First Nations Jokes
39 first nations jokes and hilarious first nations puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about first nations that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest First Nations Short Jokes
Short first nations jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The first nations humour may include short indigenous jokes also.
- National Pride Day should be September 21 September 22 is the first day of Autumn, and as everyone knows, Pride goes before a Fall.
- Trump's presidency is historic... He's the first president to ever be more concerned about personal insecurity than he is about national security.
- I was on a first date recently and the girl told me she really liked the national emblem of China I thought, well that's a red flag.
- Why didn't they make today a national holiday to signify the first moon landing? Because everyone hates moon days.
- Joe Biden says he's going to restore the soul of our nation... ...the McRib will now be available nationwide for the first time since 2012.
- What does the Cincinnati gorilla story tell us? It's the first time that black-on-black crime made national (even international) news.
- How did the dyslexic American mathematician sing the first line of his national anthem? "Oh secant, you say?"
- With our national debt... As he has first hand experience, we just elected the best person to the job to file bankruptcy for the US.
- Did you know that Jose is an American name? It's mentioned in the very first line of the U.S. National Anthem.
- My first job was a dishwasher at the National Radar Company Turns out the dishes were a lot larger than I first thought
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First Nations One Liners
Which first nations one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with first nations? I can suggest the ones about native american and native american indian.
- What happened to the First Nations man that drank to much tea? He drowned in his tea-pee
- What does a first nation super hero say? Up, up, anywes
- How can the National Anthem be racist if?. The first words are, " Jośe can you see?"
- Why are First Nations people afraid of snow? Because it is white and all over their land.
- How much of the First Nations vote did Stephen Harper get? Nunavut.
First Nations Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about first nations you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean native american tribe jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make first nations pranks.
4 people are on a crashing plane, but there are only 3 parachutes.
The first person the grab a parachute is Brad Pitt and as he reachs for the door he says, "My family and my fans need me surely you will understand.", off he goes.
The next person to grab one is Donald Trump:
"Im the most intellegent president this nation ever saw i will do great things to this country" and he jumps out.
Left in the plane is an old man and a young school boy.
"Go on take the last one", the old man said, "I lived a long and fulfilled life." Hearing that the school boy answered calmly, "Don't worry, we'll both be okay. Our most intelligent President yet just took my backpack."
A man calls the First National Bank of Texas. The automated voice answers, "Hello, how can I assist you today?" The man says, "Withdrawal"
The automated voice says, "YEEHAW! HOW Y'ALL RECKON I CAN HELP?!"
An English spy, a Scottish spy and an Irish spy are captured by the n**....
The n**... ask if they have any last wishes
The Irishman says "I want the irish national anthem to be played before I die"
The Scottish man says "I want the Scottish anthem to be played on bagpipes before I die"
The Englishman says "I wanna die first"
An expecting father paces nervously up and down the waiting room.
"First child?" Asks another father
"No" replies the first.
"Well then why are you so anxious?"
"When my wife read 'A tale of two cities', she had twins. When she read 'The three musketeers' she had triplets."
"That's amazing." says the second Man
"Yes" replies the first "but she just finished reading 'Birth of a Nation'.
National Poetry Contest - Timbuktu
For the record, this is not my joke. I heard somebody tell it then found it online.
" The National Poetry Contest had come down to two semifinalists: a Yale graduate and a r**... from Wyoming. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was "Timbuktu".
First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination---Timbuktu.
The crowd went crazy! No way could the r**... top that, they thought. The r**... calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:
Me and Tim a-huntin went,
Met three w**... in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.
The r**... won hands down!
An Englishman, a Frenchman and a Russian were arguing about the nationality of Adam and Eve.
'They must have been English,' declared the Englishman. Only a gentleman would share his first apple with a woman.'
'They were undoubtedly French,' said the Frenchman. 'Who else could s**... a woman so easily?'
'I think they were Russians,' said the Russian. 'After all, who else could walk stark n**..., feed on one apple between the two of them and think they were in Paradise?'
Roosevelt, Churchill, and Stalin, meet on a skyscraper
Roosevelt, Churchill, and Stalin want to prove that their generals have a larger sense of duty and tenacity compared to the other nations' soldiers. So they all meet on top of a skyscraper.
Roosevelt goes first, and orders his finest general to jump off the ledge, stating that it was for God and country. The general, states " Sir, you are the greatest president this country has seen, but I cannot jump over the ledge, I have a family to think of!"
Churchill goes second, and orders his finest general to jump off the ledge, stating that it was for God and country. The general, states " Sir, you are the greatest prime minister and have bravely led us through hell and back, but I cannot jump over the ledge, I have a family to think of!"
Stalin goes last, and orders his finest general to jump off the ledge, stating that it was for the greater good of the Soviet state. The general immediately jumps off the ledge, and is caught by a net a few stories down, where he is met by the three leaders.
Roosevelt and Churchill ask the Soviet general, "Why'd you jump?" The soldier grimly replies: "I have a family to think of."
p**... Englishman, p**... Scotchman and p**... Irishman come across a magic slide. The slide operator tells them when they slide down, whatever they shout out for is what they will land in at the bottom. p**... Englishman goes first and yells "Gold!" and lands in gold. p**... Scotsman goes next and screams "Silver!" so he lands in silver. p**... Irishman looks down the slide and, being afraid of heights, closes his eyes and jumps, crying out "OH SH*T!"
Two very old men of unimportant european nationality meet
While talking, one asks: "You watching the football game?" (Soccer for our American friends)
The other says: "Who's playing?"
"Austria-Hungary", says the first.
"Against whom?"
A competition is held to determine who is the world's best magician
David Blaine performs first with his famous trick. He waves his hand, and, *p**...*, the card disappears.
David Copperfield performs next. He waves his hand, and, *p**...*, the Statue of Liberty disappears.
Finally, a guy with a beard dressed in rags and sandals comes on stage. Nobody expects him to best the world's most famous magicians. But he waves his hand, and, *p**...*...
...the 300,000-man strong Afghan National Army disappears.
I used to think the USA stood first and foremost for freedom and equality...
Turns out it stands for United States of America
ALTERNATE JOKE:
I used to think the USA stood first and foremost for freedom and equality...
Turns out that was my imagine nation
Two Irishmen friends are drinking together at one of their homes. One friend takes out a bottle of Irish whiskey and asks the other, "Will you pour this bottle out on my grave if I die first?" His friend replies, "Do you mind if I pass it through my kidneys first?"
Does anyone remember the Swatch, a watch made in Switzerland? Thank god Croatia didn't come up with the idea first. Just imagine if someone were to ask you what time is it? "Oh pardon me while I look at my c**...."
A bus full of ugly people
Heading to the national ugly people convention rolled off a cliff and everyone died. They ended up in heaven, St. Peter at the gates exclaimed wow, you guys are ugly, I feel bad so I'll grant you all one wish
The first person says I want to be beautiful
p**..., he was a handsome man.
The rest of the people in amazement asked for the same thing, until they got to the last person who was rolling in laughter, Sat. Peter asked him what wish he wanted in confusion and the guy in between laughs shouted
Make then all ugly again!
My sad attempt at a joke lol
First time posting here, don't know if blonde jokes are appreciated
A blind cowboy walks into a bar, without knowing it's an only women's bar and says "anyone here wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bartender replies "since you're blind I'll fill you in on something. I'm a blonde woman and I've got a gun next to me, the woman to your right is the national judo champ and the lady to your left is an olympic weightlifter, do you still want to say your joke?"
And the cowboy gets up and says "heeesh, of course I won't say it if I'd have to repeat it 3 times."
God's commandments (x-post classic4chan)
God went around the world looking for a nation to give his commandments to.
First he tried the French.
"Would you be interested in my commandments?"
"What's in 'em?"
"Well... There's 'thou shalt not commit adultery."
"No thank you."
God then tried the Romans.
"Would you be interested in my commandments?"
"What's in 'em?"
"Well... There's 'thou shalt not steal."
"No thank you."
Then God tried the Germans.
"Would you be interested in my commandments?"
"What's in 'em?"
"Well... There's 'thou shalt not kill."
"No thank you."
Finally God tried the Jews.
"Would you be interested in my commandments?"
"How much?"
"How much...? Well, eh, technically they're free, but you must maintain-"
"We'll take ten!"
God gathers the leaders of every nation
to tell them that the world is going to end in a week, and that they must inform their countrymen and women. Shocked, the leaders return home wondering how to best break the news. The next day, they all hold press conferences.
Barack Obama: "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that God exists, but the bad news is that the world will end in less than a week."
Robert Mugabe: "I have only bad news. God exists and the world will end in less than a week."
Kim Jong-Un: "I have great news! I am on a first name basis with God, and He told me I would rule until the end of the world!"
There was a contest to see who can...
...stand in a room with a decaying goat carcass the longest. There were 4 contestants representing their respective countries: an American, an Englishman, a Russian and a Chinese man.
The contest was held in front of a capacity crowd of 500,000 people of different nationalities and all walks of life. The minimum time was 5 hours and the goat carcass has been in that room for 2 weeks, without any proper ventilation.
The American went in first and was able to stay for 1 hour and 12 minutes. The Englishman went in and stayed for a bit longer, 1 hour and 15 minutes. The Russian beat them both with 2 hours and 35 minutes. The Chinese man went in and retreated after 27 minutes. The judges were hoping for someone to at least last the 5 hours so they asked for random volunteers from the audience. And Indian man stood up and accepted the challenge.
The Indian man went in the room and after a few seconds, the goat went out of the room.
Namesake joke...
Two people were left standing at the national poetry contest, the Harvard grad and the highschool drop out.
The regulators gave the rules for the final round, "a word will be given and each contestant will be given 5 minutes to develop a poem using the word". The word was selected and the Harvard grad was drawn to go first, the word Timbuktu....
Harvard steps to the mic, clears his t**... and begins:
"Across the bleak and dreary sand
Trekked a meek and weary band
Men on camel two by two
Deatination Timbuktu"
The croud applauds the obvious skill of the Harvard man.
Then the high school drop out approaches the microphone. He snorts, gravels his t**..., and proceeds to spit onto the floor off the stage. The words that follow:
"Me and Tim and huntin went
Found three w**... in a pop up tent
They was many and we was few
So I bucked one and Tim bucked two."
The drop out won hands down.