Fish And Chips Jokes
37 fish and chips jokes and hilarious fish and chips puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about fish and chips that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Fish And Chips Short Jokes
Short fish and chips jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The fish and chips humour may include short fish and chip shop jokes also.
- I phoned the wife earlier and asked if she wanted me to pick up fish and Chips on the way home, but she just grunted at me. I think she still regrets letting me name the twins.
- Two priests decided to open a Fish and Chip shop... ... One was a Fish Friar, the other was a Chip Monk.
- A Polar Bear walks into a bar... ... he says to the server, "Hello, I'd like some fish and chips.."
The server says, "We don't serve polar bear here."
The Polar Bear says, "Oh Thank God."
- why did the wife of the fish and chips fetishist file for divorce? she was sick of being a battered woman
- The only thing I can take seriously in the newspapers nowadays is fish and chips... ... and even that I take with a pinch of salt.
- Early finish for me today so I rang the wife and asked her if I should pick up fish and chips on the way home. She clearly still regrets letting me name the kids....
- The fish and chip shop near me has gone into liquidation Now the owner is stuck between a rock and a hard plaice
- Why was the fish processing factory built beside the computer factory? So that they could make fish and chips.
- Today I had an argument with my gf. She threatened to leave me and saying "there is plenty of a fish in the sea"
So I replied "there was, until you've eaten them all with chips" - What do you call the fish and chips restaurant on the Death Star? Not a moon - a batter station.
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Fish And Chips One Liners
Which fish and chips one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with fish and chips? I can suggest the ones about chips and chip and dip.
- There was a fight in a fish and chip shop! Two fish got battered ;).
- What is a fish's favorite snack? Chip's a'koi
- I like both kinds of british cuisine... fish AND chips.
- A man walks into a fish and chip shop... "Nice plaice"
- Why'd you order the Fish n' Chips? For the Halibut.
- A Man Walks into an Opticians And orders fish and chips.
- What do you call a male sheep that works in a fish and chips shop? a battering ram
- Why did Adele cross the street? Fish and Chips
Fish And Chips Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about fish and chips you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean fish catch jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make fish and chips pranks.
A guy walks up to the shopkeeper and asks for a Fender Strat, an Orange Amp and a Mooger Fooger pedal...
...the shop keeper says: "Are you a drummer?" and the guy responds: "Yeah how can you tell?"
The shop keeper responds: "This is a fish and chip shop mate."
Why did the cod sue the fish and chip shop?
Assault and battery.
Sorry again. I'm bored in work.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Man walks back into a fish n' chip shop...
...Looking down at his supper he asks, "Are you sure this fish was cooked?"
The lady serving behind the counter asks, "How come?!"
"IT'S ATE' ALL THE f**...' CHIPS!" :D
***[Old one but a good'n]***
Jesus, Moses and an Old Man go golfing
and they come up to the par 3. Moses steps up to take a swing and plop, right in the pond. So he steps up to the water, raises his hands and separates the water. He strolls up and chips it into the hole for a birdie. Jesus' turn and he plunks it in the drink, too. He walks on the water, takes a swing and chips it in for a birdie.
The old man steps up to the tee and takes a swing. And, you guessed it, he drops it into the water. Just then a fish swims up and gobbles the ball, a hawk comes flying in from the sky and swoops up the fish. Over the green, the bird lets go of the fish, who slams against the ground. letting the ball go... which rolls into the hole for a hole-in-one. Jesus turns to the old man and says, "Dad, quit showing off."
Jesus and Moses and another guy go for a round of golf
So they all line up and Moses hits the ball first. It flies up and lands straight in the pond. Moses then walks to the pond and splits the water in half, chips his ball onto the green and pots it in for par.
Jesus then steps up, again hits it into the pond. He walks on the pond finds the ball chips it up onto the green for par.
This other guy looks at these two for a moment before stepping up to hit the ball. The ball flies up in the air before again landing in the pond. Amazingly a fish swallows the ball, just as it does this a big bird grabs it out of the pond, the fish drops the ball midair and it rolls into the hole for a hole in one!
Moses then turns to Jesus and goes "i hate playing with your dad"
Jesus, Moses, and this guy are out golfing...
and the hole is a notorious Par 3 with a huge lake before the green. Moses takes a shot and hits it right into the lake. With his second shot he parts the lake, knocks it on the green, and right after he putts it in for par.
Jesus goes next and he too can't clear the water hazard and the ball just sticks on the surface without sinking. He walked right across the surface of the water where he chipped it in for a birdie.
The two looked back at the man awaiting his shot with smug faces. He hits the ball and like the others it falls right into the lake. Jesus and Moses snicker a little bit before a fish swims to the surface with the ball in it's mouth as an eagle swoops down from the clouds and grabs the fish. As it flies away the ball falls out of the fishes mouth landing on the green where a squirrel runs across and pushes it into the cup for a hole in one.
Moses throws down his club and looks and Jesus and says "Man I HATE playing golf with your Dad!"
Jesus, Moses and an old man are playing golf.
Moses steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and lands in the water trap. Moses parts the water and chips onto the green.
Jesus steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the water trap but still lands in the water. Jesus just walks on the water and chips the ball onto the green.
The old man steps up to the tee and hits the ball. It goes sailing over the fairway and heads for the water trap. But just before it lands in the water a fish jumps out of the water and catches the ball in his mouth, then an eagle swoops down and grabs the fish in its claws, then the eagle flies over the green and is hit by a sudden bolt lightning and the eagle drops the fish.
When the fish hits the ground, the ball pops out of his mouth and rolls in for a hole in one.
Jesus then turns to the old man and says, "Dad, if you don't stop fooling around we won't bring you next time!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I asked if a customer wanted to dine in or take away...
When at work one evening, someone wanted some fish and chips...
I asked if they wanted to dine in or take away.
He replied with 'Fuck off you p**...!'
I work in a prison.
Give a man a fish and he'll ask for chips.
Give a man chips and he'll beg for salt.
Give a man salt and he's going to want a drink.
Give a man enough drink, and he'll start complimenting your wife.
Give a man your wife and you can go fishing as much as you'd like.
A teacher to her students,
"Lets talk about associate, or association. It means things that go together. You can associate plants with soil, and birds with trees. Now, can anyone tell me what we can associate with fish? Yes, Tommy?"
Tommy: "Chips!"
Source: Adapated from a joke in a 1913 newspaper
A man walks into a fish & chip shop to order the evening meal.
He asks for two cod & chips.
Owner: Apologies, we don't have any cod.
Man: Ok… I'll have two cod & chips then.
Owner (slightly irritated): Sorry, we haven't got any cod, like I said.
Man: Sorry, sorry!… I'll just have two cod & chips then.
Owner (now irate): Look mate, we've got no cod! C-O-F-D COD!!
Man (confused): There is no F in cod.
Owner: That's what I've been trying to tell you!!