First Sperm Jokes

Following is our collection of man humor and enter one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include First Sperm puns for adults, dirty back jokes or clean bank gags for kids.

There is an abundance of shut jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 16 funniest jokes on first sperm. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any sir witze you can hear about first sperm.

The Best jokes about First Sperm

What do you call the first sperm that reaches the egg?

The ova achiever

I opened a sperm bank in London recently...

We had a disastrous first day. Only two clients. One came on the bus; the other one missed the tube.

My doctor told me to stop masturbating.

I went to the doctors yesterday and was surprised when he told me i needed to stop masturbating.

"Why, is my sperm count low?"

"No, you just need to let me finish your prostate exam first."

A sperm was undergoing training for conception

His instructor said, 'When the siren goes off, rush out the tunnel and swim until you find a red sticky ball. Address the ball and say "I'm a sperm" to which the ball will reply "I'm the egg". You will then work together to form the embryo. Do you understand?'

The sperm nodded. Days later, the sperm was sleeping when he heard the siren. He was the first one out of the tunnel and the first to reach the sticky red ball. He was millimeters ahead of all his comrades. He bowed courteously and said: "I'm a sperm".

The red sticky ball smiled and said: "Hi, I'm the tonsil"

The epic journey of the sperm cell

Once upon a time, a brand new sperm cell was being instructed by an older sperm cell.

"Right," he said, "this is what's going to happen: one day you'll be having a nap and you'll hear a siren. You rush out as fast as can, make absolutely sure you swim as hard as you can, because you HAVE to be first! You'll enter a long, wet pink tunnel, and you have to swim right to the end. When you get to the end, you'll see a round red ball. You say to the ball: 'Hi, I'm a sperm cell,' and the round red ball will say: 'Hi, I'm an egg cell,' and then the miracle of conception will occur."

"Don't worry sir," said the new sperm cell, "I won't let you down!"

A little while later, the new sperm cell is having a nap and he hears the siren!

Fast as lightning, he dashes off, swimming as fast as can. He enters the wet pink tunnel, looks behind himself and sees other sperm cells catching up to him, so he swims even faster! Furthur into the pink tunnel he swims, till he looks behind and realises he's first!

Finally, after he thinks he can't carry on any longer, he sees the round red ball.

"Yes," he cries out, "I've made it! Hi, I'm a sperm cell."

The round red ball turns to him and says: "Hi, I'm a tonsil."


So a man with a ski mask on...

...walks into a bank with a gun in hand. He runs up to the first teller and holds the gun up to her.
"This is a robbery! Gimme everything you got!"

"Bu...but sir i dont think you understand. This is a sperm bank" said the teller.

Obviously thrown off guard, the robber stands there baffled. After a few seconds, he holds the gun up to the teller again. "Okay, well.... grab a cup of ypur freshest sperm and put it on the counter."

"What?! I dont know if i...."

"Do it or i'll shoot you!"

She reaches into a nearby fridge, places the cup on the counter, and puts her hands back up.

"Now drink it!"

"Wha....what?! I dont..."

"DO IT OR I'LL BLOW YOUR HEAD OFF"

Frightened, the woman opens the cup and quickly drinks it.

The man drops his gun and takes his mask off. It's the tellers husband.
He smiles and walks up to her, "See? Now that wasn't so bad!"

A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count

A 70 year old man went to his doctor's office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, "Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow." The next day the 70 year old man reappears at the doctor's office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as on - the previous day. The doctor asked what happened and the man explains: "Well, doc, it's like this: First I tried with my right hand, but, nothing. Then I tried with-my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She - tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She - even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth-out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and-she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing." The doctor was shocked! "You asked your neighbor?" the old man replied, "yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn't get the DARN jar open!"

Two sperm are racing each other to get to the egg first

After awhile one sperm says, "Shouldn't we be there by now?"

The other sperm says, "I don't think so, we just passed the esophagus."

A man is attempting to donate sperm at a sperm bank...

... but he's having difficulty finishing, and so takes a while.

Eventually he manages, so he screws the lid on, and heads back into the reception to deposit the cup.

But by now a long line has formed with other men attempting to do the same thing - all the way to the door.

Furious, he marches up to the receptionist at the front of the line and says, "This is unacceptable - I can't wait this long, I have places to be! I need you to process my sample right now."

The receptionist turns to him and replies, "I'm sorry sir, but you'll have to go to the back of the line; we have a strict first-come first-served policy."

My first job was working at a sperm bank

It was pretty good, until I got fired for drinking on the job

Working at the sperm bank,

Working at the sperm bank, the receptionist was shocked to see a man enter with a mask on and gun. The man stormed up to the counter, pointed the gun at her and said "This is a hold up!"

Confused the lady said, "Sir this is a sperm bank not a..." but the masked man demanded that she shut up, he told to go in the back and bring out three samples or that he was going to shoot her. Rushing back to the front, the receptionist placed the samples on the counter, the robber demanded that she drink the first sample, then another, and the last one. Having drank all the samples and wiping her mouth, the robber removed his mask and said, "See hun, its wasn't that bad was it?


On his first day, my gay friend lost his job at the sperm bank.

He was caught drinking on the job.

MY first physical

being 50 years old and having never had a physical the doctor wanted a complete work-up, so he says to me "we'll need a blood, urine,sperm, and stool sample" I threw him the underwear I was wearing and told him to "take whatever you need"

[Dirty] Two sperm are swimming around inside a woman.

The first one, exhausted and out of breath asks, "how much longer till we reach the uterus?"
The second sperm breaks into laughter and replies, "the uterus?! We haven't even left the esophagus yet!"

What came first....

The sperm or the man?

Two sperms.
The first one asked the second "How much time we need to reach the womb?"
The second one answered "To much time left... We are in the stomach now."

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

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