Fish Jokes

What are some Fish jokes?

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will
use twice a year

Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day.

Teach a man to phish, he will become a Nigerian Prince.

My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank.

She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

Fishermen hate him- You won't believe the one item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else

Click bait.

Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses.

He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."

Trump 20:16

What makes Hitler better than Jesus?

Jesus could only feed 5000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fish. Hitler made 6,000,000 Jews toast.

Fishermen hate him—you'll never guess this one strange item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else

Click bait

My girlfriend threw a bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me.

It's OK though, I only have super fish oil injuries.

Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish

But Hitler made 6,000,000 jews toast

Dating is a lot like fishing

Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.

Teach a man to fish, and he'll be able to eat for a lifetime

Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.

Somebody just threw a load of Omega 3 pills at me...

Don't worry though, I only suffered super fish oil injuries..

I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and chips on the way home.

I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.

I phoned my wife...

...and said "would you like me to pick up fish & chips on the way home from work"

She had just grunted down the phone.

I think she is regretting letting me pick the names for our twins

With relationships, they say there's plenty of fish in the sea...

But I'm just stuck here holding my rod

What kind of STD's do fish get?

Merm-aids

What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms?

2 Na

My 8 year old sister's joke: There were 12 fish in a pond. One of the dies. Why did the water level in the pond rise?

-Because the other fish were crying.

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day

Give a fish a man and feed it for a month

I took my grandma to one of those fish spa's where the fish eat your dead skin

Sooooo much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.

What do you call a girl who catches fish?

Anette.

^^^^Just^thought^of^this^i'm^sorry^it's^bad..

Bill Gates Goes Fishing

Bill Gates goes fishing. Suddenly his fishing pole starts to jiggle, he quickly pulls it and see a gold fish hanging on it's edge.

"WAIT! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!" the fish screams.

Bill answers: "oh wow, a talking fish! That's amazing! There you go little guy, I was going to release you anyway" and sets him free.

The fish turns around and say: "Thank you, now how about a wish?"

Bill answers: "Oh alright... what do you want?"

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day.

Give a man a poison fish and feed him for the rest of his life.

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.

Give a man a poisoned fish, and he'll eat for a lifetime.

Why are fish poorly educated?

All the schools are below C level.

They say that there are plenty of fish in the sea.

But until I catch one, I'm just going to be sitting here, holding my rod.

What do you call a fish stuck in a tree?

A fish stick!

My 4 year olds first joke.

Give a Nigerian a fish he'll eat for a day.

Teach a Nigerian to phish and he'll become a prince and start e-mailing people.

Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day

Give a woman a fish and you're 'that weird fish guy.'

Two fish are in a tank

Then one of them turns to the other and asks, Do you know how to drive this thing?

adam and eve finally figured out the whole sex thing...

afterward, adam's kicked back, dazed.

god asks "son, where's eve?"

to which adam replies "she's down at the stream, washing up."

god groans "now i'll never get that smell outta those fish."

Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze.

My 8 y/o daughter told me this joke.

What fish is made of only two sodium ions?

2 Na

:D

What fish is made of 2 sodium atoms?

2Na

fishing by the river

A man and his friend were fishing by the river when a funeral procession approached. The man stood up, took off his hat, and waited for the procession to pass, and sat back down. His friend said,"That was very respectful of you, very nice." The man then replied,"Well we were married for 40 years."

My friend took his grandmother to one of those health spas where tiny fish eat all the dead skin...

It cost him $300, but it was a lot cheaper than a funeral...

Someone threw some Omega 3 tablets at my head the other day

I'm ok though, my injuries were only super fish oil

*I'll see myself out*

Finding a girlfriend is a lot like fishing...

There are plenty of fish in the sea, but it's just you holding your rod until you catch one.

I had a Fish

That could breakdance, on the carpet, for 20 seconds, only once.

Chicken for Supper

So this kid gets home around 6 and his dad asks "where were you?" The kid replies "at my girlfriends studying." The dad says "ok come sit down supper is ready." After a few minutes the kid says "This is great fish dad." The dad replies "Go wash your hands, it's chicken."

Fish and chips

I phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home from work but she just put the phone down on me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

Why did the American start shooting the river?

He learned fish swim in schools

Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me!

I only received super fish oil injuries, but still...

How do you draw the most realistic fish?

It must be drawn to scale.

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day,

Teach a man to phish and he'll empty an old woman's savings account.

Just finished building doors for my fish.

I'm highly skilled in the field of carp-entry.

God sees Adam in the Garden of Eden...

...and asks him how things are going with him and Eve. "Great!" Says Adam. "We just finished having sex! Sex is wonderful!" God asks, "Speaking of Eve, where is she?". To that Adam Replies "Oh, she's down at the beach washing up." God is furious. "WHAT? NOW I'LL NEVER GET THAT SMELL OFF OF THE FISH!"

Jesus fed 2000 Jews fish and bread.

Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.

About 4,000 years ago:

God: I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!

Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note*

God: Correction, I shall create a great flood!

Dark

I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. 
 
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

I went fishing with Skrillex once

It didn't end well, he kept dropping the bass

Why did the fisherman commit suicide when the last dolphin died?

Because his life had no porpoise.

A man walks into a bakery...

So a man walks into a bakery with a fish under his arm. When he gets in there, the baker greets him and asks him how he could help the man.

"Do you sell fish cakes?", the man asks the baker.

"No, of course we don't!" the baker replies.

"But it's his birthday!"

What did the fish say when he swam into a cement wall?

Dam.

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?

swimming trunks! :D

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day....

Feed a man to your fish, and feed your fish for like 6 months

What do sea monsters like to eat?

Fish and ships

What hormones does a fish use to swim in a house?

Indoor Fins

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day

Give a man a puffer fish and he will eat for the rest of his life

A rich, young man walks into a bar.

He sits down and orders a few drinks. As he is enjoying his beer, he sees a mentally retarded man outside the building.

Poor Old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched the old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he'd humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today?

The old man replied, You're the eighth.

A man's car breaks down outside a monastery.

The monks take him in and give him dinner--a fantastic dinner, of fish & chips. Best fish & chips he's ever had.

So he goes into the kitchen to compliment the chef. He says to one brother, "Excuse me, are you the fish friar?"

"No," he answers. "I'm the chip monk."

I couldn't afford to take the kids to SeaWorld...

So I took them to the fish market and said "Shhh, they're sleeping".

Someone hit me in the head with a bottle of omega 3 tablets the other day.

It's OK, it was just a super fish oil wound

I identify as an elongated fish.

People say I'm mentally eel.

Paddy the Irishman took his goldfish to the vet...

... and says to the vet,
"Doctor, my goldfish is very sick! I think he may have epilepsy."

The vet has a quick look at the fish, and after a few seconds he says, "Well, Paddy, your fish looks fine."

Paddy then replies, "Oh wait Doc, I haven't taken him out of the tank yet!"

Why are Fish easy to weigh?

Because they have their own scales.

A man walks into a library and orders fish and chips.

The librarian says, "this is a library."

The man, says, "oh. Sorry." (Then in a whisper) "I'd like some fish and chips."

What did the fisherman do when he really liked a woman?

He invited her over to net fish and krill.

People think Jesus was so great...

But all he did was give fish to a thousand people.

 

You forget that Hitler made 6 million people toast.

A fish swimming in a river hits into a wall and yells

Dam.

What do you call a gold fish wearing a top-hat?

Sofishticated

How to make Fish jokes?

We have collected gags and puns about Fish to have fun with. Do you want to stand out in a crowd with a good sense of humour joking about Fish? If Yes here are a lot more hilarious lines and funny Fish pick up lines to share with friends.

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