fishermen Jokes

funny fishermen pick up lines and hilarious fishermen puns

Fishermen hate him- You won't believe the one item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else

Click bait.

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Fishermen hate himβ€”you'll never guess this one strange item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else

Click bait

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I started taking fish out of Kansas City and bringing them into Kansas. The local vegans and fishermen got mad at me.

I said, What, I'm just putting them out of their Missouri

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Why do fishermen get so many views on YouTube?

Clickbait

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Two fishermen caught a mermaid.

One of them holding the mermaid in his arms looked at her attentively and threw her back into the sea.
But why? - asked the other fisherman.
But how? - answered the first one.

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Two whales

There were 2 whales swimming around who were very bored when they saw a boat. One whale says to the other, ''I've got an idea for a laugh, why don't we swim under the boat, blow water from our blowholes, and capsize it."

"Okay," says the other whale.


They proceed to do so and swim back down, laughing all the while.
Then the first whale then says, ''I have an even better idea, now that the fishermen are in the water, why don't we swim back up and eat them?''


The other whale then replies ''No thanks. I'm all for the occasional blow job but I never swallow the seamen."

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What do fishermen do at a their conferences?

Network.

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whale joke

Out in the ocean there are 2 whales watching a fishing boat. When the first whale says to the second "do you wanna see something funny?" the second whales says "sure" so both whales swim under the boat and on the first whales cue they release their blow holes flipping the boat. Both whales now back a safe distance from the boat the first whale says "ahaha that was great, do you know what would be even better?" the second whale says "what?" the first whale then says "if we went and ate the Fishermen" the second whale then says "I don't mind an occasional blow job, but I don't swallow seamen"

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Why are fishermen so good at geometry?

Cause they're good anglers.

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Two fishermen are sitting in a boat indulging in some wordplay.

The first one says, "If I tell you a joke that relies on *casting* the word "rod" in a phallic sense, would you find it *fishy*?"

"Oh," says the second one, "I think I can *tackle* it."

"So... *net-net*, you'd take the *bait*?"

"Oh-ho! *Hook, line, and sinker*!"

"I don't mean to *lure* you..."

"Ha-ha! Brilliant, old chap! So, let's... *sea*: we've covered fishing tackle, bait, rods... what did we forget?"

"Well, I think we've covered it. After all, the *reel* jokes are in the comments."

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What did the prostitute catch when she went out with 5 fishermen?

... A big red snapper

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A man walks on to a busy fishing pier carrying nothing but tap dance shoes and a large bucket...

The other fishermen notice him changing into these shoes. They stare perplexed, and whisper among themselves. None can figure out what's going on.

The man, now with his shoes on stands up and starts tapping out a quick rhythm. "Click click click" his shoes go as he moves down the pier. Suddenly a fish jumps out of the water on to the pier. It's followed by another, and soon fish are jumping out like crazy.

Satisfied, the man takes off his shoes, and starts loading the fish into his bucket. The other fishermen are very confused now. One of them asks, "Hey, how did you do that? How did that work?" The man with the tap shoes replies "It's called clickbait. How does it work? The answer will SHOCK you!"

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Montana Grizzly Bear Notice

In light of the rising frequency of human/grizzly bear
conflicts, the Montana Department of Fish and Game
is advising hikers, hunters, and fishermen to take extra
precautions and keep alert for bears while in the field.
We advise that outdoorsmen wear noisy little bells on
their clothing so as not to startle the bears that aren't
expecting them. We also advise outdoorsmen to carry
pepper spray with them in case of an encounter with a
bear.

It is also a good idea to watch out for fresh signs of bear
activity. Outdoorsmen should recognize the difference
between black bear and grizzly bear poop. Black bear poop
is smaller and contains a lot of berry seeds and squirrel fur.
Grizzly bear poop has little bells in it and smells like pepper
spray.

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Where do the fishermen store their money

on the River Bank

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How many fishermen does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to do the changing and another to talk about how the last bulb was bigger.

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I hate working with Jewish fishermen.

They always ask me: "What's your net worth?"

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What Supreme Court decision applies to fishermen bringing a small boat to shore?

Row v. Wade

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Dad:Look sweetie there's plenty of other fishermen in the sea.

Daughter: Don't you mean fish?

Dad: Jesus Christ! You're a lesbian!?!?

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If you watch it backwards. . .

The Shawshank Redemption is about two mexican fishermen who are such great friends that when one of them is sent to prison in Maine, the other one crawls through five hundred yards of foulness you can't even imagine to be with him.

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Fishermen...

...are reel men.

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The Windsurfer And The Two Fishermen

Two fishermen were sitting by a lake. Suddenly, a windsurfer raced past them and made a huge backflip, but failed the landing horribly. When he didn't surface the two fishermen sailed towards his floating surfboard. They threw their nets in and pulled him up and saw to their horror that he was completely lifeless. Straight away one of the fishermen started to give him mouth-to-mouth. After 5 seconds he yelled:

"GOD DAMN IT, his breath is absolutely *horrible!"*

"Well it's the freaking wrong guy we got here", the other fisherman said, "This one is wearing iceskates!"

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Why did the failed fishermen stop making his movie?

He couldn't get past casting

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How would you describe what Japanese fishermen do?

They have a wale of a time.

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A man of God floating around in the ocean after a shipwreck.

Suddenly a small vessel appears. The captain offers to save him. The man replies: "No, i'm fine. God will save me." The Captain leaves him.

After some time, another boat appears. This time, a fishing boat. The fishermen quickly throw in a net into the water and asks the man to grab onto it so they can pull him in. He respectfully declined and said: "God will save me. Dont worry, i have faith".

The man eventually dies and goes to heaven where he meets God. The man says: "i had total faith in you. Why didn't you save me?"

To which god says "Idiot! i sent you two boats."

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Who do fishermen call when they want to sell their property?

They call a Reel-tor!

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Three fishermen were out fishing when they suddenly came upon a mermaid.....

The mermaid offered them one wish each,


so the first fisherman said:

"Double my IQ!"


So the mermaid did and to his surprise, he started reciting Shakespeare.

Then the second fisherman said:

"Triple my IQ!"

Sure enough the mermaid did and amazingly he started doing math problems he didn't even know existed.

The third fisherman was so impressed he asked the mermaid to quadruple his IQ.


The mermaid said, "Are you sure about this? It will change your whole life!"

The fisherman said "yes" so the mermaid turned him into a woman.

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Logic

So there are two fishermen. Frank and Joe. One day, Frank decides he's had enough of fishing. He decides to go to college and get an education.
Frank goes to his local college and signs up for the 5 basic courses. Math, science, English, history, and logic.
"Logic? What's that?" He asks the clerk.
She replies, "I'll give you an example. Do you own a lawnmower?"
"Yes."
"Then you must have a large yard." She says.
"You're right, I do." Frank replies.
"Then you must have a large house, and a family."
"Correct!" Frank exclaims.
"I therefore conclude that you are heterosexual." The clerk states.
"Wow! You figured out I was straight from a simple yes or no question! That's amazing!" Frank tells the clerk.
He goes off to his friend Joe, excited to start learning. He meets him at the dock.
"Hey Joe, I'm going to college! I signed up for 5 courses. Math, science, English, history, and logic."
"Logic? What's that?" Asks Joe.
"Well, do you own a lawnmower?" Frank asks.
"No."
"Then you're a faggot."

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Why do commercial fishermen use nets?

With only a rod you lose a fish in sea.

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How do fishermen pickup women?

All-lure

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Two fishermen were adrift in their rented boat

Two fishermen were adrift in their rented boat due to an engine failure. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.

To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.

Without giving much thought to the matter the first man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances.

One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going idiot! Now we're going to have to piss in the boat!"

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[OC] The Mexican Fishermen

Two Mexican fishermen are sitting near a fishing bank in a boat, playing their french horns.

There is a splash and one fisherman says "Damn! I dropped my french horn into the water!"

The other fisherman says "Hold on! I'll try and use my fishing hook to get it out."

The first fisherman says "You idiot! French horns won't bite onto the bait!"

"Yes it will," says the other fisherman. "The french horn was a red herring."

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Three fishermen

Bob, Steve, and Terry are out in the boat, fishing and drinking beer. Terry stands up to pee over the side but falls overboard and sinks right to the bottom.

Steve doesn't hesitate. He kicks off his shoes and dives into the water after Terry. A few moments later, he surfaces, dragging the body behind, and immediately begins mouth-to-mouth.

"Jeez," he gasps. "Terry sure does have bad breath!"

"Yeah," says Bob. "And where did he get that snowmobile suit?"

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Two fishermen are out on a lake...

One is struggling to get a worm on their lines hook turns to the other and says how did you master bait?

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Fishermen are very interesting people

They are both master baiters and professional hookers

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Three Fishermen

Three fishermen are fishing and one of them catches a magic fish. The magic fish begs for life and says: Please let me go. You each have a wish and I'll make them come true!
The fishermen agreed. One fisherman says, I want to be the president of the United States! , and he becomes the President of the United States, and is now in the White House. The second fisherman says, I want to be a famous movie star! and immediately he's a famous movie star living in his mansion somewhere in Beverly Hills. The last fisherman says, This is a joke! Bring those fools over here so we can catch some fish and go home, it's getting late!

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What are the best Fishermen puns ?

Did you ever wanted to be joking with someone about Fishermen? Well, here are the best Fishermen dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny pranks and Fishermen pick up lines to share with friends.

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