rich.
And then you could lie on the beach and sleep.'
The fisherman pulled his hat even further down over his face.
'But that's what I'm doing now.'

A Woman Who Reads

One morning a husband returns after several hours of fishing and decides to take a nap. Although not familiar with the lake, his wife decides to take the boat out. She motors out a short distance, drops anchor and begins to read her book. Along comes a game warden in his boat. He pulls up alongside the woman and says, "Good morning, ma'am. What are you doing?"
"Reading a book," she replies.
"You're in a restricted fishing area," he informs her.
"I'm sorry, Officer, but I'm not fishing, I'm reading."
"Yes, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment. I'll have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that, I'll have to charge you with s**... assault,"says the woman.
"But I have not even touched you," says the game warden.
"That's true, but you have all the equipment. For all I know you could start at any moment."
"Have a nice day, ma'am," he said, and left.
Moral of this story: Never argue with a woman who reads. It is likely she can also think.

Jesus and his disciples are fishing in heaven....

After a while Peter says, "hey Jesus, remember when you walked on water...that was awesome!" Jesus says, "Yeah, that was fun! I'm going to do it again!" He steps off the boat and immediately sinks to the bottom of the lake. After a lot of effort the disciples manage to get him out of the lake. Paul asks, "Jesus, what happened?" Jesus responds, "I don't know...I guess last time I wasn't as holy...."

After the resurrection, Jesus was hanging out with Peter, fishing.......

Jesus says, "I feel like performing a miracle. What should I do?"
Peter says, "How about the walking-on-water gig?"
Jesus agrees, steps out of the boat, and slowly starts sinking as he walks around.
Peter helps him back into the boat and asks, "Why didn't it work this time?"
Jesus replies, "I'm not sure, maybe it's the holes in my feet."


An Avid Sportman and hunter, Tim decided to tie the knot with his longtime girlfriend.
One evening, not long after the honeymoon, he was getting his equipment ready for an upcoming hunt.
His wife was standing there at the bench watching him. After a long period of silence she finally speaks. "Honey, I've been thinking, now that we are married I think it's time you quit hunting, shooting, hand-loading, and fishing. Maybe you should sell your guns and boat."
Tim gets this horrified look on his face.
She says, "Darling, what's wrong?"
"You were beginning to sound like my ex-wife."
"Ex wife!" she screams, "I didn't know you were married before!"
He replied, "I wasn't."

Bag limit.

A guy was on his boat fishing in a pond and caught way over the bag limit. He was heading back to the dock when the game warden stopped him and asked to check what he caught. The warden opens the fishermen's cooler and sees that the guy has surpassed his limit by about 20 fish. The warden tells the man he has too many fish and he is going to cite the fishermen. The fishermen says "No, you see these are my pet fish. I didn't catch them I called them to me". The warden doesn't believe the guy, and so the fishermen tells the warden he will show him. The guy dumps the cooler of fish in the water. The warden waits a minute and says to the guy "ok now call the fish back".
"What fish?"

Oldie but a Goodie

Two guys were out fishing on the lake when a hearse and f**... procession passed the boat on a nearby road. One of them stood up and held his fishing hat over his heart as the hearse passed. His buddy commented, "Gee, Harry, that was really nice and respectful!"
To which Harry replied, "Well, after all we were married 40 years."

A Texas Salesman

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job.
The manager asks him, "Do you have any sales experience?"
"Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas."
Well, the boss liked the kid, so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."
His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"
"Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"
His boss is astounded. "$79,237.64? What did you sell him?"
"Well, first I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook. Then I sold him a larger fish hook. Then I sold him a new fishing rod. Then I asked him where he was going fishing, and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department, and I sold him that twin engine SeaRay. Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Suburban."
The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"
The young man replied, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife, and I said, 'Well, since your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing.'"

The taxation office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand

The taxation office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhand and sent an auditor to investigate him.
Auditor: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them."
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about 90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bundaberg r**... and a dozen Crown Lagers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to sleep with my wife occasionally."
Auditor: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one."
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?"

The Tax Office

The Tax Office suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deckhands and sent an agent to investigate him.
AGENT: I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them.
Boat Owner: "Well, there's Tom, my first-mate, he's been with me for 3 years. I pay him $400 a week plus 1/5 of the catch."
Boat Owner: And, there's Bob, the deckhand, he's been with me for a year. I pay him $300 a week plus 1/5 of the catch.
Boat Owner: Then there's the mentally challenged guy. He works about 16 hours a day and does about 80% of the work. I can't pay him very much cause the boat expenses are high, and some times we don't catch anything. Every now and then I'll buy him a bottle of r**... and he gets to sleep with my wife occasionally.
AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".
Boat Owner: "That'll be me. What'd you want to know?

Three fishermen

Bob, Steve, and Terry are out in the boat, fishing and drinking beer. Terry stands up to pee over the side but falls overboard and sinks right to the bottom.
Steve doesn't hesitate. He kicks off his shoes and dives into the water after Terry. A few moments later, he surfaces, dragging the body behind, and immediately begins mouth-to-mouth.
"Jeez," he gasps. "Terry sure does have bad breath!"
"Yeah," says Bob. "And where did he get that snowmobile suit?"

whale joke

Out in the ocean there are 2 whales watching a fishing boat. When the first whale says to the second "do you wanna see something funny?" the second whales says "sure" so both whales swim under the boat and on the first whales cue they release their blow holes flipping the boat. Both whales now back a safe distance from the boat the first whale says "ahaha that was great, do you know what would be even better?" the second whale says "what?" the first whale then says "if we went and ate the Fishermen" the second whale then says "I don't mind an occasional b**..., but I don't s**... s**..."

Four Men Are In A Rowboat...

They're fishing and after a couple hours without success, they all decide it's time for a smoke. They pull out their packs, but alas, no one has anything to light the cigarettes with.
That's when they throw one of their cigarettes over board.
Now the boat is a cigarette lighter.

Two p**... go fishing

These two Polish guys rent a boat and go fishing on a lake. They are amazed at the number of fish that they caught that day, so one says to the other, "We'll have to come back here tomorrow!" The other says "well, just make sure you mark the spot!" After they get back on shore, the first guy then takes a can of spray paint, paints an X on the bottom of the boat. The other p**... says, "You idiot! How do you know we'll get the same boat tomorrow?"

Jesus, Moses, and Muhammad are fishing on a boat

As Jesus winds down the fishing lesson, he notes the time. He bids them farewell, and walks across the lake home.
After a while, Moses decided he wasn't very good at fishing, so he parted the lake and went home.
Being the last one left, Muhammed ██████████ █████ ████████████████ ██████████ ███████████████ ███████

Fourth Grade Logic

A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic.
"Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?"
A girl raised her hand and asked,
"To draw out all his savings?"

Give a man a fish

He eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he takes your boat and drinks all of your beer!

Two Italian men are deep sea fishing in the middle of the Mediterranean...

Vinny and Paulo were deep sea fishing on a bright sunny day when a World War II mine came floating along. Upon noticing this round spiky object coming nearer and nearer to the boat, Vinny shouted, "Paulo! It's a mine, it's a mine!!!"
Paulo replied, "Okay Vinny, you can-a have it!"

IRS Inquiry

The IRS suspected a fishing boat owner wasn't paying proper wages to his deck hand and sent an agent to investigate him.
IRS AUDITOR: "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them".

Boat Owner: "Well, there's Clarence, my deckhand, he's been with me for 3
years. I pay him $1,000 a week plus free room and board. Then there's the
mentally challenged guy. He works about 18 hours every day and does about
90% of the work around here. He makes about $10 per week, pays his own
room and board, and I buy him a bottle of Bacardi r**... and a dozen
Budweisers every Saturday night so he can cope with life. He also gets to
sleep with my wife occasionally".

IRS AUDITOR: "That's the guy I want to talk to - the mentally challenged one".

Boat Owner: "That would be me. What would you like to know"?

Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing,

chewing and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, 'I think I'm gonna divorce my wife. She ain't spoke to me in over 2 months.'
Earl spits, sips his beer and says, 'Better think it over -women like that are hard to find.

Divorced Barbie

One day a father, on his way home from work suddenly remembers that it's his daughter's

He stops at a toy store and goes in and asks the sales person, "How much for one of those Barbie's in the display window?"

The salesperson answers, "Which one do you mean?"

"We have, work out Barbie for $19.95, shopping Barbie for $19.95, beach Barbie for $19.95, disco Barbie for $19.95, astronaut Barbie for $19.95, skater Barbie for $19.95, and divorced Barbie for $265.95".

The amazed father asks: "Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and the others only $19.95?"

The slightly miffed salesgirl rolls her eyes, sighs, and answers:

"Sir, Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's truck, Ken's house, Ken's fishing boat, Ken's furniture, Ken's dog, Ken's computer, one of Ken's friends, and a key chain made from Ken's t**...."

So I went fishing with this Jesus guy. Boat started sinking. I said What do we do now?

He said never mind we'll walk.

Took the boat out fishing with a friend last weekend. . .

Turns out he's not so good at swimming. He was remarkably good at drowning, however.

Bob and Earl are fishing on a boat.

and Bob says "Yunno, I think I'm gonna divorce the wife, she hasn't spoken to me in 2 months."
Earl spits his dip overboard and takes a long swig of his beer with a casual exhale. "You should really think it over...Women like that are hard to find."

A White guy, a Black guy and a Mexican are out in a boat fishing

when a big storm blows up and threatens to sink them.
The men begin praying, and the storm disappears.  They look up and see Jesus walking towards them across the water.  Jesus says to the men, "Because of your faith, I will heal each of you."
Jesus turns to the White man and says, "Your arthritis is cured."  The White man rubs his hands and exclaims, "It's true, my hands don't hurt any more!"
Jesus turns to the Mexican and says, "Your vision is restored."  The Mexican blinks and says, "My cataracts, they're gone!"
Jesus turns to the Black man, who throws up his hands and says "DON'T TOUCH ME, I'M ON TOTAL DISABILITY!"

An atheist is deep sea fishing.

An atheist is out on the Atlantic ocean deep sea fishing when his boat is attacked by the Kraken. Huge tentacles wrap around the boat and begin to rip it in two. He looks over the boat straight into the jaws of the beast and screams "Oh God! Help!"
Time freezes. A ray of light shines down on him and he hears a deep voice say "I thought you didn't believe I was real."
"Come on, God, cut me a break!" the man responds. "A few seconds ago, I didn't believe the Kraken was real either!"

I saw the hearse in a f**... procession pulling a bass boat

I turned to my friend and said that man must have loved fishing! He said, "he does--that's where he's going right after his wife's f**..."

Jesus, Chuck Norris, and Moses decided to go fishing...

Out on the water they realized they forgot their food. Jesus says," I'm sure hungry I'm going to go get a sandwich." Stands up, walks across the water and gets a sandwich. Chuck Norris decided he was hungry too. Gets up, walks across the water and gets a sandwich. Moses thinks he hungry too, steps out of the boat, and falls in and is barely staying above water. Jesus looks at Chuck and says, " You think we should tell him about the stepping stones?"
Chuck Norris asks," what stepping stones?"

Three men are out fishing

They each have a pack of cigarettes but no lighter.
Not knowing what to do but really wanting to smoke, they think until they get an idea.
They threw a cigarette out of the boat and make it a cigarette lighter.

10-inch BIC

Two guys are out fishing on a boat when one of them wants to have a smoke.
1: You got a lighter?
2: Yes. *pulls out a 10 inch long BIC lighter*
1: Woah, where'd you get that!?
2: I have a personal genie.
1: Cool! Can I make a wish?
2: Sure, just be very clear, he's a bit hard of hearing. *Summons genie*
1: I wish for a million bucks!
*The genie snaps his fingers and a million ducks fly overhead.*
1: Wow, your genie really s**... at hearing.
2: I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC?

Give a man a fish and he has food for a day. Teach a man to fish and...

...he has to buy bamboo rods, graphite reels, monofilament lines, neoprene waders, creels, tackleboxes, lures, flies, spinners, worm rigs, slip sinkers, offset hooks, gore-tex hats, 20 pocket vests, fish finders, depth sounders, radar, boats, trailers, global positioning systems, coolers, and six-packs.

Two fishermen are sitting in a boat indulging in some wordplay.

The first one says, "If I tell you a joke that relies on *casting* the word "rod" in a p**... sense, would you find it *fishy*?"
"Oh," says the second one, "I think I can *tackle* it."
"So... *net-net*, you'd take the *bait*?"
"Oh-h**...! *Hook, line, and sinker*!"
"I don't mean to *lure* you..."
"Ha-ha! Brilliant, old chap! So, let's... *sea*: we've covered fishing tackle, bait, rods... what did we forget?"
"Well, I think we've covered it. After all, the *reel* jokes are in the comments."

3 cats go fishing...

3 cats, named un, deux, and t**..., go fishing together. They head out for the sea in their fishing boat but they never return. What happened to the 3 cats? Well un, deux, t**... cat sank.

A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.

A man is caught fishing illegally for lobsters.
He has two in his boat when the police approach him.
The man claims he's not poaching them and they are his pet lobsters, he's just taking them for a swim.
"I let them play in the water for a few minutes but when I whistle they come back to me."
So the police let him place the lobsters in the water and command the man to call them back.
"Call who back?"

r**... wisdom

Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing, chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly Bubba says, "Think I'm gonna  divorce the wife - she ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."
Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over; women like that are hard to find."

An admiral and a general go fishing...

In a small rowboat out on the lake. A large fish pulls on the line, and the boat flips over. The general starts to swim to shore, but the admiral starts screaming "help, help, help!" and flailing in the water. The general goes over to him, grabs hold, and swims him back to dry land.
Once there the admiral says "thank you, thank you, but please don't tell anyone I can't swim, I'd be the laughing stock of the Navy!" To which the general replies "it's okay, I understand, my men would be devastated to learn I can't walk on water."

An Innuit is out fishing in his canoe one day, feeling fairly miserable because he's cold and he hasn't caught anything...

Suddenly, he hits upon the idea of lighting a camping stove in the bottom of the boat so that he can stay warm, and cook his catch at the same time. However, before too long, the canoe hits a large wave, causing the stove to tip over and start a fire in the canoe. Not wishing to get burned, the Innuit is forced to swim back to shore, losing his boat and his catch.
The moral of the story is, you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

A man was out on a fishing trip

When suddenly, he dropped one of his oars into the water, frustrated that he couldn't get the boat moving, he decided to seek help.
He saw someone with two beautiful women on his boat who also had a spare oar. "Excuse me, may I borrow one of your oars?" he yelled.
The man appeared offended, "thems ain't 'ores, thems me sisters!"

Give a man a fish, you'll feed him for a day...

Teach a man to fish, and he'll spend all day drinking beer on a boat.

3 men in a boat fishing

They have 4 cigarettes and no lighter or matches. How do they light cigarettes.
Throw 1 cigarette over board and they are a cigarette lighter.

Valentines special! $500.00

We arrest you in front of your wife and release you on Sunday.
It includes fishing license, poles, boat fees, tent, beers and all necessities for the whole weekend.
We come in full police uniforms and blue lights.

A guy goes fishing with Jesus in a small boat.

In the excitement of bringing in a fish one of the paddles gets dislodged and starts to float away. No problem I'll go get it says Jesus, and he just steps out and walks over to where it is and picks it up casually walking back to the boat.
Later his friends are asking him about their time on the water curious about his day with Jesus.
Well it's the craziest thing he says, I don't think he can swim!!!

Two whales are swimming along in the ocean...

When one whale spots a fishing boat. So he says to the other whale "Hey, that is the boat that harpooned Frank, we should get back at them"
The other whale says "Oh yeah? What should we do?"
"I say we both go under their boat, and blow our blowholes as hard as we can, that will knock over their boat!" And so both whales went under the boat, and with a powerful blast they were able to capsize the boat and send all the sailors into the water.
The first whale then says "Now that they are all in the water, I say we eat them!"
And the second whale replies "Woah, woah, woah. I was all for the b**... but I won't s**... any s**...".

Al, Ben, and Carl were fishing in the middle of a lake when Al fell overboard.

Ben jumped into the lake to rescue Al. When he finally found Al, he threw the body onto the boat and Carl pulled him up.
As soon as Ben was safely in the boat, he noticed that Al wasn't breathing, so he quickly gave Al mouth-to-mouth.
"Yuck!" said Ben. "I don't remember Al having such bad breath."
"Come to think of it," said Carl, "I don't remember him wearing ice skates either."

A woman goes fishing...

Just as she's about to get on the boat, the park ranger comes to her and says: "Ma'am, fishing is prohibited here. I'm gonna have to fine you."
And she responds: "But I haven't even started fishing yet."
To which he responds: "But you have the tools, right?"
So she says: "Ok then. If you fine me, then I will accuse you of r**...."
Suddenly bewildered, the ranger says: "But I didn't even touch you."
To which she responds: "But you have the tools, right?"

Two Italian guys, Dino and Marcello, go fishing on a boat

Suddenly, Dino spots an old WWII bomb floating towards them.
Dino screams "Marcello! Look! It's a mine!"
Marcello -scared- replies "Okay okay Dino, you can a have it!"

Jesus and Moses were fishing on a lake one day.

Jesus and Moses were fishing on a lake one day.
Jesus: Hey Moses, when's the last time you parted the water. You still got it in you.
Moses: It's been a while. Let's see.
And standing in the boat he held out his hands and the water parted.
Moses: What about you? Can you still walk on water?
Jesus: Let's see.
So Jesus steps out of the boat and sinks
Jesus: I haven't tried it since I got these holes in my feet.
Credit to u/kaptin_hippy

Two English gentlemen are fishing on a boat

As they are both fishing in silence, as gentlemen do, the one gets a big pull on his line. After a fair amount of fighting, he pulls a beautiful mermaid out of the water. As he is holding her, he looks at her head to tail: top half woman, and from the waist down fish.
The mermaid looks at him straight in the eye with an amorous look. Then, without saying a word, he drops her back into the water.
His friend, in complete disbelief, exclaims: "But why?"
To which the first replies: "But how?"

While fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat.

He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft.
Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted:
Are there any gators around here?!
No, the man hollered back, they ain't been around for years!
Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming leisurely toward the shore. About halfway there he asked the guy:
How did you get rid of the gators?
We didn't do nothin', the beachcomber said. The sharks got 'em."

A game warden sees an old man going out fishing alone and asks if he can go along.

The old man relents and rows out to the middle of the lake. Then he opens his tackle box, pulls out a stick of dynamite, lights it and drops it into the lake. After it goes off the boat is surrounded with dead fish and the old guy starts scooping up the bodies. The warden is incensed and says 'That's i**... and a thousand dollar fine when we get to shore!' So the old guy pulls out another stick of dynamite, lights it and hands it to the warden saying..

'You want to just talk all day or are you going to start fishing?'

2 men go fishing, One has a stutter

The man with a stutter says shh ssshhh sshh . The other man says what is it, did you catch a fish ? The stuttering man continues to make ssshhh noises, the other man says spit it out . The stuttering man says ssshhh ship!! Before the 2nd man can react a ship crashes into their boat.
Months later they both have recovered and go on another fishing trip. The stuttering man again starts saying ssshhh . The 2nd man starts panicking thinking he's going to get hurt again. The 2nd man jumps out of the boat as fast as he can, the stuttering man says sshhh sshhh Shark!!

A guy asked his buddy to teach him how to fish

His buddy then gave him a list and said "Alright, here are some basic things you need, go get them and I'll prepare the boat for our trip."
A week went by and the guy went back to his buddy accompanied by another guy in complete fishing gear.
"Where the heck have you been?" asked his buddy.
"I went to Poland" he said
"What the heck for?!" asked his buddy, bewildered.
"You wrote that I need a fishing pole!"

God: Noah, it's time to build another boat.

Noah: Oh, so soon! But hey, you are the boss. So the same, animals, two by two?
God: Actually no. We forgot the fish last time so this time this will be just for the fish.
God (again): Also, build it with more than one deck.
Noah: Big boat, only fish and several levels. Got it boss!
God: And another thing. Not just any fish. I want only Carp on the new boat.
Noah: So, let me get this right God.
You want a "Multi Storey
Carp Ark!"....

James and Rob went fishing

James and Rob went fishing. They caught a lot of fish and returned to the shore.
**James:** I hope you remember the spot where we caught all these fish.
**Rob:** Yes, I marked X on the side of the boat to mark the spot.
**James:** You idiot! How do we know we will get the same boat tomorrow?

Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge.

One looks up and sees a f**... procession starting across the bridge.
He stands up, takes off his cap, and bows his head.
The procession crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap, picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.
The other guy says, "That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."
The first guy responds, "Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all, I was married to her for 40 years."

2 newfies go fishing

So they go to the local marina and rent a small boat. After trying several spots they find a good spot and land many nice fish.
The guy in the front says to his buddy:
" This is a great spot, we should mark it"
So his pal pulls a sharpie marker out of his coat and draws a big X on the bottom of the boat.
"That ain't gonna work, siily" says the guy in the bow.
"Why not?" Asks the other guy. Bow guy responds:
"We might not get the same boat next time"

A fisherman is looking for an extra set of hands on his boat ...

He goes into town to try and hire some help. He meets a man and asks him if he'd be interested in a job on his boat. The man replies "I'd definitely be interested, what does it pay?" The fisherman replies "I don't have a lot of cash, but I can pay you one fish per day." The man immediately responds "I'm in, let's get going right away." Stunned, the fisherman says "Wow, you sure are eager." The man replies, "well you know what they say, Carp per diem!"