First Name Jokes
97 first name jokes and hilarious first name puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about first name that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest First Name Short Jokes
Short first name jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The first name humour may include short last name jokes also.
- Did you hear of the man with the same first and last name? It was a Nguyen, Nguyen situation.
- There Once Was A Poet Named Bates, His poems weren't always first rate,
His first lines weren't bad, but the problem he had,
Was that he always tried to put too many syllables into the last line. - If I ever have twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate.. ....and the second one Duplikate.
- A police officer stopped my mom's car. Officer: First name?
Mom: Frida
Officer: Last name?
Mom: Gomam
Officer: So you're Frida Gomam?
And my mom hit the accelerator. - Riddle: A King has 3 cups in front of him. The first two cups are full, the third cup is empty. What is the King's name?? King Philip III
- My girlfriend told me she was pregnant, so I started looking for some names... ...in the end I chose Juan Carlos and took the first flight to Spain.
- My wife told me that she was pregnant with twin girls. I told her that I wanted to name the first one Kate. She asked what I wanted to name the second one. I answered Duplicate.
- They say that a person's surname is named after whatever their ancestors did to make a living I feel sorry for the guy who's dad was the first person to be called "Dickinson"
- A good way to get to know your date is to ask about their first pet, favorite movie, and mom's maiden name.
Then login and read all their emails. - The first rule of Thesaurus Club is you do not talk about, name, hint at, refer to, discuss, or mention Thesaurus Club.
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First Name One Liners
Which first name one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with first name? I can suggest the ones about baby name and author name.
- Why does hillary clinton have two Ls in her first name? 1 for 2008, 1 for 2016
- My first name is Greatest, last name Ever Middle name "Mistake"
- What is pitbull's first name Featuring
- I hope Jessica Biel names her first child Batmo.
- Subtlety is my middle name And my first and last name too, in case they miss my point.
- I wish my name was Voyager 2... So I could have the first encounter with Uranus
- What was the name of Russia's first female traffic cop? Ivana Pulyova
- My Dog named Kobe just died :( The first kobe I know who passed.
- I married Miss Right... I just didn't know her first name was Always
- Naming a child I took more time to name my first Wi-Fi than my first child.
- Who created the first diswasher? God, and her name was Eve.
- Name a city where no one is named Francisco? Sans - Francisco
P.S. My First dad joke - My middle name is Consistency So are my first and last names.
- I named my first child after William Shakespeare. About 500 years after.
- What did the first human do after he was done naming everything? He called it a day
Howlingly Hilarious First Name Jokes for an Unforgettable Evening
What funny jokes about first name you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean capital letter jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make first name pranks.
A cat owner invited their neighbor over for dinner and introduced their four cats. "That's Alogue, Aract, Erpillar, and Astrophe," they announced. The neighbor was surprised and asked, Where on Earth did you get those names?
Oh, those are their last names, the owner said. Their first names are Cat.
Judge going through the file of an accused
Judge: So what's your Name?
Accused: Mr. Fallchurges, your Honor. First name is Freo.
Judge: So you're Freo Fallchurges.
Accused: *standing up* Thank you, Your Honor.
Attorney: Heck, we almost got him this time
Exception to the rule
The First Sergeant noticed a new private one day and and barked at him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the First Sergeant asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The First Sergeant scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of bleeding-heart, liberal p**... stuff they're teaching troops in Basic today, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my privates by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as 'First Sergeant.' Do I make myself clear?"
"Yes, First Sergeant!"
"Good! Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling, First Sergeant!"
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
A husband, so proud...
....of the fact that his wife had given birth to 6 children, begins to call her "mother of 6" rather than by her first name. The wife was amused at first.
A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of her husband's description. "Mother of 6, get me a beer!" This type of situation rose to a boiling point.
Finally, while at a party with her husband, he jokingly said, "Hey mother of 6, it's time to go!"
The wife shouted, "I'll be right with you - father of 4!"
[found this scrolling through YouTube Comments]
A joke from work
Four famous actors get together and decide to dress up as famous artists for Halloween.
Leonardo DiCaprio says he'll go as Da Vinci since they have the same first name.
Tom Cruise says he'll go as Van Gogh so they have two painters.
Bill Murray says he'll go as Beethoven since he likes his music.
Arnold Schwarzenegger just looks at them and says "I'll be Bach."
What did Jeffrey d**... sing as he went to the refrigerator?
My bologna had a first name.
To be quite frank,
My first name would have to be Quite, and my last name would have to be Frank.
I finally met Miss Right!
Unfortunately, I married her before I learned her first name is Always.
The definition of rodeo s**... - When you accidentally call your partner by the wrong first name.....
Then try and stay on for 8 seconds.
What's the best first name for a news anchor that breaks a lot of big stories?
This: Justin.
Teacher to a 4 Year old kid: What's your Mom's name?
Kid: Mom's last name must be "Darling" because that's what Daddy calls her every time....
Teacher: That's so sweet. What's her first name then?
Kid: I think it's "Sorry"....
What was Alzheimer's first name?
You don't remember? That's how it begins.
Christians have the first name Christian, Muslims Mohammed, Jews Isaac, what boys name do atheist have?
Godfrey
The widow next door just got married for the eighth time.
Every single wonderful husband has had the same first name. Can you guess what that name is?
.
.
.
.
.
.
William. She's a Bill collector.
A study by the Bureau of Consumer Protection has determined that the most common first name on consumer complaints is actually "Sharon."
My kindergarten teacher was right. Sharon is Karen.
Ancient Greek name translation
I have been doing some research into the meaning of my name.
I was delighted to find that in Ancient Greek my second name translates to 'Attractive to women'.
Unfortunately my first name translates to 'Not very'.
A short true tale about Ireland, quiz-shows and h**...
Decades ago when I lived on the rocky coast of West Cork, there was a quiz show called "Quicksilver". It had a top prize of something like $1.25 (perhaps a bit more), and the contestants were just average people. In one show the contestant was asked for h**...'s first name. He thought about, smiled and said "Heil" He did not win his $1.25 but almost everyone in Ireland remembers the tale.
An aristocrat Bostonian lady hired a new chauffeur. As they started out on their first drive, she inquired:
"What is your name?"
"Thomas, ma'am," he answered.
"What is your last name," she said. "I never call chauffeurs by their first names."
"Darling, ma'am," he replied.
"Drive on - Thomas," she said.
(Rapp, Albert 1951. On the Origins of Wit and Humor. New York: Dutton. Pages 49-50)
To Whom It May Concern:
I'm sorry your first name is Whom but with a last name like Concern, your parents were bound to name you that.
When I eventually met Mr Right,
I had no idea his first name was Always.
\- Rita Rudner
What is the first name of Mr. Bean?
Piratesofthecarib
A tourist while passing a little shop noticed the name inscribed as A. Swindler- Proprietor upon its glass window.
Curious about the rather amusing name, the tourist went inside the store and asked the shopkeeper would it not be better to use the latter's first name instead of his initial.
The shopkeeper shook his head and said "My name is Adam".
I finally met Miss Right!
It wasn't until we were married that I found out her first name is Always.
"Did you hear about that actress who stabbed her husband in the news today?"
"Oh my goodness, no, who was it?"
"It was a little blonde haired woman, I always forget her last name though. The first name is Reese."
"Witherspoon?"
"No, with her knife."
My girlfriend told me to call her Mrs. Right
She forgot to tell me her first name was Always
I asked my dad why my first name is Bob and my second name Ross
He said it was because I was a happy little accident
An Arabian man named Aghun has fourteen sons, each with a different first name. What title can be applied to each of them individually, as well as collectively?
They're all a son of Aghun.
I always hire people with last name "Kays", and first name "Justin".
You know, just in case.
I think I've figured out dr who's first name
Guess
Once Seth low & Seth Teddy visited a town
Where there was a race(marathon) , they participated & it was a tie between both of them , they both divided the prize amount & went on their way.
When the local newspaper heard about them winning , they divided to write an article about it, the only problem was they didn't know their first names.
So the next day's newspaper read "S.low & S.teddy win the race"
Did you know everyone in Alabama had a different first name?
It's because they all have the same last name.
Did you hear about Joe s**...?
He didn't like his name, so we went down to the name changing place. He said to the teller, I want to change my name .
What do you want to change your name to? replied to teller.
Fred , Joe replies.
FRED...!.., I can understand changing your last name but why on earth would you want to change your first name? Exclaimed the teller.
Then Joe said I'm just tired of people saying hey Joe whaddya know?
My son started calling me by my first name. I said, That's a bit presumptuous. Call me Dad.
He said, Now who's being presumptuous?
Your pornstar name is:
Your first name + your last name.
Bc it's you. You're a h**....
It's gonna be tough getting along with ai
I've been working 8 years with a computer and I still don't know his first name.
How to find out your stripper name
Take your sister's first name... and her last name
I found and married Mrs. Right!
I just didn't realize her first name was Always.
I never knew that when I found Mrs Right...
... that her first name was Always
What is the first name of Mr Rafone?
Mike.
I always wanted to marry Mrs. Right, but I didn't know her first name was "Always".
What is the first name of the most rude elf of all?
Gofuckyours
Ariana Grande is called Ariana Grande
because her first name is Ariana and her last name is Grande
There aren't many Mexican first names
I only know Juan
A judge asks the defendant, what is your name?
Mr. Fallcharges your honor. First name Freo.
So your Freo Fallcharges.
Okay thanks, I am going to get going.
Your Fibonacci name
Is your first name and second name added together.
The Weeknd's first name is Abel. His last name is
Calendr.
MR. and MRS. Tickle announced their newborn son's first name.
Tes
(say the son's full name for the joke to work)
Your h**... name =
Your FIRST name
PLUS
Your LAST name
I make her call me daddy in bed.
Call me old fashioned I just think a kid should never say their parents first name.
Is your first name Immanuel?
Because you do look like a Kant.
Whats Eminem's first name?
Marshall, not that it Mathers.
I'm definitely a dog person...
I'm always on a first name basis with them.
My Internet Service Provider is called Hathway....
Their customer service executive called, it was a woman. I asked if her first name is Anne, we laughed and now I have no internet.
When I got married, my wife took my last name...
And my first name, and my Social Security number...
I know Madonna,
on a first name basis.
Whats E.T.'s first name?
Yodela
A husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. "Mother of six," he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!" She gets very frustrated. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!" The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"
Mr. Janus and Mr. Rodick are co-workers.
They had both decided to go to the bar after work. At the bar, they meet another guy named Bob. Bob goes up to Mr. Janus and asks, "What's your name?"
"You can call me Mr. Janus."
Then Bob says, "I'd prefer to use a first-name basis, it's more casual. What's your first name"
By this point Mr. Janus is sweating like crazy, he doesn't answer, but then his buddy Mr. Rodick interupts, "It's Hugh, Hugh Janus!"
Both Bob and Mr. Rodick are now laughing like crazy, Hugh is really upset, so he stares Mr. Rodick in the eye and says, "Shut up Mike!"
How you figure out where OJ Simpson go if he live in China?
Say his first name backwards
The manager of a large office noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office...
"What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a namby-pamby place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name. It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only - Smith, Jones, Baker - that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
If my child was mentally slow .
Its' first name would be Speed and middle name would be Limit
What did d**... sing as he went to the fridge?
My baloney had a first name.
I'm not on a first name basis with my coffee machine.
He insists I call him **Mr. Coffee**
Yo momma so fat...
Her first name is Chow Yun.
What's Princess Leia's first name?
Comoniwanna.
My bologna has a first name...
... it's m-o-o-n.
First name Wu, Last name Tang
Perhaps you've heard of my clan.
Im on a first name basis with Madonna, and Cher
God gathers the leaders of every nation
to tell them that the world is going to end in a week, and that they must inform their countrymen and women. Shocked, the leaders return home wondering how to best break the news. The next day, they all hold press conferences.
Barack Obama: "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that God exists, but the bad news is that the world will end in less than a week."
Robert Mugabe: "I have only bad news. God exists and the world will end in less than a week."
Kim Jong-Un: "I have great news! I am on a first name basis with God, and He told me I would rule until the end of the world!"
What's ET's first name?
Spag.
Football coaches
Aardvark the first name on the team sheet
Familiarity on the job.
A manager in a large company noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.
"John," the new guy replied.
The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only -- Smith, Jones, Baker -- that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"
The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."
"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."
Forrest Gump dies and goes to heaven...
...he is greeted by St. Peter. St. Peter says, "Forrest, to get into heaven, you're going to need to answer three questions.
1. How many days of the week start with the letter T?
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
3. What is God's first name?
Forrest thinks long and hard about these three questions. Finally, he goes up to the angel and says, "I've got my answers sir."
Peter: "Okay, Forrest. How many days of the week start with the letter T?"
Forrest: "Why, today and tomorrow of course!"
Peter, slightly surprised, says "well, that wasn't the answer I was expecting, but that is correct. Next, how many seconds are there in a year?"
Forrest: "Twelve."
Peter: "Twelve?!"
Forrest: "Yeah, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd..."
Peter's more astonished than before at these unexpected answers. "Again, not what I was expecting, but correct. Finally, what is God's first name?"
Forrest: "Harold."
Peter: "Harold?!"
Forrest: "Yeah, it says so right in the lord's prayer. 'Our Father, who art in heaven, Harold be thy name.'"
h**... tries to get into Heaven
Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates, Saint Peter told him that, because of severe overcrowding, all prospective heavenly souls had to pass an intelligence test to gain admittance. Are you ready? St. Peter asked?
Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg shrugged.
Very well. Name two days of the week that begin with 'T.'
Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg thought and thought. He furrowed his brows and looked at his boots. Finally, his eyes lit up and he said, Today and Tomorrow.
St. Peter couldn't argue with that, so he moved on to the second question. How many seconds are there in one year?
Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg looked stumped and broke out in a sweat. He paced back and forth, kicked plumes of golden cloud dust, counted on his fingers and toes. Then it came to him: Twelve! he exclaimed.
St. Peter asked, Twelve? How did you come up with that?
Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg replied, January 2nd, February 2nd… There are 12 months and each of 'em's got at least two days.
St. Peter nodded. I can accept that! Now, for your final question: What is God's first name?
Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg smiled. Well, that's easy. It's Howard.
St. Peter stared at him. Howard? Where did you get that?
Bubba Buford Cletus Hogg explained, "From the prayer...'Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard be thy name...'"
Yo' Mama Joke Trade
Yo' mama so poor that her bologna doesn't even have a first name.
Some marriage jokes (closer to facts)
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always
It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.
Losing a wife can be hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.
A man was complaining to a friend: 'I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a big car, the love of a beautiful woman then, Pow! it was all gone!' 'What happened?' asked the friend. 'My wife found out..'
Wife: Let's go out and have some fun tonight. Husband: Okay, but if you get home before I do, leave the hallway light on.
How many men does it take to open a beer? None. It should be opened by the time she brings it to the couch.
A man rushes into his house and yells to his wife, 'Martha, pack up your things! I just won the California lottery!' Martha replies, 'Shall I pack for warm weather or cold?' The man responds, 'I don't care. Just so long as you're out of the house by noon!'
Women will never be equal to men until can walk down the street bald and still think they are beautiful!
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
If your wife and a lawyer were drowning and you had to choose, would you go to lunch or to a movie?
A man is incomplete until he is married. After that, he is finished.
A husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife “mother of six” rather than by her first name.
The wife, amused at first, chuckles.
A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this.
"Mother of six," he would say, "what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer!"
She gets very frustrated.
Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, "Mother of six, I think it's time to go!"
The wife immediately shouts back, "I'll be right with you, father of four!"
