First Kilt Jokes
7 first kilt jokes and hilarious first kilt puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about first kilt that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Silly First Kilt Jokes for a Good Time with Friends
What is a good first kilt joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
Two Scottish guys discussing a wedding..
First guys asks "What are ye wearing to yer weddin'?"
Second fella says "A kilt of course!"
First fella "What's the tartin?"
"She's wearing white" says his pal
The Scotsman
A Scotsman was walking down the street in his traditional Scottish attire when he saw a couple of women talking and giggling,
As he approached one of the women asked " is it true the you dont wear anything under your kilt?"
"Aye, why dont you have a peek and find out for yourself"
So the woman lifted his kilt just enough to see his "business" and said "oh thats gruesome"
The Scotsman replied "I think if you'll check again, you'll see its grew some more"
First post, heard this in a song recently, got a good chuckle from it personally
I think it helps to read with a Scottish accent
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
First thing they teach ya at Scottish Army?
Kilt or be killed.
A Scotsman is tending his flock of sheep... (long)
when he decides to take a nap under a nearby tree.
After he falls asleep, a young woman walking on a nearby road decides to play a joke on him.
She lifts up his kilt, takes a ribbon from her hair, ties it around his manhood, and leaves with a giggle.
After awhile the Scotsman wakes up and walks over by the bushes to take a wee.
He lifts up his kilt and is amazed to see a bright blue ribbon tied around his manhood.
without skipping a beat he says "well I don't know where you've been laddie, but I can see you won first prize!"
A drunk Scotsman is stumbling home one night...
and in his drunken stupor, he falls over and passes out. While the Scotsman slept, a group of boys happen to come by him while still asleep. Wanting to test the theory of whether Scotsmen wear underwear under their kilts, they lift up the man's kilt only to see his junk hanging free. As a joke, they decide to tie a ribbon around his shaft and run off laughing. The next morning, the Scotsman awakes and lifts up his kilt to pee. As he notices the ribbon, he says "laddie, I don't know where ya been but ya won first place."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Little Hamish McLain fell asleep under a tree...
His friend Glenna saw him napping and tried to wake him but he didn't budge. She had always wondered if it was true that Scotsmen don't wear anything under their kilts so she lifted it up and took a peek. Sure enough, there was nothing under the kilt save Hamish's bare skin. Before she left, she decided to leave him a little hint she had been there so she pulled a pretty blue ribbon from her hair and tied it around his John Thomas.
When Hamish awoke he trotted off home where he found his mother had prepared a warm bath. As he was u**... his mother noticed the little blue ribbon.
"Oh, Hamish!" she exlaimed. "I don't know where you've been or what you've been doing, but I'm sure glad you took first place."
The Scottsman
Well a Scotsman clad in kilt left a bar one evening fair
And one could tell by how he walked the he'd drunk more than his share
He fumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet
And he stumbled off in to the grass to sleep beside the street
About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by
One says to the other, with a twinkle in her eye
"See yon sleeping Scotsman, so strong a handsome built?
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt."
They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see
And there, behold, for them to view beneath his Scotish skirt
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth
They marveled for a moment, then one said "We must be gone.
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along"
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied in to a bow
Around the bonnie star the Scot's kilt did lift and show
Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled towards the trees
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt, and gawks at what he sees
And in a startled voice he says, to what's before his eyes,
"Lad, I don't know where ya been, but I see you've won first prize"
The Irish Rovers, "The Scottsman"
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