The Best 78 Fish Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Fish jokes. There are some fish salmon jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these fish lures puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Fish Jokes and Puns

Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day.

Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will
use twice a year

Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day.

Teach a man to phish, he will become a Nigerian Prince.

What do sea monsters like to eat?

Fish and ships

Fish joke, What do sea monsters like to eat?

fishing by the river

A man and his friend were fishing by the river when a funeral procession approached. The man stood up, took off his hat, and waited for the procession to pass, and sat back down. His friend said,"That was very respectful of you, very nice." The man then replied,"Well we were married for 40 years."

Chicken for Supper

So this kid gets home around 6 and his dad asks "where were you?" The kid replies "at my girlfriends studying." The dad says "ok come sit down supper is ready." After a few minutes the kid says "This is great fish dad." The dad replies "Go wash your hands, it's chicken."


adam and eve finally figured out the whole sex thing...

afterward, adam's kicked back, dazed.

god asks "son, where's eve?"

to which adam replies "she's down at the stream, washing up."

god groans "now i'll never get that smell outta those fish."

Bag limit.

A guy was on his boat fishing in a pond and caught way over the bag limit. He was heading back to the dock when the game warden stopped him and asked to check what he caught. The warden opens the fishermen's cooler and sees that the guy has surpassed his limit by about 20 fish. The warden tells the man he has too many fish and he is going to cite the fishermen. The fishermen says "No, you see these are my pet fish. I didn't catch them I called them to me". The warden doesn't believe the guy, and so the fishermen tells the warden he will show him. The guy dumps the cooler of fish in the water. The warden waits a minute and says to the guy "ok now call the fish back".
...
"What fish?"

Fish joke, Bag limit.

What kind of STD's do fish get?

Merm-aids

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?

swimming trunks! :D

God sees Adam in the Garden of Eden...

...and asks him how things are going with him and Eve. "Great!" Says Adam. "We just finished having sex! Sex is wonderful!" God asks, "Speaking of Eve, where is she?". To that Adam Replies "Oh, she's down at the beach washing up." God is furious. "WHAT? NOW I'LL NEVER GET THAT SMELL OFF OF THE FISH!"

Bill Gates Goes Fishing

Bill Gates goes fishing. Suddenly his fishing pole starts to jiggle, he quickly pulls it and see a gold fish hanging on it's edge.

"WAIT! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!" the fish screams.

Bill answers: "oh wow, a talking fish! That's amazing! There you go little guy, I was going to release you anyway" and sets him free.

The fish turns around and say: "Thank you, now how about a wish?"

Bill answers: "Oh alright... what do you want?"

You can explore fish halibut reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean fish fishermen dad jokes. There are also fish puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me!

I only received super fish oil injuries, but still...

I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and chips on the way home.

I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.

Dating is a lot like fishing

Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.

Why do fish live in salt water?

Because pepper makes them sneeze.

My 8 y/o daughter told me this joke.

A man walks into a bakery...

So a man walks into a bakery with a fish under his arm. When he gets in there, the baker greets him and asks him how he could help the man.

"Do you sell fish cakes?", the man asks the baker.

"No, of course we don't!" the baker replies.

"But it's his birthday!"

Fish joke, A man walks into a bakery...

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day.

Give a man a poison fish and feed him for the rest of his life.

Finding a girlfriend is a lot like fishing...

There are plenty of fish in the sea, but it's just you holding your rod until you catch one.

Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish

But Hitler made 6,000,000 jews toast


My girlfriend threw a bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me.

It's OK though, I only have super fish oil injuries.

Just finished building doors for my fish.

I'm highly skilled in the field of carp-entry.

I took my grandma to one of those fish spa's where the fish eat your dead skin

Sooooo much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.

My friend took his grandmother to one of those health spas where tiny fish eat all the dead skin...

It cost him $300, but it was a lot cheaper than a funeral...

Fishermen hate him—you'll never guess this one strange item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else

Click bait

About 4,000 years ago:

God: I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!

Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note*

God: Correction, I shall create a great flood!

A man's car breaks down outside a monastery.

The monks take him in and give him dinner--a fantastic dinner, of fish & chips. Best fish & chips he's ever had.

So he goes into the kitchen to compliment the chef. He says to one brother, "Excuse me, are you the fish friar?"

"No," he answers. "I'm the chip monk."

My 8 year old sister's joke: There were 12 fish in a pond. One of the dies. Why did the water level in the pond rise?

-Because the other fish were crying.

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day,

Teach a man to phish and he'll empty an old woman's savings account.

Why did the fisherman commit suicide when the last dolphin died?

Because his life had no porpoise.

Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day

Give a woman a fish and you're 'that weird fish guy.'

What did the fish say when he swam into a cement wall?

Dam.

Teach a man to fish, and he'll be able to eat for a lifetime

Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.

Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses.

He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."

Trump 20:16

What fish is made of only two sodium ions?

2 Na

:D

What do you call a girl who catches fish?

Anette.

^^^^Just^thought^of^this^i'm^sorry^it's^bad..

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.

Give a man a poisoned fish, and he'll eat for a lifetime.

A rich, young man walks into a bar.

He sits down and orders a few drinks. As he is enjoying his beer, he sees a mentally retarded man outside the building.

Poor Old fool, thought the well-dressed gentleman as he watched the old man fish in a puddle outside a pub. So he invited the old man inside for a drink. As they sipped their whiskeys, the gentleman thought he'd humor the old man and asked, So how many have you caught today?

The old man replied, You're the eighth.

Someone threw some Omega 3 tablets at my head the other day

I'm ok though, my injuries were only super fish oil

*I'll see myself out*

Jesus fed 2000 Jews fish and bread.

Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.

Fishermen hate him- You won't believe the one item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else

Click bait.

Somebody just threw a load of Omega 3 pills at me...

Don't worry though, I only suffered super fish oil injuries..

I went fishing with Skrillex once

It didn't end well, he kept dropping the bass

What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms?

2 Na

My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank.

She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.

What makes Hitler better than Jesus?

Jesus could only feed 5000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fish. Hitler made 6,000,000 Jews toast.

What fish is made of 2 sodium atoms?

2Na

Fish and chips

I phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home from work but she just put the phone down on me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

I couldn't afford to take the kids to SeaWorld...

So I took them to the fish market and said "Shhh, they're sleeping".

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day

Give a fish a man and feed it for a month

They say that there are plenty of fish in the sea.

But until I catch one, I'm just going to be sitting here, holding my rod.

How do you draw the most realistic fish?

It must be drawn to scale.

Dark

I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45. 
 
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.

I phoned my wife...

...and said "would you like me to pick up fish & chips on the way home from work"

She had just grunted down the phone.

I think she is regretting letting me pick the names for our twins

Give a Nigerian a fish he'll eat for a day.

Teach a Nigerian to phish and he'll become a prince and start e-mailing people.

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day

Give a man a puffer fish and he will eat for the rest of his life

Two fish are in a tank

Then one of them turns to the other and asks, Do you know how to drive this thing?

Why are fish poorly educated?

All the schools are below C level.

Give a man a fish and feed him for a day....

Feed a man to your fish, and feed your fish for like 6 months

What hormones does a fish use to swim in a house?

Indoor Fins

Why did the American start shooting the river?

He learned fish swim in schools

I identify as an elongated fish.

People say I'm mentally eel.

With relationships, they say there's plenty of fish in the sea...

But I'm just stuck here holding my rod

Someone threw a giant bottle of omega-3 pills at me

I'm fine- I only suffered super fish oil injuries

South park fish sticks joke

So do you like fish sticks?
Yes.
Do you like putting fishdicks in your mouth?
Yes.
Then what are you? A gay fish?!

Son : Dad, how do I catch fish?

Dad : Just throw this clickbait into the water

Son : And then what?

Dad : What happens next will shock you

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach.

A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time.


The biologist is amazed at the birds, the seaweed, the fish. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.


The physicist is mesmerized by the waves. The amplitude. The periodicity. The reflections. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is aslo over his head. He drowns.


The chemist is sitting on the beach making notes in his lab book.

He writes, "Biologists and physicists are soluble in water."

Give a Man a Fish and You Will Feed Him for a Day.

Teach a man to fish and he will spend a fortune on gear he will only use twice a year.

My friend asked me what the biggest fish I ever caught was. "Have you ever saw the movie jaws? I asked.

"Well it was about the same size as the box the dvd came in."

You know why fish are so political?

They are always taking debate.

I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.

I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.

Fishing Buddies

A Kiwi and an Aussie went fishing one afternoon and decided to have a couple of cold beers.

After a while the Aussie says to the Kiwi, "If I was to sneak over to your house and made wild passionate love to your wife while you were at work, and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us related?"

The Kiwi after a great deal of thought, says, "Well, I don't know about related, but it sure would make us even."

Americans like to fish by shooting guns at big groups of fish from their boats.

They call it "School Shootings".

Two fish were put into a tank. They started talking.

One said to the other, you drive, I'll shoot the guns.

A man wants to go ice fishing.

He goes onto the ice, drills a hole, and puts out his line.
Suddenly he hears a loud voice from above, saying 'THERE ARE NO FISH THERE.'
He gets up, a little confused, and moves to another spot on the ice, drilling another hole and throwing his line out again.
Once again, he hears: 'THERE ARE NO FISH THERE.'
Trembling, he looks up. 'A-Are you G-God?'
'NO. I AM THE RINK MANAGER.'

I was going fishing, and caught a fish that told me I got three wishes

Then he said "wish wish wish"

Last night I made fish tacos

They looked at them and just swam away.

I have a fish that can breakdance!

But only for 20 seconds, and only once.

What did the fishing boat say to the man'owar?

I warship you

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the fish restricted fishing area jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working fish dam fish piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes