fish Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious fish puns

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will
use twice a year

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Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day.

Teach a man to phish, he will become a Nigerian Prince.

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My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank.

She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

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Fishermen hate him- You won't believe the one item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else

Click bait.

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Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses.

He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."

Trump 20:16

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What makes Hitler better than Jesus?

Jesus could only feed 5000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fish. Hitler made 6,000,000 Jews toast.

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Fishermen hate him—you'll never guess this one strange item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else

Click bait

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As told to me by an 85 year old shriner clown.

Little 8 year old Susie is in her back yard digging a hole. Her neighbor Mr. Johnson peeks over the fence and says "gee Susie, what's going on?"

Susie says "I'm digging a hole, it's pretty obvious."

Mr. Johnson asks "why are you digging a hole?"

Susie replies "I'm burying my gold fish."

Mr Johnson laughs and asks "Why is the hole so big?"

Susie replies "Because my goldfish is inside your fucking cat".

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My wife walked in on me while I was watching porn

In a panic reflex I instantly changed to a random channel, the fishing channel.
As my wife walks out again she says: "you should stay on the porn channel.. you know how to fish."

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My girlfriend threw a bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me.

It's OK though, I only have super fish oil injuries.

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Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish

But Hitler made 6,000,000 jews toast

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When I said to my teacher,I had 26 pets, didn't believe me. So I showed her a picture of my fish tank.

Teacher freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

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Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day

Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will use 3 times a year

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You can catch a thousand fish and your friends will never call you a fisherman...

But if you suck just one cock...

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Dating is a lot like fishing

Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.

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Teach a man to fish, and he'll be able to eat for a lifetime

Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.

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Somebody just threw a load of Omega 3 pills at me...

Don't worry though, I only suffered super fish oil injuries..

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I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and chips on the way home.

I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.

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I phoned my wife...

...and said "would you like me to pick up fish & chips on the way home from work"

She had just grunted down the phone.

I think she is regretting letting me pick the names for our twins

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What kind of STD's do fish get?

Merm-aids

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What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms?

2 Na

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My 8 year old sister's joke: There were 12 fish in a pond. One of the dies. Why did the water level in the pond rise?

-Because the other fish were crying.

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Give a man a fish and feed him for a day

Give a fish a man and feed it for a month

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I took my grandma to one of those fish spa's where the fish eat your dead skin

Sooooo much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.

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What do you call a girl who catches fish?

Anette.

^^^^Just^thought^of^this^i'm^sorry^it's^bad..

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Bill Gates Goes Fishing

Bill Gates goes fishing. Suddenly his fishing pole starts to jiggle, he quickly pulls it and see a gold fish hanging on it's edge.

"WAIT! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!" the fish screams.

Bill answers: "oh wow, a talking fish! That's amazing! There you go little guy, I was going to release you anyway" and sets him free.

The fish turns around and say: "Thank you, now how about a wish?"

Bill answers: "Oh alright... what do you want?"

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- Dad, are mermaids fish or women?

-It depends on if you are horny or hungry.

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Give a man a fish and feed him for a day.

Give a man a poison fish and feed him for the rest of his life.

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Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.

Give a man a poisoned fish, and he'll eat for a lifetime.

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What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms?

2Na

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Why are fish poorly educated?

All the schools are below C level.

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They say that there are plenty of fish in the sea.

But until I catch one, I'm just going to be sitting here, holding my rod.

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Give a Nigerian a fish he'll eat for a day.

Teach a Nigerian to phish and he'll become a prince and start e-mailing people.

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Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day

Give a woman a fish and you're 'that weird fish guy.'

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My mate picks up women by pretending to be gay

He says it lures them into a false sense of security and when their guard drops he sleeps with them.

I thought that it couldn't reallly hurt my chances just to try.

3 years later, Mark and I now own a house together, 2 turtles, 3 fish and we are scheduled to be married next week. Still no sign of getting any pussy though.

Maybe this strategy isn't for me...

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What are the most funny Fish jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Fish? Well, here are the best Fish dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Fish pick up lines to share with friends.

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