Cheerful Fun Fish Jokes for Lovely Laughter
Give a man a fish and you will feed him for a day.
Teach a man to fish and he will spend hundreds of dollars on equipment he will
use twice a year
Give a man a fish, he will eat for a day.
Teach a man to phish, he will become a Nigerian Prince.
A Pakistani living in England (offensive)
A Pakistani who had recently moved to England had been feeling extremely ill for a week and so decided to visit the doctor. The doctor asked what was wrong with him and the Pakistani complained of a terrible headache and sickness. Upon hearing this the doctor told him to get a bucket at home and fill it with fish, human f**... and milk and leave it out in the sun for a couple of days before putting it next to his bed as he slept at night and taking it everywhere with him. Astounded, the Pakistani left and did what he was told despite being surprised that he should do such a thing.
Three days later the Pakistani returned to the doctor "It's a miracle!" he exclaimed"I got better overnight! How could have it worked?" to which the doctor replied "It was simple, you were homesick."
fishing by the river
A man and his friend were fishing by the river when a f**... procession approached. The man stood up, took off his hat, and waited for the procession to pass, and sat back down. His friend said,"That was very respectful of you, very nice." The man then replied,"Well we were married for 40 years."
Chicken for Supper
So this kid gets home around 6 and his dad asks "where were you?" The kid replies "at my girlfriends studying." The dad says "ok come sit down supper is ready." After a few minutes the kid says "This is great fish dad." The dad replies "Go wash your hands, it's chicken."
adam and eve finally figured out the whole s**... thing...
afterward, adam's kicked back, dazed.
god asks "son, where's eve?"
to which adam replies "she's down at the stream, washing up."
god groans "now i'll never get that smell outta those fish."
Bag limit.
A guy was on his boat fishing in a pond and caught way over the bag limit. He was heading back to the dock when the game warden stopped him and asked to check what he caught. The warden opens the fishermen's cooler and sees that the guy has surpassed his limit by about 20 fish. The warden tells the man he has too many fish and he is going to cite the fishermen. The fishermen says "No, you see these are my pet fish. I didn't catch them I called them to me". The warden doesn't believe the guy, and so the fishermen tells the warden he will show him. The guy dumps the cooler of fish in the water. The warden waits a minute and says to the guy "ok now call the fish back".
...
"What fish?"
Give a man a fish, and you will feed him for the day.
Give a man two prosthetic legs, and he'll shoot his girlfriend.
What kind of STD's do fish get?
Merm-aids
God sees Adam in the Garden of Eden...
...and asks him how things are going with him and Eve. "Great!" Says Adam. "We just finished having s**...! s**... is wonderful!" God asks, "Speaking of Eve, where is she?". To that Adam Replies "Oh, she's down at the beach washing up." God is furious. "WHAT? NOW I'LL NEVER GET THAT SMELL OFF OF THE FISH!"
Bill Gates Goes Fishing
Bill Gates goes fishing. Suddenly his fishing pole starts to jiggle, he quickly pulls it and see a gold fish hanging on it's edge.
"WAIT! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!" the fish screams.
Bill answers: "oh wow, a talking fish! That's amazing! There you go little guy, I was going to release you anyway" and sets him free.
The fish turns around and say: "Thank you, now how about a wish?"
Bill answers: "Oh alright... what do you want?"
You can explore fish halibut reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean fish fishermen dad jokes. There are also fish puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Someone just threw a bottle of Omega 3 tablets at me!
I only received super fish oil injuries, but still...
I rang the wife last night after work to say I'd pick up fish and chips on the way home.
I was met with a stoney silence. Something tells me that she's beginning to regret letting me name the twins.
Dating is a lot like fishing
Sure, there's plenty of fish in the sea. But until i catch one, I'm just stuck here holding my rod.
Why do fish live in salt water?
Because pepper makes them sneeze.
My 8 y/o daughter told me this joke.
Give a man a fish and feed him for a day.
Give a man a poison fish and feed him for the rest of his life.
Finding a girlfriend is a lot like fishing...
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but it's just you holding your rod until you catch one.
Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish
But h**... made 6,000,000 jews toast
My girlfriend threw a bottle of Omega 3 capsules at me.
It's OK though, I only have super fish oil injuries.
Just finished building doors for my fish.
I'm highly skilled in the field of carp-entry.
I took my grandma to one of those fish spa's where the fish eat your dead skin
Sooooo much cheaper than burying her in the cemetery.
My friend took his grandmother to one of those health spas where tiny fish eat all the dead skin...
It cost him $300, but it was a lot cheaper than a f**......
Fishermen hate him—you'll never guess this one strange item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else
Click bait
About 4,000 years ago:
God: I shall create a great plague and every living thing on Earth will die!
Fish: *Winks at God and slips him a $20 note*
God: Correction, I shall create a great flood!
My 8 year old sister's joke: There were 12 fish in a pond. One of the dies. Why did the water level in the pond rise?
-Because the other fish were crying.
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day,
Teach a man to phish and he'll empty an old woman's savings account.
Give a man a fish and he can eat for a day
Give a woman a fish and you're 'that weird fish guy.'
Teach a man to fish, and he'll be able to eat for a lifetime
Teach a Nigerian to phish, and he'll become a prince.
Donald Trump was asked if he could quote any Bible verses.
He replied,"Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Deport him and you do not have to feed him again."
Trump 20:16
What fish is made of only two sodium ions?
2 Na
:D
What do you call a girl who catches fish?
Anette.
^^^^Just^thought^of^this^i'm^sorry^it's^bad..
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day.
Give a man a poisoned fish, and he'll eat for a lifetime.
Someone threw some Omega 3 tablets at my head the other day
I'm ok though, my injuries were only super fish oil
*I'll see myself out*
Jesus fed 2000 Jews fish and bread.
h**... made 6 million Jews toast.
Fishermen hate him- You won't believe the one item he uses to catch more fish than anyone else
Click bait.
Somebody just threw a load of Omega 3 pills at me...
Don't worry though, I only suffered super fish oil injuries..
I went fishing with Skrillex once
It didn't end well, he kept dropping the bass
What kind of fish is made of only two sodium atoms?
2 Na
My teacher didn't believe me when I said I had 36 pets so I showed her a picture of my fish tank.
She freaked out when she saw how many dogs I could fit in there.
What makes h**... better than Jesus?
Jesus could only feed 5000 people with 5 loaves and 2 fish. h**... made 6,000,000 Jews toast.
What fish is made of 2 sodium atoms?
2Na
Fish and chips
I phoned my wife earlier and asked her if she wanted me to pick up fish and chips on my way home from work but she just put the phone down on me.
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
Give a man a fish and feed him for a day
Give a fish a man and feed it for a month
They say that there are plenty of fish in the sea.
But until I catch one, I'm just going to be sitting here, holding my rod.
How do you draw the most realistic fish?
It must be drawn to scale.
Dark
I took my grandma to a fish spa center where the little fish eat your dead skin for only $45.
It was way cheaper than having her buried in the cemetery.
I phoned my wife...
...and said "would you like me to pick up fish & chips on the way home from work"
She had just grunted down the phone.
I think she is regretting letting me pick the names for our twins
Give a Nigerian a fish he'll eat for a day.
Teach a Nigerian to phish and he'll become a prince and start e-mailing people.
Two fish are in a tank
Then one of them turns to the other and asks, Do you know how to drive this thing?
Why are fish poorly educated?
All the schools are below C level.
Why did the American start shooting the river?
He learned fish swim in schools
With relationships, they say there's plenty of fish in the sea...
But I'm just stuck here holding my rod
Son : Dad, how do I catch fish?
Dad : Just throw this clickbait into the water
Son : And then what?
Dad : What happens next will shock you
A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach.
A biologist, a physicist, and a chemist go to the beach for the first time.
The biologist is amazed at the birds, the seaweed, the fish. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is over his head. He drowns.
The physicist is mesmerized by the waves. The amplitude. The periodicity. The reflections. He goes into the water for a closer look. Pretty soon the water is aslo over his head. He drowns.
The chemist is sitting on the beach making notes in his lab book.
He writes, "Biologists and physicists are soluble in water."
Give a Man a Fish and You Will Feed Him for a Day.
Teach a man to fish and he will spend a fortune on gear he will only use twice a year.
My friend asked me what the biggest fish I ever caught was. "Have you ever saw the movie jaws? I asked.
"Well it was about the same size as the box the dvd came in."
I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up Fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me.
I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
Give a man a fish you'll feed him for a day
Teach a man to fish and he'll spend thousands of dollars on equipment and go once a year
2 men go fishing, One has a stutter
The man with a stutter says shh ssshhh sshh . The other man says what is it, did you catch a fish ? The stuttering man continues to make ssshhh noises, the other man says spit it out . The stuttering man says ssshhh ship!! Before the 2nd man can react a ship crashes into their boat.
Months later they both have recovered and go on another fishing trip. The stuttering man again starts saying ssshhh . The 2nd man starts panicking thinking he's going to get hurt again. The 2nd man jumps out of the boat as fast as he can, the stuttering man says sshhh sshhh Shark!!
What do you call a fish with 10 eyes?
Fiiiiiiiiiish.
Hacker Jesus
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day. Teach a man how to phish and he'll steal your bank password - Hacker Jesus
Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
Give a man another fish and he will be, like, "fish, again?"
A creationist told me that evolution must be wrong because it violates the second law of thermodynamics
His claim was that in order for simple organisms like bacteria to evolve into much more complex life like fish and mice and horses and gorillas and people, an enormous input of energy would be required, therefore it must be impossible.
I stayed up all night trying to think of something that would refute his claim, and then it dawned on me.
Give a man a fish, and you feed him for a day. Give a man a poisoned fish,
and you feed him for the rest of his life.
I spent the afternoon by my wife's grave...
...she thinks it's going to be a fish pond
what kind of fish is made up of 2 atoms only?
2Na
Why do koi fish travel in groups of four?
To protect the group from predators. When attacked, kois A, B, and C will go in one direction. The fourth one is the D koi.
Give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day.
Teach a man to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
A man walks into a bakery with a 25lb haddock under his arm.
He asks the baker, "do you make fish cakes?".
The slightly confused baker replies that they don't.
"That's a shame", replies the man. "It's his birthday today".
How to determine s**... of aquarium fish?
Easy. Give it some food. If he eats it, then it's a male, if she eats it, then it's a female.
I've seen aliens. I've seen Bigfoot. I've even fed a few fish to the Lochness Monster.
But I still have never seen a BMW driver use his turn signals.
Koi fish are incredibly intelligent, and naturally form groups of four fish, with each having a specialized role.
The group is always led by a leader fish , called koi A. The other three fish will follow it everywhere.
Koi B is in charge of hunting for the group, and will report back to them with the location of food.
Koi C is usually a large, aggressive female. She protects the group from threats, and asserts dominance over other groups of koi.
And if the fish are attacked, the other three swim away, and the predator always goes for the D koi.
Gone fishin'
I remember my brother teaching me to fish. I was so proud when he complimented me on my ability to securely put the worm on the hook. I didn't realize I was being had until I announced at the supper table that I was a " master baiter", and my Mom nearly choked.
A man walks into a fish & chip shop to order the evening meal.
He asks for two cod & chips.
Owner: Apologies, we don't have any cod.
Man: Ok… I'll have two cod & chips then.
Owner (slightly irritated): Sorry, we haven't got any cod, like I said.
Man: Sorry, sorry!… I'll just have two cod & chips then.
Owner (now irate): Look mate, we've got no cod! C-O-F-D COD!!
Man (confused): There is no F in cod.
Owner: That's what I've been trying to tell you!!
Micheal Jackson and Sean Connery go to a restaurant
"Can I take your order?" The waiter asks. "Shamone!" Says Micheal. "Same again, I love fish" says Sean
An Irishman walks into a Library
An Irishman walks into a Library and asks loudly: "One Fish and Chips please."
The Librarian gives him a confused look and says "Sir, this is a Library."
The Irishman apologises, leans forward and whispers: *"One Fish and Chips please."*
Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other and says:
"Do you know how to drive this thing?"
Two soldiers are in a tank, one turns to the other and says:
"Blublublublublublublub!"
Our local fish market ranks their catches on how rare they are
I noticed today that they had rare salmon. It definitely isn't common plaice!
I was hit by a truck carrying a bunch of Omega 3 capsules
It's okay, I only sustained super fish oil injuries
